Being in Love is Hard (2/3)
Title: I Don't Want to Forget but it's Too Hard to Remember
Pairing: Jay Park / Jesssica
Summary: No matter what, Jay will always stay right beside Jessica....even when she starts forgetting him. Story told in Jessica POV
Day 1
I slowly open my eyes. I feel weak and my body aches. I can hardly lift my head up off of the pillows because it feels like they weigh a ton. But at the same time I’m happy because when I do manage to open my eyes I see worried ones looking back at me. I see those clear brown eyes sparkle and crinkle into an eye smile as he gets up off of the chair beside me and puts a hand on my back as I try to sit up on the white bed.
“What happened, Jay?” I ask him. I can’t remember anything that happened. I don’t know why I’m in a hospital. I don’t know why there is a bandage on my head or why my arms feel like noodles. I don’t know why Jay looks sick. All I do remember is that the last time I was awake I was trying to find Jay to tell him something important. But I don’t remember anything else of how I got here.
And before I know it, I’m crying. Can you believe it? The first thing I do when I wake up is start crying like a blubbering fool in front of my best friend. But it’s because I feel empty. It’s not because I can’t remember what happened. I just feel empty. There was something I wanted to say to him. It’s leaving a big hole in me because I don’t know what it is I wanted to say. But at the same time, it’s the most important thing that should be said.
“Hey why are you crying?” Jay looks alarmed as he sits beside me on the bed. Unconsciously, he brings my head to his chest and I put my arms around his waist.
“I love only you,” I say automatically. And just like that I feel happy and complete.
Day 7
“How are you feeling?”
I look to the open door and open up my arms as Jay walks into my hospital room. The collision was hard. I had been in acoma for a month. What happened to me was so rare that I had to stay in the hospital so they could do more testing on me. I didn’t think that getting hit is a rare occurrence, but they told me that my sudden awakening from acoma was a strange situation. They said it like I was never supposed to wake up. But hey, maybe it was a miracle.
“I’m taking you out today,” Jay said matter-of-factly. He went over to one of my drawers and grabbed a hoodie and some sweats from it. He threw them over to me and grabbed my jacket from the nearby chair.
“Did you get the hospital’s permission?” I asked. It seems stupid but I have to be watched 24/7. Again something about my condition, which is totally bogus if you ask me.
“Nope. I’m kidnapping you,” Jay pulled me out of bed and steered me towards the bathroom, “Rules are meant to be broken.” He pushed me into the bathroom to change.
Day 13
“I don’t know why they’re keeping me here. It’s like I’m a prisoner in this hospital,” I complain as I play with Jay’s leather jacket which is around me. I inhale and smell Jay’s scent. A nice cologne smell. The same cologne I bought him last Christmas.
Jay puts his arms around me from behind and puts his chin on top of my head.
It’s night time and we’re currently at the beach.
“They’re just worried. That’s all.”
“I don’t want to be stuck in the hospital. I want to go back to school. I want to visit you and your family. I want to have a home cooked meal at my house. I just want to hang out with you…somewhere that’s not near here.”
He quickly turns me around and gently kisses me. It’s strange I must admit. He’s been my best friend for a long time and it was only recently I’ve started having feelings for him. But at the same time it feels so right and comforting when he holds me like this or when he kisses me. He knows what to do to make me feel better.
“I don’t care where we hang out. As long as I’m here with you, that’s all that matters. You and me.”
He pats the bracelet on my hand.
“Remember that, okay?”
I look at the bracelet and stare at it for a long time.
“What’s wrong?” he pulls my chin up so he can look me in the eyes.
“Jay, when did I get this?” I point at the bracelet on my hand.
Day 15
I look at the bracelet on my hand.
I take it off and see that on the underside there’s a message engraved in it.
You and Me. Forever
I don’t remember wearing this. I don’t remember receiving it as a gift.
“Mom,” I look over at my mom who is taking out a box of her home cooking for me to eat for lunch.
“Who gave me this?”
“Jay, honey. You remember him, don’t you?”
I blink in confusion for a second before shaking my head. For some reason, I don’t remember Jay giving this to me. Maybe I was a bit tired.
Day 17
I open my eyes and get into a sitting position on my bed.
I see a handsome boy with spiked up hair walk in with a smile on his face. He opens his arms for a hug and I welcome it. Because it feels warm and because it feels right, I don’t push him away. But when we do separate, he leans over and kisses me on my cheek.
