Fic Post! - 'Subspace' ~ Chapter 20
Well damn. This will be my last full week of posting. By Friday, chapter 22 will be up and then all that'll be left is the epilogue to post next Monday. Feels like this story flew by. Probably because it's about half the length one of my chapter stories usually are, lol.
Okay, enough with the melancholy, and on to the chapter. Hope you enjoy. :)
Title: Subspace
Pairings: S/A (main), S/? (several)
Rating: very NC17
Warning: Teenage (but legal) Spike in a BDSM relationship with an older man.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not for profit...just borrowing them to get the plot bunny that invaded my brain to shut up already.
Beta'd: by thatotherperv
smut_69 prompt: #28 - Dominant; Big Kinky Table
Summary: Human AU. Days after Spike turns eighteen, he gets sucked into a whole new world by a mysterious man, but is it one he's ready for?
Previous chapters in memories and at my site.
Banner by angelstoy
Chapter 20
Spike spent the next several days depressed and alone in his room. His dad tried to coax him out several times, but Spike just curled up into a tighter ball, turned up the volume on his iPod and shut out the world as he lay staring out his window, not even caring to shut the shades, even knowing Angel could be watching him.
Spike snorted. Fat chance of that. The pillock hadn't even called. Apparently, he'd changed his mind about wanting things to end early. That was fine, though. Spike didn't need him. It would have been over in a couple of weeks anyway.
Somehow, that knowledge wasn't comforting in the least.
Then there was Lindsey. He hadn't heard from him either, or even Xander. Spike assumed that meant Lindsey had told him and Xander had sided with Lindsey, disgusted with Spike too. Spike wished he could cry over so much loss all at once, but he'd cried himself out on day two. Now it was Sunday and he had nothing left. He was quite frankly…drained.
A knock on his door made Spike tense. Flatly, he said, "Go away."
"There's someone here to see you," his father called to him through the door.
Spike's heart skipped a beat, speeding up just for a second at the thought it might be Angel. But then reality set in again and he knew it wasn't him since Angel wanted nothing more to do with him. Angel's silence spoke volumes. Spike just wished his silence did. Instead, it just made his dad knock harder.
Sighing in resignation, Spike turned off his iPod and pulled off his earbuds as he called out, "Come in."
He didn't even look at the door when he heard it open and close again, not really caring at that point who it was. Still, he tensed at the first words out of his visitor's mouth.
"Listen. I'm sorry," Lindsey said.
Spike hesitated, then rolled onto his back and stared at Lindsey standing near the door. "Sure. No worries. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out."
Lindsey looked at him miserably and Spike felt a twinge of guilt at being so abrupt with him. For a long minute, neither of them spoke, but neither looked away, either.
Finally Lindsey blurted, "My dad's miserable, too."
Spike felt a pain in his chest but quelled it. "Angel's none of my business anymore."
"He even cancelled a video shoot, which he just doesn't do," Lindsey said, ignoring what Spike said. "He's yelling and threatening to fire the help, he's avoiding me…. I've lost track of how many glasses he's broken, and he's broken a mirror and a couple of vases, too….and that's just what I know about. On top of all that, he's turned every room in the penthouse upside down one at a time claiming he's just doing some spring cleaning…in August. He's not eating right either…at least, not that I can tell. From what your dad's told me, neither are you."
Spike blinked back moisture and said bitingly, "Yeah, well, a person tends to lose their appetite when their boyfriend and their best friends all fuck off at once."
Lindsey looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock. Spike felt a cruel thrill of satisfaction, even as guilt coiled inside him. It was obvious Lindsey was there to try to fix things. Unfortunately, Spike wasn't so sure they could be fixed, but he was sure he wasn't up to putting in the effort.
"I'm sorry I caused all this. I just…needed some time, like I said. I had no idea it was going to blow the two of you out of the water this way," Lindsey said, looking remorseful.
Another biting remark on the tip of his tongue, Spike took a moment to calm down instead and said, "What did you think would happen, Lindsey? He's your father and you were my best friend. Of course how you felt mattered to us."
Lindsey stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the wall next to the door, saying somewhat bitterly, "The two of you didn't take my feelings into consideration before that, so I just…didn't think it would matter what I thought."
Spike looked at him incredulously, finally feeling a fire build in his gut. Sitting up, he stared Lindsey down angrily and said, "Of course your feelings bloody mattered, tosser. That's why Angel and I snuck around for so long. Think I liked lying to you and Xander? I didn't. Can't count how many times I've wanted to tell you, especially when things started getting intense and I could have used some advice, but I didn't want to hurt you so I kept my mouth shut."
Lindsey looked away, jaw tightening. Eventually, he looked back. "Look. I'm not going to say I get this whole thing, or am comfortable with it in any way, but it's obvious the both of you are miserable without each other, so if it really matters, you have my blessing to keep seeing each other."
"Gee, thanks," Spike said sarcastically, flopping back down on the bed and turning away from Lindsey, stomach in his throat. "Too late, though. Angel hasn't called or texted since that day, even though I've left messages. Even apologized for running and hiding in the bathroom when things got intense after you left and tried to explain that I just got scared for a minute and didn't mean it when I said it was too much."
Spike cursed the fact that his voice broke, hoping Lindsey wouldn't make an issue of it. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and prayed Lindsey would just go away before he humiliated himself further and cried tears he hadn't thought he still had.
Unfortunately, God wasn't being charitable to him just then because instead Lindsey walked around the side of the bed and knelt down on the floor next to Spike's face, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. Spike bit his bottom lip and looked away.
"Hey, Spike. Come on. It's not like that. Didn't you hear what I said? Dad's miserable too and he's ignoring work. He's not leaving the penthouse at all or talking to anyone who calls. I don't even think he's eating."
Spike met Lindsey gaze, heart breaking at what he was telling him about Angel, but at the same time, Spike knew Lindsey was trying to tell him something else; it just wasn't getting through the misery choking him. "What does that have to do with anything? Doesn't change the fact that he's shut me out."
