Apparently my brain doesn't like being high...
I've had an eventful few days. (FYI: I'm currently on prescription pain killers, so bear with me if my brain goes for a joyride on a tangent or two, as thinking is proving somewhat of a challenge atm.)
This weekend some highly emotional stuff hit the proverbial fan, leaving me highly upset for the majority of the time. It's stuff to do with the world of fandom, and hit me hard. I'm not going to get into it right now, but it definitely made me want to re-evaluate my friends/acquaintances stance again ... needless to say I didn't get any schoolwork done. :eek:
Monday morning I drop mom off at work, then returned home. I decided to lie down and watch tv for an hour until I was properly awake and able to be productive. My left shoulder started to hurt. Over the next hour, the pain kept increasing well past annoying to actual pain. I tried icing my shoulder, and it hurt even more. I rung the chiro, and they said they would definitely fit me in, so rushed out the door. I was finding it more and more difficult to drive, and was begging any powers that were listening to make the pain change so I could just get there in one piece ... the pain shifted around to the front of my shoulder, and began radiating down the side of my arm. That's about the time it started to hurt to breathe, like my rib cage was too small for my lungs. By the time I reached the chiro, I was shaking and crying, and it definitely was uncomfy to breathe. The chiro tried to give me an adjustment, and then sent me to the hospital.
Grandpa was on shift at the hospital so he came to sit with me until my mom arrived from work. I had told her not to, but she went to tell her boss that she might have to leave on little notice later, if I was admitted, and he grabbed his coat and told her to pack up b/c he was taking her to me NOW. The triage nurse saw me straight away for my initial assessment ... and then I proceeded to sit in the waiting room for over 6 hours. (It was a bad day to be non-critical ... although to be fair, I don't really think there is a good day to be critical, but yeah - I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, so I kept being pushed further down the triage list.) After 3 status assessments by different triage nurses, I finally got a bed, and then more tests. Multiple physical exams and questions, blood work and a chest xray later, the doc gave me a prescription for really strong pain killers and informed me that I have an anterior deltoid strain -- basically I pulled my shoulder muscle. Absolutely zero clue how I managed to do this, but I tell ya, it hurts like mad. So after 9 hours from my initial check-in, I found myself at home again, on a regime of lovely pain killers and with instructions to schedule a follow-up with my GP later in the week. (When I say lovely pain killers, I mean hydromorphone, which I googled yesterday after the response by the nurse at the clinic of 'oh really? yes, that is strong. no, you shouldn't be driving.' ... yeah, it's 2-5x stronger than morphine, and is related to heroin. Great stuff, eh?)
So, seeing as my pain killers are narcotic opiates, I'm a wee bit worried about addictive qualities. I'm definitely not gonna take them any less than the prescribed 6 hours apart, regardless of the discomfort I'm in before that time! I've now been on these for two and a half days ... and while the whole floaty, spinny, adrenaliny, don't give a crap about pain feelings are decidedly very cool, the not being in control of my emotions is definitely less so. Imagine me on a sugar high, but with instant crashes and rebounds. When I was trying to hold a convo earlier, I was babbling (unable to string together a coherent, let alone grammatically correct sentence), interspersed with giggling maniacally, then I'm sobbing uncontrollably, all for no apparent reason. I was finding it incredibly hard to think straight, and I'm so tired ... but when I stop thinking/stressing, and just lay back, it's the coolest feeling of freedom ... which tells me that I'm simply not able to shut off my brain enough to truly enjoy being high. On one hand, so sucks ... on the other, I don't need to worry much about getting addicted to these pain killers, anyway. Seriously, I think my brain just can't handle addictions stronger than sugar. I try smoking once, I get a headache. I try weed once, it induces a migrane. I try pain killers, and I have killer head. Well, I did yesterday. Maybe my body is just getting used to it now, but I don't like the loss of emotional control any more than the wipe-out headaches, so yeah. Not so much on the likelihood of addiction to these cute lil pills that pack the punch.
I'm worried about my shoulder though. I thought I was doing okay-ish -- I mean, it's not hurting to breathe as much, although the hiccups definitely hurt this afternoon ... and then I tried to put my hair up in a ponytail for dinner tonight. I couldn't do it. I simply could not keep my arm above my head long enough to tie back my hair. That was scary. My other shoulder started hurting this evening as well. It's been almost 8 hours since my last pill, and the bad shoulder is aching. Not quite throbbing yet, but well on its way... The doc in the ER had suggested that I may very well end up needing physio. Again. Grrr. I'm going to try to get into my GP tomorrow for a follow-up appt, and see what he says. Here's hoping I can get an appt!
There's other stuff going on as well, school stuff, family stuff, EI stuff ... but it'll have to wait a bit for another update. I think I'm going to have to try to get some sleep again now so I can be awake early enough to try for an appt at the clinic. So for those of you who'd heard about the ER visit, no worries, I'll survive. And for those of you who hadn't, well, now you're in the loop. Hooyah.
