epic bff-ery, hyuksu style.
Finally finished writing this damn thing. It's love but it's BFF love, not the romantic making-out kind but maybe you can read it as pre-slash, maybe they're secretly in love with each other, maybe the deepest love is true friendship. You decide.
best enemies or, stories of one friendship
super junior/dbsk
eunhyuk/junsu (hyuksu)
5,600 words - pg-13
***
Hyukjae will never forget how he and Junsu met for the first time. But he never really talks about it, as it's not really a very interesting story, and anyway, what matters is what comes afterwards.
He's not sure if his friendship with Junsu makes for an interesting story, either, but it's the one he knows best, and the one he always tells himself when he misses Junsu the most.
*
“Really?” Junsu smiles over the comic book. “You want to become a gasoo?”
“What's wrong with that?” Hyukjae asks defensively. He's never confessed his dream to anybody but his family, and he has only known Junsu for a couple of months, but --
“I want to become one, too.”
“Oh.” There's a small silence and Hyukjae isn't sure what he should fill the silence with. Should he put on music? If he does, will Junsu suddenly start singing to him? Will that be weird?
His mother knocks on the door. “Is Junsu staying over for dinner?”
Junsu opens his mouth to answer but Hyuk shouts quickly, “No, he's already eaten!”
Junsu throws a pillow at him. “Bastard, I'm really hungry!”
“Sing me something new,” Hyukjae manages between chortles.
“I'm taking this comic home now, maybe I'll get fed there,” Junsu says and mock-stomps to Hyukjae's room door.
“We bought it together, you can't take it!” Hyukjae protests weakly, getting up and walking to the door as Junsu exits. “Junsu-ah~!” he calls from the door, but Junsu doesn't listen.
Hyukjae puts his shoes on and follows Junsu outside. Just when Junsu is about to turn a corner, he yells over his shoulder, “Soccer!”
“What?” Hyukjae replies.
“Soccer tomorrow, after school.” Junsu finally turns around, smiling. “Prepare to get your ass kicked.”
Hyukjae grins back. “You wish!”
When he returns home, his mother looks worried. “Did you and Junsu fight again?”
“No,” Hyukjae replies. “And yes,” he adds, under his breath, smiling to himself.
*
When Junsu gets a letter of acceptance from SM, there is unnecessary awkwardness. Hyukjae knows Junsu is good and deserves this, and he's happy, and jealous, but not jealous enough not to be happy, not to be supportive.
In his own way, in any case.
“So I was thinking, tomorrow after school -” Hyukjae begins a sentence but them sees the look on Junsu's face spell out SM.
“I'm sorry, hyung, tomorrow isn't --”
“It's okay,” Hyukjae says, with a smile, but Junsu's face continues apologizing when his mouth stops. Worry creases his face in an unbecoming way, as if their whole friendship hangs on one afternoon of idiotic pranks and games and hanging out.
Hyuk sighs. “You should go, really. Your singing is so poor, you could use the extra practise.”
“Luckily I'll never be as bad as you are.” Junsu smiles.
“Nah, you're worse,” Hyukjae replies.
“You're the worst.”
“You're the devil.”
“You're the devil's best friend,” Junsu finishes and Hyukjae whacks the back of his head, but lets him win the argument, as he always does, as it seems to make sure Junsu stays in a good mood for the rest of the afternoon.
*
“What does this say?” Hyukjae's hand is shaking, holding the envelope so tightly. Junsu takes two steps back, the envelope too close to his face for him to read it. He then focuses his eyes on the text and reads.
“Lee Hyukjae. It says your name.”
“And below it?”
“Your address.”
“Are you sure?”
“Unless you've moved last night..” Junsu grabs the envelope and takes the letter inside, unfolding it quickly. “You got accepted, hyung.”
First they're quiet, both waiting for the news to sink in properly, and then they're loud, bouncing and hugging and high-fiving until it turns into play-fighting. They make noise until their throats become sore, and then they're quiet again, both just lying there on the grass of the school yard. Junsu glances at Hyukjae and they both laugh, tiredly almost.
Happiness bubbles somewhere below Hyukjae's lungs and maybe it's cheesy, but he's never felt more alive.
*
School, practise, school, practise, school.
There's a road they have to walk from school to practise, and one day out of the many they walk down it, they notice something.
Junsu is always on the left; Hyukjae on the right.
“Leftie.”
“East or west, left is best.”
“Now that's just not true.”
Junsu starts singing a song about the wonders of left to the tune of the latest Shinhwa hit, and Hyukjae starts pulling him to his right, so he can experience the left for once. Junsu laughs and struggles, but Hyukjae is a little stronger, so finally Junsu is left at the right and walk like that the rest of the way.
“This is weird.”
“Yeah.”
And they switch back.
*
Sometimes an older boy named Jungsu walks with them to practise. They befriend him, and he walks between them, because it's the best way they can pull pranks on him.
“Hyung, how have you been?” Hyukjae says happily, patting Jungsu's back. Jungsu smiles so wide his dimple shows, and for a second Hyukjae feels kind of bad about what they're doing, but then he sees Junsu's smile, also wide and yet mischievous.
When Jungsu's back during practise says, “kiss virgin”, people look at him funny and it is funny, so much Hyukjae and Junsu roll on the floor laughing. Jungsu always swears revenge but he never does anything, and it's what Hyukjae and Junsu count on.
It's a good friendship, them and Jungsu, and Hyukjae is glad they can share it.
*
Jungsu asks them once, “Do you two have any other friends?”
His tone isn't accusing, and Hyukjae knows he himself knows and hangs out with a whole bunch of SM trainees besides just Hyukjae and Junsu, but after laughing, he is on the defensive.
“We ostracized the whole school,” he says.
“We're too cool for them,” Junsu explains further, smiling.
“They're too lame for us.”
“Lee Hyukjae's also a loser.”
“Kim Junsu's the biggest one.”
Jungsu looks at them, visibly amused. “I thought you liked Lee Sungmin.”
“He's cool,” Junsu says.
“He is,” Hyukjae agrees.
Jungsu reaches for his cell phone. “We should call him, see if he's up to anything tonight.”
Junsu's face lights up. “Great idea, hyung. You call him.”
“Yeah, you call him. We have to go now. Let us know.” Hyukjae pulls a grinning Junsu along with him and they turn a corner.
Jungsu pulls out his cell phone. It's covered in melted chocolate.
*
The glass of the bottle is green. They sit on the floor of Junsu's bedroom and the house is empty, like it should be, every time you're about to do something highly forbidden.
Hyukjae feels red creep onto his cheeks as Junsu pours some into mugs they drank soda from two minutes ago.
Junsu smells one of the mugs. “God it's like poison.” He gives Hyukjae a look. “What if it is poison?”
Hyukjae scoffs. “You're not chickening out, are you? Put more soda in it.”
Junsu mixes. “Okay, should be fine now.”
Hyukjae's heart has never beaten faster. “Okay. Um.” He takes the mug. “Bottoms up.”
“What do the Japanese say when they drink?” Junsu says, obviously trying to delay their alcohol experiments.
“I don't know,” Hyukjae says, trying to think of some of the animes he's watched on television. “Kawaii?”
“Let's just get this over with,” Junsu says, frowning at his mug.
They drink. It's bad. It's really bad. Hyukjae makes a face, Junsu makes another one.
“Ew,” Hyukjae says.
Junsu wriggles. “It's sooo bad~~”
“And you said some of the trainees drink this every weekend?”
“So they told me.”
“Idiots.”
“At least we've tried it now, and know what we're not missing out on.”
“I think they're lying. No way anybody could drink more than once.”
“Liars,” Junsu agrees.
Hyukjae pauses. “Let's promise never to drink alcohol again.” He offers Junsu a pinky.
“You're such a wuss!” Junsu exclaims.
