(no subject)
wow, i've been erased from young creature. interesting.
below are all 5 of the Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch posts. If you found this through a google search, enjoy!
Every few years, a young, budding celebrity comes along that makes our gaydars tick with excitement. Ellen Page, Zac Efron, Raven Simone, we've got our eyes on you. Lindsay Lohan, we spotted you back in your Parent Trap days. All the post-coming out 'I told you so's are getting a little tired.
This brings us to Kristen Stewart. When you came on the scene, I got a little funny feeling. As you've began to blossom and grow from tween star and full fledged actress, I've had my eye on you. Why was I finding you attractive, I don't like straight girls... I knew there was something funny going on there, but I just couldn't place in. It light of recent events, Kristen Stewart, I have no choice but to put you on Dyke Watch.
Click the cut for Part One of our in depth examination
So first of all, I want to make it clear that I don't believe hanging out with lesbians will turn you into one.
What I am saying, however, is that hanging out with Jodie Foster definitely will. In 2002, at the age of 12, Kristen Stewart played Jodie's young daughter in the film Panic Room. Also of note, Jodie Foster played the lead in Freaky Friday 27 years before Lindsay Lohan starred in the remake. Coincidence? I think not. Jodie Foster obviously controls the underground teenage lesbian Hollywood scene. Abigail Breslin, take note.
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Let's take a better look at Miss Stewart in this film:
That is a gaybie if I ever did see one. I'm sure every budding lesbian has a similar portrait, I know I do. The Syd Vicious shirt really puts it over the edge there. Also, note that the year is 2002. Why is she wearing a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt? Lesbians do love their layers, you know. Sensible, fashionable, and ready to adapt to any weather that may occur during your hiking trip.
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They say that if your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a dyke. It's hard to tell from the angle, but this picture looks pretty clear - that is one short index finger. Shown here in comparison to her well adjusted, heterosexual co-star Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart's fingers tell the truth.
So maybe you don't believe in Science. Well, then just tell me that these aren't the hands of a lesbian :
Is that a bowling shirt she's wearing? Everybody knows that lesbians love bowling. Lesbians love all sports, really, but more than sports, they like sports apparel.
Kristen Stewart looks ready for rugby in her knee socks, doesn't she? Or maybe she's more the roller derby type...
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So what else do lesbians like?
SMOKING WEED
Duh. It's natural, sometimes organic, in Amsterdam you can buy it at coffee shops, and, oh yeah, it gets you stoned. I bet K-Stew is wishing she had a girlfriend to make her cookies and pizza snacks...
Good thing she has one (or supposedly "had" one, these two haven't been seen in public for quite a while) See, the holding hands I could let slide. Girls love that shit. Holding hands while wearing a blazer? Might as well be carrying a pride flag, dear.
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You might say "But wait! Isn't she dating that nice boy from Twilight? The sparkly one?"
Obviously, this is the face of a happy, heterosexual couple. They are totally in love and have lots and lots of sex. With each other.
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Unless you've been living under a rock, or have better things to do than look at celebrity gossip constantly, you know that Kristen Stewart is currently in production for the Runaways biopic, playing Joan Jett.
I mean.. what else can I even say? It's almost too easy to go after her for this bold transformation, so I'll just leave it at that. Kristen Stewart and Joan Jett are bff now. Again, not saying that hanging out with lesbians makes you gay, but I'm pretty sure Joan Jett could turn Sarah Palin out.
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Kristen Stewart. Oh Kristen. Can I call you Kris? We love you! We want you! We could really use a new girl on our team (I'm getting a little bored with Shmindsay Shmohan...) Whenever you're ready, we'll be here with birkenstocks to spare. Until then, girl, I've got my gaydar set to 'baby-dyke'.
*
Please note: This is a work of satire. No celebrities or future lesbians were harmed or outed in the writing of this post. Don't sue me, Kris.
Snap Guys! Check out Part II!
New! Now there's a Part III!
Part IV!
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
If you need to catch up, go check out "Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch"
New! Part 3! Dyke Watch the 3rd
Look who's playing "Two Truths and a Lie"??
In trying to squelch the rumors that she's dating co-beard Robert Pattinson, Miss Stewart says:
"There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Ok, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.' I’m just trying to keep something."
Listen toots. I've been in every awkward 'let's get to know each other' game EVER. Between being involved with theatre as a kid, going to a hippy college, and dabbling in yruu conferences, you can't get anything past me. I am a champion at 'Two Truths and a Lie'.
Plus, don't think I don't know all about 'joking' that you're gay! Coming out's a bitch, isn't it? it's so much easier to be a satire of yourself. 'Look at what a dyke I am! I am soooo gay for you... let's make out! JUST KIDDING noreallywannaholdhandsinmyroomandlistentosleaterkinney?'
Honey, honey, you'll be ok. You're what, 19? ouch. Just don't be like your BFF Jodie Foster and wait until you're 45 to come out publicly, only to immediately dump your gf. That was just really awkward for all of us.
Anyone wanna play 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments? I'm jonesing for some nerdy fun now.
Oh girl.
I couldn't even be bothered to make a post when you said "i love girls who are in love with me" To be honest, I felt a little baited. Are you mocking me, Kris? Proving me right? Love the gentle abuse?