Expression frustrated, Lindsey asked, "Don't you get it? You told him it was too much, right? That's what you said just now?"
Spike nodded.
"He's trying to give you space, dumbass. He's trying to give you what he thinks you need by backing off and it's ripping him apart."
Spike felt a tendril of hope start to curl around inside him. Still…. "Might believe that, except for the fact that I apologized in more than one message on his voice mail and practically begged him to call me. Scratch that, I did beg like a pathetic ponce."
Lindsey pressed his lips together, then smoothed out his features and said, "Spike, he hasn’t been interacting with the outside world. He's gotten more than a few calls on the land line that he's refused to take. I seriously doubt he's even turned on his cell, let alone checked his voicemail."
Spike stopped breathing for a second, gut clenching. "So he thinks I broke things off?"
Lindsey nodded. "If I had to guess, I'd say yes."
Spike stared hard at Lindsey. "Why are you doing this? You admitted it bothers you, me and him being together."
Lindsey's jaw clenched, then unclenched. "It bothers me more that two people I care about are so miserable because of me. What finally gave me the kick in the ass to try to fix this is your dad calling me today. He sounded like he was at the end of his rope. He's worried about you and asked if I had any idea why you've suddenly stopped eating and won't leave your room."
Spike winced, sorry that he'd worried his dad. He was silent for a moment, then took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair, wincing again, but for an entirely different reason. He not only had stopped eating, he hadn't taken a shower in days.
"Fucking hell," he finally said. Part of him wanted to run to the penthouse and Angel immediately, but he didn't want to show up a mess, either. The other part of what Lindsey had said registered. "What'd you tell my dad?"
Lindsey got up off his knees and turned to sit on the bed next to Spike. "Not much, really, just that I thought I might have an idea, but that it really wasn't my place to say. Then I told him I'd come over and try to talk to you."
"What about Xander?" Spike asked, sure he already knew, since Xander hadn't bothered to call either, but needing to be sure just the same.
"What about him?"
Spike's jaw clenched. "Haven't heard from him since all this went down, either. Assumed you'd told him and he was just as disgusted with me as you are."
Lindsey tensed. "First, I'm not disgusted with you. I just…feel betrayed. You guys snuck around behind my back for months and it doesn't make it any easier to take just because you were doing it to try to keep me from getting hurt."
Spike nodded, accepting that and knowing he'd feel the same.
"Second," Lindsey continued, "I didn't tell Xander anything. Someone at work quit so he's been pulling double shifts the last couple of days. Before that he wanted to call, but I told him you were busy with Angel because I was pissed off and didn't want to see you. That was petty. I'm sorry."
Spike nodded again, accepting that, too. Blinking, he looked down at himself and muttered, "Bloody hell. Look a mess. Should take a shower."
Lindsey reached out and touched a hand to Spike's neck. Spike stilled, not sure what Lindsey was doing.
Quietly, Lindsey said, "How'd you explain this to your dad?"
Suddenly remembering the faint bruise circling his neck, Spike shrugged. "Haven't, really. Don't think he's noticed. Been staying in here, like he told you, and I guess with how I was lying down all the times he came in, it just wasn't noticeable."
Out of nowhere, Lindsey reached out and maneuvered Spike around until his back was facing him, pushing his shirt up to his shoulders. "Hold it there."
Spike tensed, but reached up and grabbed his shirt anyway, holding it bunched up at the top of his shoulders like Lindsey wanted, not sure why he was letting Lindsey order him around like this. Maybe it was just because he'd thought he'd lost his friendship and was relieved to find out he hadn't, after all.
Jokingly, Spike said, "Right then. Exactly when did it become alright for you to manhandle me?"
"About the time I found out you've been letting my dad do things like this to you," Lindsey answered, running his fingers over Spike's bruised upper back. Spike hadn't seen the bruises recently, so he wasn't sure what color they were now, but he knew they probably looked just as bad as they did when Lindsey had seen them the first time.
Looking over his shoulder, Spike tried for casual as he said, "I draw the line at dropping my jeans so you can examine my arse, just so you know."
Ignoring the joke, Lindsey commented, "Huh. He avoided your spine and anything below rib level."
Lindsey met Spike's eyes then and Spike stole himself against the worry he saw there, knowing there was just no way he was going to be able to adequately explain how soddin' good pain felt to him…at least the way Angel delivered it.
Spike dropped his shirt and turned to face Lindsey. "Told you, he's careful. He'd never put me in danger."
Lindsey was silent for a moment, then said, "I figured out you had sex with him in that bathroom at the paintball course…when you collapsed and had to be hospitalized after. That wasn't dangerous?"
Spike winced. "That was my fault. Didn't tell him I was sick or that I'd taken too many meds. We just…got carried away and it was too much for my body to handle. Trust me when I say he gave me one hell of a lecture about it when I finally came around enough to understand what was going on in hospital. Think he was more scared over my near death experience than I was, frankly."
Lindsey studied him. "It's just you and me now. My dad's not waiting on the other side of the door, possibly listening in. Tell me again, honestly, that getting flogged hard enough to leave bruises like that turned you on and that my dad was careful not to go further than you wanted and I'll back off."
Spike held Lindsey's gaze, willing him to see how truthful he was being, sensing nothing less that full disclosure would accomplish that. "I didn't just say that because Angel was on the other side of the door. I said it because it was the truth. It did turn me on. So much so, in fact, that I came twice just from the flogging, then a third time…after. And no, he didn't go further than I wanted. In fact, he stopped several times to check if I'd had enough even though I hadn't safeworded, and had to be reassured I wanted more."
Looking slightly uncomfortable at all the details Spike had given him, Lindsey finally nodded. "Alright. I'll drop it. But I reserve the right to bring it back up if I see anything else that doesn't look right."
Spike arched an eyebrow and teased, "What does that mean? Going to strip search me every time I show up at your door or you pop by here?"