“Are you seriously thinking of drinking again?”
“No.” Junsu grabs Hyukjae's pinky with his own. “Deal.”
“Except if we want to...” Hyukjae trails off.
“Then we can do it together. No, we have to do it together.”
Hyukjae nods and looks down at the bottle. “What do we do with the rest?”
Junsu grins. “I could put it in my brother's side of the room.”
“Would he like that?”
“Do we care?”
Hyukjae hiccups. Junsu laughs.
“You're drunk! Lightweight!”
“I just swallowed it too fast!”
Junsu goes quiet. “I wonder what it's like to be drunk.”
“My mother says people get stupid,” Hyukjae says, leaning his elbow against one of the pillows on Junsu's bed.
Junsu leans closer, carefully studying Hyukjae's voice. Hyukjae blushes and frowns. “What?!”
“No, you don't look any more stupid than usual.” Junsu grins and receives a blow from a pillow.
*
They do everything together, because they're Hyukjae and Junsu and they've done everything together for so long Hyukjae isn't sure what it would be like to do something without Junsu by his side. Now he's wondering whether that's a good thing at all.
“This is your...” he begins, glancing at Junsu.
“Brother's, yeah.”
The video tape is rolling in the VCR and Hyukjae eyes meet with images he's thought about, sometimes, well, often, but never actually, truly, well, so explicitly have they never been there in front of him, sweating and groaning human bodies and--
“Are you sure you want to...?” Junsu asks and Hyukjae doesn't follow.
“What?”
“Well, I don't know,” Junsu begins awkwardly, looking down at his hands. They're sweating as are Hyukjae's. “I don't know if people do this together or not.”
But they do everything together.
“I just wanted to see,” Hyukjae says, blushing. “I think everybody does, you know, or has, even though they don't say.”
“Yeah, I know. I just wonder whether it's okay that we..” Junsu's voice is becoming smaller and smaller in his mouth.
The girl on the video has something in her mouth, as well. Hyukjae swallows.
“It's okay, let's just ..watch.”
“Okay,” Junsu says, barely a whisper, and his hand falls off his lap and makes contact with Hyukjae's over the remote control.
Maybe this isn't meant to be done together at all, Hyukjae suddenly thinks, moving his hand hastily away from Junsu's. Maybe this makes them weird in the eyes of the rest of the world. Not that they're ever going to tell anybody but if somebody somehow finds out and thinks that they would be, how do you say it, not into girls but each other and something about the thought shakes Hyukjae. This is Junsu, after all, there are times when he's into Junsu more than girls but not like that, and the girl on the video is quite limber and Hyukjae's thinking is being muddled by his heart's quickening beats.
He's hard and he knows Junsu is hard and that's okay, this is not the first time, they're at the age where they can easily get hard by a random brush with some lady at the grocery store (Junsu spent 10 minutes picking out an ice cream at the cooler while Hyukjae laughed his ass off) but this, this is quite different.
“Do you want to..” Junsu says and Hyukjae's brain adds a million different alternative endings to the sentence, because he notices Junsu is leaning to his direction. He shakes out of it. No, no, they can't be gay and watching porn together, they're friends and this is normal, just experiencing things together because they do everything together.
Everything except sex, Hyukjae's brain adds and Junsu is really close and Junsu's hand is reaching--
“No, don't!” Hyukjae exclaims in panic. “I like girls!”
Junsu's hand is on the remote.
“--stop watching,” Junsu finishes awkwardly, his cheeks red and his finger on the stop button. “I like girls, too.”
“I know you like girls. I never said you didn't like girls.” Hyukjae looks away, blushing violently.
“You seem to like that girl on the video a lot,” Junsu adds with a mocking tone, probably having glanced down at Hyukjae's crotch and Hyukjae hates him.
“It's your video!”
“Are you jealous?”
“You're the pervert here, making me watch this stuff!” Hyukjae defends himself.
“You wanted to!” Junsu yells.
“You, you--” Hyukjae begins but suddenly there's a knock on the door.
“Shit,” Junsu says under his breath and moves to the VCR faster than lightning.
“Why is the door locked?” says his mother's angry tone.
“Hyukjae locked it!” Junsu yells back.
“By accident, Mrs Kim!” Hyukjae yells apologetically, hating Junsu some more.
Junsu stashes the tape underneath his mattress and gets up to open the door. Hyukjae tries to appear normal. He takes a football at one corner of Junsu's room and rolls it onto his lap. He's not a least bit excited any more, but then, neither is Junsu, apologizing to his mother for the noise they made.
When Junsu closes the door again, Hyukjae throws the ball at his head.
“Asshole.”
“You could've kept your voice down.”
“Like you didn't yell at all.”
“I didn't yell, 'I like girls!'.” Junsu has a short giggle, imitating Hyukjae's earlier words.
“Maybe that's because you don't like girls,” Hyukjae replies.
“Oh, and like you instead? Dream on.”
“It's okay, I hope we can stay as friends despite your homosexual feelings towards me. You're not the only one, I'm very attractive.”
Junsu doesn't have a comeback to this.
“What are you going to do with the tape?” Hyukjae asks, suddenly serious again.
“I don't know. Make sure my brother doesn't find it missing, I guess.”
“It was gross.”
“Yeah.”
“Let's go out, play some soccer.”
“I have homework,” Junsu whines but eventually agrees. They put on their shoes and Junsu throws the ball at Hyukjae's head on their way to the field, as revenge.
*
Hyukjae knows, logically, that Junsu would have to debut before him. He doesn't know why but somehow it feels like teachers placing them separate in class just so that they wouldn't create a ruckus, but of course they do, throwing notes over the entire class, trying to skip class while faking illnesses (Junsu collapses and Hyukjae himself suffers a sudden heatstroke and within ten minutes they're kicking around a football on the side of the school the teachers normally don't go to, and successfully having escaped algebra, they do what they always do - together).
Junsu has a complicated apology written all over his face, and Hyukjae hates it when Junsu looks worried, so he shakes it off.
“How are your new bandmates?”
“They seem fine. You've met some of them. We all hung out together that one time, us and Sungmin and Jungsu and Donghae and them. The time Sungmin got that noona's phone number.”
“Isn't that every time?” Hyukjae smiles. “That's good.”
Junsu opens his mouth to say something, but then hesitates and closes it. Hyukjae knows they can't go to the teacher, begging to be seated together, they're too old for that and Junsu's come too far to turn this down now, wait some more. SM bounces Hyukjae in and out of the band, and in the end Hyukjae doesn't want in it, he wants to be somewhere he can stay. He does want to be with Junsu, but maybe they're not 13 anymore, maybe it doesn't matter if they go their separate ways for a while. SM says everybody's family, so even with Junsu there and Hyukjae still here, practising, they're tied.
Within four months, Hyukjae notices, 'they' turn into 'us' in Junsu's speech and he turns into Xiah, and when they (Junsu's new us) debut, it's a big hit.
“Hyung!” Junsu says breathlessly when he finally returns home, and hugs Hyukjae so tight it's difficult to breathe, and maybe that's why the tears come out.
Junsu's crying too, but out of happiness. Hyukjae's feelings are so mixed he chokes on them, and when Junsu finishes crying, he holds onto Hyukjae just because his friend won't stop crying. It goes on for too long for Hyukjae to pretend it's all happiness, and Junsu gets that, and until there are no sobs against his shoulder, they stay like that.
*
Hyukjae goes to practise with Sungmin now.
“You know, you always walk on the left,” Hyukjae tells him.
“So what?” Sungmin asks.
“Nothing.” Hyukjae pauses. “Maybe I should walk on the left.”
“Is this one of those Junsu things?”
“Maybe,” Hyukjae replies.