And that’s when I freak out.
“What the hell are you doing?”
He gently grabs my hand, “What are you talking about? What’s wrong?” His eyes turn into a mixture of surprise, hurt and worry. I feel guilty because this guy seems nice. He doesn’t deserve to feel this way. But I really don’t know who he is.
“I’m Jay,” he points to himself, “Are you playing some joke on me right now?” He gets up. I can tell he’s about to call for a nurse. But I quickly grab his soft hands, and like hitting a brick wall, I remember who he is.
“Omigod! Jay I’m so sorry!” I start sobbing uncontrollably because I don’t know what’s happening to me, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.” I’m confused and I’m scared. I feel Jay grab me into his embrace and butterfly kiss me.
“Please don’t scare me like that,” he says softly so that only I can hear.
Day 20
I smell something good and open my eyes.
A boy holding a brown paper bag is entering my room. His eyes are a bit puffy. I don’t know why he would be crying this early in the morning but it seems like he has been.
“I hope you like breakfast croissants,” he holds up the bag and I straighten up in my bed.
“They’re my favorite!”
“I had a feeling it would be,” he sits down in the chair beside me and I squint at him suspiciously.
“Do I know you?” I ask.
I see him look away. But before he did, I saw the little light in his eyes fade. His shoulders slump and he takes a deep breath before answering me.
“I’m a hospital volunteer. I’ll be your company for the day,” he turns back to me with a smile but it seems forced. I don’t know why he seems so sad. He’s very good looking. He’d be even better if he would just smile.
I reach out and touch the side of his mouth. I feel a jolt of electricity like my hands were reacting to the touch. I freeze with my hands on his face for a few moments. He’s looking deep into my eyes and I get a small memory of a young boy with the same eyes. But I shake my head and use my fingers to push the corner of his mouth upwards into a smile.
“Smile more! You look more handsome if you’d just smile….” I lead off so he can tell me his name.
“Jay,” he smiles.
Day 31
“Are you sure I don’t know you?” I look over to Jay who is walking beside me. We’re walking down the street to the shopping district near the hospital.
“Do you think you know me?” he turns to look at me and his eyes are staring intensely into mine.
“I think that maybe we’ve met before,” I look down at the ground. I’ve officially only met him today but I feel so shy around him. Is this what love at first sight is? But even though I’ve only met him today, I feel like I’ve been friends with him for a long time. It’s so simple being around him. He makes me feel comfortable.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I ask.
He’s paying money to a street vendor and hands me the pocky box. I freak out! Because pocky is so friggin awesome! I immediately munch on it and look at him. I must look like a rabbit right now.
He grins at me and his hands are on my cheek, wiping away crumbs.
“It’s complicated right now,” he looks sad.
I grab his hand. It feels warm. Our fingers intertwine automatically and I feel weird. Because it feels familiar. Like we’ve done this before. Like our hands recognize each other. Like they were made for each other.
“Are you sure we don’t know each other?”
Day 38
I wake up in the middle of the night.
And I remember everything. I remember the accident. I remember the last month after waking up from acoma. I remember Jay visiting me every single day since I’ve been in this hospital. I can clearly see his smile when I kissed him after he gave me that bracelet. I can also remember the sad expression he’s been wearing these last few weeks because I couldn’t remember who he was. And despite all of that, he still visited me every day and he kept me company every day. Sometimes I didn’t even want to be around him because he was a stranger but tonight at this moment, he wasn’t a stranger.
I pick up the phone beside my bed and call him.
“Hello is something wrong?” Jay’s voice is worried. He must have this phone number on his phone.
“Jay,” I can’t help the tears that are running down my cheeks.
“Jay I remember. Please come….please…before I forget again.”
Jay whispers a reply and I hang up.
What should’ve been a 45 minute drive, he makes it in 15. He storms into the room, ignoring the nurses who scold him and embraces me immediately when he sees me.
“I’m sorry,” I say into his shirt as I hug him closer, “I don’t know why I couldn’t remember you. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t want to forget. I don’t…”
He pulls me to him and kisses me in short kisses which I make longer when I put my hand to the back of his head.
“Don’t think about it right now okay? It’s enough that you remember now.”
“But I want to remember all the time. I don’t want to be like this!” I exclaim. I’m so frustrated. I’m frustrated that he’s not. He should be angrier than this. He should hate me for forgetting who he is.