Lindsey rolled his eyes, but thankfully he was ready for the mood to lighten too and smiled. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure my dad would have a problem with that."
Spike snorted. "Don’t know the half of it, mate. He's got…issues when it comes to you and I. Not that I blame him."
Lindsey's expression turned serious again. "I'm surprised he didn't order you to stop seeing me or something."
Spike shrugged, climbing off the bed and rooting through his drawers and closet for a change of clothes -- something with a collar to hide his bruised throat from his dad -- so he could get in the shower. "Doesn't control me that way. Just sexually. Did ask me not to get high with you while he was out of town once, but that was just a request from my boyfriend, not an order from my Dom. There's a difference."
Lindsey shook his head. "It just sounds confusing to me."
Spike chuckled. "Can be. Look, I uh, really want to take a shower so I can get over there and straighten this soddin' mess out. Would like it if you stuck around, though. If you want."
Lindsey nodded. "Okay."
Forty-five minutes later, Spike was showered, changed, and stepping off the lift at Angel's and Lindsey's penthouse, Lindsey in tow. Spike took a deep breath to calm his nerves and rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans.
"Right. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Should probably just…bugger off home."
He started to turn away but Lindsey grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Are you kidding me? Your dad looked like his face was going to split in two he was so happy to see you getting out of there. You can't go back already."
Spike bit his lip, then said, "Yeah, but what if he has heard all the messages and just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?"
Lindsey rolled his eyes. "If that was the case, he wouldn’t be scaring the help and destroying our penthouse one room at a time. Look. If it'll make it easier on you, you can wait in the foyer and I'll go find him and let him know you're here. If he doesn't want to see you -- which I very much doubt -- I'll come out and tell you. You won't even have to face him."
Spike hesitated. He didn't want to put Lindsey in that kind of position, but he was too twisted up and emotionally wrecked by the last four days to refuse Lindsey's offer. He nodded and waited while Lindsey unlocked the door, then stepped inside ahead of him…and came face to face with a very shocked, very disheveled Angel, who appeared to have been headed toward the kitchen, pieces of broken glass in his hand. Spike's breath caught in his throat and he stopped short, barely noticing when Lindsey ran into the back of him.
Lindsey swore and stepped around him, looking back and forth between Spike and Angel. Spike only saw it out of the corner of his eyes, though, caught in Angel's gaze the way he was.
Suddenly, Angel's face shuttered off and he nodded at him, then Lindsey, saying, "Guys," before continuing for the kitchen.
Spike's voice caught in his throat as he tried to call out to his retreating back, but when Lindsey nudged him, Spike pulled himself out of it and followed Angel into the kitchen, waiting while he dumped the pieces of glass in the bin.
When Angel turned around and stopped short at finding him only feet away, Spike gathered his courage and asked, "Did you get my messages on your voicemail?"
Angel hesitated, then shook his head. "I haven't even turned on my phone since…. I haven't turned it on."
"Check them," Spike told him.
Angel studied him for a moment, then said, "Wait here," and walked out of the room.
Spike watched the doorway, practically holding his breath while he waited for Angel to return, but instead it was Lindsey who stepped into the room a moment later.
"Hey. What happened? I saw him walk out, but when you didn't follow…."
Spike swallowed. "He hadn't listened to his messages. I told him to and he said to wait here."
"Oh," Lindsey said.
Before Lindsey had a chance to say anything else, Angel walked back in, looking miserable. "Spike, I--" he started, then broke off.
Before Spike could blink, Angel crossed to him and Spike found himself surrounded by him, Angel's mouth covering his, his arms around him, holding him to him. It was the best feeling in the world, and one Spike hadn't thought he'd feel again. He opened his mouth to Angel's questing tongue and moaned quietly as Angel reclaimed him with the kiss.
From off to Spike's right, he heard someone clear their throat and remembered with a certain amount of embarrassment that Lindsey was standing right there.
Angel must have heard it too because he suddenly broke the kiss, although he didn't let go of Spike, instead holding him tighter and leaning his head against Spike's as he said to Lindsey, "Sorry. Just--"
"Uh, no," Lindsey interrupted. "Don't explain. Seriously. I'm just hoping this means the two of you will quit starving yourselves."
Angel's body stiffened and his head came up. He stared down at Spike reproachfully. "You haven't been eating?"
Spike dropped his eyes to Angel's shoulder and shrugged. "Haven't felt much like it. Thought you didn't want me anymore. Couldn't force the food down past the lump in my throat, could I?"
Angel backed up a couple of steps then, catching Spike's hands in his. Turning his head to look at Lindsey, Angel asked, "Lindsey, would you mind if Spike and I go back to my room to talk this out?"
Lindsey nodded. "Sure, no problem. Just…no more touchy feely stuff around the still adjusting son, okay? I think I'm going to have to scrub my eyeballs out now," he said with a shudder, although there was a hint of teasing in his tone.
Spike just laughed, beside himself with happiness. Angel let go of one of his hands, turned and started for his bedroom, his other still holding Spike's, leading him there.
The minute the door was closed, Spike found himself pressed against it, Angel pressed against him, their mouths meeting in a hungry kiss. At Angel's urging, Spike jumped up and wrapped his legs around him, moaning as Angel held him up, held him close, rubbed their burgeoning erections together.
When they broke the kiss, Spike dropped his head back, panting as Angel latched on to the side of his throat, biting and sucking at the juncture between neck and shoulder. "Please," he begged, needing to feel Angel inside him sooner rather than later.
Apparently Angel was on the same wavelength. One arm under Spike's arse, the other hand splayed out across the middle of Spike's back, Angel pushed away from the wall and turned toward the bed, walking them both over. Spike fell back on the mattress with a grunt when Angel suddenly released him, and then Angel's hands were at Spike's waist, working his jeans open and Spike was trying to help him, but his fingers were shaking so much he couldn't get a good grip.
He made a noise of frustration and Angel stopped what he was doing to grab Spike's wrists and pin them to the bed on either side of his head. He leaned in and kissed Spike thoroughly, then pulled back and looked down at him. "Keep them there."