Either way, the interview that appeared on "It's on with Alexa Chung" (I'm too old to know what this is, I think it's like TRL?, but I digress) is chock full of lezzie goodness, and you know just how to serve it. Dissection under the cut.
Let's examine:
Kristen Stewart says that when she was filming New Moon, she was listening to Joy Divison and Sia to keep her in mind set in the dark mood.
That's right, OUR Sia. JD Samson's adorable gf (and apparently she's super famous abroad). (as an aside, at the gossip/men show in October, I heard some annoying, know-nothing, 'i do whatever fashion magazines tell me to do' gay dude say "Oh, that's JT SomeSome. He's DJing at Berlin later". as well as the yuppies complaining that they didn't get the bikini kill reference. that show bummed me out!) Sia was so excited about this she posted it on her twitter.
She then mentions going parasailing with her "friend" Nikki Reed... who somehow manages to pee on her??
While watersports (meaning sports on the water, as well as peeing on your girl because you're freaky like that) aren't exclusively lesbian, managing to do BOTH at the same time gets you some MAJOR lezzie points. Maybe you two should teach a class at GoodVibes?
And then, for the goal, she is asked about her preference.... between vampires and wolves. This is a pretty obviously leading question. Vampires are so straight it's not even funny, and any pop-culture link between vampires and lesbians is just a heteronormative fantasy (see: Lesbian Vampire Killers). Straight men love the idea of lesbian vampires. Remember that Vampire sub-plot on the L word? That was the season when Showtime realized it had a show that was 90% women having sex, and they should be appealing to the real viewers, straight men.
Wolves, however? GAY. gay gay gay. What lesbian is complete without a wolf tattoo? Remember that huge "scandal" when those awesome dykes wrecked that one guy for fucking with them? They called them the Lesbian Wolf Pack". It's important to remember that wolves are pack animals. They raise their young in groups... not unlike those amazing separatist communes on the 70's (Do these still exist? Do you live in one? Can I move in with you?)
Check out the lez-fest here: (it starts at around 4:00)
and, as always, no celebrities were harmed or outed in the writing of this article. we love you girl, come to the dark side! We've got plenty of dream catchers!
Are you a little late to the party? Check out Parts I and II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Krsiten Stewart Dyke Watch Part II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
uh-huh.
cannot WAIT for this movie to come out. or you know, k-stew.
have you seen K-Stew Dyke Watch parts I, II, and III
and now! part V
Just five months ago, I wrote the original installation of Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch. I expected this to be a one time thing, mostly a joke, just goofing around. Poking fun at our society (both homo and heterocentric) and their need to order and organize people.
But then it kept coming.. and coming... and coming... the clues, the hints, the overt flaunting of lesbianism..
Our little lady keeps growing and growing, and as she does, the gayvibes just get stronger and stronger. My crush has grown to a disturbing (possibly Chris Hansen inducing) level, and I'm wondering when she's gonna buy a carabiner keychain.
Anyways, The Runaways made it's debut at Sundance this weekend, and Kristen Stewart! Interviews, the red carpet, standing next to Dakota Fanning, it's obvious how un-groomed for celebrity she is. Wearing a ratty hoody She's so wonderfully awkward, and you could make a severe drinking game out of how many sentences she's unable to finish (hint: all of them)
In the beginning of this video, you can see Kris walking the carpet, and she spies the interviewers out of the corner of her eye. She tries to avoid eye contact and make a beeline for the exit, as her .. manager? mom? chaperone? who knows .. escorts her towards them muttering "you've gotta... you gotta..." Poor thing! It's nearly painful to watch her being interviewed. You know she just wants to go home and listen to some 'vintage' sleater-kinney and be done with it.
She geeks out about spending so much time with Joan Jett and what an inspiration she is to her, but the real goodies start at 1:30.
First, an interviewer asks her if it's "great to be a rock chick", which is just a stupid question altogether, but Kris' smirk and "Yeahhh......" is worth your time. Then, and you can hardly hear the question, but someone asks what it was like "getting it on" with Dakota Fanning... I can't even describe how amazingly adorable her stuttering answer is... "Uh it's just uh something we like.. did....."
This video shows the obvious difference between Dakota and Kristen as celebrities. You can tell that Dakota is trying really hard to seem relaxed and not polished and coached,and Kristen is trying not to run out of the room screaming. Dakota's like "i'm wearing a leather jacket! feel my rebellion!!" and Kristen's like "is there a Good Vibes around here?"
The interviewer asks about the kissing scene at around 2:38, and this is so so so good. Kristen shakes her head and goes "it was horrible! ... I hated doing it", after which they both look at each other and laugh. Dakota seems kind of annoyed and says "she's kidding, everybody...." before Kstew tries to lovingly calm her down for insulting her, to which she pulls away going "No!! What???". The final verdict on the kiss from miss thing herself? "It was cool"
Finally, we have Kris gushing about the strength of her mentor and possible older lady crush object Joan Jett. The key to this final video is to insert the word "lesbian" any time she pauses awkwardly (@ :11, :16, :26, + :28). It totally works! ok, ok, the last one, you'd need to insert "was a lesbian". my bad. either way, it's so clear that she's trying to say that Joan Jett is an inspiration to dyke bitches everywhere. She has to make it look like a film with feminist undertones, instead of a big old lez fest. Understood, Kris, I smell what you're cooking.
