Creativity Lives On...2
Title: Save Yourself 1/2
Author: tory_jhay88
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 2,406
Rating: R for language
Summary: Sometimes you just have to save yourself...
Spoilers: Season 1-3.15 Papa's Cabin
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars (not that I'd mind owning Veronica Mars).
Author's Note: The resolution...
Part One
Veronica hesitated.
She had no idea what compelled her to be there anyway. She’d like to think that nothing that Betty said drove her to where she was at that moment. But then she’d only be lying. To herself no less.
‘he still loves you, fact is he always will,’
Words uttered with such solemnity. As if by saying such thing out loud would be enough to make it all true. Veronica didn’t know what irritated her the most, the fact that it took the girl, who she formerly labeled as Logan’s girl, to get her where she was or that her own curiosity drove her to the brink of near insanity, enough to compel her to make an unscheduled trip to the other side of town.
She raised a hand hesitantly.
It was one o’ clock in the morning. No one in their right mind would think that it was a good time to make an unwelcome visit.
She dropped her hand to her side and was quite prepared to turn around and head back to the comfort of her own bed. Although a night filled with endless gawping at the ceiling was not really at the top of her priority list.
Three days.
She had been debating on whether or not it was appropriate to ask Logan if there was any truth to Betty’s claims. For the last three days she had been constantly assaulted by declarations of the people around her, mentally anyway.
Hell even Weevil was in better terms with her ex-boyfriend than she was. If her hearing was not failing her, she could distinctly remember Wallace bailing on their BFF time to hang out with the two. Apparently they had barbeque Sundays. She snorted in disdain at the thought.
She raised her hand again and was willing herself to knock.
Yet she hesitated.
What if he had a girl in there? What if he was with someone at that exact moment? What if Betty was just lying and this was just an elaborate joke at her expense?
She dropped her hand to her side and spun on her heels. She walked resolutely to her car. She was not about to become the butt of their joke.
But what if she was telling the truth? Betty had the most reputable character. If she took a random survey on campus everyone would whole heartedly concur that Bethany Marsden was an absolute angel. Even atheists would say so.
‘he still loves you, fact is he always will,’
She’d been asking herself over the last three days if she wanted Betty’s words to be true. And that line of thinking brought her to where she was.
Veronica turned back around and marched to his door with a renewed sense of purpose. She had to know. She had to find out if he really did love her despite all that had happened. She had to know if there was a chance that their fractured relationship survived their last parting.
She reached the door again, raised her hand to knock again.
Yet she hesitated.
Did she want Betty to be right? If he really did love her how come he never tried to get her back? How come it was her standing outside his door and not the other way around? Why was she the one trying to get him back? Shouldn’t he be the one trying to see if they can have another chance himself?
She dropped her hand to her side again.
Should she really be the one chasing after him? She was the girl in the relationship, she should be entitled to act girly. Then again she did tell him that she would never be able to get over the fact that he slept with Madison. Maybe he was just trying to respect her wishes. Therefore it was up to her to try and see if they can be together again.
And yet she hesitated.
“Do you have any intention of knocking at all?” an exasperated voice asked through the open window.
Veronica winced inwardly. She’d been stomping around for the last half-hour. She was a detective for goodness sake. How could she have missed the open window?
She debated whether it would be wise to make a run for it. Obviously Logan knew it was her. Then again she could just chalk it up to his imagination if he managed to get the cojones to ask her if she was lurking outside his house at the wee hours of the morning.
Before she could make any final decision the door opened, revealing an annoyed Logan Echolls. He eyed her speculatively. Veronica just stared back at him. Deciding that if the first words out of his mouth were in any way derogatory then she was better off walking away.
“Meddler.” he muttered under his breath.
Her brows furrowed at his word.
“Not you. Beth.” he replied to her unspoken question. “Won’t you come in?” he opened the door with such flourish and bowed lowly as she stepped into the beach house.
Veronica found herself looking at the home that he made for himself.
The entire house screamed his identity. The atmosphere seemed so relaxed. The living room, painted in dark hues, had a large screen TV and there were two huge couches at opposite sides. It looked very much lived in. The dining room had a casual air about it. The round table was covered with a plaid linen. The chairs were scattered all over the place.