A surge of arousal shot straight to Spike's cock at the order and he quickly nodded his head. "Yes, Angel."
Angel smiled. "Good boy."
He went to work on Spike's jeans again, getting them open quickly. Spike moaned and lifted his hips so Angel could slide them down, then off, his boots going with them. Then Angel was back, hands at Spike's waist, pushing his shirt up. Spike arched his back, giving Angel better access, then lifted his head and shoulders, only moving his arms long enough for Angel to get the shirt off. Spike relaxed back on the bed, arms back in position, and watched Angel's face as Angel ran his eyes over his now naked body, hungrily taking it in. It made Spike feel powerful, knowing he affected Angel like that, and at the same time, he reveled in the knowledge that whenever they were like this, he turned all power over to Angel, willingly.
Eventually Angel stood, never taking his eyes off Spike as he slowly stripped, driving Spike insane with the need to touch him, make him move faster. Instead, Spike stayed where he was and bit his lip, fists clenched as he watched Angel slowly reveal himself to him.
Finally Angel was naked too, erection jutting from between his legs, and Spike's mouth watered, so conditioned to having that cock in his mouth over the last couple of weeks that for a moment, he couldn’t decide if he wanted Angel to fuck his mouth or his arse more. Luckily it wasn't up to him anyway.
"Spread your legs and hold them to your chest," Angel said, grabbing lube and a condom out of his nightstand.
Spike hurried to comply, hooking his hands under his knees to keep his legs in position. He sucked in a sharp breath as Angel climbed back on the bed and slid a slicked finger inside, working it in and out. "You're not wearing your plug."
Not meeting Angel's eyes, Spike said, "Thought we were over when you didn't call me back. Couldn't stand it in anymore after that. Made me feel even worse."
Another finger joined the first, stretching Spike. He moaned at the invasion.
"When's the last time you ate?"
Spike huffed in frustration. "We need to discuss this now? Can't it wait until later?"
Angel's fingers immediately withdrew, and he smacked Spike's bruised arse, hard. The sting and surprise of it made Spike gasp, barely holding back a cry of shock that would have most likely brought Lindsey running.
As if nothing had happened, Angel slid two fingers inside him again and began pumping in and out. "Let's try that again. When's the last time you ate?"
Spike glared at him for several seconds, before relenting and saying quietly, "Don't know. Might have forced a few bites down last night to get my dad off my back."
Regret flashed through Angel's eyes and the fingers inside him stilled. "I'm sorry, Spike. I was an ass. I didn't even think to check the messages. I just kept seeing your face as you ran for the bathroom saying it was too much, and I thought that was it. I thought that was your way of breaking up with me."
Spike let go of one leg and lifted his hand to Angel's cheek. "We were both prats, luv. 'S over now, yeah?"
Angel stared down at him, then resumed finger fucking him, adding a third finger. "Maybe, but I held most of the responsibility this time. You're my sub. It's my job to make sure you're taken care of. I didn't do that. I let you feel abandoned. It was stupid and I'm sorry."
Spike's heart swelled at Angel's words and he realized that yeah, a large part of the deep depression he'd fallen into over the past few days was because he'd felt abandoned. At the same time, the fact that Angel was still finger fucking him while talking to him about all this left Spike less than able to articulate how he felt.
Moaning as Angel's fingers brushed over his prostate, Spike licked his lips and said, "Right. Know you're in charge and all, but seriously? Can we talk about this after? Can't even think straight with your fingers shoved up my backside."
Angel chuckled and leaned down, surprising Spike with an affectionate kiss on the nose. "Or maybe I should just stop touching you so we can talk now," he teased.
Spike mock glared at him. "Do that and you'll have one pissed off sub on your hands." Spike wiggled his arse and added with a sly grin, "'Sides, thought I heard you say something just now about it being your job to take care of me, and right now, I've got a hard-on and a prepared arse that need taking care of."
Heat flared in Angel's eyes and he pulled his fingers free, grabbing for the condom he'd left on his nightstand. Quickly, he rolled it on, then settled between Spike's legs, hooking them over his shoulders as he positioned himself and thrust in, fast and hard.
Spike grunted and arched, and then he was being folded in two as Angel leaned down and bit his neck near his jugular, before moving up to his ear and saying in a low voice, "Grab the headboard, boy."
Spike groaned and quickly reached up, grabbing blindly for it as Angel set a hard, punishing pace that had Spike writhing and biting back cries of pleasure in no time. He tried to stay quiet, aware that Lindsey was most likely still in the penthouse somewhere, but when Angel shifted positions and started punching his prostate on nearly every thrust, it felt too good -- especially after having thought he'd never be like this with Angel again -- for Spike to stop the groans and babbled pleas for more and harder and faster.
All too soon Spike felt his balls start to draw up and panted, "Please…need to come."
Above him, Angel stared down at him intently as he thrust into him over and over. "Do it."
Angel's cock drove into him harder and faster still and every muscle in Spike's body went rigid as he froze, fists clenching the rungs of the headboard so hard he heard something crack and felt one of them break loose as he shouted out his release.
Angel thrust into him several more times, then arched over him and groaned deep in his chest as his body shuddered out its own release. Seconds later, he collapsed on top of Spike, bending Spike in two again as Spike panted for air, heart still racing from his climax.
Licking his lips, Spike asked, "Can I let go?"
Angel lifted his head and Spike felt a warm thrill race through him at the sleepy, sated expression on Angel's face. "Hmm?"
Spike shot his eyes upward, indicating his hands still holding the headboard. "Can I let go now?"
"Oh, yeah," Angel said, unhooking Spike's legs from over his shoulders at the same time.
Spike groaned as overexerted muscles relaxed, his limbs falling to the mattress. Instead of rolling off him, though, Angel remained on top of him and between his legs, as he buried his face in Spike's neck. Sensing Angel needed some kind of silent reassurance after their recent estrangement, Spike reached up and wrapped his arms around him, holding him to him. For a long time they stayed like that, not talking, not moving, just…being together.
