.02
Since I don't think my community is gonna go anywhere...
A letter to myself. Originally written 5.30.04
Ashley--
It's been 14 years since you've fallen to earth and taken shape here. What's going on now? All I've seen is typical teenage shit, what are you gonna do with yourself?? You've rid yourself of any blades or anything with a sharp part and aren't thinking about taking any drugs (although the thought comes to mind). Everyone thinks you're so complex but in reality you're so predictable and usual, it's fucking sickening. What are you here for? I know you've decided to keep going partially just to spite the certain dumb fuckers that tried to keep you down. Also just to live. You like to live, do you? Then live. Stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself, even though you say you don't. You don't love yourself, that's okay but stop killing yourself. Please. If you live for nothing else, live for your girlfriend. She says she doesn't wanna fuck up this time, she wants to be with you and only you. Isn't that what you always wanted? So what if you don't belong? Make yourself belong. It's hard but try, hun, try. Please don't start [SI]ing again. It feels good but remember all of that embarrassment you went through... and how your parents found out... and how you broke down in front of your mom. Do you want that again? And remember when you started crying for no reason last week... want more of that? Maybe you do, maybe you want more of a reason to feel bad for yourself. That's such shit, you know that? But regardless, I'm here for you. I don't love you simply because that's crap and you've given me no reason to love you. Take care.
-- Your mind
It's outdated but the feeling and point is still there.
|A|s|h|e|