Logan’s beach house had none of the air of superiority that the old Echolls residence possessed. It was not a shrine to someone’s life. It was just a house. No scratch that, it was a home.
She smiled grimly at the thought. He had changed. And he did it without her in his life.
It was amazing how much a person could accomplish in a year. Veronica would never have imagined Logan changing so much in such short a time. But he did.
Her dad was right. He sure did a swell job at the growing up part.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked her politely. So politely in fact that she was having a tough time reconciling this Logan with her Logan.
She shook her head. He looked at her expectantly.
“What can I do for you Veronica?” he asked since her brain was obviously failing her.
She stared at him dumbly. What exactly did she hope to accomplish by coming here? He was being uncharacteristically nice to her, even if she did barge into his home at one in the morning.
“You still love me.” she blurted out of nowhere. She closed her eyes upon realizing what she just did. She breathed in and then out. Hoping that the earth would open up and swallow her whole already.
When she finally opened her eyes she saw him looking at her curiously. He merely nodded in response to her words.
“Did you hear what I just said?” she finally asked after a long silence.
He just nodded again, but added a shrug to his answer.
It was her turn to look at him expectantly. She anticipated him to either deny it or confess his undying love for her. Was that expecting too much? Instead she got two nods and a shrug. Yeah deciding to come here was a smart choice. Sarcasm dully noted.
“Okay then. I guess I should just go.” she looked at him once more and then just shook her head.
“Veronica, what do you want me to say? You come here and you tell me that I still love you. A fact that I am very much aware of by the way.” his words stopped her in her tracks.
She whirled around so she could face him, “How can you not tell me? How can you let me believe that you’re moving on with your life?”
Logan rolled his eyes at her outburst, “You seem to be missing an important piece of the puzzle Detective Mars. Maybe your memory is deliberately neglecting to tell you the most important aspect that is up for debate. You told me that you would never be able to get past the fact that I fucked Madison Sinclair.”
“You know I didn’t mean it.” she stubbornly replied.
“Like hell you didn’t.” he laughed bitterly. “I poured my heart out to you and you know what I got in return? Deafening silence. So pardon me for not wanting to put my heart on the line.”
“When did this heart pouring that you’re talking about happen?” she countered just as bitterly.
“Ah! Veronica's voice mail! So, where are you, Veronica? Out digging through someone's trash, maybe? Interrogating one of your friends? Beating out a confession? You know, if you dig deep enough, you're gonna find that everyone's a sinner. Judge not, Veronica, et cetera, et cetera. All right, stay on message, Logan. Okay, honestly...it's encouraging that someone still has such high expectations of me. Veronica, I would give anything if I could take back that night in Aspen. I'm sorry it causes you so much pain. I'm sorry it happened. And I really love you, Veronica.” he spread his arms wide open as he finished. “Not ringing any bells?”
Veronica lowered her eyes at his impassioned speech.
“You deleted it the moment you heard it was me, didn’t you?” he shook his head and looked away from her.
She remembered the message. She just deleted it, to her it was the return of jackass Logan and she was already too hurt that she just didn‘t want to hear whatever he had to say.
“Can’t say I blame you.” he nodded understandingly.
His declaration brought Veronica’s gaze back on him.
“I did an unforgivable thing. You made that all very clear, so here we are.” Logan ran a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, here we are.” she muttered quietly.
“Why are you here Veronica?” he looked at her tiredly.
“Betty said-”
“Don’t use her as your excuse.” he interrupted her all of a sudden.
“I’m not.” she looked at him with such resentment.
“You didn’t come here just because of what she said. You’ve been dying to tell me off since you saw me walking her to class the very first day of the semester.” Logan folded his arms across his chest as he waited for her tirade expectantly.
“You’ve changed.” she said quietly.
“So what if I did?” he looked at her critically.
“You changed the moment I was no longer a part of your life. You shared a better part of yourself with someone else. And damn it Logan that hurt! Out of all the things you did the thought that by not being with me…you are…you are a better person without me in your life!” she could feel herself tearing up as she said the words that she’d been dying to say since she first saw him with Betty.
Logan looked at everything but her as she finished.
