Sanctuary of Regrets - Ch8
“Have some time? My treat." Yoochun offered the now casually dressed Ji Hoon. He felt indebted to the tall guy for being the distraction that his best friend clearly needed. When the said singer graced the stage, bedazzling every audience without exception of Jaejoong, he knew that somehow, he had to pay Ji Hoon back. “Jaejoong and I are going out for a few drinks, wanna tag along?”
“What, am I the third wheel now?” Ji Hoon kid, the after math of the performance was still evident in his voice. He stood by the door, leaning casually against its frame as to not give away the good news in his position. Unbeknownst to the boys of the immensely popular band, he sneaked out during their performance to talk to the boys’ manager to voice out his offer.
“Nah, you’re actually the fourth.” Yoochun joked back, pushing his hair back in a ponytail, he was ready to go out. “Jaejoong has been waiting for you, he’s been keeping a close eye on hyung just in case he disappears again.”
“There’s actually no need for that.” Smirking, Ji Hoon gave the shorter singer a suggestive look, which the other immediately caught.
“Sneaky, very sneaky.” Yoochun grinned, his eyes smiling on their own at the unsaid news. “Jae!” He called after messily tying his hair in a bun. “He’s here.” He announced loud enough for Jaejoong, who was in the farthest corner of the room with arms circled around their managed while getting his thin make-up removed, to hear. Yoochun couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He almost couldn’t recall the last time seeing Jaejoong as childish, and cute, as that. The lead singer had been nothing but matured lately, taking the matters at hand like a man. It was all thanks to Ji Hoon that he got to see such sight again. Apart from the momentary distraction, the project he offered was serving as an opportunity, the biggest one at that, for Jaejoong to move on and get a new life.
“Coming!” Needless to say and to point out was the excitement in the blonde singer’s tone.
Laughing along with the soloist, Yoochun could only watch the manager’s pitiful stance as Jaejoong dragged him.
“What are you on?” The manager turned to the lead singer, raising an eyebrow not out of annoyance but of confusion. “On crack?”
“Hyung!” Jaejoong exclaimed, ignoring the older man’s question.
“He’s the third wheel.” Yoochun butted in, pointing at the man in his mid-thirties. “Hyung! You can’t back out now. You’re coming with us tonight.” His tone was suggesting as if he had one hell of a surprise in store for the manager, only, he had no such thing. He just wanted their manager to have a break and lay-low even just for a night. And knowing how workaholic, and sometimes a slave driver, their manager could be, they could use the night out to discuss the upcoming project.
Jaejoong’s creased eyebrows spelled confusion in bold letters, his gaze jumping from one person to another. He was clueless as to whom he must address his question to for the three men clearly knew something he didn’t. Plus, the fact that Yoochun convinced their manager, their manager for crying out loud, to have a drink with them was just hard to believe. “What’s going on?”
Smiling from ear to ear, Ji Hoon finally broke the news. “I already told him. And he agreed. He said he’ll finalize it with Soo Man-nim.”
---
Not only had Yunho lost count, he plainly didn’t want to count at all. Doing so will only remind him of how much of an outcast he was now. It had been so many nights, so many damn cold, lonely nights that Jaejoong had gone out with Yoochun, and now, he was with Ji Hoon, too. He no longer knew what to think, and it felt like he was pouring his mind to an abyss where everything was beyond his control.
With his pride soiled, Yunho wished it wasn’t anger he was feeling, much more, he wished he wasn’t feeling anything at all. All his life, he had never been more embarrassed than he was when his ex practically gawked at one particular performer earlier that night. But Yunho had to admit, Ji Hoon was damn good at his craft and can beat him at it any given time. He admitted his defeat as a man in that area, but never when it concerned his lead singer. It felt like a spit on his face seeing Jaejoong very much delighted by the soloist performance, especially when Jaejoong’s eyes used to lit up for him and him alone.
What disturbed him even more was the up and coming collaboration that their manager and even Lee Soo Man had now agreed upon. There was just no stopping it now. Jaejoong seemed excited by the mere thought of it. Then again, who wouldn’t be when it was Ji Hoon, the so-called world star, giving you such irresistible offer? The project could only mean more time together for the two, just like now. It was, again, almost midnight and the soul mates were probably still boozing themselves up.
And there Yunho was, back at square one, wishing he wasn’t alone on the couch while two of his members were out drinking with a stranger. He wished he could just sleep away the anxiety that was welling up inside; wished he could fall into a peaceful slumber like Junsu and Changmin had, wished the TV screen wasn’t flashing him useless images that won’t take good hold of his resentment. Wished the news anchor didn’t have the most annoying voice, wished the couch was softer so he could drift off to sleep without much effort, wished the night wasn’t so cold due to the unoccupied space beside him. Above all else, he wished he wasn’t missing Jaejoong the way he was doing so.