I'm totally going to fight the hordes of teen girls to see this on opening night. I'll bring a flask, some mace, and a signed picture of Robert Pattinson to ward them off if need be, but I will be there. I might dress up, maybe take pictures... then maybe get arrested for taking pictures of teen girls dressed as Cherie Curie... get a talkin' to by Chris Hanson.. drink some ice tea....
or... maybe it'll leak online first! and I'll be sure to share the link if one pops up.
Come on nerds, hook us up!!
History! KStew Dyke Watch parts 1 - 2 - 3 and 4
"you wanna see it?"
uh kinda.
March 19th cannot come fast enough!!!!!!!
plus others!
2009, i banish you.
helena,
courtney,
tavi,
daisies,
and virgin machine...
made it happen this year.
now go to your room.
I spent the last week volunteering with Girls Rock! Chicago, and I can't even begin to say how amazing it was. Really, I'm speechless. To watch 70 young women develop their self-image over a short week, create bands, make friends, learn about themselves and how awesome they are is just incredible. Super empowering to all involved. I thought it would make me feel older than I do already, but really being around these girls reminded me that I'm still 100% young and awesome too. We all forget sometimes, even the most hardcore of us.
I was so moved in particular by the band I spent the week with, Oceans of Air (add them on facebook, there's lots more to come!!) and the badass girls in it, that I wanted to make them a starter mix of all the badass female fronted music out there. Being confined to the limits of a CD (which I realized is silly because... i don't think people listen to CDs anymore? Just upload it onto your ipod or something?), I had to lose a few good ones, but I think I've gotten them off to a good start.
The process of making the mix was super fun, as I spent the night silkscreening and listening to all my favorite riot grrrl music. Thinking of my old friends, and especially my favorite mix maker Neon who introduced me to a ton of bands I'd never heard before and most definitely changed my life. There were so many more bands and songs I wanted to put on, but 28 is a good start, I guess. I chose to include 2 songs for some artists because it really shows the diversity of the band. I used to hate Heavens to Betsy because I had only heard one of their songs on a mix and decided they were awful, but after catching "She's the One" and "Firefly" I was changed for life.
So download, listen, enjoy, feel young, be empowered, know how awesome you are and rock out to some lady-music, and! If you live, well, just about anywhere now, Girls Rock! is always looking for volunteers! Find your local group and get involved and kick it with really cool kids, and basically have the best time ever. You can thank me later. (and, after camp was over, i promptly put in a call to Momma Mayhem, who luckily still has at least one of my guitars! watch out, yuppie d-bag neighbors!)
Girls Rock! Chicago 'no child left behind' mix
Cub - Freaky
1996
can you please reunite for 2010?
oh my god lizzie mcguire. you are too good. (you can stop the video at 4:49, splicd has failed me, but you get the point. way, way fricky)
but on to the real freakness
did someone say pickle surprise??
and yes, that is RuPaul, as well as Lady Bunny, LaHoma Van Zandt and Sister Dimension!
tom rubnitz, artist, videographer, and freak of the week, lost like so many other amazing gay artists to AIDS. wrap it up kiddos.
via kathleen's blog
after goodbye horses, this is my favorite song
hail satan, yes please.
smoke break
to the readers, facebook fans, twitter followers and interact-ers, my co-bloggers, long lost friends, nearests and dearests and times of my life:
erin markey, artist and weirdo. catch her on youtube (this one or this one), twitter, or the internet in general.
theme song, now with more unicorns.
Enjoy a cover of Goodbye Horses by Fan Death, and have an 'interesting' Friday.
Fan Death - Goodbye Horses
Kathleen Hanna has donated a bunch a collection of her zines + assorted writings to the NYU's Fales Library, for their brand new Riot Grrrl Collection?
And we just heard on Soul Ponies that Kate Wadkins is gonna be moderating a Riot Grrrl panel during Sarah Lawrence's Women's History Month conference??
Two things are happening here:
1. New York as a whole just got a million times cooler
and
2. 2010 is clearly the year of the long awaited Riot Grrrl comeback!!
Super exciting for aging ladies like myself who were just a litttlleee bit too young to enjoy the scene to it's fullest during it's heyday. It's wonderful and perfect that the movement is getting the academic recognition it deserves, and being treated like an legitimate part of feminist history!
So jealous of New York right now! I need to get there ASAP, or you know, around March 5th & 6th for the Women's History Conference. Please donate Buddy Passes to Young Creature: stuck in Chicago, IL.
Bratmobile - Queenie
Bikini Kill - Jigsaw Youth
Heavens to Betsy - She's the One
Can you believe it's been 18 years since Freddie Mercury died?? Sad!
defying gravity WAY before Idina (and by calling her Idina, I feel like I'm coming out as a fag in dyke's clothing)
well, i actually wasn't planning on letting in all hang out, but if you insist....
your gender presentation... its queering my mind!
dear teens (and other assorted media zombies) who worship someone whose name rhymes with Shady CaCa - know your history, respect your elders, and learn about a real legend.
i totally remember watching this concert on live tv, which is INSANE because i was only 9 at the time apparently? I still maintain that I was born at least 12 years old.
and warning! warning! this is blasphemous, but, does anyone think this was released today in honor of Freddie's death anniversary? (and does anyone else feel old because you don't recognize some of the muppets?)
omg janice WAILS on that axe <3.>
Y334GMH7UYKE
In honor of our most amazing hit ever, a google search for "if you have boner that mean you gay"
Living Colour - New Music - More Music Videos
In 1989, the word "Fierce" is the best way to declare your masculinity.