“And then I find out from some girl, who knows nothing about me by the way, that you’re still in love with me. And you know what else? She told me I have to work on deserving you. Isn’t that just icing on the cake? Fan-frakin-tastic is what it was!” she eyed him angrily.
“You didn’t have to listen to her.” he retorted coolly.
“Apparently she’s the authority on all things Logan Echolls. How come she gets the honest you?” Veronica couldn’t help the hurt from tainting her tone.
“Is this the entire point of your visit here? Are we doing a recap of all the bad things that I have done, because seriously I could do without it.” he looked at her with such impatience.
“I don’t need you to tell me everything that had gone wrong with our relationship Veronica. I just quit the habit of obsessing over every tiny detail about what went wrong between us and the truth is I have Beth to thank for that. And you’re right I have become a better person without you in my life. And Bethany may have been instrumental in certain changes that you see in me now. But she wasn’t the reason I changed. I am the reason I changed. I got tired of being the constant fuck-up. I hated what I saw whenever I look in the mirror. I saved myself Veronica. Not you, not Beth. And I‘m so fucking proud of myself.” Logan uttered with such gravity.
Veronica knew that if this moment was happening a year ago they would be screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. But he’d changed and it showed.
“I’m proud of you too.” she spoke quietly.
Logan did a double take at her words. And then he smiled. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad you are doing great Logan.” she felt the fight drain right out of her. It was their pattern and it was high time that they stopped using the other’s mistake as their ammo.
“Look Veronica-”
“That’s all I actually wanted to say. I’m glad you’re doing a swell job at being a grown up.” she bravely looked at him.
He looked at her dubiously and then he smirked, “You borrowed your dad’s word.”
Her brows furrowed. “Borrowed?”
“Yeah, he told me I’m such a swell kid now. That I didn’t used to be.” he looked as though he was remembering the moment.
“So I guess I should get going.” she didn’t want to go, something was still unresolved.
“That’s it?” Logan actually seemed disappointed in her. It was a hard feeling to swallow.
“Betty was right. I do have to work on deserving you.” she nodded, she felt like she was trying to convince him and herself as well.
“Ve-”
“If it makes any difference I loved you then. I love you now.” she looked at him squarely in the eye as she said the words that she’s never said before.
“Then why are you leaving?” he asked with such patience.
“I told you I have to work on deserving you.” she exhaled in exasperation it was taking everything inside her to leave and his question was not making it any easier.
“Can you not interrupt me while I say something profound?” he asked her sardonically.
She tried hard not to roll her eyes at him and nodded. She was feeling so emotional and it felt like it was a joke to him. He was always good at reading her mood, yet he seemed completely oblivious of her inner turmoil.
“If everyone had to work on deserving the one they love then the world would be filled with miserable people. You don’t have to work on deserving me.” he shook his head at the idea.
“But-”
“No buts Veronica. We are more than a sum of bad memories. You and I…we’re Logan and Veronica. I never doubted for a moment that we would eventually find our way back to each other. No matter how long it took we will eventually be together again.” he declared with such certainty.
She felt herself tearing up at his words. He sounded so sure. She couldn’t help but feel worse since all this time she had put the idea of them at the back of her mind. A part of her couldn’t help but feel that somehow she really did let him down. By not believing in them as much.
“Stop it.” Logan looked at her sternly.
“Stop what?” she asked him tearfully.
“Stop with your self-recrimination. I just told you the best speech of my life and here you are trying so hard not to cry. I had to come up with that on the spot and you’re not even swooning at my profound wisdom.” he closed the distance between them and settled his hands around her waist.
She looked at him tearfully somehow feeling that she really didn’t deserve him.
“I love you Veronica Mars. And we are going to take a lot of work. I refuse to keep on being an on-again, off-again couple.” he gazed at her with such tenderness. “We’ll do better this time won’t we?”
She just nodded in return.
“After all you do have Logan 2.0. I heard he’s a better version. One that actually has a future.” he tipped her chin up and she could see it in his eyes, clear as day, that he really did save himself.
“I’ll take whatever part of you I can get Logan.” she took his hand from her face and held it tight.
“Then you’re in luck. You already have all of me.” Logan allowed their hands to intertwine.