It never crossed his mind that things would ever come down to this. This, being the state he was currently in, though he never meant any of this misery to be bestowed upon him. Back then, it had been the right and only thing that he thought Jaejoong deserved. He saw no point in letting the lead singer hold on to his half assessed feelings. He didn’t want to fool Jaejoong and himself that their feelings were forever. He knew, or at least he thought he did, that everything would fall back into their rightful places, to the way things used to be minus the commitment. Little did he know, rightful wouldn’t feel so right without Jaejoong. A smile betrayed his lips; even his body was mocking him now.
To top it all off with confusion, Yoochun’s words came whirling back in his head. If you haven’t realized, you’re not the only one hurting here- I am too. He had no idea what to take it for and before he could stop himself, countless assumptions ran through his head. He had known, perhaps more than anybody and witnessed more than he would have liked, how close Yoochun and Jaejoong were. The leader could only hope and pray that the two had not crossed the line of friendship, but it didn’t help that such thing happening wasn’t a far cry and maybe it was even bound to happen. And that, Yunho was afraid, he could never take.
Amidst all that, the leader felt guilty for doubting Yoochun and his intensions. For crying out loud, he and Yoochun were friends just the same. The younger couldn’t possibly betray him by stealing his man away, could he? But whom was Yunho kidding? He couldn’t recall how many times he had to remind himself time and time again that Jaejoong was no longer his and was now a man free for anyone to claim. Just the thought of it was suffocating, so he couldn’t bring himself to imagine how devastated he’d be once Yoochun, Ji Hoon, or any other man takes his lead singer.
He didn’t want to ever witness Jaejoong giving someone else the stares he used to reserve only for him. And he could definitely not take watching Jaejoong’s lips against a man’s other than him. And it was then that he realized how much he missed those little ministrations. Realization came with another, telling him of how much he had taken them for granted - the kiss, the touch, and even Jaejoong’s mere presence - he wanted them all back.
Although Yunho was a complete wreck inside, he knew he couldn’t afford to let it show. It might be his pride talking, not wanting to let the world know how much he wanted to take back what he had done - oh how he had never been this wrong before. But other than his pride, as a leader, he was somewhat the pillar for the rest of them and therefore, he could not afford to show any cracks. The hardest part now would be the sight of Jaejoong, even more so if the blonde were with Yoochun. He was afraid he would break just by seeing Jaejoong; the lover he used to have - supposed to have; the very person he had wronged.
Yunho could picture himself losing his cool just by the mere sight of Yoochun’s arm around Jaejoong, of the lead singer’s smiles cast in someone else’s direction, of the sound of his beautiful laughter over something Yoochun said. It just seemed impossible for him to get a grip of himself, to play pretend that he was not affected even the slightest bit, that he wasn’t hurting at all when in fact, he was nothing but aching.
Pathetic - Yunho knew he was and no matter how many times he attempted to think things over, there was no flipping the situation. He truly was pathetic. And stupid.
No man in his right mind would have let go of another that was the closest perfection. It was Jaejoong, for Christ’s sake, right in front of him, in the palm of his hands, within the reach of his arms; but all he did was let the man go instead of holding him close. What made it worse was there was nothing in his way; there wasn’t a reason as to why he couldn’t keep Jaejoong, nothing but his mere stupidity.
It wasn’t until Jaejoong was gone that he realized - Jaejoong was all a man like him could ever need. Just a smile from those familiar lips could brighten up any darkness seven days of the week, as though Jaejoong had a pocketful of sunshine stashed in the back of his pants. Yunho could almost no longer recall the bliss of waking up to the sight of Jaejoong- brighter than the sun could ever be, peacefully lying, plastered to his side without a care in the world. And the leader feared, sooner or later, he would completely forget. How he wished Jaejoong could remind him again. And again.
---
A mild passing headache was what Jaejoong woke up to. It was tolerable compared to how it had been a few times back. He wasn’t regretting downing more drinks than he usually had. It wasn’t every night that he got to hangout with the manager and Ji Hoon. And to his surprise, their manager was a good company while he never had a boring second with Ji Hoon; the guy was just entertaining any way he looked at it.
“Would you rather get up now, or kill my numb arm?”
A familiar voice cut Jaejoong’s trance short, reminding him of the previous night from how he had collapsed on Yoochun’s bed and of how reluctant he was to walk to his own bed to how he snuggled to his best friend, using his arm as a pillow. “Sorry.” The blonde bit his bottom lip out of guilt but the corners were curved up to a grin, knowing that he needn’t have to apologize to be forgiven.