To answer your question, guy in St Petersburg, Flordia: if you have to ask, you're gay. Boner or no boner. All homo.
Please send any other requests for advice to YC@youngcreature.com
Everyone has their own views about gay marriage, and the contributors to Young Creature are no different. Me? I believe in radical marriage. I don't think that matrimony has to be an inherently patriarchial institution, and that traditions are what you make them. I also think it's important that queer people are recognized legally as people, and that our relationships, no matter how we form them, are protected against bigots by the law.
So, as an anti-assimilationist dyke bitch and a lady who also wants to get hitched some day, I'm totally totally psyched that the California Supreme Court has announced that it will announce their decision on Prop 8 on Tuesday, May 26th!!
Love it, hate it, don't care one bit, or whatever, nobody can say that Tuesday won't be a big day for queer history. Bring it, California! And seriously, Cali, let's have a little talk here. If you become a state where you can buy pot very important medical necessities in a store AND get gay married (bonus points for drive-thru chapels), get ready for some serious new residency in the form of this Creature.
To take it down a notch - check out Röyksopp's new video featuring Robyn for "The Girl and The Robot". I adore Robyn, but she's a little like Ludacris in the way that she is so much better on other people's songs than her own (see: With Every Heartbeat)
She's totally gone high femme for this video, a huge departure from her usual androgynous attire. Robyn, I wonder about you (you're obviously a huge lez... right? or at least bisexual, and not in a Fergie way). This video is totally crazy. I'm not sure what I don't understand more... you going drag on us, or the ending of this video. Either way, the song is ammmaaazzziinnnnggggg. I can't wait to hear the remixes, because this song should totally be about six minutes longer!
If there's anything that warms my heart more than Lisa Frank, it's hackers. In the early-mid nineties, was there anything cooler than a hacker? Who didn't want to be a hacker? Shit, if it's good enough for Angelina Jolie, Matthew Broderick (..gay..), and Tron, then it's good enough for me. Even Ghostwriter had a hacker episode, featuring Julia Styles as a middle school hell-raiser named "Max Mouse". Get it, Julia!
This is why I was amazed and delighted when ESPN.com was invaded on Monday by some Lisa Frank style hackers. There are two reasons why this is absolutely fantastic.
Reason #1: In order to unlock the hack, you had to input the Konami Code. If you don't know the Konami code from being a total nerd having lots of friends and being super cool, you know it from the song "Anyone Else But You" by the Moldy Peaches ("Up up, down down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start"). Using the code got you all kinds of goodies + super secret levels in a ton of video games (most notably, Contra). Being a little girl forced to play video games with a mouth-breathing, basement dwelling, evil step brother, knowing the code for every game became a life-or-death situation. Thanks for the 1-ups, Konami code!
Reason #2: Once you entered in the Konami Code, all you had to do was hit enter, and the site went all Pride Parade on your ass. With every keystroke, the screen would light up with rainbows and unicorns of the glitter variety! ESPN became "Amazing ESPN!" Each press of the button would coat the screen with loveliness. Of course, like everything else I've ever loved (see : cub, Bleep N' Grind, and Valerie Solanas) I only find out about magical moments in time once they cease to exist. For a small taste of what this amazingness might have been like, you can check out Cornify, the "#1 unicorn and rainbow service worldwide, giving websites sparkle around the world!". Thank god for the internet!
Obviously, we immediately knew what this was about. Clearly, some overzealous queer was submitting to us the Ultimate Chrissy tribute! We are flattered, honored, and humbled, dear hacker. However, because this website failed to include the Angel Kitty herself, the Young Creatures have no choice but to disqualify this entry. Feel free to email us with your new hackjob! Does Carrie Prejean have a website? I think she could use a little unicorn and rainbow action in her life, don't you?
This having come to light, we've decided to extend the deadline for our Coloring Contest! You now have until Sunday, May 17th to send us your best renditions of Chrissy. Don't have a scanner? Email us for an address, or meet me on a street corner for the pass.
Along with the extended deadline, we've added some awesome, totally queer prizes, including mix CD's lovingly hand crafted by the Young Creatures and some amazing DVDs from Birds of Lace!
You can send your submissions to YC@youngcreature.com and you can download Chrissy HERE. We can't wait to see them!
As a femme lesbian who is dating a DJ, I've been hurt, saddened, and confused by the recent, alleged break-up between Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. More specifically, I'm trying to figure out why we all care so much? Did I really think we finally had a famous girly lesbian to show the world we're not all Ellen and Rosie? Is it because of misogyny, doubled when there are two strong women involved? Homophobia, such as wondering why adorable girls want to date girls who "look like men"? Heterocentrism? As Tribe 8 said "She's so lovely, in the end she'll be won over by a man?" Are we all waiting with bated breath to see what dick Lindsay will jump on next?
And then this appeared, and I realized - it's because Linsday Lohan is fucking amazing, and that's really the beginning and end of it.
Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan
Whatever you do next, lady, I'm with you.
below are all 5 of the Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch posts. If you found this through a google search, enjoy!