THE END
Author: tory_jhay88
Pairing/Character: Logan/Veronica
Word Count: 2,406
Rating: R for language
Summary: Sometimes you just have to save yourself...
Spoilers: Season 1-3.15 Papa's Cabin
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars (not that I'd mind owning Veronica Mars).
Author's Note: The resolution...
Part One
Veronica hesitated.
She had no idea what compelled her to be there anyway. She’d like to think that nothing that Betty said drove her to where she was at that moment. But then she’d only be lying. To herself no less.
‘he still loves you, fact is he always will,’
Words uttered with such solemnity. As if by saying such thing out loud would be enough to make it all true. Veronica didn’t know what irritated her the most, the fact that it took the girl, who she formerly labeled as Logan’s girl, to get her where she was or that her own curiosity drove her to the brink of near insanity, enough to compel her to make an unscheduled trip to the other side of town.
She raised a hand hesitantly.
It was one o’ clock in the morning. No one in their right mind would think that it was a good time to make an unwelcome visit.
She dropped her hand to her side and was quite prepared to turn around and head back to the comfort of her own bed. Although a night filled with endless gawping at the ceiling was not really at the top of her priority list.
Three days.
She had been debating on whether or not it was appropriate to ask Logan if there was any truth to Betty’s claims. For the last three days she had been constantly assaulted by declarations of the people around her, mentally anyway.
Hell even Weevil was in better terms with her ex-boyfriend than she was. If her hearing was not failing her, she could distinctly remember Wallace bailing on their BFF time to hang out with the two. Apparently they had barbeque Sundays. She snorted in disdain at the thought.
She raised her hand again and was willing herself to knock.
Yet she hesitated.
What if he had a girl in there? What if he was with someone at that exact moment? What if Betty was just lying and this was just an elaborate joke at her expense?
She dropped her hand to her side and spun on her heels. She walked resolutely to her car. She was not about to become the butt of their joke.
But what if she was telling the truth? Betty had the most reputable character. If she took a random survey on campus everyone would whole heartedly concur that Bethany Marsden was an absolute angel. Even atheists would say so.
‘he still loves you, fact is he always will,’
She’d been asking herself over the last three days if she wanted Betty’s words to be true. And that line of thinking brought her to where she was.
Veronica turned back around and marched to his door with a renewed sense of purpose. She had to know. She had to find out if he really did love her despite all that had happened. She had to know if there was a chance that their fractured relationship survived their last parting.
She reached the door again, raised her hand to knock again.
Yet she hesitated.
Did she want Betty to be right? If he really did love her how come he never tried to get her back? How come it was her standing outside his door and not the other way around? Why was she the one trying to get him back? Shouldn’t he be the one trying to see if they can have another chance himself?
She dropped her hand to her side again.
Should she really be the one chasing after him? She was the girl in the relationship, she should be entitled to act girly. Then again she did tell him that she would never be able to get over the fact that he slept with Madison. Maybe he was just trying to respect her wishes. Therefore it was up to her to try and see if they can be together again.
And yet she hesitated.
“Do you have any intention of knocking at all?” an exasperated voice asked through the open window.
Veronica winced inwardly. She’d been stomping around for the last half-hour. She was a detective for goodness sake. How could she have missed the open window?
She debated whether it would be wise to make a run for it. Obviously Logan knew it was her. Then again she could just chalk it up to his imagination if he managed to get the cojones to ask her if she was lurking outside his house at the wee hours of the morning.
Before she could make any final decision the door opened, revealing an annoyed Logan Echolls. He eyed her speculatively. Veronica just stared back at him. Deciding that if the first words out of his mouth were in any way derogatory then she was better off walking away.
“Meddler.” he muttered under his breath.
Her brows furrowed at his word.
“Not you. Beth.” he replied to her unspoken question. “Won’t you come in?” he opened the door with such flourish and bowed lowly as she stepped into the beach house.
Veronica found herself looking at the home that he made for himself.
The entire house screamed his identity. The atmosphere seemed so relaxed. The living room, painted in dark hues, had a large screen TV and there were two huge couches at opposite sides. It looked very much lived in. The dining room had a casual air about it. The round table was covered with a plaid linen. The chairs were scattered all over the place.