Seeing the lead singer first thing in the morning was something Yoochun had gotten used to. But compared to the previous mornings, the Jaejoong blinking the sleepiness away at the moment appeared brighter than he used to. Even the shared room felt a whole lot lighter with Jaejoong smiling up at him like that. And Yoochun knew just who to thank. He was indebted to Ji Hoon more than he thought he’d ever be, although, he was certain the man was doing it free of charge.
Wriggling underneath the sheets, Jaejoong got in a sitting position to give life back to Yoochun’s arm. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
“Too bad, there’s no other way.” Yoochun could only see excitement in Jaejoong’s face.
The lead singer was scheduled to meet with the management later that day to further discuss the project. If things went according to plan, he’d be leaving for Ji Hoon’s place tomorrow morning. He was set to train under Ji Hoon and his team to improve his dancing. The blonde was aware that he was lacking in that department and it would show even more when he’d be dancing side by side with the master himself. Thus, they all decided he needed to work on that area. He might have doubts on his talent, but he was confident his trainer knew exactly what to do. “Is there any way to pass the time?”
“Cook me up a breakfast.” The younger let out a sheepish grin.
“Yes, sir!” Jaejoong got off the bed and noticed that he was still wearing his clothes from the previous day. “Let me change for a while.” With the slightest care, he lift his shirt up, throwing the discarded top somewhere before his pants went through the same fate. He walked to his dresser only in his underwear to fish a set of fresh and more comfortable clothes. Settling for a tank top and a pair of loose trousers, he was ready to jump-start his day. “See you in 20 minutes.” He winked before disappearing behind the door.
Once he reached the kitchen and adjoined dining room, he was left to wonder where Yunho could be. The leader would always be sitting on the left side of the table closest to the corner, sipping his sweet black coffee. But that day, surprisingly, Yunho was nowhere in sight. He mused for a while but upon remembering the promised breakfast for Yoochun, he brushed the thought off and rummaged the cupboard for the frying pan.
As promised, the table was set in twenty minutes. “Wake everyone up for me.” Jaejoong instructed his best friend who just showed up, yawning.
Yoochun did as he was told, shaking the remnants of the late night out as he walked his way to the other room. Without bothering to knock, he intruded the three members’ bedroom. “Jae cooked up a feast. Get up before I empty those plates.” There was a slightest bit of threat in his tone but it was enough to awaken the youngest two, especially Changmin who had been complaining how he missed Jaejoong’s dishes. The two raced to the dining room, while Yunho remained immobile, lying with his stomach flat on the bed, leaving the leader and Yoochun alone.
That was when he recalled the previous night. Guilt planted its fangs at a good surface of his neck as he remembered turning Yunho down the very moment the leader asked for his help. He didn’t even let the guy explain. Sighing, he knew he had to make it up to the leader. “Yunho?”
“Later.” The leader replied as soon as he heard is name. He made no other movement, silently telling Yoochun that he didn’t want to be bothered.
“About last night.” Yoochun tried to get the other to talk to him.
“Forget it.” There was a commanding tone in the leader’s words; something he couldn’t remember hearing and before he realized, he was already outside the door, leaving Yunho alone. He walked back to the dining room with his mood dropped a few notches. Upon making it back to the others, he was met by the blonde smiling up at him while sitting with Changmin and Junsu.
“Where’s Yunho?” Jaejoong inquired.
“He said he’d eat later.”
Changmin’s lip puckered as his nose scrunched up. “I thought the five of us could finally eat together.”
“Yunho-hyung was up late last night. Let him sleep. Besides, Jaejoong-hyung will cook for us again tomorrow, right?” It was more of a request than a question- that was Kim Junsu for you.
With Junsu beaming at him, Jaejoong didn’t have the heart to say no. “Of course.”
“Do you think Appa would like a breakfast in bed?” Changmin spoke his mind, munching on the fried rice.
Junsu idly commented, “Sounds good, he can eat as soon as he wants too.”
“Alright, I’ll go prepare it.” The eldest abruptly stood up from his seat, fetching a tray from the cupboard. He couldn’t dredge up the last time he did this for Yunho and he sort of, sort of, missed it. It had been on one of those rare moments that Yunho would pout his way or tickle Jaejoong’s side just to get the blonde prepare him a breakfast in bed. It was sweet, and sure was unforgettable, but Jaejoong was starting to admit that those moments weren’t happening ever again. He wasn’t losing hope; he was only learning to let go. “Done.” He announced as soon as everything was ready.
“I’ll take it to him.” Yoochun offered, grabbing the opportunity to somehow make it up to Yunho. He placed his chopsticks down, then stood up and took the tray of food from the lead singer. “Go ahead and eat, before Min can empty the plates while we’re not looking.”
“Hey!”