Continued here.
Okay, enough with the melancholy, and on to the chapter. Hope you enjoy. :)
Title: Subspace
Pairings: S/A (main), S/? (several)
Rating: very NC17
Warning: Teenage (but legal) Spike in a BDSM relationship with an older man.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not for profit...just borrowing them to get the plot bunny that invaded my brain to shut up already.
Beta'd: by thatotherperv
smut_69 prompt: #28 - Dominant; Big Kinky Table
Summary: Human AU. Days after Spike turns eighteen, he gets sucked into a whole new world by a mysterious man, but is it one he's ready for?
Previous chapters in memories and at my site.
Banner by angelstoy
Chapter 20
Spike spent the next several days depressed and alone in his room. His dad tried to coax him out several times, but Spike just curled up into a tighter ball, turned up the volume on his iPod and shut out the world as he lay staring out his window, not even caring to shut the shades, even knowing Angel could be watching him.
Spike snorted. Fat chance of that. The pillock hadn't even called. Apparently, he'd changed his mind about wanting things to end early. That was fine, though. Spike didn't need him. It would have been over in a couple of weeks anyway.
Somehow, that knowledge wasn't comforting in the least.
Then there was Lindsey. He hadn't heard from him either, or even Xander. Spike assumed that meant Lindsey had told him and Xander had sided with Lindsey, disgusted with Spike too. Spike wished he could cry over so much loss all at once, but he'd cried himself out on day two. Now it was Sunday and he had nothing left. He was quite frankly…drained.
A knock on his door made Spike tense. Flatly, he said, "Go away."
"There's someone here to see you," his father called to him through the door.
Spike's heart skipped a beat, speeding up just for a second at the thought it might be Angel. But then reality set in again and he knew it wasn't him since Angel wanted nothing more to do with him. Angel's silence spoke volumes. Spike just wished his silence did. Instead, it just made his dad knock harder.
Sighing in resignation, Spike turned off his iPod and pulled off his earbuds as he called out, "Come in."
He didn't even look at the door when he heard it open and close again, not really caring at that point who it was. Still, he tensed at the first words out of his visitor's mouth.
"Listen. I'm sorry," Lindsey said.
Spike hesitated, then rolled onto his back and stared at Lindsey standing near the door. "Sure. No worries. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out."
Lindsey looked at him miserably and Spike felt a twinge of guilt at being so abrupt with him. For a long minute, neither of them spoke, but neither looked away, either.
Finally Lindsey blurted, "My dad's miserable, too."
Spike felt a pain in his chest but quelled it. "Angel's none of my business anymore."
"He even cancelled a video shoot, which he just doesn't do," Lindsey said, ignoring what Spike said. "He's yelling and threatening to fire the help, he's avoiding me…. I've lost track of how many glasses he's broken, and he's broken a mirror and a couple of vases, too….and that's just what I know about. On top of all that, he's turned every room in the penthouse upside down one at a time claiming he's just doing some spring cleaning…in August. He's not eating right either…at least, not that I can tell. From what your dad's told me, neither are you."
Spike blinked back moisture and said bitingly, "Yeah, well, a person tends to lose their appetite when their boyfriend and their best friends all fuck off at once."
Lindsey looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock. Spike felt a cruel thrill of satisfaction, even as guilt coiled inside him. It was obvious Lindsey was there to try to fix things. Unfortunately, Spike wasn't so sure they could be fixed, but he was sure he wasn't up to putting in the effort.
"I'm sorry I caused all this. I just…needed some time, like I said. I had no idea it was going to blow the two of you out of the water this way," Lindsey said, looking remorseful.
Another biting remark on the tip of his tongue, Spike took a moment to calm down instead and said, "What did you think would happen, Lindsey? He's your father and you were my best friend. Of course how you felt mattered to us."
Lindsey stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the wall next to the door, saying somewhat bitterly, "The two of you didn't take my feelings into consideration before that, so I just…didn't think it would matter what I thought."
Spike looked at him incredulously, finally feeling a fire build in his gut. Sitting up, he stared Lindsey down angrily and said, "Of course your feelings bloody mattered, tosser. That's why Angel and I snuck around for so long. Think I liked lying to you and Xander? I didn't. Can't count how many times I've wanted to tell you, especially when things started getting intense and I could have used some advice, but I didn't want to hurt you so I kept my mouth shut."
Lindsey looked away, jaw tightening. Eventually, he looked back. "Look. I'm not going to say I get this whole thing, or am comfortable with it in any way, but it's obvious the both of you are miserable without each other, so if it really matters, you have my blessing to keep seeing each other."
"Gee, thanks," Spike said sarcastically, flopping back down on the bed and turning away from Lindsey, stomach in his throat. "Too late, though. Angel hasn't called or texted since that day, even though I've left messages. Even apologized for running and hiding in the bathroom when things got intense after you left and tried to explain that I just got scared for a minute and didn't mean it when I said it was too much."
Spike cursed the fact that his voice broke, hoping Lindsey wouldn't make an issue of it. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and prayed Lindsey would just go away before he humiliated himself further and cried tears he hadn't thought he still had.
Unfortunately, God wasn't being charitable to him just then because instead Lindsey walked around the side of the bed and knelt down on the floor next to Spike's face, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. Spike bit his bottom lip and looked away.
"Hey, Spike. Come on. It's not like that. Didn't you hear what I said? Dad's miserable too and he's ignoring work. He's not leaving the penthouse at all or talking to anyone who calls. I don't even think he's eating."
Spike met Lindsey gaze, heart breaking at what he was telling him about Angel, but at the same time, Spike knew Lindsey was trying to tell him something else; it just wasn't getting through the misery choking him. "What does that have to do with anything? Doesn't change the fact that he's shut me out."
Expression frustrated, Lindsey asked, "Don't you get it? You told him it was too much, right? That's what you said just now?"