Logan’s beach house had none of the air of superiority that the old Echolls residence possessed. It was not a shrine to someone’s life. It was just a house. No scratch that, it was a home.
She smiled grimly at the thought. He had changed. And he did it without her in his life.
It was amazing how much a person could accomplish in a year. Veronica would never have imagined Logan changing so much in such short a time. But he did.
Her dad was right. He sure did a swell job at the growing up part.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked her politely. So politely in fact that she was having a tough time reconciling this Logan with her Logan.
She shook her head. He looked at her expectantly.
“What can I do for you Veronica?” he asked since her brain was obviously failing her.
She stared at him dumbly. What exactly did she hope to accomplish by coming here? He was being uncharacteristically nice to her, even if she did barge into his home at one in the morning.
“You still love me.” she blurted out of nowhere. She closed her eyes upon realizing what she just did. She breathed in and then out. Hoping that the earth would open up and swallow her whole already.
When she finally opened her eyes she saw him looking at her curiously. He merely nodded in response to her words.
“Did you hear what I just said?” she finally asked after a long silence.
He just nodded again, but added a shrug to his answer.
It was her turn to look at him expectantly. She anticipated him to either deny it or confess his undying love for her. Was that expecting too much? Instead she got two nods and a shrug. Yeah deciding to come here was a smart choice. Sarcasm dully noted.
“Okay then. I guess I should just go.” she looked at him once more and then just shook her head.
“Veronica, what do you want me to say? You come here and you tell me that I still love you. A fact that I am very much aware of by the way.” his words stopped her in her tracks.
She whirled around so she could face him, “How can you not tell me? How can you let me believe that you’re moving on with your life?”
Logan rolled his eyes at her outburst, “You seem to be missing an important piece of the puzzle Detective Mars. Maybe your memory is deliberately neglecting to tell you the most important aspect that is up for debate. You told me that you would never be able to get past the fact that I fucked Madison Sinclair.”
“You know I didn’t mean it.” she stubbornly replied.
“Like hell you didn’t.” he laughed bitterly. “I poured my heart out to you and you know what I got in return? Deafening silence. So pardon me for not wanting to put my heart on the line.”
“When did this heart pouring that you’re talking about happen?” she countered just as bitterly.
“Ah! Veronica's voice mail! So, where are you, Veronica? Out digging through someone's trash, maybe? Interrogating one of your friends? Beating out a confession? You know, if you dig deep enough, you're gonna find that everyone's a sinner. Judge not, Veronica, et cetera, et cetera. All right, stay on message, Logan. Okay, honestly...it's encouraging that someone still has such high expectations of me. Veronica, I would give anything if I could take back that night in Aspen. I'm sorry it causes you so much pain. I'm sorry it happened. And I really love you, Veronica.” he spread his arms wide open as he finished. “Not ringing any bells?”
Veronica lowered her eyes at his impassioned speech.
“You deleted it the moment you heard it was me, didn’t you?” he shook his head and looked away from her.
She remembered the message. She just deleted it, to her it was the return of jackass Logan and she was already too hurt that she just didn‘t want to hear whatever he had to say.
“Can’t say I blame you.” he nodded understandingly.
His declaration brought Veronica’s gaze back on him.
“I did an unforgivable thing. You made that all very clear, so here we are.” Logan ran a hand through his hair.
“Yeah, here we are.” she muttered quietly.
“Why are you here Veronica?” he looked at her tiredly.
“Betty said-”
“Don’t use her as your excuse.” he interrupted her all of a sudden.
“I’m not.” she looked at him with such resentment.
“You didn’t come here just because of what she said. You’ve been dying to tell me off since you saw me walking her to class the very first day of the semester.” Logan folded his arms across his chest as he waited for her tirade expectantly.
“You’ve changed.” she said quietly.
“So what if I did?” he looked at her critically.
“You changed the moment I was no longer a part of your life. You shared a better part of yourself with someone else. And damn it Logan that hurt! Out of all the things you did the thought that by not being with me…you are…you are a better person without me in your life!” she could feel herself tearing up as she said the words that she’d been dying to say since she first saw him with Betty.
Logan looked at everything but her as she finished.