Yoochun heard the blonde chuckling before he was no longer within earshot. Good thing he left the door ajar earlier, or he would’ve a hard time opening it with his both hands occupied. He trudged in as silently as he could as to not disturb Yunho more than he already did. He tried to keep the sound of the tray meeting the nightstand as minimal as he possibly could but the slightest sound still stirred Yunho up. “Um - ” Yoochun was at a loss of words when the leader turned and faced his direction, his state resembling being caught red-handed. “Breakfast?”
“Thanks, man.” Yunho cracked a weary smile as he tiredly stretched his arms, giving the crouched Yoochun two heavy pats on the back before turning back to his previous position. “I’ll eat later.”
“’Kay. The boys want you in the dining room tomorrow morning. Changmin was just complaining how we no longer get to eat together. Besides, it might be Jae’s last day before he leaves for his training.” The younger filled Yunho in of what the leader was missing. The leader hadn’t been mingling with the rest of them lately thus, the guy got rather left out.
“Jaejoong is leaving?” Yunho frantically turned on his bed once again, now with an astounded crease on his forehead.
“It hasn’t been finalized, but we’ll find out today.” There was no chance that Yoochun could ever miss the anxiety that showed not only on the leader’s features but in his tone as well. Then again, Yunho had been nothing but anxious lately. He can’t even recall the last time he saw the leader smile that smile of his that swept Jaejoong off his pretty feet.
“What for?” Yunho was now sitting up on his bed, sheet tangled around his feet in a twirl. He never felt so awake, it was as though he was awoken by a pale of cold water splashed on him.
“He was supposed to train under Ji Hoon’s wing. You know our Jaejoong needs to work on his dancing.” Yoochun spilled, albeit uncertain whether he should tell the leader or not, knowing it would only heighten the leader’s anxiety. But through all these, one thing was confirmed. And Yoochun wasn’t telling anyone until the people concerned settled the issue themselves. Besides, he couldn’t always interfere, could he?
“Is that so.” Yunho’s tone was plain and he was more than clueless as to what to take it for: an opportunity to forget Jaejoong while he was away, or a chance to miss the lead singer all the more. And he couldn’t begin to comprehend how Yoochun could just let Jaejoong go with another man just like that. Did he not harbor enough feelings for the lead singer like he thought Jaejoong deserved?
It was clear that the leader was caught up in his thoughts. It was becoming frequent and was starting to worry the younger one. “Yunho, if you want to talk- I’m just a knock away.” Yoochun signaled his departure, aware that Jaejoong had been waiting for him, not touching his food until he came back.
Yunho’s head was fogged but there was one prominent thought whirling in his mind. “Are you in love with Jaejoong? Tell me.”
The younger froze as his feet remained rooted on the ground, quite unable to get his senses back together. The question thrown his way hit him with full blow, leaving him no room for escape, knocking his senses off for a second or two. “W-what?!”
Failing to read Yoochun’s thoughts, Yunho didn’t know what to take the younger’s shock for. It was either Yoochun wasn’t expecting such ridiculous and totally pointless question, or he was caught red-handed, right on the spot, off-guard. And if the latter was true, Yunho could completely understand, really. After all, it wouldn’t take much effort to fall for Jaejoong. In fact, it was even impossible not to love the man. Yes, he did understand, but it didn’t mean he would acknowledge the whole idea. Now on his feet, Yunho inched closer to the shorter man, his steps carrying some sort of threat. “Answer me. Are you in love with him?”
If Yoochun didn’t know better, he wouldn’t have any idea what Yunho was getting all worked up about. The leader should care less, or most likely, not care at all, who was after the man he had called it quits with. “I’m sorry, but I don’t see why I should explain myself to you.” He knew he was playing with fire, but he wanted to find out what Yunho had up his sleeves. As if adding fuel to the fire, he continued. “You and Jaejoong are over.”
“Damn you!”As his very last string was pulled, Yunho couldn’t keep his hands plastered on his side. Without much thought, his fist flew, hitting Yoochun square on the jaw, causing the younger to stumble backwards and fall on the floor.
What just happened was an act Yoochun didn’t expect the leader would pull. He had known the leader to be calm and collected in any given situation. He was too astounded that he almost couldn’t feel the pain. All he could do was glare back and watch the flame rising in Yunho’s eyes. And just like that, he knew the pain he just received was worth it. a smirk escaped his lips, knowing what exactly was running through the leader’s mind - he wanted Jaejoong back, that was for sure. But was he worth a second chance? Yoochun would love to find out for himself.
“ Oh Chun!” Jaejoong came running; his footsteps never sounded that fast and heavy before. The blonde kneeled down by his best friend’s side, taking the said man’s head in his arms while his carefully roamed the younger’s face, caressing ever so softly. “What happened?” He asked, completely ostracizing the presence of the other man as all of attention was directed upon Yoochun and his bleeding lip.
The display of affection right in front of him was beyond what Yunho could take, resulting to uncontrollable shivers taking the better of him. He didn’t even bother to try and stop himself when he yanked Jaejoong by the arm, bringing the lead singer to his feet before crashing his lips against the defenseless man.