Junsu isn't away, and yet he is, most of the time. Hyukjae thinks this is good, as Junsu doesn't have to be his everything and he shouldn't be Junsu's. They're practising hard and he hopes he can be in a group with Sungmin, as they've developed quite a bond and Hyukjae is sick of severing any more ties to people thanks to SM.
“Want to switch?” Sungmin asks, and Hyukjae does.
“We should call Junsu to see if he's available sometime soon,” Sungmin says as they walk down the road, Hyukjae on Junsu's side of it now.
It's the best idea Hyukjae's heard all day.
*
When Junsu gets a day off, he arranges to go see a movie with Hyukjae.
The movie's bad and they throw popcorn at each other and laugh at inappropriate things and even with things so vastly different between them now, what with Junsu being a star on the rise, it feels like any day.
“Excuse me,” a girl asks them as they're exiting the theater. She stares at Junsu, and then Hyukjae.
Junsu grins widely, and Hyukjae rolls his eyes. He knows this is what the two of them hanging out from now on will include; fan encounters.
But surprisingly, she shoves a little notebook to Hyukjae with an awkwardly muttered request.
Hyukjae just stares at her. So does Junsu.
The girl looks up. “You're Junsu from Dong Bang Shin Ki, aren't you? Can I get your autograph, please?”
Hyukjae blinks and then laughs. “Of course, me, DBSK's Junsu, am always ready to provide for fans.”
Junsu snorts.
“Though personally I think I am the least talented member of the group, I mean, I can hardly dance and most dogs sing better than me. You're better off asking Jaejoong's autograph.”
Junsu punches Hyukjae's arm and the girl stares at both of them, confused.
“I'm Junsu's idiot friend, Hyukjae, who is deadly jealous of my friend's charisma and talent,” Junsu introduces himself to her, but she has received her notebook from Hyukjae and is slowly backing away.
“Buy our new single to see how crap I am!” Hyukjae yells after her, and then starts laughing so hard he can hardly breathe.
“That's the biggest compliment you'll ever receive,” Junsu says.
“That's the biggest compliment you'll ever receive,” Hyukjae replies.
“I owe you for the popcorn,” Junsu says, cleverly changing the subject.
“It's okay,” Hyukjae says. “You pay me once you debut, Hyukjae, and the entire nation of Korea falls in love with your gorgeous looks and personality.”
“I'll never be as amazing as you, Kim Junsu.”
“You already are,” Hyukjae smiles.
*
The choreography of Show Me Your Love doesn't place them together at first. They walk side-by-side to the choreographer, and suddenly they're 14 again, asking to be seated together in school, asking teacher please, please, they won't wreak havoc this time.
“Okay, sure, why not.”
In retrospect it feels silly, as it's just a couple of dance moves that they get to do together (and they do wreak havoc in the rehearsals, so much both of their groups are fed up with them, but at least they have fun).
Performing the song live, Hyukjae catches a glimpse of how Junsu looks on stage. It's like they're 14 again, performing at some school function, only this time Hyukjae can look at Junsu and not mess up his own moves. So Hyukjae looks, but just a little, and Junsu looks back and for a split second Hyukjae forgets they have an audience.
*
The worst part about not being together is not being together.
“I'm sorry, I have to go now, I'll call --” and there's a click and Hyukjae knows Junsu doesn't mean to hang up, because Hyukjae doesn't either, but it happens.
“This is a bad spot, we're going live in 3 minutes, I'll have to just --” and he feels terrible that he has to cut Junsu off like that, but he has to, and Junsu has to, too, and then it's nearly two weeks that they last talked, sans text messages and a few e-mails.
“I'm sorry~”, reads a text message from Junsu and Hyukjae writes back, “I'm never forgiving you.”
In their world it means he already has.
*
The best part about not being together is that sometimes, they manage to.
“Eunhyuk-kun,” Junsu says, and Hyukjae giggles at his pseudo-Japanese accent or just the fact they're doing this, long-distance, such a big no-no in the SM rulebook.
“Sungmin-ah, some Japanese telemarketer is pestering me again!”
“Like you could afford anything I'm selling,” Junsu replies, and Hyukjae knows he's smiling, can hear the smile in his voice and imagine his face, and sometimes it's like Junsu's always smiling in his head. He has dreams where other people turn into Junsu, and he hears that voice from Heechul's mouth and suddenly Heechul will be smiling like Junsu does, and calling him Eunhyuk-kun and then, well, then Hyukjae usually wakes up.
“You're spending so much time abroad, I told SM to sell all your belongings in Korea.”
“I told your mom you have a girlfriend.”
“I told your mom you're buying dresses from Japan.”
“I told your mom I'm buying them for you.”
Hyukjae pauses. They both listen to silence at the end of the other line. “How are you?” Hyukjae finally asks, a little too honestly perhaps, his voice getting stuck in his throat somehow, and Junsu says what they both feel.
“I miss you,” and the way he draws out the syllables makes the lump in Hyukjae's throat only bigger.
“We could,” Hyukjae starts and pauses again, because he couldn't hop on an airplane and he knows Junsu can't, either. “...make a phone bill bigger than Heechul's monthly alcohol consumption.”
Junsu laughs; it's a nice sound, bubbling and soft, and Hyukjae decides he likes “Eunhyuk-kun”, even if it's not his real name, because he likes the sound it makes, coming from Junsu's mouth. It feels like Junsu's there, his arm around Hyukjae's shoulders, his laughter shaking them both.
“What about when SM kills me for the big phone bill?”
“Oh, don't worry, I'll quit Super Junior and replace you in TVXQ.”
“But our popularity will drop!”
“If by drop, you mean rise...”
Junsu laughs. “The Charisma of TVXQ, Eunhyuk?”
Hyukjae wants to leave the topic of Junsu dying. He's not superstitious, but - and there's always that but.
“Five hours. We should talk for five hours.”
“You think you're interesting enough?”
Hyukjae grins into the receiver. “And you think you are? But come on, there's plenty of topics, like weather --”
“It's actually pretty sunny in here,” Junsu intersects, “and yet I'm hanging out inside talking to my loser best friend.”
“...or sports. Oh, Kangin slipped on a football drunk last Saturday. It was hilarious, and the bruise on his leg is heart-shaped and all the fans find that ridiculously cute. Of course, they don't know he got it by making an ass of himself.”
“Or religion! A fan sent me a Japanese Bible. I think they think I'm an angel.”
“Are you?”
“I'm too tired to flap my wings so I can't tell.”
“See, we can do this. Four hours and forty minutes left.”
Junsu laughs again, and the sound is so encouraging Hyukjae forgets to set up the timer, and they talk and it's late, and then really late. The phone feels hot when he finally puts it down, and he feels bad, not because they made the biggest phone bill in the existence of SM, but because there was still so much he didn't have the time to tell Junsu.
*
Schedules are gruesome. He wakes up and showers and piles into the van with the rest of them, and it's only about 30 minutes later in the salon that he actually hears about the MV shoot.
“Did you know,” Jungsu - Eeteuk - says, giving Hyukjae a meaningful look, “TVXQ will be there.”
Of course he knows.
“Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse,” Hyukjae says, grinning from ear to ear.
Hankyung looks confused. “I thought you were best friends with Kim Junsu.”
“They are, they're just joking,” Eeteuk says.
“They're dysfunctional like that,” Heechul says and Hankyung nods slowly and glances at Siwon's direction for an explanation of the word 'dysfunctional'.
“We're best enemies,” Hyukjae says but isn't sure if anybody's listening.
*
After the video shoot, they have a rare night off and TVXQ has liquor which means party.
They sit at one corner, laughing their asses off at the drunken stupidity of the other members and managers, and select group of non-industry friends. Neither of them is drinking, gulping down what others are mixing with the liquor, or not mixing at all in some cases.