Every few years, a young, budding celebrity comes along that makes our gaydars tick with excitement. Ellen Page, Zac Efron, Raven Simone, we've got our eyes on you. Lindsay Lohan, we spotted you back in your Parent Trap days. All the post-coming out 'I told you so's are getting a little tired.
This brings us to Kristen Stewart. When you came on the scene, I got a little funny feeling. As you've began to blossom and grow from tween star and full fledged actress, I've had my eye on you. Why was I finding you attractive, I don't like straight girls... I knew there was something funny going on there, but I just couldn't place in. It light of recent events, Kristen Stewart, I have no choice but to put you on Dyke Watch.
Click the cut for Part One of our in depth examination
So first of all, I want to make it clear that I don't believe hanging out with lesbians will turn you into one.
What I am saying, however, is that hanging out with Jodie Foster definitely will. In 2002, at the age of 12, Kristen Stewart played Jodie's young daughter in the film Panic Room. Also of note, Jodie Foster played the lead in Freaky Friday 27 years before Lindsay Lohan starred in the remake. Coincidence? I think not. Jodie Foster obviously controls the underground teenage lesbian Hollywood scene. Abigail Breslin, take note.
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Let's take a better look at Miss Stewart in this film:
That is a gaybie if I ever did see one. I'm sure every budding lesbian has a similar portrait, I know I do. The Syd Vicious shirt really puts it over the edge there. Also, note that the year is 2002. Why is she wearing a t-shirt over a long sleeved shirt? Lesbians do love their layers, you know. Sensible, fashionable, and ready to adapt to any weather that may occur during your hiking trip.
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They say that if your index finger is shorter than your ring finger, you're a dyke. It's hard to tell from the angle, but this picture looks pretty clear - that is one short index finger. Shown here in comparison to her well adjusted, heterosexual co-star Dakota Fanning, Kristen Stewart's fingers tell the truth.
So maybe you don't believe in Science. Well, then just tell me that these aren't the hands of a lesbian :
Is that a bowling shirt she's wearing? Everybody knows that lesbians love bowling. Lesbians love all sports, really, but more than sports, they like sports apparel.
Kristen Stewart looks ready for rugby in her knee socks, doesn't she? Or maybe she's more the roller derby type...
*
So what else do lesbians like?
SMOKING WEED
Duh. It's natural, sometimes organic, in Amsterdam you can buy it at coffee shops, and, oh yeah, it gets you stoned. I bet K-Stew is wishing she had a girlfriend to make her cookies and pizza snacks...
Good thing she has one (or supposedly "had" one, these two haven't been seen in public for quite a while) See, the holding hands I could let slide. Girls love that shit. Holding hands while wearing a blazer? Might as well be carrying a pride flag, dear.
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You might say "But wait! Isn't she dating that nice boy from Twilight? The sparkly one?"
Obviously, this is the face of a happy, heterosexual couple. They are totally in love and have lots and lots of sex. With each other.
*
Unless you've been living under a rock, or have better things to do than look at celebrity gossip constantly, you know that Kristen Stewart is currently in production for the Runaways biopic, playing Joan Jett.
I mean.. what else can I even say? It's almost too easy to go after her for this bold transformation, so I'll just leave it at that. Kristen Stewart and Joan Jett are bff now. Again, not saying that hanging out with lesbians makes you gay, but I'm pretty sure Joan Jett could turn Sarah Palin out.
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Kristen Stewart. Oh Kristen. Can I call you Kris? We love you! We want you! We could really use a new girl on our team (I'm getting a little bored with Shmindsay Shmohan...) Whenever you're ready, we'll be here with birkenstocks to spare. Until then, girl, I've got my gaydar set to 'baby-dyke'.
*
Please note: This is a work of satire. No celebrities or future lesbians were harmed or outed in the writing of this post. Don't sue me, Kris.
Snap Guys! Check out Part II!
New! Now there's a Part III!
Part IV!
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
If you need to catch up, go check out "Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch"
New! Part 3! Dyke Watch the 3rd
Look who's playing "Two Truths and a Lie"??
In trying to squelch the rumors that she's dating co-beard Robert Pattinson, Miss Stewart says:
"There’s no answer that’s not going to tip you one way or the other. Think about every hypothetical situation: 'Ok, we are. We aren’t. I’m a lesbian.' I’m just trying to keep something."
Listen toots. I've been in every awkward 'let's get to know each other' game EVER. Between being involved with theatre as a kid, going to a hippy college, and dabbling in yruu conferences, you can't get anything past me. I am a champion at 'Two Truths and a Lie'.
Plus, don't think I don't know all about 'joking' that you're gay! Coming out's a bitch, isn't it? it's so much easier to be a satire of yourself. 'Look at what a dyke I am! I am soooo gay for you... let's make out! JUST KIDDING noreallywannaholdhandsinmyroomandlistentosleaterkinney?'
Honey, honey, you'll be ok. You're what, 19? ouch. Just don't be like your BFF Jodie Foster and wait until you're 45 to come out publicly, only to immediately dump your gf. That was just really awkward for all of us.
Anyone wanna play 'Two Truths and a Lie' in the comments? I'm jonesing for some nerdy fun now.
Oh girl.
I couldn't even be bothered to make a post when you said "i love girls who are in love with me" To be honest, I felt a little baited. Are you mocking me, Kris? Proving me right? Love the gentle abuse?