“I’m just happy you remember now. I don’t care if you forget me as long as there are times like these when you do.” He pulls me to him and he lies down so we’re both on the bed.
“Don’t leave me,” I say silently, “Even if I don’t remember you, can you stay with me?”
“Don’t worry. You and me, forever.” Jay kisses my forehead softly and as one we fall asleep, his body giving me the warmth that I’ve been missing for so long.
Day 45
“It’s that bad huh? I’ve got a personal assistant now?” I look into the boy’s eyes. They look so familiar and worried that I have to look away.
“I chose to be here,” the boy sits down and grabs my hand. I quickly intertwine them even though I don’t know who he is.
“Maybe I want to be alone,” I cough. I feel fatigued and my head hurts.
“No one wants to be alone,” he rubs my hand in his to make them warmer and quickly blows into them, “I’m going to be here for you whether you like it or not.”
I turn to him and for a moment I remember something. It’s weird. Like a flash of memory. But, it was like someone else’s memory, because it was him and me, but I didn’t remember any of it.
My head was on his lap. I was in pain and we were in the middle of the road. And I looked into his eyes. Those warm brown eyes and say, “I love only you.”
I shake my head trying to get rid of that weird memory.
But in the moment I was shaking my head, he moves his face towards mine and smiles at me.
“What are you doing?” I exclaim as I back up.
He tilts his head and grabs my hands tighter in his, “I love you. Please try to remember.”
“Remember what?” I don’t know you.”
He’s smiling despite the tears that are streaking from his eyes, “Please can’t you just try.”
I shake my head. I feel guilty, but I can’t do what he’s asking me to do.
“I’m sorry,” I look down at our hands, “I’m really sorry.”
He leans forward and kisses the top of my head, “Don’t worry about it. I’m asking too much anyway.” He gets up and leaves the room.
I watch him go and I’m still looking at the open door five minutes later, expecting him to come back. He said he wouldn’t leave me alone, but he did. He looked so lost. Like a part of him had died. It can’t be because of me, right? I don’t know him.
I feel my hands get wet and realize that I’m crying too. My cheeks are wet and my vision is getting blurry. I feel so lost. Like there’s something I need to do or say. But I don’t know what it is.
Part 1 < Part 3 >
Pairing: Jay Park / Jesssica
Summary: No matter what, Jay will always stay right beside Jessica....even when she starts forgetting him. Story told in Jessica POV
Day 1
I slowly open my eyes. I feel weak and my body aches. I can hardly lift my head up off of the pillows because it feels like they weigh a ton. But at the same time I’m happy because when I do manage to open my eyes I see worried ones looking back at me. I see those clear brown eyes sparkle and crinkle into an eye smile as he gets up off of the chair beside me and puts a hand on my back as I try to sit up on the white bed.
“What happened, Jay?” I ask him. I can’t remember anything that happened. I don’t know why I’m in a hospital. I don’t know why there is a bandage on my head or why my arms feel like noodles. I don’t know why Jay looks sick. All I do remember is that the last time I was awake I was trying to find Jay to tell him something important. But I don’t remember anything else of how I got here.
And before I know it, I’m crying. Can you believe it? The first thing I do when I wake up is start crying like a blubbering fool in front of my best friend. But it’s because I feel empty. It’s not because I can’t remember what happened. I just feel empty. There was something I wanted to say to him. It’s leaving a big hole in me because I don’t know what it is I wanted to say. But at the same time, it’s the most important thing that should be said.
“Hey why are you crying?” Jay looks alarmed as he sits beside me on the bed. Unconsciously, he brings my head to his chest and I put my arms around his waist.
“I love only you,” I say automatically. And just like that I feel happy and complete.
Day 7
“How are you feeling?”
I look to the open door and open up my arms as Jay walks into my hospital room. The collision was hard. I had been in acoma for a month. What happened to me was so rare that I had to stay in the hospital so they could do more testing on me. I didn’t think that getting hit is a rare occurrence, but they told me that my sudden awakening from acoma was a strange situation. They said it like I was never supposed to wake up. But hey, maybe it was a miracle.
“I’m taking you out today,” Jay said matter-of-factly. He went over to one of my drawers and grabbed a hoodie and some sweats from it. He threw them over to me and grabbed my jacket from the nearby chair.
“Did you get the hospital’s permission?” I asked. It seems stupid but I have to be watched 24/7. Again something about my condition, which is totally bogus if you ask me.
