Constructive Criticism if you could.

[toomuchmusic]

I met him once in the underground parking garage. He was already famous, but no one was around. It was just him and me and the friend he was with. The friend was a guy too. So there were three of us in this dark grey concrete garage and no one around. I could hear car doors slamming in the distance, an alarm blaring ineffectually somewhere three or

Comments

Hi Harry.

[savitra]

I liked it. There were a few typo/edits in it, but it was very cool. The only thing I would say is that "They were standing too close next to a black sedan." is a bit awkward when you read it.
But what frankly I'm the queen of typos and forgotten words, so I'm not sure you should listen to me at all. ;)

Re: Hi Harry.

[savitra]

Thanks!

I totally just typed that in a fit of inspiration this morning, so I am completely unaware of what needs to be worked on :)

Did you...?

[anonymous]

Did you just watch Brokeback Mountain?

[saunterdownward]

Interesting. There are typos and mechanical type things I'd fix, but beyond that, I'm not sure. It's rather effective given how short it is. Ummmm... I suck at this. Maybe wind it out a little more? It feels like a wee little short thought, and I'm not sure what we're supposed to take away from it beyond the simple fact that people have to be in the closet.

Good luck getting concrit on ANYTHING you write.

I even behaved!

[comicrye]

Yeah, I agree that even though it is effective in it's length, There could be more to it. I guess the feeling I got from it is that it is "slight." That it could use some more character development, maybe some actual scene instead of just this vignette.

[comicrye]

its length, not it's length. GOD I hate when I do that!