"only god is perfect because he controls everything.
and i guess grass is perfect if it's mowed once a week."
~ iain nolan, age 7, musing on perfection at bedtime

yes i know this is you
and you know this is me
and here i am, searching...
and thinking, and wishing, and wondering...
and trying not to look down
and trying not to look back

and today might be the last day
that it all remains together
and today might be the last day
that it all remains the same
and tomorrow might be once again
a time to start anew
without ( Read more... )

 celebrating a wonderful 7th birthday with my son, who shares his birthday with Charles Bukowski. It can't get better than that.  Having an Indiana Jones party complete with archaeologist and python, should absolutely rock.  Cousin still custom painting his Ibanez so he probably won't get that until Christmas, but that's fine.  He's into Wii and ( Read more... )

long time in the growing season. dead seasons, empty seasons. trees branch, attempt to drop root, stretch, reach, fall silent, wait. always the next harvest, always the next season to change, more water, less wind ( Read more... )

home sick from work today. got sick from the weekend, first of all. drank beer, wheat, forgot it was wheat. sick energy in that godforsaken hellhole of a place made things worse, along with running smack headlong into a thoughtless fuck i thought i had put well behind me. if bumping into him wasn't reassurance that i need change and new ( Read more... )

or, the difference between a balanced, confident man and uncle dave with regard to conflict resolution ( Read more... )

yesterday was an incredible day. well, actually, lunchtime was neat and the rest of the day was boring and monotonous but the night, oh the night. it was stunning. first of all it was my birthday, which always makes me very very happy. after work taj and i met up at juanita's for happy hour dinner (i can't get enough of those chicken tacos). ( Read more... )

i am really looking forward to tomorrow's rehearsal. it finally dawned on me that the problem is that iain's entire immediate family is all in the same band, and that's why we couldn't make things work out and he had to always be in daycare. perhaps if we just work on dark orchid once a month, we don't have to disappear altogether, can write new ( Read more... )

elizabeth kubler-ross wrote a pretty interesting book on death and dying, claiming that there were stages to grief, to grieving, to loss. seems rather true here for me, as i have gone through some very specific things since stepping down from the band. i have felt angry, so angry at myself for being so weak that i couldn't do everything. angry ( Read more... )

went to the gestalt records meeting tonight. it was good to see everyone. some of the people there i am sure i won't be seeing after cdaf for a very long time, and some i might not be seeing at all again. it will be my loss, i am sure. it was hard for me to leave, i felt like there was a door closing behind me that wouldn't open again. i am a ( Read more... )