It's been years since they first tried alcohol. Hyukjae knows Junsu has drunk since then, and Junsu knows Hyukjae has drunk since then, too, and they weren't together when they drunk, but it's not like it was a sacred promise to begin with. Hyukjae knows neither of them particularly enjoy drinking; Junsu gives into peer pressure occasionally and Hyukjae drinks when they've been shooting something all night and then are given food and alcohol - it would feel somewhat rude to say no. He doesn't like how it makes him feel, his cheeks tingling with a blush and his brain slower, and the point where the part of his head switches off and he no longer has that little voice telling him, “No, let's not do that, that's fucking idiotic.”, that always scares him a bit.
Junsu is next to him, luckily, so it's fun and Junsu is explaining something about how playing a karaoke game in their hotel room nearly got them arrested, and Hyukjae is smiling, but the story keeps getting interrupted by their drunken bandmates.
“Eunhyuk-ah,” Donghae says, sitting down on one of the seats surrounding them, “is there a grassy hill somewhere near by? Me and Yunho want to roll down one, trying to make our bodies into a wheel.”
“There's a mountain,” Junsu says with a grin.
“Awesome, thanks!” Donghae says and wanders off.
“You think they'll do it?” Hyukjae asks.
“I hope they do it,” Junsu says.
Hyukjae frowns a little. “I don't know. This one time Kangin and Shindong had an idea that if you find a tall building and jump off, there's bound to be a trampoline before you hit ground.”
“That's ingenius,” Junsu laughs. “How drunk were they?”
“Drinking their body weight in soju, I guess,” Hyukjae says.
“What's the craziest thing you did drunk?” Junsu asks.
“I don't want to remember,” Hyukjae replies.
“Wussy. I told some Japanese people you were my girlfriend,” Junsu says.
“You didn't!”
“I did,” Junsu assures, nodding his head, “but when it came time to show your picture, I had to back down on it.”
“Tragic, how long was I your girlfriend?” Hyukjae asks.
“Like 35 minutes.”
“Wow, longest relationship you ever had?”
“Best one,” Junsu grins. “Terrible kisser, though.”
“Hey, ah, how can you even--” Hyukjae stutters, his cheeks flushing. “You're such a fucking bastard.”
Junsu snorts and stands up to get them two more cans of soda. When he returns, Hyukjae is looking at the floor.
“How come all of your band members are on the floor?” he asks Junsu.
“It's a fun game we have, 'Jump over a TVXQ member' where you have to ..well, do that, and see how long you last.”
“Looks like Kibum just failed,” Hyukjae says as they watch various people fall over to join Yoochun and Changmin on the floor.
“Actually, no, we're just really bad drinkers,” Junsu says, and then raises his voice, “especially that one Micky Yoochun.”
“Fuck you!” they hear shouted from the floor.
Junsu laughs and Hyukjae clinks his can against Junsu's. “To drunken idiots,” he says.
“To non-drunken idiots,” Junsu toasts and it takes a while for Hyukjae to realize Junsu means him.
“I despise you,” he tells Junsu, lightly and Junsu does nothing but sit closer, their hips and shoulders and thighs touching.
There's a quiet moment, and another, and then Junsu leans closer, and lowers his voice. “That's too bad,” he says. “Saranghae.”
Hyukjae feels awkward and knows Junsu feels awkward, too, and that they'd both be a lot more awkward if Hyukjae was to respond to that, so he doesn't. Instead he just sits there, and they follow the drunken people they call their friends and it's fun, and it's not going to last a forever but just then, maybe it doesn't have to.
*
Months can go by without Hyukjae seeing Junsu except as a character in an instant message window. He gets home when Junsu wakes up, and he tells Junsu he should go get some more sleep, and Junsu tells him so should Hyukjae, and then they both stay up and write messages to each other, and watch stupid video clips online, and talk about some new song or dance routine, or about their band members or the female celebrities they crush on, or anything, really.
They don't talk about when they'll see each other again.
*
There's a concert and the first time Hyukjae sees Junsu backstage, Junsu is busy talking to some people, laughing and chattering and for a moment Hyukjae thinks about not going over, for a moment his heart sinks to the floor. Just then, Junsu looks up and sees him and waves him over.
People leave them alone, and for once Hyukjae doesn't mind not being included, and they talk backstage and at the end of the show, on-stage, and they walk off stage with each other, and even when it feels like they have nothing more to discuss, they still talk.
They avoid the topic until Junsu has to get into his band's vehicle.
“We have the night off tonight,” Junsu says.
“Sukira,” Hyukjae says apologetically.
“We're not allowed to guest unless manager-hyung is okay, and he says we should --”
“It's okay,” Hyukjae says. “I understand. Tomorrow..”
“Schedules and flight,” Junsu says, and frowns and then pulls Hyukjae into a tight hug. “Fuck.”
“It's nothing less than we signed up for,” Hyukjae mumbles against Junsu's shoulder and tries not to cry.
They both know but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
*
Somewhere along the line Hyukjae learns that they're not HyukjaeJunsu any more. They are, they've become, Hyukjae and Junsu. The small word separating and connecting them at the same time. They can't no longer spend every waking hour together, they can't call each other the last thing before they go to bed or the first thing when they wake up.
They're not tied together, and there's a scary realization hidden there that Hyukjae has to finally know where he ends and Junsu begins, and he's been doing that, and he knows Junsu's been doing that and it's weird.
“We're brothers,” Jungsu (with the smile of Eeteuk) says about the members and the identical smile on Yunho's lips, “In TVXQ we're brothers.”
But in the end, Hyukjae is closer than a brother to Junsu, he's closer to Junsu than he is to anybody.
They're not close physically any more, sitting together at the back of the class, walking home together, practising dance routines together. There's an ocean between them, or at least thousands of miles, and it forces Hyukjae to adapt.
Hyukjae-hago Junsu - Hyukjae and Junsu.
Hyukjae knows they're separate now but he also knows it doesn't mean they're not together.
*
He still feels happiest when he's with Junsu, and he cherishes the moments they get to spend together.
Little by little, he learns not to be his most miserable when they have to say goodbye.
Instead he thinks about the next time they'll meet.
*
Junsu calls Sukira.
“Why do you let these sort of people through?” Hyukjae pretends to shout at the PD.
“Shut up, I'm calling to talk to the real DJ of Kiss the Radio,” Junsu says. “Jungsu-hyung, how have you been?”
Jungsu laughs and begins to explain Hyukjae's and Junsu's unique relationship to the listeners while Hyukjae grins.
“No, seriously, can you put somebody actually talented on? Is Changmin-sshi there?”
“Everybody else is sleeping,” Junsu replies. “Jungsu-hyung, congratulations of Super Junior's 3rd album.”
“Thank you, Junsu-sshi,” Jungsu answers and glances at Hyukjae. “You're in Seoul tonight?”
“Yes,” Junsu says.
“Why not join me and Eunhyuk-sshi for dinner after the radio?”
“No!” Hyukjae exclaims.
“No,” Junsu says at the same time. “Maybe, maybe without Hyukjae.”
“I see,” Jungsu says and asks questions about what TVXQ is doing on that moment, and finally they wrap up.
“Junsu-ah, stop calling me, don't make me change my number again,” Hyukjae says.
“In two hours, then?”
“Two and a half,” Hyukjae replies with a grin.
They meet up for dinner after the radio and eventually Jungsu leaves to get some sleep.
Hyukjae's tired, but he's also laughing and sleep doesn't seem that important just then.
Junsu agrees.
fin?
A/N: I thought about the ending a lot. There is no ending to the story but I couldn't leave them all heartbroken over not being able to hang out 24/7. So I thought about my own bff and how we've pretty much always lived apart and how I feel about that, how I love meeting her when I do get a chance. It doesn't rock but it suits us. We've gotten used to it.