---
A/N: For some reasons, i feel like I'm losing my touch.
“What, am I the third wheel now?” Ji Hoon kid, the after math of the performance was still evident in his voice. He stood by the door, leaning casually against its frame as to not give away the good news in his position. Unbeknownst to the boys of the immensely popular band, he sneaked out during their performance to talk to the boys’ manager to voice out his offer.
“Nah, you’re actually the fourth.” Yoochun joked back, pushing his hair back in a ponytail, he was ready to go out. “Jaejoong has been waiting for you, he’s been keeping a close eye on hyung just in case he disappears again.”
“There’s actually no need for that.” Smirking, Ji Hoon gave the shorter singer a suggestive look, which the other immediately caught.
“Sneaky, very sneaky.” Yoochun grinned, his eyes smiling on their own at the unsaid news. “Jae!” He called after messily tying his hair in a bun. “He’s here.” He announced loud enough for Jaejoong, who was in the farthest corner of the room with arms circled around their managed while getting his thin make-up removed, to hear. Yoochun couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He almost couldn’t recall the last time seeing Jaejoong as childish, and cute, as that. The lead singer had been nothing but matured lately, taking the matters at hand like a man. It was all thanks to Ji Hoon that he got to see such sight again. Apart from the momentary distraction, the project he offered was serving as an opportunity, the biggest one at that, for Jaejoong to move on and get a new life.
“Coming!” Needless to say and to point out was the excitement in the blonde singer’s tone.
Laughing along with the soloist, Yoochun could only watch the manager’s pitiful stance as Jaejoong dragged him.
“What are you on?” The manager turned to the lead singer, raising an eyebrow not out of annoyance but of confusion. “On crack?”
“Hyung!” Jaejoong exclaimed, ignoring the older man’s question.
“He’s the third wheel.” Yoochun butted in, pointing at the man in his mid-thirties. “Hyung! You can’t back out now. You’re coming with us tonight.” His tone was suggesting as if he had one hell of a surprise in store for the manager, only, he had no such thing. He just wanted their manager to have a break and lay-low even just for a night. And knowing how workaholic, and sometimes a slave driver, their manager could be, they could use the night out to discuss the upcoming project.
Jaejoong’s creased eyebrows spelled confusion in bold letters, his gaze jumping from one person to another. He was clueless as to whom he must address his question to for the three men clearly knew something he didn’t. Plus, the fact that Yoochun convinced their manager, their manager for crying out loud, to have a drink with them was just hard to believe. “What’s going on?”
Smiling from ear to ear, Ji Hoon finally broke the news. “I already told him. And he agreed. He said he’ll finalize it with Soo Man-nim.”
---
Not only had Yunho lost count, he plainly didn’t want to count at all. Doing so will only remind him of how much of an outcast he was now. It had been so many nights, so many damn cold, lonely nights that Jaejoong had gone out with Yoochun, and now, he was with Ji Hoon, too. He no longer knew what to think, and it felt like he was pouring his mind to an abyss where everything was beyond his control.
With his pride soiled, Yunho wished it wasn’t anger he was feeling, much more, he wished he wasn’t feeling anything at all. All his life, he had never been more embarrassed than he was when his ex practically gawked at one particular performer earlier that night. But Yunho had to admit, Ji Hoon was damn good at his craft and can beat him at it any given time. He admitted his defeat as a man in that area, but never when it concerned his lead singer. It felt like a spit on his face seeing Jaejoong very much delighted by the soloist performance, especially when Jaejoong’s eyes used to lit up for him and him alone.
What disturbed him even more was the up and coming collaboration that their manager and even Lee Soo Man had now agreed upon. There was just no stopping it now. Jaejoong seemed excited by the mere thought of it. Then again, who wouldn’t be when it was Ji Hoon, the so-called world star, giving you such irresistible offer? The project could only mean more time together for the two, just like now. It was, again, almost midnight and the soul mates were probably still boozing themselves up.
And there Yunho was, back at square one, wishing he wasn’t alone on the couch while two of his members were out drinking with a stranger. He wished he could just sleep away the anxiety that was welling up inside; wished he could fall into a peaceful slumber like Junsu and Changmin had, wished the TV screen wasn’t flashing him useless images that won’t take good hold of his resentment. Wished the news anchor didn’t have the most annoying voice, wished the couch was softer so he could drift off to sleep without much effort, wished the night wasn’t so cold due to the unoccupied space beside him. Above all else, he wished he wasn’t missing Jaejoong the way he was doing so.