Spike nodded.
"He's trying to give you space, dumbass. He's trying to give you what he thinks you need by backing off and it's ripping him apart."
Spike felt a tendril of hope start to curl around inside him. Still…. "Might believe that, except for the fact that I apologized in more than one message on his voice mail and practically begged him to call me. Scratch that, I did beg like a pathetic ponce."
Lindsey pressed his lips together, then smoothed out his features and said, "Spike, he hasn’t been interacting with the outside world. He's gotten more than a few calls on the land line that he's refused to take. I seriously doubt he's even turned on his cell, let alone checked his voicemail."
Spike stopped breathing for a second, gut clenching. "So he thinks I broke things off?"
Lindsey nodded. "If I had to guess, I'd say yes."
Spike stared hard at Lindsey. "Why are you doing this? You admitted it bothers you, me and him being together."
Lindsey's jaw clenched, then unclenched. "It bothers me more that two people I care about are so miserable because of me. What finally gave me the kick in the ass to try to fix this is your dad calling me today. He sounded like he was at the end of his rope. He's worried about you and asked if I had any idea why you've suddenly stopped eating and won't leave your room."
Spike winced, sorry that he'd worried his dad. He was silent for a moment, then took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair, wincing again, but for an entirely different reason. He not only had stopped eating, he hadn't taken a shower in days.
"Fucking hell," he finally said. Part of him wanted to run to the penthouse and Angel immediately, but he didn't want to show up a mess, either. The other part of what Lindsey had said registered. "What'd you tell my dad?"
Lindsey got up off his knees and turned to sit on the bed next to Spike. "Not much, really, just that I thought I might have an idea, but that it really wasn't my place to say. Then I told him I'd come over and try to talk to you."
"What about Xander?" Spike asked, sure he already knew, since Xander hadn't bothered to call either, but needing to be sure just the same.
"What about him?"
Spike's jaw clenched. "Haven't heard from him since all this went down, either. Assumed you'd told him and he was just as disgusted with me as you are."
Lindsey tensed. "First, I'm not disgusted with you. I just…feel betrayed. You guys snuck around behind my back for months and it doesn't make it any easier to take just because you were doing it to try to keep me from getting hurt."
Spike nodded, accepting that and knowing he'd feel the same.
"Second," Lindsey continued, "I didn't tell Xander anything. Someone at work quit so he's been pulling double shifts the last couple of days. Before that he wanted to call, but I told him you were busy with Angel because I was pissed off and didn't want to see you. That was petty. I'm sorry."
Spike nodded again, accepting that, too. Blinking, he looked down at himself and muttered, "Bloody hell. Look a mess. Should take a shower."
Lindsey reached out and touched a hand to Spike's neck. Spike stilled, not sure what Lindsey was doing.
Quietly, Lindsey said, "How'd you explain this to your dad?"
Suddenly remembering the faint bruise circling his neck, Spike shrugged. "Haven't, really. Don't think he's noticed. Been staying in here, like he told you, and I guess with how I was lying down all the times he came in, it just wasn't noticeable."
Out of nowhere, Lindsey reached out and maneuvered Spike around until his back was facing him, pushing his shirt up to his shoulders. "Hold it there."
Spike tensed, but reached up and grabbed his shirt anyway, holding it bunched up at the top of his shoulders like Lindsey wanted, not sure why he was letting Lindsey order him around like this. Maybe it was just because he'd thought he'd lost his friendship and was relieved to find out he hadn't, after all.
Jokingly, Spike said, "Right then. Exactly when did it become alright for you to manhandle me?"
"About the time I found out you've been letting my dad do things like this to you," Lindsey answered, running his fingers over Spike's bruised upper back. Spike hadn't seen the bruises recently, so he wasn't sure what color they were now, but he knew they probably looked just as bad as they did when Lindsey had seen them the first time.
Looking over his shoulder, Spike tried for casual as he said, "I draw the line at dropping my jeans so you can examine my arse, just so you know."
Ignoring the joke, Lindsey commented, "Huh. He avoided your spine and anything below rib level."
Lindsey met Spike's eyes then and Spike stole himself against the worry he saw there, knowing there was just no way he was going to be able to adequately explain how soddin' good pain felt to him…at least the way Angel delivered it.
Spike dropped his shirt and turned to face Lindsey. "Told you, he's careful. He'd never put me in danger."
Lindsey was silent for a moment, then said, "I figured out you had sex with him in that bathroom at the paintball course…when you collapsed and had to be hospitalized after. That wasn't dangerous?"
Spike winced. "That was my fault. Didn't tell him I was sick or that I'd taken too many meds. We just…got carried away and it was too much for my body to handle. Trust me when I say he gave me one hell of a lecture about it when I finally came around enough to understand what was going on in hospital. Think he was more scared over my near death experience than I was, frankly."
Lindsey studied him. "It's just you and me now. My dad's not waiting on the other side of the door, possibly listening in. Tell me again, honestly, that getting flogged hard enough to leave bruises like that turned you on and that my dad was careful not to go further than you wanted and I'll back off."
Spike held Lindsey's gaze, willing him to see how truthful he was being, sensing nothing less that full disclosure would accomplish that. "I didn't just say that because Angel was on the other side of the door. I said it because it was the truth. It did turn me on. So much so, in fact, that I came twice just from the flogging, then a third time…after. And no, he didn't go further than I wanted. In fact, he stopped several times to check if I'd had enough even though I hadn't safeworded, and had to be reassured I wanted more."
Looking slightly uncomfortable at all the details Spike had given him, Lindsey finally nodded. "Alright. I'll drop it. But I reserve the right to bring it back up if I see anything else that doesn't look right."
Spike arched an eyebrow and teased, "What does that mean? Going to strip search me every time I show up at your door or you pop by here?"
Lindsey rolled his eyes, but thankfully he was ready for the mood to lighten too and smiled. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure my dad would have a problem with that."
