The Most Difficult Words
Title: The most difficult words
Pairings/Characters: Fujigaya/Kitayama
Rating: R
Warnings: Some curse words. And the boys using bathroom for something else it’s meant to be used.
Summary: Fujigaya’s feelings towards his boyfriend have been deepening lately, and make him think disgustingly fluffy thoughts. In addition he also wants to confess his new feelings to Kitayama, which seems to be lot more challenging he ever imagined it to be.
Notes: This wasn’t the easiest fic to write, really. Sometimes hirosuke are an easy pairing to write about but not this time. Also the rating felt like a biggest problem of the world first. But I did it! And the whole fic turned out to be pretty nice, I guess.
And, this is the fic that I wrote when taking part in Kis-My-Ft2 Fic Exchange
I really hope you like it, terrorpinguchib !
Comments are pure love. ♥
- - -
”Kitayama,” Nikaido snapped as he marched to the room, ”is a seal.”
“Hm?” Fujigaya made a questioning sound, glancing at the younger man who sat down on the dressing room bench wearing only a black towel wrapped around his waist.
“Slow and fat, and sleeps in the water. Apparently. That damn jerk said he’d take a quick shower, and that was almost twenty fucking minutes ago!”
The older man shrugged silently, trying to hide the smile that was pulling at the corners of his lips. It was better not to make Nikaido angrier than he already was, but Fujigaya still couldn’t stop himself from wanting to smile. Yes, Kitayama might be a seal. But at least he was Fujigaya’s seal.
What a sappy thought. And even worse: it wasn’t the first one that day.
Fujigaya frowned. There was nothing wrong with his feelings towards his boyfriend deepening, though. But if falling in love tricked his mind into making up such fluffy thoughts, he would rather have stayed forever in the nice and familiar state of only having a serious crush on Kitayama.
Suddenly, the door opened and Kitayama toddled into the room, humming a happy melody quietly.
“It was about time!” Nikaido muttered darkly and disappeared to the shower, leaving the two older men alone in the dressing room.
“Isn’t it wonderful how Nika’s always such a sunshine?” Kitayama grinned and the other man let out the laughter he had been keeping inside earlier.
“I’m afraid it’s totally your fault this time,” he chuckled and Kitayama shrugged.
“I just took my time.”
“You sure did. I think-”
“Don’t even start,” Kitayama told him and closed his mouth with a long, lingering kiss.
- - -
The feeling didn’t lessen at all in the next two weeks - everything else but. The more Fujigaya tried to ignore his thoughts, the more he felt like saying them aloud to Kitayama. And there was no way he was going to do that.
Confessing, Fujigaya thought, was an easy task after all. It was okay to have a crush on someone and it was okay to confess to him if you really liked him. But to tell someone that you loved them, it was a completely different thing and not easy at all. Love was something much more powerful and the word was not to be used lightly.
Besides, Fujigaya didn’t know one single way to say “I love you” and not sound ridiculously awkward when doing that. So he decided to keep his feelings to himself for the time being.
- - -
“After you’ve flipped the first page of our photobook, you definitely won’t be able to look away,” had Kitayama said to the man who had been writing an article of their trip to Macao for the next month’s magazine. Fujigaya had laughed at Kitayama’s words but agreed with him at the same time.
A few days later he didn’t laugh anymore when they were given the samples of the photos taken in Macao. Of course Fujigaya knew what Kitayama had looked like, but having the photos in front of him made Fujigaya’s breathe hitch. How on earth was it possible for anyone to look so illegally gorgeous?
“Hey, Gaya? Do you hear me?”
Fujigaya was startled as he realized Senga was talking to him - had probably tried to do so for a couple of times already. Everyone was staring at him and Fujigaya felt his ears burn slightly as he met Kitayama’s sly smile. The older man had definitely noticed his reaction to the photo he was holding.
“Y-yeah. What did you say?” Fujigaya stammered and Senga shook his head.
“I was just trying to ask if you could move some of the pictures towards me, too - they’re all lying there next to you.”
Sometimes Fujigaya was very happy that he was a professional performer. Even though he felt utterly embarrassed he knew his face was perfectly calm as he handed the pile of photos to Senga. For a while everything seemed to be fine - they were going through the photos, discussing them and choosing the best ones and nobody paid attention to Fujigaya anymore.
Yes. Everything was fine.
Until Fujigaya noticed that Kitayama was still occasionally glancing at him with an irritating, knowing smile on his face. The younger man knew his boyfriend well enough to see through that smile and he couldn’t help the shiver that run down his spine.
- - -
“Did I look that good, huh?” Kitayama asked later with a low voice, leaning closer to the younger man.
“Shut up,” Fujigaya hissed and glanced around quickly to check no one was listening to them. They sat side by side at the ramen bar counter and there were far too many other people around them. “What are you talking about?”
Kitayama chuckled, shaking his head.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You seemed to be pretty distracted by the photos, didn’t you?” he said amusedly. “What did you think about when seeing them?”
“Nothing,” the younger man muttered, and winced when he felt a teasing hand wandering on his thigh.
