Fetuses can't vote. You can.
Fucking hell.
I don’t understand pro-lifers. AT ALL. I’m so pro-choice it borders on anti-life.
I hate pro-lifers for the same reason I hate homophobes: they live in denial. They say their opinions are based on morality, when a true moralist would value human freedom above all else. In reality, they just think gays and abortions are icky. That’s all. Icky. Many of the same people will flinch when they hear the word “fuck.” These arrogant, pesky mosquitoes, who senselessly murder their own mosquito brethren with their hands each summer, then have the gall to tell us we can't kill OUR young. They never stop sucking precious blood from the semen-filled chest cavity of middle America, do they? Constantly trying to inflict their own personal taste upon the rest of the world, unwilling to admit that it’s not working. At the risk of sounding soft and wimpy, I can’t wait to see those fuckers all killed by stray bullets in a church fire.
Let’s cut the “grossness” yammering and talk about this clinically. For health reasons, a doctor won’t even abort a baby during the third trimester. This seems to me like a fine place to draw the line, because coincidentally, this is more-or-less precisely when the baby starts moving of its own power. Before that, it’s a parasitic wet mound of life. You’ll find more evolved shit in your garbage disposal. In fact, I don’t think abortion goes far enough. I think parents should be allowed to murder, as violently or non-violently as they wish, any of their children under the age of five.
Where you going? Come back here, Goddamn it, and hear me out: parents treat their children like commodities and investments anyway, so why not get the five-year warranty, just to be safe? If your child isn’t working out for you, just return it to the ether for store credit, no questions asked.
But I’m not a monster, and fuck you in an open wound for saying I am - I do have two important ground rules. First, this rule only applies if EVERY LIVING PARENT consents to it - no poisoning little Junior behind the wife’s back, Mac, he’s her property too. And second, this rule only works if it’s YOUR CHILD that YOU GAVE BIRTH to - you’re not allowed to adopt a few dozen crack babies just so you can murder them, eat them, and make your cock harder in the process. That’s why we invented the imagination.
Now, the big flaw with this rule is it will likely result in a lot of dead, talented four-year-olds. That’s the way rules work, I’m afraid - authorities don’t like to keep things like emotional maturity in mind, it causes too much confusion. That’s why they won’t let you drink when you’re ready, you have to wait until you’ve survived 21 meaningless trips around the sun. The rule SHOULD read, you’re not allowed to kill a child of yours once they’ve made an independent thought. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, but as soon as they make a single unique comment, or draw an original picture, or write an original poem, or hum an original tune they made up, killing the little bastard is officially murder, and off to prison you go. Trouble is, lots of people NEVER reach that “independent thought” point. They go their whole lives never thinking for themselves. You see a lot of these fuckers at Disneyland, and I should know because I have an ANNUAL PASS, motherfucker. Shit-for-brains tourists keep tripping me up with their strollers, staring at the fireworks like sheep, complaining about the long lines instead of getting a damn Fastpass, explaining every Goddamn joke on “Pirates Of The Caribbean” in a thick Southern drawl to their ironically-named grandson Mason as they SIT RIGHT THE FUCK BEHIND ME. What happens if a motherfucker never thinks independently, and their parents die? Is suicide legal then? Would it matter if it was?
But I digress. Now some bullshit law threatens to let bullshit doctors DECIDE whether or not they want to do their fucking job (for which they would still be paid handsomely) and pull a stupid dead unmoving fetus out of a woman that never could have given it love. Talk about hypocrisy. What do you think would happen if an open-heart surgeon walked out in the middle of a triple bypass, explaining I’ve changed my mind, Jeebus doesn’t want us interfering with these matters, and besides I’m afraid of blood. That uncle-fucker would get stripped of his credentials and kicked into the street, where he’d die poor and lonely and then get punched in the crotch by a Jewish grandmother in the afterlife.
You don’t see these same “doctor” pricks turning down vasectomy jobs, do you? Fuck no, and I’ll tell you why: NOBODY doesn’t wanna open up some guy’s nuts. Women wanna do it (understandably) for the sake of vengeance, and guys wanna do it ‘cause they’re fucking CURIOUS. I don’t care who you are or where you’re from, no guy over the age of two hasn’t looked at his own nutsack and wondered what the fuck was going on in there. Where do you think these vaectomy doctors come from? The sky?
Let’s get down to brass tax. Every woman, even a few of the uglier ones on the pro-life side (Goddammit we miss you, George) has been hit on in public by horny males. And every woman has rejected these advances more than a few times. Know what happens then? Allow me to enlighten you: the horny male goes home and alleviates his horniness, and more than a few hundred billion potential human beings, without the aid of vaginal reception. These civilizations-not-to-be are then banished to the sewer with a single flush, never to be heard from again. This happens millions of times, EVERY FUCKING NIGHT.
So, is the woman “evil” and “wicked” for dooming mankind to ungodly extinction by turning down these jackasses’ advances?
Or is she exercising her FREE GODDAMN CHOICE?
http://www.prochoiceamerica.org.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org.