“And then I find out from some girl, who knows nothing about me by the way, that you’re still in love with me. And you know what else? She told me I have to work on deserving you. Isn’t that just icing on the cake? Fan-frakin-tastic is what it was!” she eyed him angrily.
“You didn’t have to listen to her.” he retorted coolly.
“Apparently she’s the authority on all things Logan Echolls. How come she gets the honest you?” Veronica couldn’t help the hurt from tainting her tone.
“Is this the entire point of your visit here? Are we doing a recap of all the bad things that I have done, because seriously I could do without it.” he looked at her with such impatience.
“I don’t need you to tell me everything that had gone wrong with our relationship Veronica. I just quit the habit of obsessing over every tiny detail about what went wrong between us and the truth is I have Beth to thank for that. And you’re right I have become a better person without you in my life. And Bethany may have been instrumental in certain changes that you see in me now. But she wasn’t the reason I changed. I am the reason I changed. I got tired of being the constant fuck-up. I hated what I saw whenever I look in the mirror. I saved myself Veronica. Not you, not Beth. And I‘m so fucking proud of myself.” Logan uttered with such gravity.
Veronica knew that if this moment was happening a year ago they would be screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. But he’d changed and it showed.
“I’m proud of you too.” she spoke quietly.
Logan did a double take at her words. And then he smiled. “Thank you.”
“I’m glad you are doing great Logan.” she felt the fight drain right out of her. It was their pattern and it was high time that they stopped using the other’s mistake as their ammo.
“Look Veronica-”
“That’s all I actually wanted to say. I’m glad you’re doing a swell job at being a grown up.” she bravely looked at him.
He looked at her dubiously and then he smirked, “You borrowed your dad’s word.”
Her brows furrowed. “Borrowed?”
“Yeah, he told me I’m such a swell kid now. That I didn’t used to be.” he looked as though he was remembering the moment.
“So I guess I should get going.” she didn’t want to go, something was still unresolved.
“That’s it?” Logan actually seemed disappointed in her. It was a hard feeling to swallow.
“Betty was right. I do have to work on deserving you.” she nodded, she felt like she was trying to convince him and herself as well.
“Ve-”
“If it makes any difference I loved you then. I love you now.” she looked at him squarely in the eye as she said the words that she’s never said before.
“Then why are you leaving?” he asked with such patience.
“I told you I have to work on deserving you.” she exhaled in exasperation it was taking everything inside her to leave and his question was not making it any easier.
“Can you not interrupt me while I say something profound?” he asked her sardonically.
She tried hard not to roll her eyes at him and nodded. She was feeling so emotional and it felt like it was a joke to him. He was always good at reading her mood, yet he seemed completely oblivious of her inner turmoil.
“If everyone had to work on deserving the one they love then the world would be filled with miserable people. You don’t have to work on deserving me.” he shook his head at the idea.
“But-”
“No buts Veronica. We are more than a sum of bad memories. You and I…we’re Logan and Veronica. I never doubted for a moment that we would eventually find our way back to each other. No matter how long it took we will eventually be together again.” he declared with such certainty.
She felt herself tearing up at his words. He sounded so sure. She couldn’t help but feel worse since all this time she had put the idea of them at the back of her mind. A part of her couldn’t help but feel that somehow she really did let him down. By not believing in them as much.
“Stop it.” Logan looked at her sternly.
“Stop what?” she asked him tearfully.
“Stop with your self-recrimination. I just told you the best speech of my life and here you are trying so hard not to cry. I had to come up with that on the spot and you’re not even swooning at my profound wisdom.” he closed the distance between them and settled his hands around her waist.
She looked at him tearfully somehow feeling that she really didn’t deserve him.
“I love you Veronica Mars. And we are going to take a lot of work. I refuse to keep on being an on-again, off-again couple.” he gazed at her with such tenderness. “We’ll do better this time won’t we?”
She just nodded in return.
“After all you do have Logan 2.0. I heard he’s a better version. One that actually has a future.” he tipped her chin up and she could see it in his eyes, clear as day, that he really did save himself.
“I’ll take whatever part of you I can get Logan.” she took his hand from her face and held it tight.
“Then you’re in luck. You already have all of me.” Logan allowed their hands to intertwine.
THE END