Because I am the boss of Cool
Dear The World, but especially the little Asian kid standing in front of me at Burger King, wearing the hoodie and jeans four sizes too short:
I have some information you're apparently just not ready for: sagging is dead. And has been. For like a really long time.
Yes, I KNOW that clothing manufacturers are making jeans specifically too short so that you are forced to wear them with the zipper just around your mid-thigh, but think about it. When JC Penney starts making it that way for you, it's not cool anymore. You're the 2009 equivalent of the kids who all went out and bought jeans with the holes already scraped into them.
Now, I confess, I have a bias. I never liked sagging, not even when I was a youth. I always thought it looked stupid. And frankly, it's the complete opposite of sexy. Sexy is when I can see the shape of your butt -- or at least I can tell that you have one. Not sexy is when it looks like you crawled out of bed and couldn't be arsed to pull your pants all the way up.
But let's get to the thrust of my argument. Some may accuse me of just being an old codger, of not understand these damn kids today with their music and... ways... that they have... but that's exactly my point. You're kids THESE days. Sagging got popular when I was in HIGH SCHOOL. I'm 31! It has been in fashion since about 1992! That's seventeen years. Give it a few more years and we'll have kids dressing the way their PARENTS thought was cool. What the hell? That would have been like me dressing in a leisure suit when I was a kid. That would be like kids in the 90s wearing a single black glove, or legwarmers.
Fashion trends last 5, 6 years tops. When you're dressing like your creepy uncle Frank who keeps trying to show up at your parties to hit on the jailbait, you're doing it wrong.
And here's the really scary thing: In 10 years... it's going to be RETRO. People are going to start dressing like you IRONICALLY. Is that what you want?
So please... do not dress in the cool from back when I was in high school. 17 years ago is not trendy anymore. Make up your own fashion -- something really stupid that will make old people hate you. You really don't want 30-year-olds coming around telling you how phat and tight you look. REALLY.
I have some information you're apparently just not ready for: sagging is dead. And has been. For like a really long time.
Yes, I KNOW that clothing manufacturers are making jeans specifically too short so that you are forced to wear them with the zipper just around your mid-thigh, but think about it. When JC Penney starts making it that way for you, it's not cool anymore. You're the 2009 equivalent of the kids who all went out and bought jeans with the holes already scraped into them.
Now, I confess, I have a bias. I never liked sagging, not even when I was a youth. I always thought it looked stupid. And frankly, it's the complete opposite of sexy. Sexy is when I can see the shape of your butt -- or at least I can tell that you have one. Not sexy is when it looks like you crawled out of bed and couldn't be arsed to pull your pants all the way up.
But let's get to the thrust of my argument. Some may accuse me of just being an old codger, of not understand these damn kids today with their music and... ways... that they have... but that's exactly my point. You're kids THESE days. Sagging got popular when I was in HIGH SCHOOL. I'm 31! It has been in fashion since about 1992! That's seventeen years. Give it a few more years and we'll have kids dressing the way their PARENTS thought was cool. What the hell? That would have been like me dressing in a leisure suit when I was a kid. That would be like kids in the 90s wearing a single black glove, or legwarmers.
Fashion trends last 5, 6 years tops. When you're dressing like your creepy uncle Frank who keeps trying to show up at your parties to hit on the jailbait, you're doing it wrong.
And here's the really scary thing: In 10 years... it's going to be RETRO. People are going to start dressing like you IRONICALLY. Is that what you want?
So please... do not dress in the cool from back when I was in high school. 17 years ago is not trendy anymore. Make up your own fashion -- something really stupid that will make old people hate you. You really don't want 30-year-olds coming around telling you how phat and tight you look. REALLY.