It never crossed his mind that things would ever come down to this. This, being the state he was currently in, though he never meant any of this misery to be bestowed upon him. Back then, it had been the right and only thing that he thought Jaejoong deserved. He saw no point in letting the lead singer hold on to his half assessed feelings. He didn’t want to fool Jaejoong and himself that their feelings were forever. He knew, or at least he thought he did, that everything would fall back into their rightful places, to the way things used to be minus the commitment. Little did he know, rightful wouldn’t feel so right without Jaejoong. A smile betrayed his lips; even his body was mocking him now.
To top it all off with confusion, Yoochun’s words came whirling back in his head. If you haven’t realized, you’re not the only one hurting here- I am too. He had no idea what to take it for and before he could stop himself, countless assumptions ran through his head. He had known, perhaps more than anybody and witnessed more than he would have liked, how close Yoochun and Jaejoong were. The leader could only hope and pray that the two had not crossed the line of friendship, but it didn’t help that such thing happening wasn’t a far cry and maybe it was even bound to happen. And that, Yunho was afraid, he could never take.
Amidst all that, the leader felt guilty for doubting Yoochun and his intensions. For crying out loud, he and Yoochun were friends just the same. The younger couldn’t possibly betray him by stealing his man away, could he? But whom was Yunho kidding? He couldn’t recall how many times he had to remind himself time and time again that Jaejoong was no longer his and was now a man free for anyone to claim. Just the thought of it was suffocating, so he couldn’t bring himself to imagine how devastated he’d be once Yoochun, Ji Hoon, or any other man takes his lead singer.
He didn’t want to ever witness Jaejoong giving someone else the stares he used to reserve only for him. And he could definitely not take watching Jaejoong’s lips against a man’s other than him. And it was then that he realized how much he missed those little ministrations. Realization came with another, telling him of how much he had taken them for granted - the kiss, the touch, and even Jaejoong’s mere presence - he wanted them all back.
Although Yunho was a complete wreck inside, he knew he couldn’t afford to let it show. It might be his pride talking, not wanting to let the world know how much he wanted to take back what he had done - oh how he had never been this wrong before. But other than his pride, as a leader, he was somewhat the pillar for the rest of them and therefore, he could not afford to show any cracks. The hardest part now would be the sight of Jaejoong, even more so if the blonde were with Yoochun. He was afraid he would break just by seeing Jaejoong; the lover he used to have - supposed to have; the very person he had wronged.
Yunho could picture himself losing his cool just by the mere sight of Yoochun’s arm around Jaejoong, of the lead singer’s smiles cast in someone else’s direction, of the sound of his beautiful laughter over something Yoochun said. It just seemed impossible for him to get a grip of himself, to play pretend that he was not affected even the slightest bit, that he wasn’t hurting at all when in fact, he was nothing but aching.
Pathetic - Yunho knew he was and no matter how many times he attempted to think things over, there was no flipping the situation. He truly was pathetic. And stupid.
No man in his right mind would have let go of another that was the closest perfection. It was Jaejoong, for Christ’s sake, right in front of him, in the palm of his hands, within the reach of his arms; but all he did was let the man go instead of holding him close. What made it worse was there was nothing in his way; there wasn’t a reason as to why he couldn’t keep Jaejoong, nothing but his mere stupidity.
It wasn’t until Jaejoong was gone that he realized - Jaejoong was all a man like him could ever need. Just a smile from those familiar lips could brighten up any darkness seven days of the week, as though Jaejoong had a pocketful of sunshine stashed in the back of his pants. Yunho could almost no longer recall the bliss of waking up to the sight of Jaejoong- brighter than the sun could ever be, peacefully lying, plastered to his side without a care in the world. And the leader feared, sooner or later, he would completely forget. How he wished Jaejoong could remind him again. And again.
---
A mild passing headache was what Jaejoong woke up to. It was tolerable compared to how it had been a few times back. He wasn’t regretting downing more drinks than he usually had. It wasn’t every night that he got to hangout with the manager and Ji Hoon. And to his surprise, their manager was a good company while he never had a boring second with Ji Hoon; the guy was just entertaining any way he looked at it.
“Would you rather get up now, or kill my numb arm?”
A familiar voice cut Jaejoong’s trance short, reminding him of the previous night from how he had collapsed on Yoochun’s bed and of how reluctant he was to walk to his own bed to how he snuggled to his best friend, using his arm as a pillow. “Sorry.” The blonde bit his bottom lip out of guilt but the corners were curved up to a grin, knowing that he needn’t have to apologize to be forgiven.
Seeing the lead singer first thing in the morning was something Yoochun had gotten used to. But compared to the previous mornings, the Jaejoong blinking the sleepiness away at the moment appeared brighter than he used to. Even the shared room felt a whole lot lighter with Jaejoong smiling up at him like that. And Yoochun knew just who to thank. He was indebted to Ji Hoon more than he thought he’d ever be, although, he was certain the man was doing it free of charge.