Either way, the interview that appeared on "It's on with Alexa Chung" (I'm too old to know what this is, I think it's like TRL?, but I digress) is chock full of lezzie goodness, and you know just how to serve it. Dissection under the cut.
Let's examine:
Kristen Stewart says that when she was filming New Moon, she was listening to Joy Divison and Sia to keep her in mind set in the dark mood.
That's right, OUR Sia. JD Samson's adorable gf (and apparently she's super famous abroad). (as an aside, at the gossip/men show in October, I heard some annoying, know-nothing, 'i do whatever fashion magazines tell me to do' gay dude say "Oh, that's JT SomeSome. He's DJing at Berlin later". as well as the yuppies complaining that they didn't get the bikini kill reference. that show bummed me out!) Sia was so excited about this she posted it on her twitter.
She then mentions going parasailing with her "friend" Nikki Reed... who somehow manages to pee on her??
While watersports (meaning sports on the water, as well as peeing on your girl because you're freaky like that) aren't exclusively lesbian, managing to do BOTH at the same time gets you some MAJOR lezzie points. Maybe you two should teach a class at GoodVibes?
And then, for the goal, she is asked about her preference.... between vampires and wolves. This is a pretty obviously leading question. Vampires are so straight it's not even funny, and any pop-culture link between vampires and lesbians is just a heteronormative fantasy (see: Lesbian Vampire Killers). Straight men love the idea of lesbian vampires. Remember that Vampire sub-plot on the L word? That was the season when Showtime realized it had a show that was 90% women having sex, and they should be appealing to the real viewers, straight men.
Wolves, however? GAY. gay gay gay. What lesbian is complete without a wolf tattoo? Remember that huge "scandal" when those awesome dykes wrecked that one guy for fucking with them? They called them the Lesbian Wolf Pack". It's important to remember that wolves are pack animals. They raise their young in groups... not unlike those amazing separatist communes on the 70's (Do these still exist? Do you live in one? Can I move in with you?)
Check out the lez-fest here: (it starts at around 4:00)
and, as always, no celebrities were harmed or outed in the writing of this article. we love you girl, come to the dark side! We've got plenty of dream catchers!
Are you a little late to the party? Check out Parts I and II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch
Krsiten Stewart Dyke Watch Part II
Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch Part V
uh-huh.
cannot WAIT for this movie to come out. or you know, k-stew.
have you seen K-Stew Dyke Watch parts I, II, and III
and now! part V
Just five months ago, I wrote the original installation of Kristen Stewart Dyke Watch. I expected this to be a one time thing, mostly a joke, just goofing around. Poking fun at our society (both homo and heterocentric) and their need to order and organize people.
But then it kept coming.. and coming... and coming... the clues, the hints, the overt flaunting of lesbianism..
Our little lady keeps growing and growing, and as she does, the gayvibes just get stronger and stronger. My crush has grown to a disturbing (possibly Chris Hansen inducing) level, and I'm wondering when she's gonna buy a carabiner keychain.
Anyways, The Runaways made it's debut at Sundance this weekend, and Kristen Stewart! Interviews, the red carpet, standing next to Dakota Fanning, it's obvious how un-groomed for celebrity she is. Wearing a ratty hoody She's so wonderfully awkward, and you could make a severe drinking game out of how many sentences she's unable to finish (hint: all of them)
Click to view
In the beginning of this video, you can see Kris walking the carpet, and she spies the interviewers out of the corner of her eye. She tries to avoid eye contact and make a beeline for the exit, as her .. manager? mom? chaperone? who knows .. escorts her towards them muttering "you've gotta... you gotta..." Poor thing! It's nearly painful to watch her being interviewed. You know she just wants to go home and listen to some 'vintage' sleater-kinney and be done with it.
She geeks out about spending so much time with Joan Jett and what an inspiration she is to her, but the real goodies start at 1:30.
First, an interviewer asks her if it's "great to be a rock chick", which is just a stupid question altogether, but Kris' smirk and "Yeahhh......" is worth your time. Then, and you can hardly hear the question, but someone asks what it was like "getting it on" with Dakota Fanning... I can't even describe how amazingly adorable her stuttering answer is... "Uh it's just uh something we like.. did....."
This video shows the obvious difference between Dakota and Kristen as celebrities. You can tell that Dakota is trying really hard to seem relaxed and not polished and coached,and Kristen is trying not to run out of the room screaming. Dakota's like "i'm wearing a leather jacket! feel my rebellion!!" and Kristen's like "is there a Good Vibes around here?"
The interviewer asks about the kissing scene at around 2:38, and this is so so so good. Kristen shakes her head and goes "it was horrible! ... I hated doing it", after which they both look at each other and laugh. Dakota seems kind of annoyed and says "she's kidding, everybody...." before Kstew tries to lovingly calm her down for insulting her, to which she pulls away going "No!! What???". The final verdict on the kiss from miss thing herself? "It was cool"
Finally, we have Kris gushing about the strength of her mentor and possible older lady crush object Joan Jett. The key to this final video is to insert the word "lesbian" any time she pauses awkwardly (@ :11, :16, :26, + :28). It totally works! ok, ok, the last one, you'd need to insert "was a lesbian". my bad. either way, it's so clear that she's trying to say that Joan Jett is an inspiration to dyke bitches everywhere. She has to make it look like a film with feminist undertones, instead of a big old lez fest. Understood, Kris, I smell what you're cooking.
