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Once upon a time, in a mountain valley, there lived some turkeys. How they came to be there, no-one knew. No-one knew for certain that they really were turkeys, either, but that's what they called themselves, and who should know better?
And so they lived, wandering aimlessly around their valley and thinking carefree thoughts.
And then one time, an unknown bird came.
"Who're you?"
"I'm a mountain eagle!"
"Liar!"
"Me?! A liar?! Watch this!"
And the Bird showed off his advanced aerobatic maneuvering skills. The corkscrew, the barrel roll, Nesterov's loop, the lot.
"See this? Can you do this?"
"How could we... We're turkeys, after all; we don't even fly."
"Nonsense!", said the Bird. "Doesn't matter what you've stuffed your head with. I'll teach you right now!"
The turkeys tried to object, but how could they argue with the Bird? After all, he was an eagle! Some he persuaded, others he threatened, and to a few he even applied his beak; but he gathered them into a flock and began to teach.
"Flap your wings! Kick with your feet! You there in the third row, stop sniveling! There you are, you're off the ground, keep at it! Here, you lot, do as he's doing! Wings out, tails straight! Left turn!"
The turkeys themselves didn't quite understand how it happened, but little by little they all learned to fly. Clumsily at first, but then better and better. Higher, with more grace, more calmly.
"Excellent!", the Bird shouted to them. "Eagles! Keep at it! Learn, while I live! Hey, you, where are you off to, hold position!"
The turkeys worked hard. Soon they flew no worse than their instructor. And then, before long, someone noticed that the voice of the Bird came not from above them, but from below.
"Listen," one of the turkeys said, "doesn't it seem to you that our eagle is... weird? Maybe a little on the small side..."
"So what?", another asked.
"Well, it's just... here's me thinking, what if he's really a sparrow?"
"No, I'm pretty sure he's a falcon!", another turkey objected, and they all fell into worshipful silence. The turkeys had great respect for falcons; they knew little of them, but for some reason were convinced that those were truly wondrous birds.
"You might as well call him a Phoenix...", one particularly skeptical turkey grumbled.
In any case, the turkeys gathered their courage and flew up to the Bird, and the bravest of them asked him directly:
"Teacher! There are rumours going around that you're no eagle, but actually a sparrow. Is it true?"
"Rather than filling your heads with all manner of nonsense, you should work on your rightward Immelman!", the Bird replied. "Three laps round that cliff, right now!"
Later that evening, when the tired turkeys were finally permitted to rest, the Bird spoke to them of the sky, of distant countries, of hunting mountain goats, and of many other wonders that exist only for eagles.
"Are you jealous? Instead of gritting your teeth in envy, fly! Any of you can become an eagle; you need only the will."
The turkeys had the will. How could they not, when the Bird's tales were so enticing! They applied themselves fully.
And so there came a day when the Bird gathered all his pupils and declared:
"Today shall be the last lesson. Follow me!"
The flock followed him from the valley.
"Now look at yourselves. And forget what was hammered into you when you were little. You are eagles. You simply didn't know it until now. So I'm talling you. You see those mountains over there? Your path lies that way. Goodbye."
"Teacher! Are you not coming with us?"
"Nope. I couldn't even make it halfway. After all, I'm not an eagle."
"I told you he was a sparrow!", cried a turkey.
"Not that either," the Bird laughed. "It's not that bad. It's much worse. I am, you see, a crow."
"Teacher!", another turkey said. "Don't talk nonsense. You made eagles of us! You can be an eagle too!"
"Listen, cretin!", the crow replied. "All I've done is teach you to be yourselves. That's done, so we're done. As for me, I'm a crow, and I intend to stay a crow. And if anyone dares to so much as squeak that a crow is any worse than an eagle, I'll personally shove their head up their tail!"
The crow flapped its wings and flew off towards the dark forest.
Deep in the dark-dark forest, by the rotten marsh, there lived some chickens. They lived peaceful and carefree lives, until one day a Crane came to the forest...