I imagine it'd be more difficult for Hyuksu but they can't wallow in sadness over it so basically, it gets better. They get used to it. They're still close friends, best friends. But it's different.
best enemies or, stories of one friendship
super junior/dbsk
eunhyuk/junsu (hyuksu)
5,600 words - pg-13
***
Hyukjae will never forget how he and Junsu met for the first time. But he never really talks about it, as it's not really a very interesting story, and anyway, what matters is what comes afterwards.
He's not sure if his friendship with Junsu makes for an interesting story, either, but it's the one he knows best, and the one he always tells himself when he misses Junsu the most.
*
“Really?” Junsu smiles over the comic book. “You want to become a gasoo?”
“What's wrong with that?” Hyukjae asks defensively. He's never confessed his dream to anybody but his family, and he has only known Junsu for a couple of months, but --
“I want to become one, too.”
“Oh.” There's a small silence and Hyukjae isn't sure what he should fill the silence with. Should he put on music? If he does, will Junsu suddenly start singing to him? Will that be weird?
His mother knocks on the door. “Is Junsu staying over for dinner?”
Junsu opens his mouth to answer but Hyuk shouts quickly, “No, he's already eaten!”
Junsu throws a pillow at him. “Bastard, I'm really hungry!”
“Sing me something new,” Hyukjae manages between chortles.
“I'm taking this comic home now, maybe I'll get fed there,” Junsu says and mock-stomps to Hyukjae's room door.
“We bought it together, you can't take it!” Hyukjae protests weakly, getting up and walking to the door as Junsu exits. “Junsu-ah~!” he calls from the door, but Junsu doesn't listen.
Hyukjae puts his shoes on and follows Junsu outside. Just when Junsu is about to turn a corner, he yells over his shoulder, “Soccer!”
“What?” Hyukjae replies.
“Soccer tomorrow, after school.” Junsu finally turns around, smiling. “Prepare to get your ass kicked.”
Hyukjae grins back. “You wish!”
When he returns home, his mother looks worried. “Did you and Junsu fight again?”
“No,” Hyukjae replies. “And yes,” he adds, under his breath, smiling to himself.
*
When Junsu gets a letter of acceptance from SM, there is unnecessary awkwardness. Hyukjae knows Junsu is good and deserves this, and he's happy, and jealous, but not jealous enough not to be happy, not to be supportive.
In his own way, in any case.
“So I was thinking, tomorrow after school -” Hyukjae begins a sentence but them sees the look on Junsu's face spell out SM.
“I'm sorry, hyung, tomorrow isn't --”
“It's okay,” Hyukjae says, with a smile, but Junsu's face continues apologizing when his mouth stops. Worry creases his face in an unbecoming way, as if their whole friendship hangs on one afternoon of idiotic pranks and games and hanging out.
Hyuk sighs. “You should go, really. Your singing is so poor, you could use the extra practise.”
“Luckily I'll never be as bad as you are.” Junsu smiles.
“Nah, you're worse,” Hyukjae replies.
“You're the worst.”
“You're the devil.”
“You're the devil's best friend,” Junsu finishes and Hyukjae whacks the back of his head, but lets him win the argument, as he always does, as it seems to make sure Junsu stays in a good mood for the rest of the afternoon.
*
“What does this say?” Hyukjae's hand is shaking, holding the envelope so tightly. Junsu takes two steps back, the envelope too close to his face for him to read it. He then focuses his eyes on the text and reads.
“Lee Hyukjae. It says your name.”
“And below it?”
“Your address.”
“Are you sure?”
“Unless you've moved last night..” Junsu grabs the envelope and takes the letter inside, unfolding it quickly. “You got accepted, hyung.”
First they're quiet, both waiting for the news to sink in properly, and then they're loud, bouncing and hugging and high-fiving until it turns into play-fighting. They make noise until their throats become sore, and then they're quiet again, both just lying there on the grass of the school yard. Junsu glances at Hyukjae and they both laugh, tiredly almost.
Happiness bubbles somewhere below Hyukjae's lungs and maybe it's cheesy, but he's never felt more alive.
*
School, practise, school, practise, school.
There's a road they have to walk from school to practise, and one day out of the many they walk down it, they notice something.
Junsu is always on the left; Hyukjae on the right.
“Leftie.”
“East or west, left is best.”
“Now that's just not true.”
Junsu starts singing a song about the wonders of left to the tune of the latest Shinhwa hit, and Hyukjae starts pulling him to his right, so he can experience the left for once. Junsu laughs and struggles, but Hyukjae is a little stronger, so finally Junsu is left at the right and walk like that the rest of the way.
“This is weird.”
“Yeah.”
And they switch back.
*
Sometimes an older boy named Jungsu walks with them to practise. They befriend him, and he walks between them, because it's the best way they can pull pranks on him.
“Hyung, how have you been?” Hyukjae says happily, patting Jungsu's back. Jungsu smiles so wide his dimple shows, and for a second Hyukjae feels kind of bad about what they're doing, but then he sees Junsu's smile, also wide and yet mischievous.
When Jungsu's back during practise says, “kiss virgin”, people look at him funny and it is funny, so much Hyukjae and Junsu roll on the floor laughing. Jungsu always swears revenge but he never does anything, and it's what Hyukjae and Junsu count on.
It's a good friendship, them and Jungsu, and Hyukjae is glad they can share it.
*
Jungsu asks them once, “Do you two have any other friends?”
His tone isn't accusing, and Hyukjae knows he himself knows and hangs out with a whole bunch of SM trainees besides just Hyukjae and Junsu, but after laughing, he is on the defensive.
“We ostracized the whole school,” he says.
“We're too cool for them,” Junsu explains further, smiling.
“They're too lame for us.”
“Lee Hyukjae's also a loser.”
“Kim Junsu's the biggest one.”
Jungsu looks at them, visibly amused. “I thought you liked Lee Sungmin.”
“He's cool,” Junsu says.
“He is,” Hyukjae agrees.
Jungsu reaches for his cell phone. “We should call him, see if he's up to anything tonight.”
Junsu's face lights up. “Great idea, hyung. You call him.”
“Yeah, you call him. We have to go now. Let us know.” Hyukjae pulls a grinning Junsu along with him and they turn a corner.
Jungsu pulls out his cell phone. It's covered in melted chocolate.
*
The glass of the bottle is green. They sit on the floor of Junsu's bedroom and the house is empty, like it should be, every time you're about to do something highly forbidden.
Hyukjae feels red creep onto his cheeks as Junsu pours some into mugs they drank soda from two minutes ago.
Junsu smells one of the mugs. “God it's like poison.” He gives Hyukjae a look. “What if it is poison?”
Hyukjae scoffs. “You're not chickening out, are you? Put more soda in it.”
Junsu mixes. “Okay, should be fine now.”
Hyukjae's heart has never beaten faster. “Okay. Um.” He takes the mug. “Bottoms up.”
“What do the Japanese say when they drink?” Junsu says, obviously trying to delay their alcohol experiments.
“I don't know,” Hyukjae says, trying to think of some of the animes he's watched on television. “Kawaii?”
“Let's just get this over with,” Junsu says, frowning at his mug.
They drink. It's bad. It's really bad. Hyukjae makes a face, Junsu makes another one.
“Ew,” Hyukjae says.
Junsu wriggles. “It's sooo bad~~”
“And you said some of the trainees drink this every weekend?”
“So they told me.”
“Idiots.”
“At least we've tried it now, and know what we're not missing out on.”
“I think they're lying. No way anybody could drink more than once.”
“Liars,” Junsu agrees.
Hyukjae pauses. “Let's promise never to drink alcohol again.” He offers Junsu a pinky.
“You're such a wuss!” Junsu exclaims.
“Are you seriously thinking of drinking again?”
“No.” Junsu grabs Hyukjae's pinky with his own. “Deal.”