Spike snorted. "Don’t know the half of it, mate. He's got…issues when it comes to you and I. Not that I blame him."
Lindsey's expression turned serious again. "I'm surprised he didn't order you to stop seeing me or something."
Spike shrugged, climbing off the bed and rooting through his drawers and closet for a change of clothes -- something with a collar to hide his bruised throat from his dad -- so he could get in the shower. "Doesn't control me that way. Just sexually. Did ask me not to get high with you while he was out of town once, but that was just a request from my boyfriend, not an order from my Dom. There's a difference."
Lindsey shook his head. "It just sounds confusing to me."
Spike chuckled. "Can be. Look, I uh, really want to take a shower so I can get over there and straighten this soddin' mess out. Would like it if you stuck around, though. If you want."
Lindsey nodded. "Okay."
Forty-five minutes later, Spike was showered, changed, and stepping off the lift at Angel's and Lindsey's penthouse, Lindsey in tow. Spike took a deep breath to calm his nerves and rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans.
"Right. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Should probably just…bugger off home."
He started to turn away but Lindsey grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Are you kidding me? Your dad looked like his face was going to split in two he was so happy to see you getting out of there. You can't go back already."
Spike bit his lip, then said, "Yeah, but what if he has heard all the messages and just doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?"
Lindsey rolled his eyes. "If that was the case, he wouldn’t be scaring the help and destroying our penthouse one room at a time. Look. If it'll make it easier on you, you can wait in the foyer and I'll go find him and let him know you're here. If he doesn't want to see you -- which I very much doubt -- I'll come out and tell you. You won't even have to face him."
Spike hesitated. He didn't want to put Lindsey in that kind of position, but he was too twisted up and emotionally wrecked by the last four days to refuse Lindsey's offer. He nodded and waited while Lindsey unlocked the door, then stepped inside ahead of him…and came face to face with a very shocked, very disheveled Angel, who appeared to have been headed toward the kitchen, pieces of broken glass in his hand. Spike's breath caught in his throat and he stopped short, barely noticing when Lindsey ran into the back of him.
Lindsey swore and stepped around him, looking back and forth between Spike and Angel. Spike only saw it out of the corner of his eyes, though, caught in Angel's gaze the way he was.
Suddenly, Angel's face shuttered off and he nodded at him, then Lindsey, saying, "Guys," before continuing for the kitchen.
Spike's voice caught in his throat as he tried to call out to his retreating back, but when Lindsey nudged him, Spike pulled himself out of it and followed Angel into the kitchen, waiting while he dumped the pieces of glass in the bin.
When Angel turned around and stopped short at finding him only feet away, Spike gathered his courage and asked, "Did you get my messages on your voicemail?"
Angel hesitated, then shook his head. "I haven't even turned on my phone since…. I haven't turned it on."
"Check them," Spike told him.
Angel studied him for a moment, then said, "Wait here," and walked out of the room.
Spike watched the doorway, practically holding his breath while he waited for Angel to return, but instead it was Lindsey who stepped into the room a moment later.
"Hey. What happened? I saw him walk out, but when you didn't follow…."
Spike swallowed. "He hadn't listened to his messages. I told him to and he said to wait here."
"Oh," Lindsey said.
Before Lindsey had a chance to say anything else, Angel walked back in, looking miserable. "Spike, I--" he started, then broke off.
Before Spike could blink, Angel crossed to him and Spike found himself surrounded by him, Angel's mouth covering his, his arms around him, holding him to him. It was the best feeling in the world, and one Spike hadn't thought he'd feel again. He opened his mouth to Angel's questing tongue and moaned quietly as Angel reclaimed him with the kiss.
From off to Spike's right, he heard someone clear their throat and remembered with a certain amount of embarrassment that Lindsey was standing right there.
Angel must have heard it too because he suddenly broke the kiss, although he didn't let go of Spike, instead holding him tighter and leaning his head against Spike's as he said to Lindsey, "Sorry. Just--"
"Uh, no," Lindsey interrupted. "Don't explain. Seriously. I'm just hoping this means the two of you will quit starving yourselves."
Angel's body stiffened and his head came up. He stared down at Spike reproachfully. "You haven't been eating?"
Spike dropped his eyes to Angel's shoulder and shrugged. "Haven't felt much like it. Thought you didn't want me anymore. Couldn't force the food down past the lump in my throat, could I?"
Angel backed up a couple of steps then, catching Spike's hands in his. Turning his head to look at Lindsey, Angel asked, "Lindsey, would you mind if Spike and I go back to my room to talk this out?"
Lindsey nodded. "Sure, no problem. Just…no more touchy feely stuff around the still adjusting son, okay? I think I'm going to have to scrub my eyeballs out now," he said with a shudder, although there was a hint of teasing in his tone.
Spike just laughed, beside himself with happiness. Angel let go of one of his hands, turned and started for his bedroom, his other still holding Spike's, leading him there.
The minute the door was closed, Spike found himself pressed against it, Angel pressed against him, their mouths meeting in a hungry kiss. At Angel's urging, Spike jumped up and wrapped his legs around him, moaning as Angel held him up, held him close, rubbed their burgeoning erections together.
When they broke the kiss, Spike dropped his head back, panting as Angel latched on to the side of his throat, biting and sucking at the juncture between neck and shoulder. "Please," he begged, needing to feel Angel inside him sooner rather than later.
Apparently Angel was on the same wavelength. One arm under Spike's arse, the other hand splayed out across the middle of Spike's back, Angel pushed away from the wall and turned toward the bed, walking them both over. Spike fell back on the mattress with a grunt when Angel suddenly released him, and then Angel's hands were at Spike's waist, working his jeans open and Spike was trying to help him, but his fingers were shaking so much he couldn't get a good grip.
He made a noise of frustration and Angel stopped what he was doing to grab Spike's wrists and pin them to the bed on either side of his head. He leaned in and kissed Spike thoroughly, then pulled back and looked down at him. "Keep them there."