“Kitayama! Not here! ”
“Okay,” the older one agreed and continued eating calmly, as if they had been talking about weather. “I guess I’ll just have to wait until we’re back home again…”
Fujigaya refused to answer. Kitayama was a responsible person and he wouldn’t do anything too obvious now that they were out in public. But he totally knew how to annoy Fujigaya and worse - that jerk knew exactly how to make Fujigaya unable to concentrate on anything.
- - -
“Mitsu,” Fujigaya breathed when the shorter man pushed him against the door as soon as they had gotten inside Kitayama’s apartment. “Won’t your mother hear us?”
“She’s not at home,” Kitayama grinned, running his hands on Fujigaya’s sides and humming pleased when the man answered to his touch with a needy whine. He enjoyed the view and the voices the younger man made. However, after a while he stopped and just looked at his boyfriend.
“Hey, don’t stop!” Fujigaya complained when Kitayama moved a step away.
“Yes I will. It’s been a long day and I didn’t have time to take a proper shower after the practice today.”
“Mitsuu…” the younger one persuaded in vain. “It took you more than half an hour!”
“Which was not enough. Yokoo came in and kicked me out before I was ready. So I’m going to have my shower now.”
Fujigaya felt like he should protest but he couldn’t - his attention was caught by Kitayama who had tarted to undress at the same time he was speaking.
“I guess you’ll have time to take these,” the older man said as he collected his clothes from the floor and pushed the bundle to Fujigaya, “and carry them to my bedroom.” Then he turned around and walked completely naked through the whole house to the bathroom.
“Like hell I will,” Fujigaya snorted and dropped the clothes right there. Kitayama would have to take care of his own mess all by himself.
- - -
For fifteen minutes Fujigaya had patience to wait. By then he was sure Kitayama wasn’t going to come out anytime soon and Fujigaya was completely fed up with sitting all alone on the older man’s bed. After one more minute he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled the cloth over his head.
Even though Nikaido had to wait for his turn while the seal-leader of Kisumai showered, Fujigaya totally wouldn’t.
- - -
“Just how slow are you?” Kitayama asked right after Fujigaya had stepped in to the bathroom. “I’ve waited for an eternity for you to come! Did you get lost on the way? It’d be understandable - after all, it’s almost five meters from my door to here.”
“You fucking bastard,” Fujigaya growled and with two long steps he was under the shower, pressing the shorter man against the cold tiled wall. “You’ve been teasing me the whole day.”
“What if I have?” Kitayama asked with the familiar sly smile on his lips. They hadn’t had time to meet each other alone in ages and he could easily see from Fujigaya’s eyes how much the man wanted him. He had seen it earlier already - at work when they had been watching the photos.
Instead of answering Fujigaya crushed his lips on Kitayama’s and kissed him roughly. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man’s waist and pressed his own naked body against Kitayama’s, never breaking the kiss.
“Calm down,” Kitayama gasped after a while when he had managed to turn his head away. “You need to take a shower first, too. I’ll wash your back,” he added in a surprisingly kind way.
Fujigaya raised his eyebrows. Then he shook his head and handed the light yellow sponge and shower gel to the shorter man.
“It’s you that bothers with this girly need-to-be-clean-before-sex crap. So I suggest you take care of the washing,” he said with an impish smile. He knew Kitayama would definitely not refuse.
The soft, foamed sponge and warm water felt good, Fujigaya thought as he sat on a tiny plastic stool. Kitayama’s fingertips also felt good whenever they brushed lightly over his skin, leaving a tingling feeling behind. They had showered together countless times before, and Fujigaya wasn’t surprised at all when he felt the older man’s fingers caress his neck in a way that made his eyes flutter closed. Kitayama knew exactly all the places that made Fujigaya shiver when touched and he also seemed to remember very well that the younger man’s neck was one of the most sensitive places in his body. For a moment Fujigaya leaned towards the touch, asking for more and enjoying everything he was given at the same time.
Eventually the older man put the sponge away and wrapped his arms loosely around Fujigaya’s chest.
“I think you’re ready,” he whispered to Fujigaya’s ear and nibbled it gently with his teeth making the younger man take a deep breath.
“I’m still foamy,” Fujigaya muttered softly and Kitayama took his hand pulling them both on their feet again.
“Let’s fix it, then,” he said and turned on the shower. First they both winced as the water had cooled off in the pipes, but it warmed quickly. It was something so relaxing, Fujigaya thought as he looked at Kitayama who stared back at him. He felt so warm and content just standing there, his arms around the shorter man. Kitayama’s wet hair seemed almost black now and the droplets of water sliding down from his forehead to his eyelashes before they finally dropped down to the floor were strangely captivating.
Beautiful. Kitayama was beautiful and gorgeous.
There it was again. Fujigaya blinked as he realized his mind had once again tricked him into coming up with such disgustingly fluffy things. Wasn’t there really any way for him to stop it?
His expression was probably ridiculous since Kitayama gave a sudden laughter.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Taipi? If you want me that much then just take what you want and stop staring at me like a mentally retarded idiot. You’ve been doing that a lot lately, you know?” Then he pulled the taller man into a long, possessive kiss that made his message very clear.
You are mine.