“Except if we want to...” Hyukjae trails off.
“Then we can do it together. No, we have to do it together.”
Hyukjae nods and looks down at the bottle. “What do we do with the rest?”
Junsu grins. “I could put it in my brother's side of the room.”
“Would he like that?”
“Do we care?”
Hyukjae hiccups. Junsu laughs.
“You're drunk! Lightweight!”
“I just swallowed it too fast!”
Junsu goes quiet. “I wonder what it's like to be drunk.”
“My mother says people get stupid,” Hyukjae says, leaning his elbow against one of the pillows on Junsu's bed.
Junsu leans closer, carefully studying Hyukjae's voice. Hyukjae blushes and frowns. “What?!”
“No, you don't look any more stupid than usual.” Junsu grins and receives a blow from a pillow.
*
They do everything together, because they're Hyukjae and Junsu and they've done everything together for so long Hyukjae isn't sure what it would be like to do something without Junsu by his side. Now he's wondering whether that's a good thing at all.
“This is your...” he begins, glancing at Junsu.
“Brother's, yeah.”
The video tape is rolling in the VCR and Hyukjae eyes meet with images he's thought about, sometimes, well, often, but never actually, truly, well, so explicitly have they never been there in front of him, sweating and groaning human bodies and--
“Are you sure you want to...?” Junsu asks and Hyukjae doesn't follow.
“What?”
“Well, I don't know,” Junsu begins awkwardly, looking down at his hands. They're sweating as are Hyukjae's. “I don't know if people do this together or not.”
But they do everything together.
“I just wanted to see,” Hyukjae says, blushing. “I think everybody does, you know, or has, even though they don't say.”
“Yeah, I know. I just wonder whether it's okay that we..” Junsu's voice is becoming smaller and smaller in his mouth.
The girl on the video has something in her mouth, as well. Hyukjae swallows.
“It's okay, let's just ..watch.”
“Okay,” Junsu says, barely a whisper, and his hand falls off his lap and makes contact with Hyukjae's over the remote control.
Maybe this isn't meant to be done together at all, Hyukjae suddenly thinks, moving his hand hastily away from Junsu's. Maybe this makes them weird in the eyes of the rest of the world. Not that they're ever going to tell anybody but if somebody somehow finds out and thinks that they would be, how do you say it, not into girls but each other and something about the thought shakes Hyukjae. This is Junsu, after all, there are times when he's into Junsu more than girls but not like that, and the girl on the video is quite limber and Hyukjae's thinking is being muddled by his heart's quickening beats.
He's hard and he knows Junsu is hard and that's okay, this is not the first time, they're at the age where they can easily get hard by a random brush with some lady at the grocery store (Junsu spent 10 minutes picking out an ice cream at the cooler while Hyukjae laughed his ass off) but this, this is quite different.
“Do you want to..” Junsu says and Hyukjae's brain adds a million different alternative endings to the sentence, because he notices Junsu is leaning to his direction. He shakes out of it. No, no, they can't be gay and watching porn together, they're friends and this is normal, just experiencing things together because they do everything together.
Everything except sex, Hyukjae's brain adds and Junsu is really close and Junsu's hand is reaching--
“No, don't!” Hyukjae exclaims in panic. “I like girls!”
Junsu's hand is on the remote.
“--stop watching,” Junsu finishes awkwardly, his cheeks red and his finger on the stop button. “I like girls, too.”
“I know you like girls. I never said you didn't like girls.” Hyukjae looks away, blushing violently.
“You seem to like that girl on the video a lot,” Junsu adds with a mocking tone, probably having glanced down at Hyukjae's crotch and Hyukjae hates him.
“It's your video!”
“Are you jealous?”
“You're the pervert here, making me watch this stuff!” Hyukjae defends himself.
“You wanted to!” Junsu yells.
“You, you--” Hyukjae begins but suddenly there's a knock on the door.
“Shit,” Junsu says under his breath and moves to the VCR faster than lightning.
“Why is the door locked?” says his mother's angry tone.
“Hyukjae locked it!” Junsu yells back.
“By accident, Mrs Kim!” Hyukjae yells apologetically, hating Junsu some more.
Junsu stashes the tape underneath his mattress and gets up to open the door. Hyukjae tries to appear normal. He takes a football at one corner of Junsu's room and rolls it onto his lap. He's not a least bit excited any more, but then, neither is Junsu, apologizing to his mother for the noise they made.
When Junsu closes the door again, Hyukjae throws the ball at his head.
“Asshole.”
“You could've kept your voice down.”
“Like you didn't yell at all.”
“I didn't yell, 'I like girls!'.” Junsu has a short giggle, imitating Hyukjae's earlier words.
“Maybe that's because you don't like girls,” Hyukjae replies.
“Oh, and like you instead? Dream on.”
“It's okay, I hope we can stay as friends despite your homosexual feelings towards me. You're not the only one, I'm very attractive.”
Junsu doesn't have a comeback to this.
“What are you going to do with the tape?” Hyukjae asks, suddenly serious again.
“I don't know. Make sure my brother doesn't find it missing, I guess.”
“It was gross.”
“Yeah.”
“Let's go out, play some soccer.”
“I have homework,” Junsu whines but eventually agrees. They put on their shoes and Junsu throws the ball at Hyukjae's head on their way to the field, as revenge.
*
Hyukjae knows, logically, that Junsu would have to debut before him. He doesn't know why but somehow it feels like teachers placing them separate in class just so that they wouldn't create a ruckus, but of course they do, throwing notes over the entire class, trying to skip class while faking illnesses (Junsu collapses and Hyukjae himself suffers a sudden heatstroke and within ten minutes they're kicking around a football on the side of the school the teachers normally don't go to, and successfully having escaped algebra, they do what they always do - together).
Junsu has a complicated apology written all over his face, and Hyukjae hates it when Junsu looks worried, so he shakes it off.
“How are your new bandmates?”
“They seem fine. You've met some of them. We all hung out together that one time, us and Sungmin and Jungsu and Donghae and them. The time Sungmin got that noona's phone number.”
“Isn't that every time?” Hyukjae smiles. “That's good.”
Junsu opens his mouth to say something, but then hesitates and closes it. Hyukjae knows they can't go to the teacher, begging to be seated together, they're too old for that and Junsu's come too far to turn this down now, wait some more. SM bounces Hyukjae in and out of the band, and in the end Hyukjae doesn't want in it, he wants to be somewhere he can stay. He does want to be with Junsu, but maybe they're not 13 anymore, maybe it doesn't matter if they go their separate ways for a while. SM says everybody's family, so even with Junsu there and Hyukjae still here, practising, they're tied.
Within four months, Hyukjae notices, 'they' turn into 'us' in Junsu's speech and he turns into Xiah, and when they (Junsu's new us) debut, it's a big hit.
“Hyung!” Junsu says breathlessly when he finally returns home, and hugs Hyukjae so tight it's difficult to breathe, and maybe that's why the tears come out.
Junsu's crying too, but out of happiness. Hyukjae's feelings are so mixed he chokes on them, and when Junsu finishes crying, he holds onto Hyukjae just because his friend won't stop crying. It goes on for too long for Hyukjae to pretend it's all happiness, and Junsu gets that, and until there are no sobs against his shoulder, they stay like that.
*
Hyukjae goes to practise with Sungmin now.
“You know, you always walk on the left,” Hyukjae tells him.
“So what?” Sungmin asks.
“Nothing.” Hyukjae pauses. “Maybe I should walk on the left.”
“Is this one of those Junsu things?”
“Maybe,” Hyukjae replies.
Junsu isn't away, and yet he is, most of the time. Hyukjae thinks this is good, as Junsu doesn't have to be his everything and he shouldn't be Junsu's. They're practising hard and he hopes he can be in a group with Sungmin, as they've developed quite a bond and Hyukjae is sick of severing any more ties to people thanks to SM.