Wriggling underneath the sheets, Jaejoong got in a sitting position to give life back to Yoochun’s arm. “I can’t wait for tomorrow.”
“Too bad, there’s no other way.” Yoochun could only see excitement in Jaejoong’s face.
The lead singer was scheduled to meet with the management later that day to further discuss the project. If things went according to plan, he’d be leaving for Ji Hoon’s place tomorrow morning. He was set to train under Ji Hoon and his team to improve his dancing. The blonde was aware that he was lacking in that department and it would show even more when he’d be dancing side by side with the master himself. Thus, they all decided he needed to work on that area. He might have doubts on his talent, but he was confident his trainer knew exactly what to do. “Is there any way to pass the time?”
“Cook me up a breakfast.” The younger let out a sheepish grin.
“Yes, sir!” Jaejoong got off the bed and noticed that he was still wearing his clothes from the previous day. “Let me change for a while.” With the slightest care, he lift his shirt up, throwing the discarded top somewhere before his pants went through the same fate. He walked to his dresser only in his underwear to fish a set of fresh and more comfortable clothes. Settling for a tank top and a pair of loose trousers, he was ready to jump-start his day. “See you in 20 minutes.” He winked before disappearing behind the door.
Once he reached the kitchen and adjoined dining room, he was left to wonder where Yunho could be. The leader would always be sitting on the left side of the table closest to the corner, sipping his sweet black coffee. But that day, surprisingly, Yunho was nowhere in sight. He mused for a while but upon remembering the promised breakfast for Yoochun, he brushed the thought off and rummaged the cupboard for the frying pan.
As promised, the table was set in twenty minutes. “Wake everyone up for me.” Jaejoong instructed his best friend who just showed up, yawning.
Yoochun did as he was told, shaking the remnants of the late night out as he walked his way to the other room. Without bothering to knock, he intruded the three members’ bedroom. “Jae cooked up a feast. Get up before I empty those plates.” There was a slightest bit of threat in his tone but it was enough to awaken the youngest two, especially Changmin who had been complaining how he missed Jaejoong’s dishes. The two raced to the dining room, while Yunho remained immobile, lying with his stomach flat on the bed, leaving the leader and Yoochun alone.
That was when he recalled the previous night. Guilt planted its fangs at a good surface of his neck as he remembered turning Yunho down the very moment the leader asked for his help. He didn’t even let the guy explain. Sighing, he knew he had to make it up to the leader. “Yunho?”
“Later.” The leader replied as soon as he heard is name. He made no other movement, silently telling Yoochun that he didn’t want to be bothered.
“About last night.” Yoochun tried to get the other to talk to him.
“Forget it.” There was a commanding tone in the leader’s words; something he couldn’t remember hearing and before he realized, he was already outside the door, leaving Yunho alone. He walked back to the dining room with his mood dropped a few notches. Upon making it back to the others, he was met by the blonde smiling up at him while sitting with Changmin and Junsu.
“Where’s Yunho?” Jaejoong inquired.
“He said he’d eat later.”
Changmin’s lip puckered as his nose scrunched up. “I thought the five of us could finally eat together.”
“Yunho-hyung was up late last night. Let him sleep. Besides, Jaejoong-hyung will cook for us again tomorrow, right?” It was more of a request than a question- that was Kim Junsu for you.
With Junsu beaming at him, Jaejoong didn’t have the heart to say no. “Of course.”
“Do you think Appa would like a breakfast in bed?” Changmin spoke his mind, munching on the fried rice.
Junsu idly commented, “Sounds good, he can eat as soon as he wants too.”
“Alright, I’ll go prepare it.” The eldest abruptly stood up from his seat, fetching a tray from the cupboard. He couldn’t dredge up the last time he did this for Yunho and he sort of, sort of, missed it. It had been on one of those rare moments that Yunho would pout his way or tickle Jaejoong’s side just to get the blonde prepare him a breakfast in bed. It was sweet, and sure was unforgettable, but Jaejoong was starting to admit that those moments weren’t happening ever again. He wasn’t losing hope; he was only learning to let go. “Done.” He announced as soon as everything was ready.
“I’ll take it to him.” Yoochun offered, grabbing the opportunity to somehow make it up to Yunho. He placed his chopsticks down, then stood up and took the tray of food from the lead singer. “Go ahead and eat, before Min can empty the plates while we’re not looking.”
“Hey!”
Yoochun heard the blonde chuckling before he was no longer within earshot. Good thing he left the door ajar earlier, or he would’ve a hard time opening it with his both hands occupied. He trudged in as silently as he could as to not disturb Yunho more than he already did. He tried to keep the sound of the tray meeting the nightstand as minimal as he possibly could but the slightest sound still stirred Yunho up. “Um - ” Yoochun was at a loss of words when the leader turned and faced his direction, his state resembling being caught red-handed. “Breakfast?”
