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It sure has been a very exhausting week. I know that for sure. Work has been killing me and loading me over time with everything just about. I don't mind it, honestly. It's just been a lot on me.
Whit and I have been getting very serious. However, with it moving so quickly and rigidly, we fight and bicker so much. We don't even really fight, I just call it that. Really, I just feel like him and I are expressing our feelings and we both take it the wrong way. I know I have for a fact. He kind of has that same dry humor/sarcasticness and we just can't tell when one is serious or fucking mad. We are kind of the same in most ways.
The thing is though, I don't feel like I am good enough in this relationship. Am I even girlfriend material? I haven't been able to stay or keep someone happy in these long term relationships... I feel like I have always just been called out and been told I was changing as a person or I was just becoming boring as an individual. Sure they were all long term, but man were they hard and conflicted...
I see myself with him for a while and I really just hope that I can be happy for once with someone and him be happy with me. Just as happy, in fact. I need that at least. That is all I have ever wanted. Anyway, we will stop bickering some day I hope. I just hope I can be good enough and make him happy or make him want to spend his life with me maybe. I mean I really see that with him, I love him so much. When we fuck, oh my god, like I have never had a connection like that with anyone before. Never. This is something serious. I have some mad and serious feelings for this guy. I am just an idiot. I'm stupid, I know I am boring and unmotivated a lot, he will get so bored of me. I know this much. That is what I am afraid of. That's why I try to go out of my way and do stuff, I just hope it never gets to the point where it's so dull and we don't care to see one another.
I could say so much about him. He is so perfect in every way. I don't need to ruin this with my craziness. I'm a nut. I know it. I'm going to make him look at me and just see another side of me and walk away and out of my life forever. It's going to suck, but I know this will most likely be the end of it. I have to work on myself.
He is just too good to be true. Hell, what if he finds someone else he just connects with really well and becomes head over heels and just goes for it. I would feel so shitty as a person and then realize how I don't need to exists in anyone's life.
Like, seriously. He is my prince charming, but am I even the princess?! He treats me like gold. He holds me, and wants to spend all of his time with me, I just cannot help but get that weird feeling inside knowing that one day it will all fade away and he will soon try to get out of this. I'm just not sure I am good enough. My instincts are super misleading but I get those gut feelings. If I don't listen to them then it always seems to prove me wrong. Man, and I know I can't predict the future, but I just know this because of the kind of person I am and I can see how some situations will go down. But like I just can tell you that I don't think anyone would ever marry me or want to wed me. Who in their right mind would even consider trying to spend the rest of their life with someone like me?
It sure has been a very exhausting week. I know that for sure. Work has been killing me and loading me over time with everything just about. I don't mind it, honestly. It's just been a lot on me.
Whit and I have been getting very serious. However, with it moving so quickly and rigidly, we fight and bicker so much. We don't even really fight, I just call it that. Really, I just feel like him and I are expressing our feelings and we both take it the wrong way. I know I have for a fact. He kind of has that same dry humor/sarcasticness and we just can't tell when one is serious or fucking mad. We are kind of the same in most ways.
The thing is though, I don't feel like I am good enough in this relationship. Am I even girlfriend material? I haven't been able to stay or keep someone happy in these long term relationships... I feel like I have always just been called out and been told I was changing as a person or I was just becoming boring as an individual. Sure they were all long term, but man were they hard and conflicted...
I see myself with him for a while and I really just hope that I can be happy for once with someone and him be happy with me. Just as happy, in fact. I need that at least. That is all I have ever wanted. Anyway, we will stop bickering some day I hope. I just hope I can be good enough and make him happy or make him want to spend his life with me maybe. I mean I really see that with him, I love him so much. When we fuck, oh my god, like I have never had a connection like that with anyone before. Never. This is something serious. I have some mad and serious feelings for this guy. I am just an idiot. I'm stupid, I know I am boring and unmotivated a lot, he will get so bored of me. I know this much. That is what I am afraid of. That's why I try to go out of my way and do stuff, I just hope it never gets to the point where it's so dull and we don't care to see one another.
I could say so much about him. He is so perfect in every way. I don't need to ruin this with my craziness. I'm a nut. I know it. I'm going to make him look at me and just see another side of me and walk away and out of my life forever. It's going to suck, but I know this will most likely be the end of it. I have to work on myself.
He is just too good to be true. Hell, what if he finds someone else he just connects with really well and becomes head over heels and just goes for it. I would feel so shitty as a person and then realize how I don't need to exists in anyone's life.
Like, seriously. He is my prince charming, but am I even the princess?! He treats me like gold. He holds me, and wants to spend all of his time with me, I just cannot help but get that weird feeling inside knowing that one day it will all fade away and he will soon try to get out of this. I'm just not sure I am good enough. My instincts are super misleading but I get those gut feelings. If I don't listen to them then it always seems to prove me wrong. Man, and I know I can't predict the future, but I just know this because of the kind of person I am and I can see how some situations will go down. But like I just can tell you that I don't think anyone would ever marry me or want to wed me. Who in their right mind would even consider trying to spend the rest of their life with someone like me?