“Nope. I’m kidnapping you,” Jay pulled me out of bed and steered me towards the bathroom, “Rules are meant to be broken.” He pushed me into the bathroom to change.
Day 13
“I don’t know why they’re keeping me here. It’s like I’m a prisoner in this hospital,” I complain as I play with Jay’s leather jacket which is around me. I inhale and smell Jay’s scent. A nice cologne smell. The same cologne I bought him last Christmas.
Jay puts his arms around me from behind and puts his chin on top of my head.
It’s night time and we’re currently at the beach.
“They’re just worried. That’s all.”
“I don’t want to be stuck in the hospital. I want to go back to school. I want to visit you and your family. I want to have a home cooked meal at my house. I just want to hang out with you…somewhere that’s not near here.”
He quickly turns me around and gently kisses me. It’s strange I must admit. He’s been my best friend for a long time and it was only recently I’ve started having feelings for him. But at the same time it feels so right and comforting when he holds me like this or when he kisses me. He knows what to do to make me feel better.
“I don’t care where we hang out. As long as I’m here with you, that’s all that matters. You and me.”
He pats the bracelet on my hand.
“Remember that, okay?”
I look at the bracelet and stare at it for a long time.
“What’s wrong?” he pulls my chin up so he can look me in the eyes.
“Jay, when did I get this?” I point at the bracelet on my hand.
Day 15
I look at the bracelet on my hand.
I take it off and see that on the underside there’s a message engraved in it.
You and Me. Forever
I don’t remember wearing this. I don’t remember receiving it as a gift.
“Mom,” I look over at my mom who is taking out a box of her home cooking for me to eat for lunch.
“Who gave me this?”
“Jay, honey. You remember him, don’t you?”
I blink in confusion for a second before shaking my head. For some reason, I don’t remember Jay giving this to me. Maybe I was a bit tired.
Day 17
I open my eyes and get into a sitting position on my bed.
I see a handsome boy with spiked up hair walk in with a smile on his face. He opens his arms for a hug and I welcome it. Because it feels warm and because it feels right, I don’t push him away. But when we do separate, he leans over and kisses me on my cheek.
And that’s when I freak out.
“What the hell are you doing?”
He gently grabs my hand, “What are you talking about? What’s wrong?” His eyes turn into a mixture of surprise, hurt and worry. I feel guilty because this guy seems nice. He doesn’t deserve to feel this way. But I really don’t know who he is.
“I’m Jay,” he points to himself, “Are you playing some joke on me right now?” He gets up. I can tell he’s about to call for a nurse. But I quickly grab his soft hands, and like hitting a brick wall, I remember who he is.
“Omigod! Jay I’m so sorry!” I start sobbing uncontrollably because I don’t know what’s happening to me, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.” I’m confused and I’m scared. I feel Jay grab me into his embrace and butterfly kiss me.
“Please don’t scare me like that,” he says softly so that only I can hear.
Day 20
I smell something good and open my eyes.
A boy holding a brown paper bag is entering my room. His eyes are a bit puffy. I don’t know why he would be crying this early in the morning but it seems like he has been.
“I hope you like breakfast croissants,” he holds up the bag and I straighten up in my bed.
“They’re my favorite!”
“I had a feeling it would be,” he sits down in the chair beside me and I squint at him suspiciously.
“Do I know you?” I ask.
I see him look away. But before he did, I saw the little light in his eyes fade. His shoulders slump and he takes a deep breath before answering me.
“I’m a hospital volunteer. I’ll be your company for the day,” he turns back to me with a smile but it seems forced. I don’t know why he seems so sad. He’s very good looking. He’d be even better if he would just smile.
I reach out and touch the side of his mouth. I feel a jolt of electricity like my hands were reacting to the touch. I freeze with my hands on his face for a few moments. He’s looking deep into my eyes and I get a small memory of a young boy with the same eyes. But I shake my head and use my fingers to push the corner of his mouth upwards into a smile.
“Smile more! You look more handsome if you’d just smile….” I lead off so he can tell me his name.
“Jay,” he smiles.
Day 31
“Are you sure I don’t know you?” I look over to Jay who is walking beside me. We’re walking down the street to the shopping district near the hospital.
“Do you think you know me?” he turns to look at me and his eyes are staring intensely into mine.