I don’t understand pro-lifers. AT ALL. I’m so pro-choice it borders on anti-life.
I hate pro-lifers for the same reason I hate homophobes: they live in denial. They say their opinions are based on morality, when a true moralist would value human freedom above all else. In reality, they just think gays and abortions are icky. That’s all. Icky. Many of the same people will flinch when they hear the word “fuck.” These arrogant, pesky mosquitoes, who senselessly murder their own mosquito brethren with their hands each summer, then have the gall to tell us we can't kill OUR young. They never stop sucking precious blood from the semen-filled chest cavity of middle America, do they? Constantly trying to inflict their own personal taste upon the rest of the world, unwilling to admit that it’s not working. At the risk of sounding soft and wimpy, I can’t wait to see those fuckers all killed by stray bullets in a church fire.
Let’s cut the “grossness” yammering and talk about this clinically. For health reasons, a doctor won’t even abort a baby during the third trimester. This seems to me like a fine place to draw the line, because coincidentally, this is more-or-less precisely when the baby starts moving of its own power. Before that, it’s a parasitic wet mound of life. You’ll find more evolved shit in your garbage disposal. In fact, I don’t think abortion goes far enough. I think parents should be allowed to murder, as violently or non-violently as they wish, any of their children under the age of five.
Where you going? Come back here, Goddamn it, and hear me out: parents treat their children like commodities and investments anyway, so why not get the five-year warranty, just to be safe? If your child isn’t working out for you, just return it to the ether for store credit, no questions asked.
But I’m not a monster, and fuck you in an open wound for saying I am - I do have two important ground rules. First, this rule only applies if EVERY LIVING PARENT consents to it - no poisoning little Junior behind the wife’s back, Mac, he’s her property too. And second, this rule only works if it’s YOUR CHILD that YOU GAVE BIRTH to - you’re not allowed to adopt a few dozen crack babies just so you can murder them, eat them, and make your cock harder in the process. That’s why we invented the imagination.
Now, the big flaw with this rule is it will likely result in a lot of dead, talented four-year-olds. That’s the way rules work, I’m afraid - authorities don’t like to keep things like emotional maturity in mind, it causes too much confusion. That’s why they won’t let you drink when you’re ready, you have to wait until you’ve survived 21 meaningless trips around the sun. The rule SHOULD read, you’re not allowed to kill a child of yours once they’ve made an independent thought. Doesn’t matter what it’s about, but as soon as they make a single unique comment, or draw an original picture, or write an original poem, or hum an original tune they made up, killing the little bastard is officially murder, and off to prison you go. Trouble is, lots of people NEVER reach that “independent thought” point. They go their whole lives never thinking for themselves. You see a lot of these fuckers at Disneyland, and I should know because I have an ANNUAL PASS, motherfucker. Shit-for-brains tourists keep tripping me up with their strollers, staring at the fireworks like sheep, complaining about the long lines instead of getting a damn Fastpass, explaining every Goddamn joke on “Pirates Of The Caribbean” in a thick Southern drawl to their ironically-named grandson Mason as they SIT RIGHT THE FUCK BEHIND ME. What happens if a motherfucker never thinks independently, and their parents die? Is suicide legal then? Would it matter if it was?
But I digress. Now some bullshit law threatens to let bullshit doctors DECIDE whether or not they want to do their fucking job (for which they would still be paid handsomely) and pull a stupid dead unmoving fetus out of a woman that never could have given it love. Talk about hypocrisy. What do you think would happen if an open-heart surgeon walked out in the middle of a triple bypass, explaining I’ve changed my mind, Jeebus doesn’t want us interfering with these matters, and besides I’m afraid of blood. That uncle-fucker would get stripped of his credentials and kicked into the street, where he’d die poor and lonely and then get punched in the crotch by a Jewish grandmother in the afterlife.
You don’t see these same “doctor” pricks turning down vasectomy jobs, do you? Fuck no, and I’ll tell you why: NOBODY doesn’t wanna open up some guy’s nuts. Women wanna do it (understandably) for the sake of vengeance, and guys wanna do it ‘cause they’re fucking CURIOUS. I don’t care who you are or where you’re from, no guy over the age of two hasn’t looked at his own nutsack and wondered what the fuck was going on in there. Where do you think these vaectomy doctors come from? The sky?
Let’s get down to brass tax. Every woman, even a few of the uglier ones on the pro-life side (Goddammit we miss you, George) has been hit on in public by horny males. And every woman has rejected these advances more than a few times. Know what happens then? Allow me to enlighten you: the horny male goes home and alleviates his horniness, and more than a few hundred billion potential human beings, without the aid of vaginal reception. These civilizations-not-to-be are then banished to the sewer with a single flush, never to be heard from again. This happens millions of times, EVERY FUCKING NIGHT.
So, is the woman “evil” and “wicked” for dooming mankind to ungodly extinction by turning down these jackasses’ advances?
Or is she exercising her FREE GODDAMN CHOICE?
http://www.prochoiceamerica.org.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org.