I'm totally going to fight the hordes of teen girls to see this on opening night. I'll bring a flask, some mace, and a signed picture of Robert Pattinson to ward them off if need be, but I will be there. I might dress up, maybe take pictures... then maybe get arrested for taking pictures of teen girls dressed as Cherie Curie... get a talkin' to by Chris Hanson.. drink some ice tea....
or... maybe it'll leak online first! and I'll be sure to share the link if one pops up.
Come on nerds, hook us up!!
History! KStew Dyke Watch parts 1 - 2 - 3 and 4
"you wanna see it?"
uh kinda.
March 19th cannot come fast enough!!!!!!!
plus others!
2009, i banish you.
helena,
courtney,
tavi,
daisies,
and virgin machine...
made it happen this year.
now go to your room.
I spent the last week volunteering with Girls Rock! Chicago, and I can't even begin to say how amazing it was. Really, I'm speechless. To watch 70 young women develop their self-image over a short week, create bands, make friends, learn about themselves and how awesome they are is just incredible. Super empowering to all involved. I thought it would make me feel older than I do already, but really being around these girls reminded me that I'm still 100% young and awesome too. We all forget sometimes, even the most hardcore of us.
I was so moved in particular by the band I spent the week with, Oceans of Air (add them on facebook, there's lots more to come!!) and the badass girls in it, that I wanted to make them a starter mix of all the badass female fronted music out there. Being confined to the limits of a CD (which I realized is silly because... i don't think people listen to CDs anymore? Just upload it onto your ipod or something?), I had to lose a few good ones, but I think I've gotten them off to a good start.
The process of making the mix was super fun, as I spent the night silkscreening and listening to all my favorite riot grrrl music. Thinking of my old friends, and especially my favorite mix maker Neon who introduced me to a ton of bands I'd never heard before and most definitely changed my life. There were so many more bands and songs I wanted to put on, but 28 is a good start, I guess. I chose to include 2 songs for some artists because it really shows the diversity of the band. I used to hate Heavens to Betsy because I had only heard one of their songs on a mix and decided they were awful, but after catching "She's the One" and "Firefly" I was changed for life.
So download, listen, enjoy, feel young, be empowered, know how awesome you are and rock out to some lady-music, and! If you live, well, just about anywhere now, Girls Rock! is always looking for volunteers! Find your local group and get involved and kick it with really cool kids, and basically have the best time ever. You can thank me later. (and, after camp was over, i promptly put in a call to Momma Mayhem, who luckily still has at least one of my guitars! watch out, yuppie d-bag neighbors!)
Girls Rock! Chicago 'no child left behind' mix
Cub - Freaky
1996
can you please reunite for 2010?
oh my god lizzie mcguire. you are too good. (you can stop the video at 4:49, splicd has failed me, but you get the point. way, way fricky)
but on to the real freakness
did someone say pickle surprise??
and yes, that is RuPaul, as well as Lady Bunny, LaHoma Van Zandt and Sister Dimension!
tom rubnitz, artist, videographer, and freak of the week, lost like so many other amazing gay artists to AIDS. wrap it up kiddos.
via kathleen's blog
after goodbye horses, this is my favorite song
hail satan, yes please.
smoke break
to the readers, facebook fans, twitter followers and interact-ers, my co-bloggers, long lost friends, nearests and dearests and times of my life:
erin markey, artist and weirdo. catch her on youtube (this one or this one), twitter, or the internet in general.
theme song, now with more unicorns.
Enjoy a cover of Goodbye Horses by Fan Death, and have an 'interesting' Friday.
Fan Death - Goodbye Horses
Kathleen Hanna has donated a bunch a collection of her zines + assorted writings to the NYU's Fales Library, for their brand new Riot Grrrl Collection?
And we just heard on Soul Ponies that Kate Wadkins is gonna be moderating a Riot Grrrl panel during Sarah Lawrence's Women's History Month conference??
Two things are happening here:
1. New York as a whole just got a million times cooler
and
2. 2010 is clearly the year of the long awaited Riot Grrrl comeback!!
Super exciting for aging ladies like myself who were just a litttlleee bit too young to enjoy the scene to it's fullest during it's heyday. It's wonderful and perfect that the movement is getting the academic recognition it deserves, and being treated like an legitimate part of feminist history!
So jealous of New York right now! I need to get there ASAP, or you know, around March 5th & 6th for the Women's History Conference. Please donate Buddy Passes to Young Creature: stuck in Chicago, IL.
Bratmobile - Queenie
Bikini Kill - Jigsaw Youth
Heavens to Betsy - She's the One
Can you believe it's been 18 years since Freddie Mercury died?? Sad!
defying gravity WAY before Idina (and by calling her Idina, I feel like I'm coming out as a fag in dyke's clothing)
well, i actually wasn't planning on letting in all hang out, but if you insist....
your gender presentation... its queering my mind!
dear teens (and other assorted media zombies) who worship someone whose name rhymes with Shady CaCa - know your history, respect your elders, and learn about a real legend.
i totally remember watching this concert on live tv, which is INSANE because i was only 9 at the time apparently? I still maintain that I was born at least 12 years old.
and warning! warning! this is blasphemous, but, does anyone think this was released today in honor of Freddie's death anniversary? (and does anyone else feel old because you don't recognize some of the muppets?)
omg janice WAILS on that axe <3.>
Y334GMH7UYKE
In honor of our most amazing hit ever, a google search for "if you have boner that mean you gay"
Living Colour - New Music - More Music Videos
In 1989, the word "Fierce" is the best way to declare your masculinity.