Hope y'all are off to a better week than I am thus far!
*hugs all round*
~ames
This weekend some highly emotional stuff hit the proverbial fan, leaving me highly upset for the majority of the time. It's stuff to do with the world of fandom, and hit me hard. I'm not going to get into it right now, but it definitely made me want to re-evaluate my friends/acquaintances stance again ... needless to say I didn't get any schoolwork done. :eek:
Monday morning I drop mom off at work, then returned home. I decided to lie down and watch tv for an hour until I was properly awake and able to be productive. My left shoulder started to hurt. Over the next hour, the pain kept increasing well past annoying to actual pain. I tried icing my shoulder, and it hurt even more. I rung the chiro, and they said they would definitely fit me in, so rushed out the door. I was finding it more and more difficult to drive, and was begging any powers that were listening to make the pain change so I could just get there in one piece ... the pain shifted around to the front of my shoulder, and began radiating down the side of my arm. That's about the time it started to hurt to breathe, like my rib cage was too small for my lungs. By the time I reached the chiro, I was shaking and crying, and it definitely was uncomfy to breathe. The chiro tried to give me an adjustment, and then sent me to the hospital.
Grandpa was on shift at the hospital so he came to sit with me until my mom arrived from work. I had told her not to, but she went to tell her boss that she might have to leave on little notice later, if I was admitted, and he grabbed his coat and told her to pack up b/c he was taking her to me NOW. The triage nurse saw me straight away for my initial assessment ... and then I proceeded to sit in the waiting room for over 6 hours. (It was a bad day to be non-critical ... although to be fair, I don't really think there is a good day to be critical, but yeah - I have a fairly high tolerance for pain, so I kept being pushed further down the triage list.) After 3 status assessments by different triage nurses, I finally got a bed, and then more tests. Multiple physical exams and questions, blood work and a chest xray later, the doc gave me a prescription for really strong pain killers and informed me that I have an anterior deltoid strain -- basically I pulled my shoulder muscle. Absolutely zero clue how I managed to do this, but I tell ya, it hurts like mad. So after 9 hours from my initial check-in, I found myself at home again, on a regime of lovely pain killers and with instructions to schedule a follow-up with my GP later in the week. (When I say lovely pain killers, I mean hydromorphone, which I googled yesterday after the response by the nurse at the clinic of 'oh really? yes, that is strong. no, you shouldn't be driving.' ... yeah, it's 2-5x stronger than morphine, and is related to heroin. Great stuff, eh?)
So, seeing as my pain killers are narcotic opiates, I'm a wee bit worried about addictive qualities. I'm definitely not gonna take them any less than the prescribed 6 hours apart, regardless of the discomfort I'm in before that time! I've now been on these for two and a half days ... and while the whole floaty, spinny, adrenaliny, don't give a crap about pain feelings are decidedly very cool, the not being in control of my emotions is definitely less so. Imagine me on a sugar high, but with instant crashes and rebounds. When I was trying to hold a convo earlier, I was babbling (unable to string together a coherent, let alone grammatically correct sentence), interspersed with giggling maniacally, then I'm sobbing uncontrollably, all for no apparent reason. I was finding it incredibly hard to think straight, and I'm so tired ... but when I stop thinking/stressing, and just lay back, it's the coolest feeling of freedom ... which tells me that I'm simply not able to shut off my brain enough to truly enjoy being high. On one hand, so sucks ... on the other, I don't need to worry much about getting addicted to these pain killers, anyway. Seriously, I think my brain just can't handle addictions stronger than sugar. I try smoking once, I get a headache. I try weed once, it induces a migrane. I try pain killers, and I have killer head. Well, I did yesterday. Maybe my body is just getting used to it now, but I don't like the loss of emotional control any more than the wipe-out headaches, so yeah. Not so much on the likelihood of addiction to these cute lil pills that pack the punch.
I'm worried about my shoulder though. I thought I was doing okay-ish -- I mean, it's not hurting to breathe as much, although the hiccups definitely hurt this afternoon ... and then I tried to put my hair up in a ponytail for dinner tonight. I couldn't do it. I simply could not keep my arm above my head long enough to tie back my hair. That was scary. My other shoulder started hurting this evening as well. It's been almost 8 hours since my last pill, and the bad shoulder is aching. Not quite throbbing yet, but well on its way... The doc in the ER had suggested that I may very well end up needing physio. Again. Grrr. I'm going to try to get into my GP tomorrow for a follow-up appt, and see what he says. Here's hoping I can get an appt!
There's other stuff going on as well, school stuff, family stuff, EI stuff ... but it'll have to wait a bit for another update. I think I'm going to have to try to get some sleep again now so I can be awake early enough to try for an appt at the clinic. So for those of you who'd heard about the ER visit, no worries, I'll survive. And for those of you who hadn't, well, now you're in the loop. Hooyah.
Hope y'all are off to a better week than I am thus far!
*hugs all round*
~ames