“Thanks, man.” Yunho cracked a weary smile as he tiredly stretched his arms, giving the crouched Yoochun two heavy pats on the back before turning back to his previous position. “I’ll eat later.”
“’Kay. The boys want you in the dining room tomorrow morning. Changmin was just complaining how we no longer get to eat together. Besides, it might be Jae’s last day before he leaves for his training.” The younger filled Yunho in of what the leader was missing. The leader hadn’t been mingling with the rest of them lately thus, the guy got rather left out.
“Jaejoong is leaving?” Yunho frantically turned on his bed once again, now with an astounded crease on his forehead.
“It hasn’t been finalized, but we’ll find out today.” There was no chance that Yoochun could ever miss the anxiety that showed not only on the leader’s features but in his tone as well. Then again, Yunho had been nothing but anxious lately. He can’t even recall the last time he saw the leader smile that smile of his that swept Jaejoong off his pretty feet.
“What for?” Yunho was now sitting up on his bed, sheet tangled around his feet in a twirl. He never felt so awake, it was as though he was awoken by a pale of cold water splashed on him.
“He was supposed to train under Ji Hoon’s wing. You know our Jaejoong needs to work on his dancing.” Yoochun spilled, albeit uncertain whether he should tell the leader or not, knowing it would only heighten the leader’s anxiety. But through all these, one thing was confirmed. And Yoochun wasn’t telling anyone until the people concerned settled the issue themselves. Besides, he couldn’t always interfere, could he?
“Is that so.” Yunho’s tone was plain and he was more than clueless as to what to take it for: an opportunity to forget Jaejoong while he was away, or a chance to miss the lead singer all the more. And he couldn’t begin to comprehend how Yoochun could just let Jaejoong go with another man just like that. Did he not harbor enough feelings for the lead singer like he thought Jaejoong deserved?
It was clear that the leader was caught up in his thoughts. It was becoming frequent and was starting to worry the younger one. “Yunho, if you want to talk- I’m just a knock away.” Yoochun signaled his departure, aware that Jaejoong had been waiting for him, not touching his food until he came back.
Yunho’s head was fogged but there was one prominent thought whirling in his mind. “Are you in love with Jaejoong? Tell me.”
The younger froze as his feet remained rooted on the ground, quite unable to get his senses back together. The question thrown his way hit him with full blow, leaving him no room for escape, knocking his senses off for a second or two. “W-what?!”
Failing to read Yoochun’s thoughts, Yunho didn’t know what to take the younger’s shock for. It was either Yoochun wasn’t expecting such ridiculous and totally pointless question, or he was caught red-handed, right on the spot, off-guard. And if the latter was true, Yunho could completely understand, really. After all, it wouldn’t take much effort to fall for Jaejoong. In fact, it was even impossible not to love the man. Yes, he did understand, but it didn’t mean he would acknowledge the whole idea. Now on his feet, Yunho inched closer to the shorter man, his steps carrying some sort of threat. “Answer me. Are you in love with him?”
If Yoochun didn’t know better, he wouldn’t have any idea what Yunho was getting all worked up about. The leader should care less, or most likely, not care at all, who was after the man he had called it quits with. “I’m sorry, but I don’t see why I should explain myself to you.” He knew he was playing with fire, but he wanted to find out what Yunho had up his sleeves. As if adding fuel to the fire, he continued. “You and Jaejoong are over.”
“Damn you!”As his very last string was pulled, Yunho couldn’t keep his hands plastered on his side. Without much thought, his fist flew, hitting Yoochun square on the jaw, causing the younger to stumble backwards and fall on the floor.
What just happened was an act Yoochun didn’t expect the leader would pull. He had known the leader to be calm and collected in any given situation. He was too astounded that he almost couldn’t feel the pain. All he could do was glare back and watch the flame rising in Yunho’s eyes. And just like that, he knew the pain he just received was worth it. a smirk escaped his lips, knowing what exactly was running through the leader’s mind - he wanted Jaejoong back, that was for sure. But was he worth a second chance? Yoochun would love to find out for himself.
“ Oh Chun!” Jaejoong came running; his footsteps never sounded that fast and heavy before. The blonde kneeled down by his best friend’s side, taking the said man’s head in his arms while his carefully roamed the younger’s face, caressing ever so softly. “What happened?” He asked, completely ostracizing the presence of the other man as all of attention was directed upon Yoochun and his bleeding lip.
The display of affection right in front of him was beyond what Yunho could take, resulting to uncontrollable shivers taking the better of him. He didn’t even bother to try and stop himself when he yanked Jaejoong by the arm, bringing the lead singer to his feet before crashing his lips against the defenseless man.
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A/N: For some reasons, i feel like I'm losing my touch.