Milestones by the billions
I wish a number of things had never happened.
Right now, one of those things is that earthquake.
I've been feeling pretty useless lately. To society, to my friends, to my family. My family is falling apart. But that's not new.
Last night I dreamt I killed myself. Since I was a very young child I've had countless dreams where I've been killed, some of which were very graphic, some where I couldn't see myself getting killed, but it was understood. This is the first time in my life I've killed myself in a dream.
I saw myself commit suicide. I witnessed my body exploding.
I need some help.
Should I be writing this here? I'm not sure. I know I'm indirectly trying to reach out to my friends, whether I met them in real life or online through my fandoms. I know all of you are here for me. I know there is no shortage of love, compassion, and empathy for me. I feel the same way for every one of you.
It's an incredible thing that in this world of almost seven billion people, one can feel so alone, so removed from everybody else. It defies all logic yet here I am, wishing that dream were real.
Right now, one of those things is that earthquake.
I've been feeling pretty useless lately. To society, to my friends, to my family. My family is falling apart. But that's not new.
Last night I dreamt I killed myself. Since I was a very young child I've had countless dreams where I've been killed, some of which were very graphic, some where I couldn't see myself getting killed, but it was understood. This is the first time in my life I've killed myself in a dream.
I saw myself commit suicide. I witnessed my body exploding.
I need some help.
Should I be writing this here? I'm not sure. I know I'm indirectly trying to reach out to my friends, whether I met them in real life or online through my fandoms. I know all of you are here for me. I know there is no shortage of love, compassion, and empathy for me. I feel the same way for every one of you.
It's an incredible thing that in this world of almost seven billion people, one can feel so alone, so removed from everybody else. It defies all logic yet here I am, wishing that dream were real.