last night

[topazemrys]

I wish I could--
but maybe I can...
I guess...

I want to be able to control myself
My MIND... my BRAIN
I don't want to admit that perhaps I can't
Although I already know it's true

Why why why
Oh poor me
pity party
stupid trivial nonsense

I dwell on my Bed of Pain
wallow in my Sack of Woe

Compassion...
Do I need more...?
Or do I care too much

Comments

[visual_insight]

wow... sounds like me... my thoughts have been everywhere and I can't stop... i think I am going to have to do something dramatic (like go to the local water park) or eventually cry or something to release this energy that is built up within me.

[topazemrys]

Jim thinks I would benefit greatly from some professional help... but I guess I just don't want to admit that there might be something else wrong with my brain... (MORE BULLSHIT)

I don't want pity, I don't want to be unhappy, I really don't; I just slip into these funks and can't get out of them...

Not to mention I can't really afford it.

[visual_insight]

yeah money is a big thing... I usually get into these types of funks and push people away... but when they are away I am lonely so that is also bad b/c I don't want to end up calling people I don't want to talk to anyway.

Sometimes I think it is stress induced... at least I can say I'm depressed... and at least I have good gf's that cheer me up usually... here's a hug... cause I know that always makes me feel better.

sounds familiar

[topazemrys]

I know what you mean about being lonely but not really wanting to talk to anyone--talk about ironic, eh?

I just know there's something wrong, because everything's going really well for me right now; I have no cause for complaint... it's just silly for me to feel this way, but I can't shake it off...

I do feel better today, though.