“Want to switch?” Sungmin asks, and Hyukjae does.
“We should call Junsu to see if he's available sometime soon,” Sungmin says as they walk down the road, Hyukjae on Junsu's side of it now.
It's the best idea Hyukjae's heard all day.
*
When Junsu gets a day off, he arranges to go see a movie with Hyukjae.
The movie's bad and they throw popcorn at each other and laugh at inappropriate things and even with things so vastly different between them now, what with Junsu being a star on the rise, it feels like any day.
“Excuse me,” a girl asks them as they're exiting the theater. She stares at Junsu, and then Hyukjae.
Junsu grins widely, and Hyukjae rolls his eyes. He knows this is what the two of them hanging out from now on will include; fan encounters.
But surprisingly, she shoves a little notebook to Hyukjae with an awkwardly muttered request.
Hyukjae just stares at her. So does Junsu.
The girl looks up. “You're Junsu from Dong Bang Shin Ki, aren't you? Can I get your autograph, please?”
Hyukjae blinks and then laughs. “Of course, me, DBSK's Junsu, am always ready to provide for fans.”
Junsu snorts.
“Though personally I think I am the least talented member of the group, I mean, I can hardly dance and most dogs sing better than me. You're better off asking Jaejoong's autograph.”
Junsu punches Hyukjae's arm and the girl stares at both of them, confused.
“I'm Junsu's idiot friend, Hyukjae, who is deadly jealous of my friend's charisma and talent,” Junsu introduces himself to her, but she has received her notebook from Hyukjae and is slowly backing away.
“Buy our new single to see how crap I am!” Hyukjae yells after her, and then starts laughing so hard he can hardly breathe.
“That's the biggest compliment you'll ever receive,” Junsu says.
“That's the biggest compliment you'll ever receive,” Hyukjae replies.
“I owe you for the popcorn,” Junsu says, cleverly changing the subject.
“It's okay,” Hyukjae says. “You pay me once you debut, Hyukjae, and the entire nation of Korea falls in love with your gorgeous looks and personality.”
“I'll never be as amazing as you, Kim Junsu.”
“You already are,” Hyukjae smiles.
*
The choreography of Show Me Your Love doesn't place them together at first. They walk side-by-side to the choreographer, and suddenly they're 14 again, asking to be seated together in school, asking teacher please, please, they won't wreak havoc this time.
“Okay, sure, why not.”
In retrospect it feels silly, as it's just a couple of dance moves that they get to do together (and they do wreak havoc in the rehearsals, so much both of their groups are fed up with them, but at least they have fun).
Performing the song live, Hyukjae catches a glimpse of how Junsu looks on stage. It's like they're 14 again, performing at some school function, only this time Hyukjae can look at Junsu and not mess up his own moves. So Hyukjae looks, but just a little, and Junsu looks back and for a split second Hyukjae forgets they have an audience.
*
The worst part about not being together is not being together.
“I'm sorry, I have to go now, I'll call --” and there's a click and Hyukjae knows Junsu doesn't mean to hang up, because Hyukjae doesn't either, but it happens.
“This is a bad spot, we're going live in 3 minutes, I'll have to just --” and he feels terrible that he has to cut Junsu off like that, but he has to, and Junsu has to, too, and then it's nearly two weeks that they last talked, sans text messages and a few e-mails.
“I'm sorry~”, reads a text message from Junsu and Hyukjae writes back, “I'm never forgiving you.”
In their world it means he already has.
*
The best part about not being together is that sometimes, they manage to.
“Eunhyuk-kun,” Junsu says, and Hyukjae giggles at his pseudo-Japanese accent or just the fact they're doing this, long-distance, such a big no-no in the SM rulebook.
“Sungmin-ah, some Japanese telemarketer is pestering me again!”
“Like you could afford anything I'm selling,” Junsu replies, and Hyukjae knows he's smiling, can hear the smile in his voice and imagine his face, and sometimes it's like Junsu's always smiling in his head. He has dreams where other people turn into Junsu, and he hears that voice from Heechul's mouth and suddenly Heechul will be smiling like Junsu does, and calling him Eunhyuk-kun and then, well, then Hyukjae usually wakes up.
“You're spending so much time abroad, I told SM to sell all your belongings in Korea.”
“I told your mom you have a girlfriend.”
“I told your mom you're buying dresses from Japan.”
“I told your mom I'm buying them for you.”
Hyukjae pauses. They both listen to silence at the end of the other line. “How are you?” Hyukjae finally asks, a little too honestly perhaps, his voice getting stuck in his throat somehow, and Junsu says what they both feel.
“I miss you,” and the way he draws out the syllables makes the lump in Hyukjae's throat only bigger.
“We could,” Hyukjae starts and pauses again, because he couldn't hop on an airplane and he knows Junsu can't, either. “...make a phone bill bigger than Heechul's monthly alcohol consumption.”
Junsu laughs; it's a nice sound, bubbling and soft, and Hyukjae decides he likes “Eunhyuk-kun”, even if it's not his real name, because he likes the sound it makes, coming from Junsu's mouth. It feels like Junsu's there, his arm around Hyukjae's shoulders, his laughter shaking them both.
“What about when SM kills me for the big phone bill?”
“Oh, don't worry, I'll quit Super Junior and replace you in TVXQ.”
“But our popularity will drop!”
“If by drop, you mean rise...”
Junsu laughs. “The Charisma of TVXQ, Eunhyuk?”
Hyukjae wants to leave the topic of Junsu dying. He's not superstitious, but - and there's always that but.
“Five hours. We should talk for five hours.”
“You think you're interesting enough?”
Hyukjae grins into the receiver. “And you think you are? But come on, there's plenty of topics, like weather --”
“It's actually pretty sunny in here,” Junsu intersects, “and yet I'm hanging out inside talking to my loser best friend.”
“...or sports. Oh, Kangin slipped on a football drunk last Saturday. It was hilarious, and the bruise on his leg is heart-shaped and all the fans find that ridiculously cute. Of course, they don't know he got it by making an ass of himself.”
“Or religion! A fan sent me a Japanese Bible. I think they think I'm an angel.”
“Are you?”
“I'm too tired to flap my wings so I can't tell.”
“See, we can do this. Four hours and forty minutes left.”
Junsu laughs again, and the sound is so encouraging Hyukjae forgets to set up the timer, and they talk and it's late, and then really late. The phone feels hot when he finally puts it down, and he feels bad, not because they made the biggest phone bill in the existence of SM, but because there was still so much he didn't have the time to tell Junsu.
*
Schedules are gruesome. He wakes up and showers and piles into the van with the rest of them, and it's only about 30 minutes later in the salon that he actually hears about the MV shoot.
“Did you know,” Jungsu - Eeteuk - says, giving Hyukjae a meaningful look, “TVXQ will be there.”
Of course he knows.
“Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse,” Hyukjae says, grinning from ear to ear.
Hankyung looks confused. “I thought you were best friends with Kim Junsu.”
“They are, they're just joking,” Eeteuk says.
“They're dysfunctional like that,” Heechul says and Hankyung nods slowly and glances at Siwon's direction for an explanation of the word 'dysfunctional'.
“We're best enemies,” Hyukjae says but isn't sure if anybody's listening.
*
After the video shoot, they have a rare night off and TVXQ has liquor which means party.
They sit at one corner, laughing their asses off at the drunken stupidity of the other members and managers, and select group of non-industry friends. Neither of them is drinking, gulping down what others are mixing with the liquor, or not mixing at all in some cases.