A surge of arousal shot straight to Spike's cock at the order and he quickly nodded his head. "Yes, Angel."
Angel smiled. "Good boy."
He went to work on Spike's jeans again, getting them open quickly. Spike moaned and lifted his hips so Angel could slide them down, then off, his boots going with them. Then Angel was back, hands at Spike's waist, pushing his shirt up. Spike arched his back, giving Angel better access, then lifted his head and shoulders, only moving his arms long enough for Angel to get the shirt off. Spike relaxed back on the bed, arms back in position, and watched Angel's face as Angel ran his eyes over his now naked body, hungrily taking it in. It made Spike feel powerful, knowing he affected Angel like that, and at the same time, he reveled in the knowledge that whenever they were like this, he turned all power over to Angel, willingly.
Eventually Angel stood, never taking his eyes off Spike as he slowly stripped, driving Spike insane with the need to touch him, make him move faster. Instead, Spike stayed where he was and bit his lip, fists clenched as he watched Angel slowly reveal himself to him.
Finally Angel was naked too, erection jutting from between his legs, and Spike's mouth watered, so conditioned to having that cock in his mouth over the last couple of weeks that for a moment, he couldn’t decide if he wanted Angel to fuck his mouth or his arse more. Luckily it wasn't up to him anyway.
"Spread your legs and hold them to your chest," Angel said, grabbing lube and a condom out of his nightstand.
Spike hurried to comply, hooking his hands under his knees to keep his legs in position. He sucked in a sharp breath as Angel climbed back on the bed and slid a slicked finger inside, working it in and out. "You're not wearing your plug."
Not meeting Angel's eyes, Spike said, "Thought we were over when you didn't call me back. Couldn't stand it in anymore after that. Made me feel even worse."
Another finger joined the first, stretching Spike. He moaned at the invasion.
"When's the last time you ate?"
Spike huffed in frustration. "We need to discuss this now? Can't it wait until later?"
Angel's fingers immediately withdrew, and he smacked Spike's bruised arse, hard. The sting and surprise of it made Spike gasp, barely holding back a cry of shock that would have most likely brought Lindsey running.
As if nothing had happened, Angel slid two fingers inside him again and began pumping in and out. "Let's try that again. When's the last time you ate?"
Spike glared at him for several seconds, before relenting and saying quietly, "Don't know. Might have forced a few bites down last night to get my dad off my back."
Regret flashed through Angel's eyes and the fingers inside him stilled. "I'm sorry, Spike. I was an ass. I didn't even think to check the messages. I just kept seeing your face as you ran for the bathroom saying it was too much, and I thought that was it. I thought that was your way of breaking up with me."
Spike let go of one leg and lifted his hand to Angel's cheek. "We were both prats, luv. 'S over now, yeah?"
Angel stared down at him, then resumed finger fucking him, adding a third finger. "Maybe, but I held most of the responsibility this time. You're my sub. It's my job to make sure you're taken care of. I didn't do that. I let you feel abandoned. It was stupid and I'm sorry."
Spike's heart swelled at Angel's words and he realized that yeah, a large part of the deep depression he'd fallen into over the past few days was because he'd felt abandoned. At the same time, the fact that Angel was still finger fucking him while talking to him about all this left Spike less than able to articulate how he felt.
Moaning as Angel's fingers brushed over his prostate, Spike licked his lips and said, "Right. Know you're in charge and all, but seriously? Can we talk about this after? Can't even think straight with your fingers shoved up my backside."
Angel chuckled and leaned down, surprising Spike with an affectionate kiss on the nose. "Or maybe I should just stop touching you so we can talk now," he teased.
Spike mock glared at him. "Do that and you'll have one pissed off sub on your hands." Spike wiggled his arse and added with a sly grin, "'Sides, thought I heard you say something just now about it being your job to take care of me, and right now, I've got a hard-on and a prepared arse that need taking care of."
Heat flared in Angel's eyes and he pulled his fingers free, grabbing for the condom he'd left on his nightstand. Quickly, he rolled it on, then settled between Spike's legs, hooking them over his shoulders as he positioned himself and thrust in, fast and hard.
Spike grunted and arched, and then he was being folded in two as Angel leaned down and bit his neck near his jugular, before moving up to his ear and saying in a low voice, "Grab the headboard, boy."
Spike groaned and quickly reached up, grabbing blindly for it as Angel set a hard, punishing pace that had Spike writhing and biting back cries of pleasure in no time. He tried to stay quiet, aware that Lindsey was most likely still in the penthouse somewhere, but when Angel shifted positions and started punching his prostate on nearly every thrust, it felt too good -- especially after having thought he'd never be like this with Angel again -- for Spike to stop the groans and babbled pleas for more and harder and faster.
All too soon Spike felt his balls start to draw up and panted, "Please…need to come."
Above him, Angel stared down at him intently as he thrust into him over and over. "Do it."
Angel's cock drove into him harder and faster still and every muscle in Spike's body went rigid as he froze, fists clenching the rungs of the headboard so hard he heard something crack and felt one of them break loose as he shouted out his release.
Angel thrust into him several more times, then arched over him and groaned deep in his chest as his body shuddered out its own release. Seconds later, he collapsed on top of Spike, bending Spike in two again as Spike panted for air, heart still racing from his climax.
Licking his lips, Spike asked, "Can I let go?"
Angel lifted his head and Spike felt a warm thrill race through him at the sleepy, sated expression on Angel's face. "Hmm?"
Spike shot his eyes upward, indicating his hands still holding the headboard. "Can I let go now?"
"Oh, yeah," Angel said, unhooking Spike's legs from over his shoulders at the same time.
Spike groaned as overexerted muscles relaxed, his limbs falling to the mattress. Instead of rolling off him, though, Angel remained on top of him and between his legs, as he buried his face in Spike's neck. Sensing Angel needed some kind of silent reassurance after their recent estrangement, Spike reached up and wrapped his arms around him, holding him to him. For a long time they stayed like that, not talking, not moving, just…being together.
Continued here.