To answer your question, guy in St Petersburg, Flordia: if you have to ask, you're gay. Boner or no boner. All homo.
Please send any other requests for advice to YC@youngcreature.com
Everyone has their own views about gay marriage, and the contributors to Young Creature are no different. Me? I believe in radical marriage. I don't think that matrimony has to be an inherently patriarchial institution, and that traditions are what you make them. I also think it's important that queer people are recognized legally as people, and that our relationships, no matter how we form them, are protected against bigots by the law.
So, as an anti-assimilationist dyke bitch and a lady who also wants to get hitched some day, I'm totally totally psyched that the California Supreme Court has announced that it will announce their decision on Prop 8 on Tuesday, May 26th!!
Love it, hate it, don't care one bit, or whatever, nobody can say that Tuesday won't be a big day for queer history. Bring it, California! And seriously, Cali, let's have a little talk here. If you become a state where you can buy pot very important medical necessities in a store AND get gay married (bonus points for drive-thru chapels), get ready for some serious new residency in the form of this Creature.
To take it down a notch - check out Röyksopp's new video featuring Robyn for "The Girl and The Robot". I adore Robyn, but she's a little like Ludacris in the way that she is so much better on other people's songs than her own (see: With Every Heartbeat)
She's totally gone high femme for this video, a huge departure from her usual androgynous attire. Robyn, I wonder about you (you're obviously a huge lez... right? or at least bisexual, and not in a Fergie way). This video is totally crazy. I'm not sure what I don't understand more... you going drag on us, or the ending of this video. Either way, the song is ammmaaazzziinnnnggggg. I can't wait to hear the remixes, because this song should totally be about six minutes longer!
If there's anything that warms my heart more than Lisa Frank, it's hackers. In the early-mid nineties, was there anything cooler than a hacker? Who didn't want to be a hacker? Shit, if it's good enough for Angelina Jolie, Matthew Broderick (..gay..), and Tron, then it's good enough for me. Even Ghostwriter had a hacker episode, featuring Julia Styles as a middle school hell-raiser named "Max Mouse". Get it, Julia!
This is why I was amazed and delighted when ESPN.com was invaded on Monday by some Lisa Frank style hackers. There are two reasons why this is absolutely fantastic.
Reason #1: In order to unlock the hack, you had to input the Konami Code. If you don't know the Konami code from being a total nerd having lots of friends and being super cool, you know it from the song "Anyone Else But You" by the Moldy Peaches ("Up up, down down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start"). Using the code got you all kinds of goodies + super secret levels in a ton of video games (most notably, Contra). Being a little girl forced to play video games with a mouth-breathing, basement dwelling, evil step brother, knowing the code for every game became a life-or-death situation. Thanks for the 1-ups, Konami code!
Reason #2: Once you entered in the Konami Code, all you had to do was hit enter, and the site went all Pride Parade on your ass. With every keystroke, the screen would light up with rainbows and unicorns of the glitter variety! ESPN became "Amazing ESPN!" Each press of the button would coat the screen with loveliness. Of course, like everything else I've ever loved (see : cub, Bleep N' Grind, and Valerie Solanas) I only find out about magical moments in time once they cease to exist. For a small taste of what this amazingness might have been like, you can check out Cornify, the "#1 unicorn and rainbow service worldwide, giving websites sparkle around the world!". Thank god for the internet!
Obviously, we immediately knew what this was about. Clearly, some overzealous queer was submitting to us the Ultimate Chrissy tribute! We are flattered, honored, and humbled, dear hacker. However, because this website failed to include the Angel Kitty herself, the Young Creatures have no choice but to disqualify this entry. Feel free to email us with your new hackjob! Does Carrie Prejean have a website? I think she could use a little unicorn and rainbow action in her life, don't you?
This having come to light, we've decided to extend the deadline for our Coloring Contest! You now have until Sunday, May 17th to send us your best renditions of Chrissy. Don't have a scanner? Email us for an address, or meet me on a street corner for the pass.
Along with the extended deadline, we've added some awesome, totally queer prizes, including mix CD's lovingly hand crafted by the Young Creatures and some amazing DVDs from Birds of Lace!
You can send your submissions to YC@youngcreature.com and you can download Chrissy HERE. We can't wait to see them!
As a femme lesbian who is dating a DJ, I've been hurt, saddened, and confused by the recent, alleged break-up between Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. More specifically, I'm trying to figure out why we all care so much? Did I really think we finally had a famous girly lesbian to show the world we're not all Ellen and Rosie? Is it because of misogyny, doubled when there are two strong women involved? Homophobia, such as wondering why adorable girls want to date girls who "look like men"? Heterocentrism? As Tribe 8 said "She's so lovely, in the end she'll be won over by a man?" Are we all waiting with bated breath to see what dick Lindsay will jump on next?
And then this appeared, and I realized - it's because Linsday Lohan is fucking amazing, and that's really the beginning and end of it.
Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan
Whatever you do next, lady, I'm with you.