Fujigaya was used to that, too, and he let his hands travel casually from Kitayama’s waist up to his neck and chest, and then to the small of his back, pressing them even closer each other. The water was still running, drumming against their skin, and it felt like a dream. The dream ended pretty quickly, though, when Kitayama bit his neck so hard that he gasped out loud.
“C’mon, touch me!” the older man whispered as he took Fujigaya’s hand and guided it down to wrap around his cock, moaning in pleasure when the younger man moved his hand slowly and carefully - just the way he knew Kitayama wanted it.
“Like… like this?” Fujigaya asked, the tone of his voice uncharacteristically thin and shy. Kitayama smiled a bit when he noticed that. He knew Fujigaya was playing again.
They had once found out that there was something especially exciting to imagine it was their first time, and after that they had tried it a couple of times again. It was probably a bit weird, though, but neither of them cared about that. Playing like that was simply fun, so Kitayama forced his own smile from amused to a more unsure one before he answered.
“Yeah. I guess it’s okay… It feels good.”
As always, also this time they forgot their little game soon. Their soft voices turned louder as Kitayama guided Fujigaya’s hands to do whatever he wanted, and the moans echoed in the bathroom mixing with the rush of warm water as they both just concentrated in making the other feel as good as possible.
The humidity of the air was beyond tropical and the bathroom mirror was already covered in steam. Fujigaya chuckled when Kitayama suddenly reached his hand out to drag a handprint on the mirror.
“I’ve seen this movie before,” he noted and Kitayama shrugged, sighing and closing his eyes as Fujigaya’s fingers moved inside of him doing something particularly nice.
“No you haven’t,” he murmured hoarsely. ” That was another story. First, this is not a car. Second, we’re most likely not going to drown within the next three hours. And third, I’m way hotter than that pathetic redhead chick-“ The older man’s voice cut off when Fujigaya took his fingers away, turned Kitayama so that he was facing the white tiled wall, and immediately pushed deep into him, making the older one moan.
“Fuck,” Kitayama gasped after a moment, grabbing the water tap with his other hand to keep his balance.
“With pleasure,” Fujigaya agreed, grinning widely. Even though it was fun to play sometimes, it was also rather enjoyable to simply take advantage on the fact that it was totally not their first time.
- - -
It wasn’t long before they dropped down to the floor together, clinging on each other, panting and kissing. Fujigaya kept his eyes closed and tried to just concentrate on how wonderful Kitayama had made him feel and ignore the tight feeling somewhere in his chest. It almost hurt him. He loved Kitayama so much.
And damn how badly he wanted to tell it to him.
They didn’t talk about such things often. To tell the truth, they never did, and Fujigaya was a little worried if the older man would feel the same he did - or freak out because of Fujigaya’s sudden confession. Either way, he didn’t care. It would be difficult. It would be embarrassing. It would definitely be awkward. But he really wanted to say it.
“Mitsu.”
“Hm?”
“I…”
“Yeah?” Kitayama asked as the younger one kept hesitating.
“I… Just wanted to say that I…” Just do it, Fujigaya mentally cursed to himself and took a deep breath. He was going to say it. He had already decided it, after all.
“You?”
“I mean, if you…”
“Oh, it’s okay. Don’t worry about the mess. Let’s take a quick shower again and then go to bed. I’m tired too.” Kitayama clearly believed he had solved the problem. As if he had ever been worried about such a small thing like Kitayama’s cum on his stomach before, Fujigaya thought when the older man pulled the both of them up on their feet.
“Well, I didn’t - I mean… well. Yeah.” For some reason the younger man’s self-confidence vanished again without leaving a trace. He opened his mouth once more to try again but on the same second Kitayama turned on the shower and started to wash himself, and Fujigaya knew the right moment had already passed. He just couldn’t say it right now.
Damn.
- - -
They were lying spooned in Kitayama’s bed; Fujigaya’s arm wrapped around the older man’s body and his face buried in Kitayama’s neck.
“Thank you. It felt good,” Fujigaya whispered, breaking the silence.
“Likewise,” Kitayama muttered, already half asleep. “You know I’d do it with you anytime. I love you.”
It took the younger man complete three seconds to process Kitayama’s words and after that he felt totally shocked. How was it possible for Kitayama to just say it so… so easily? As if there was nothing awkward even though it was the first time ever Kitayama had said it to him. As if it wasn’t embarrassing at all. As if it was as natural as eating and breathing.
“You… do?” he whispered after a moment, but in vain. Kitayama was already fast asleep and there was no way he’d wake up before the next morning. Or midday. Or evening.
It didn’t really matter. Fujigaya knew he had heard right and suddenly he felt a warm feeling spreading through him. Kitayama loved him. He didn’t need to worry about what the other man would think about his feelings anymore. The three difficult words had been said aloud and the world still continued its existence.
Everything really was fine.
Almost.
“It was supposed to be my line!” Fujigaya mumbled a bit indignantly in Kitayama’s hair before falling slowly asleep. Maybe Kitayama wouldn’t remember his own words at all when waking up, and Fujigaya could tell the older man he loved him and act like he was actually the first one to confess.
Yeah, that’s what he was going to do.
- - -