“I think that maybe we’ve met before,” I look down at the ground. I’ve officially only met him today but I feel so shy around him. Is this what love at first sight is? But even though I’ve only met him today, I feel like I’ve been friends with him for a long time. It’s so simple being around him. He makes me feel comfortable.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I ask.
He’s paying money to a street vendor and hands me the pocky box. I freak out! Because pocky is so friggin awesome! I immediately munch on it and look at him. I must look like a rabbit right now.
He grins at me and his hands are on my cheek, wiping away crumbs.
“It’s complicated right now,” he looks sad.
I grab his hand. It feels warm. Our fingers intertwine automatically and I feel weird. Because it feels familiar. Like we’ve done this before. Like our hands recognize each other. Like they were made for each other.
“Are you sure we don’t know each other?”
Day 38
I wake up in the middle of the night.
And I remember everything. I remember the accident. I remember the last month after waking up from acoma. I remember Jay visiting me every single day since I’ve been in this hospital. I can clearly see his smile when I kissed him after he gave me that bracelet. I can also remember the sad expression he’s been wearing these last few weeks because I couldn’t remember who he was. And despite all of that, he still visited me every day and he kept me company every day. Sometimes I didn’t even want to be around him because he was a stranger but tonight at this moment, he wasn’t a stranger.
I pick up the phone beside my bed and call him.
“Hello is something wrong?” Jay’s voice is worried. He must have this phone number on his phone.
“Jay,” I can’t help the tears that are running down my cheeks.
“Jay I remember. Please come….please…before I forget again.”
Jay whispers a reply and I hang up.
What should’ve been a 45 minute drive, he makes it in 15. He storms into the room, ignoring the nurses who scold him and embraces me immediately when he sees me.
“I’m sorry,” I say into his shirt as I hug him closer, “I don’t know why I couldn’t remember you. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t want to forget. I don’t…”
He pulls me to him and kisses me in short kisses which I make longer when I put my hand to the back of his head.
“Don’t think about it right now okay? It’s enough that you remember now.”
“But I want to remember all the time. I don’t want to be like this!” I exclaim. I’m so frustrated. I’m frustrated that he’s not. He should be angrier than this. He should hate me for forgetting who he is.
“I’m just happy you remember now. I don’t care if you forget me as long as there are times like these when you do.” He pulls me to him and he lies down so we’re both on the bed.
“Don’t leave me,” I say silently, “Even if I don’t remember you, can you stay with me?”
“Don’t worry. You and me, forever.” Jay kisses my forehead softly and as one we fall asleep, his body giving me the warmth that I’ve been missing for so long.
Day 45
“It’s that bad huh? I’ve got a personal assistant now?” I look into the boy’s eyes. They look so familiar and worried that I have to look away.
“I chose to be here,” the boy sits down and grabs my hand. I quickly intertwine them even though I don’t know who he is.
“Maybe I want to be alone,” I cough. I feel fatigued and my head hurts.
“No one wants to be alone,” he rubs my hand in his to make them warmer and quickly blows into them, “I’m going to be here for you whether you like it or not.”
I turn to him and for a moment I remember something. It’s weird. Like a flash of memory. But, it was like someone else’s memory, because it was him and me, but I didn’t remember any of it.
My head was on his lap. I was in pain and we were in the middle of the road. And I looked into his eyes. Those warm brown eyes and say, “I love only you.”
I shake my head trying to get rid of that weird memory.
But in the moment I was shaking my head, he moves his face towards mine and smiles at me.
“What are you doing?” I exclaim as I back up.
He tilts his head and grabs my hands tighter in his, “I love you. Please try to remember.”
“Remember what?” I don’t know you.”
He’s smiling despite the tears that are streaking from his eyes, “Please can’t you just try.”
I shake my head. I feel guilty, but I can’t do what he’s asking me to do.
“I’m sorry,” I look down at our hands, “I’m really sorry.”
He leans forward and kisses the top of my head, “Don’t worry about it. I’m asking too much anyway.” He gets up and leaves the room.
I watch him go and I’m still looking at the open door five minutes later, expecting him to come back. He said he wouldn’t leave me alone, but he did. He looked so lost. Like a part of him had died. It can’t be because of me, right? I don’t know him.
I feel my hands get wet and realize that I’m crying too. My cheeks are wet and my vision is getting blurry. I feel so lost. Like there’s something I need to do or say. But I don’t know what it is.
Part 1 < Part 3 >