Letter of Apology
All right, I know that some of my friends are going through some very time toughs right now and I have been pretty reticent despite my concern. I'm sorry that a few bad apples have spoiled it for the rest of my friends. I've just gotten some poor treatment from people who once called themselves my friends, so I have been withdrawing from this place. I'm tired of people treating me like shit and then freaking out when I get even close to returning the favor. Instead of getting into battles like I normally would, I have just pulled away.
Now that I've thought about it, I realize how selfish a large number of my "friends" are. There are two usual reactions to that for me. The most common reaction is for me to give them the ass-kissing that they want and to turn myself into some sort of stupid martyr for them. What's that all about, anyway? The other reaction is to get bitchy with them. Of course, getting bitchy with bitches means they whine even more. Funny that they whine more about me whining than I actually do whine.
I'm taking better care of myself and part of that is withdrawing from things that are unhealthy for me. The sad fact of the matter is that hanging around with most of you is unhealthy for me. I haven't made friends with well-adjusted people. I've made friends with damaged people with issues as big (if not bigger) as mine. I'm not saying that my friends are bad people. It's just that too many of my friends are bad for me. It would be great if they were just miserable, contemptible people. They're some pretty nice people with a lot to offer me. I just need to get away from them for the things they bring out in me.
I need more friends who are flesh and blood to me and not just an avatar and handle. I need to make friends with people who bring out the best in me. I need to make friends with people I can bring the best out of in return. Take from this what you will because whatever you think, you're probably right. What I am saying means a lot of different things to different people.
I wish my friends all the best and I hope that you are able to handle all the shit Life's thrown at you lately but I won't be around much to say that I am supporting you or that I am thinking of you. Know that you are my friends and that I will always consider you such (unless you really hurt me, of course). I may still post or I may not, I really haven't decided yet.
I really don't see much point in posting here much anymore. I don't get much out of the catharsis of expressing myself here and there are only two kinds of people who read this anymore. There are the people who mostly agree with me and there are the people who only read what I write to find fault with what I do/say. Maybe this journal will have value for me again but I'm not really worried about it at this point. That's pretty much it (for now)...
Now that I've thought about it, I realize how selfish a large number of my "friends" are. There are two usual reactions to that for me. The most common reaction is for me to give them the ass-kissing that they want and to turn myself into some sort of stupid martyr for them. What's that all about, anyway? The other reaction is to get bitchy with them. Of course, getting bitchy with bitches means they whine even more. Funny that they whine more about me whining than I actually do whine.
I'm taking better care of myself and part of that is withdrawing from things that are unhealthy for me. The sad fact of the matter is that hanging around with most of you is unhealthy for me. I haven't made friends with well-adjusted people. I've made friends with damaged people with issues as big (if not bigger) as mine. I'm not saying that my friends are bad people. It's just that too many of my friends are bad for me. It would be great if they were just miserable, contemptible people. They're some pretty nice people with a lot to offer me. I just need to get away from them for the things they bring out in me.
I need more friends who are flesh and blood to me and not just an avatar and handle. I need to make friends with people who bring out the best in me. I need to make friends with people I can bring the best out of in return. Take from this what you will because whatever you think, you're probably right. What I am saying means a lot of different things to different people.
I wish my friends all the best and I hope that you are able to handle all the shit Life's thrown at you lately but I won't be around much to say that I am supporting you or that I am thinking of you. Know that you are my friends and that I will always consider you such (unless you really hurt me, of course). I may still post or I may not, I really haven't decided yet.
I really don't see much point in posting here much anymore. I don't get much out of the catharsis of expressing myself here and there are only two kinds of people who read this anymore. There are the people who mostly agree with me and there are the people who only read what I write to find fault with what I do/say. Maybe this journal will have value for me again but I'm not really worried about it at this point. That's pretty much it (for now)...