It's been years since they first tried alcohol. Hyukjae knows Junsu has drunk since then, and Junsu knows Hyukjae has drunk since then, too, and they weren't together when they drunk, but it's not like it was a sacred promise to begin with. Hyukjae knows neither of them particularly enjoy drinking; Junsu gives into peer pressure occasionally and Hyukjae drinks when they've been shooting something all night and then are given food and alcohol - it would feel somewhat rude to say no. He doesn't like how it makes him feel, his cheeks tingling with a blush and his brain slower, and the point where the part of his head switches off and he no longer has that little voice telling him, “No, let's not do that, that's fucking idiotic.”, that always scares him a bit.
Junsu is next to him, luckily, so it's fun and Junsu is explaining something about how playing a karaoke game in their hotel room nearly got them arrested, and Hyukjae is smiling, but the story keeps getting interrupted by their drunken bandmates.
“Eunhyuk-ah,” Donghae says, sitting down on one of the seats surrounding them, “is there a grassy hill somewhere near by? Me and Yunho want to roll down one, trying to make our bodies into a wheel.”
“There's a mountain,” Junsu says with a grin.
“Awesome, thanks!” Donghae says and wanders off.
“You think they'll do it?” Hyukjae asks.
“I hope they do it,” Junsu says.
Hyukjae frowns a little. “I don't know. This one time Kangin and Shindong had an idea that if you find a tall building and jump off, there's bound to be a trampoline before you hit ground.”
“That's ingenius,” Junsu laughs. “How drunk were they?”
“Drinking their body weight in soju, I guess,” Hyukjae says.
“What's the craziest thing you did drunk?” Junsu asks.
“I don't want to remember,” Hyukjae replies.
“Wussy. I told some Japanese people you were my girlfriend,” Junsu says.
“You didn't!”
“I did,” Junsu assures, nodding his head, “but when it came time to show your picture, I had to back down on it.”
“Tragic, how long was I your girlfriend?” Hyukjae asks.
“Like 35 minutes.”
“Wow, longest relationship you ever had?”
“Best one,” Junsu grins. “Terrible kisser, though.”
“Hey, ah, how can you even--” Hyukjae stutters, his cheeks flushing. “You're such a fucking bastard.”
Junsu snorts and stands up to get them two more cans of soda. When he returns, Hyukjae is looking at the floor.
“How come all of your band members are on the floor?” he asks Junsu.
“It's a fun game we have, 'Jump over a TVXQ member' where you have to ..well, do that, and see how long you last.”
“Looks like Kibum just failed,” Hyukjae says as they watch various people fall over to join Yoochun and Changmin on the floor.
“Actually, no, we're just really bad drinkers,” Junsu says, and then raises his voice, “especially that one Micky Yoochun.”
“Fuck you!” they hear shouted from the floor.
Junsu laughs and Hyukjae clinks his can against Junsu's. “To drunken idiots,” he says.
“To non-drunken idiots,” Junsu toasts and it takes a while for Hyukjae to realize Junsu means him.
“I despise you,” he tells Junsu, lightly and Junsu does nothing but sit closer, their hips and shoulders and thighs touching.
There's a quiet moment, and another, and then Junsu leans closer, and lowers his voice. “That's too bad,” he says. “Saranghae.”
Hyukjae feels awkward and knows Junsu feels awkward, too, and that they'd both be a lot more awkward if Hyukjae was to respond to that, so he doesn't. Instead he just sits there, and they follow the drunken people they call their friends and it's fun, and it's not going to last a forever but just then, maybe it doesn't have to.
*
Months can go by without Hyukjae seeing Junsu except as a character in an instant message window. He gets home when Junsu wakes up, and he tells Junsu he should go get some more sleep, and Junsu tells him so should Hyukjae, and then they both stay up and write messages to each other, and watch stupid video clips online, and talk about some new song or dance routine, or about their band members or the female celebrities they crush on, or anything, really.
They don't talk about when they'll see each other again.
*
There's a concert and the first time Hyukjae sees Junsu backstage, Junsu is busy talking to some people, laughing and chattering and for a moment Hyukjae thinks about not going over, for a moment his heart sinks to the floor. Just then, Junsu looks up and sees him and waves him over.
People leave them alone, and for once Hyukjae doesn't mind not being included, and they talk backstage and at the end of the show, on-stage, and they walk off stage with each other, and even when it feels like they have nothing more to discuss, they still talk.
They avoid the topic until Junsu has to get into his band's vehicle.
“We have the night off tonight,” Junsu says.
“Sukira,” Hyukjae says apologetically.
“We're not allowed to guest unless manager-hyung is okay, and he says we should --”
“It's okay,” Hyukjae says. “I understand. Tomorrow..”
“Schedules and flight,” Junsu says, and frowns and then pulls Hyukjae into a tight hug. “Fuck.”
“It's nothing less than we signed up for,” Hyukjae mumbles against Junsu's shoulder and tries not to cry.
They both know but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
*
Somewhere along the line Hyukjae learns that they're not HyukjaeJunsu any more. They are, they've become, Hyukjae and Junsu. The small word separating and connecting them at the same time. They can't no longer spend every waking hour together, they can't call each other the last thing before they go to bed or the first thing when they wake up.
They're not tied together, and there's a scary realization hidden there that Hyukjae has to finally know where he ends and Junsu begins, and he's been doing that, and he knows Junsu's been doing that and it's weird.
“We're brothers,” Jungsu (with the smile of Eeteuk) says about the members and the identical smile on Yunho's lips, “In TVXQ we're brothers.”
But in the end, Hyukjae is closer than a brother to Junsu, he's closer to Junsu than he is to anybody.
They're not close physically any more, sitting together at the back of the class, walking home together, practising dance routines together. There's an ocean between them, or at least thousands of miles, and it forces Hyukjae to adapt.
Hyukjae-hago Junsu - Hyukjae and Junsu.
Hyukjae knows they're separate now but he also knows it doesn't mean they're not together.
*
He still feels happiest when he's with Junsu, and he cherishes the moments they get to spend together.
Little by little, he learns not to be his most miserable when they have to say goodbye.
Instead he thinks about the next time they'll meet.
*
Junsu calls Sukira.
“Why do you let these sort of people through?” Hyukjae pretends to shout at the PD.
“Shut up, I'm calling to talk to the real DJ of Kiss the Radio,” Junsu says. “Jungsu-hyung, how have you been?”
Jungsu laughs and begins to explain Hyukjae's and Junsu's unique relationship to the listeners while Hyukjae grins.
“No, seriously, can you put somebody actually talented on? Is Changmin-sshi there?”
“Everybody else is sleeping,” Junsu replies. “Jungsu-hyung, congratulations of Super Junior's 3rd album.”
“Thank you, Junsu-sshi,” Jungsu answers and glances at Hyukjae. “You're in Seoul tonight?”
“Yes,” Junsu says.
“Why not join me and Eunhyuk-sshi for dinner after the radio?”
“No!” Hyukjae exclaims.
“No,” Junsu says at the same time. “Maybe, maybe without Hyukjae.”
“I see,” Jungsu says and asks questions about what TVXQ is doing on that moment, and finally they wrap up.
“Junsu-ah, stop calling me, don't make me change my number again,” Hyukjae says.
“In two hours, then?”
“Two and a half,” Hyukjae replies with a grin.
They meet up for dinner after the radio and eventually Jungsu leaves to get some sleep.
Hyukjae's tired, but he's also laughing and sleep doesn't seem that important just then.
Junsu agrees.
fin?
A/N: I thought about the ending a lot. There is no ending to the story but I couldn't leave them all heartbroken over not being able to hang out 24/7. So I thought about my own bff and how we've pretty much always lived apart and how I feel about that, how I love meeting her when I do get a chance. It doesn't rock but it suits us. We've gotten used to it.
I imagine it'd be more difficult for Hyuksu but they can't wallow in sadness over it so basically, it gets better. They get used to it. They're still close friends, best friends. But it's different.