(no subject)
So I have been Mrs Edwards for one whole year today. In some ways it seems like it wasn't so long ago, and other ways it seems much longer than that. He has been gone for just over eight months of it too. Only in the military could this seem halfway normal and barely make me think twice about it. Jason was so sweet this morning too. He got up extra early his time so he would be awake at midnight and called me as soon as the clock turned. I still don't know what he got me because it hasn't gotten here yet and he has made me promise not to check the bank account because then I'll have enough clues to figure out where it came from. As long as it isn't another engraved iPod hahahahah. I got him a matchbox Jeep(he's always wanted a Jeep), and a Build A Bear dressed in football clothes and I named him Chicago Bear hahahah oh I'm so clever :-p I also made him a book of everywhere we've been together, which has actually been quite a few places so far.
Despite it all, I do love Jason with everything I have. He has shown me what true love is because no matter how much I have pushed him away or tried to make this relationship turn out like all my others in some self fulfilling heartbroken philosophy, he has pushed just as hard the other way telling me why and how much he loves me. We have both made many mistakes on this crazy road of trying to hold together the love and passion throughout this deployment and everything else that has gone on before and since he left, but we're slowly getting there. I know that I've continued to make a big deal out of things that should be over with by now, and I definitely know that I fucked way up with Bryan, but, I can't say that I regret it because it showed me who I really have feelings for. Not so much then, but now with a few months cushion in between, I have come to know who cares about me and what path I need to be on. After all the drama I continually had going on concerning Bryan, and it all came down to my husband telling me he was sorry that Bryan hurt me because he knows I considered him a really close friend and it sucks that he had other intentions.
Sometimes I still look back and think it was crazy to run off with someone I had known all of two months, and marry him eight months later, and I had my doubts sometimes, but now, a year into our marriage, I can honestly say that I am content. It would be better if he were here with me to celebrate this once in a lifetime milestone in our marriage, but I know that someone has to volunteer to do what he does, and I couldn't be more proud to be a soldier's wife.
Despite it all, I do love Jason with everything I have. He has shown me what true love is because no matter how much I have pushed him away or tried to make this relationship turn out like all my others in some self fulfilling heartbroken philosophy, he has pushed just as hard the other way telling me why and how much he loves me. We have both made many mistakes on this crazy road of trying to hold together the love and passion throughout this deployment and everything else that has gone on before and since he left, but we're slowly getting there. I know that I've continued to make a big deal out of things that should be over with by now, and I definitely know that I fucked way up with Bryan, but, I can't say that I regret it because it showed me who I really have feelings for. Not so much then, but now with a few months cushion in between, I have come to know who cares about me and what path I need to be on. After all the drama I continually had going on concerning Bryan, and it all came down to my husband telling me he was sorry that Bryan hurt me because he knows I considered him a really close friend and it sucks that he had other intentions.
Sometimes I still look back and think it was crazy to run off with someone I had known all of two months, and marry him eight months later, and I had my doubts sometimes, but now, a year into our marriage, I can honestly say that I am content. It would be better if he were here with me to celebrate this once in a lifetime milestone in our marriage, but I know that someone has to volunteer to do what he does, and I couldn't be more proud to be a soldier's wife.