Comments | totalnutcase71: Come to think of it....

totalnutcase71

Come to think of it....

Jan 07, 2007 12:08

I was writing only to friends that I want in my life. I do not expect Sammie to come back, just wanted to validate that she was right on some level. Through my postings Teresa and I have resolved our issues and I am super happy about that ( Read more... )

Comments 6

thunderslug January 7 2007, 22:15:35 UTC

That's kind of the way human interaction works...there's often not a lot of rationality, and sometimes, forgiveness you don't think you deserve.

Fundamental Rule of Jim: Deserve seldom has anything to do with any of it.

totalnutcase71 January 8 2007, 04:15:27 UTC

It's just difficult to understand. I think it's because I have a huge capacity for forgiveness. I am a big believer in Karma that somehow some way I think if I forgive enough, someday I will get the same in return.

I'm not saying that to pressure forgiveness from these people. I was not saying anything with that expectation. I'm just trying to prove to myself and those who read that I am a different person. I am admitting my faults, pointing the finger at myself not anyone else and it has been liberating. I'll admit at the same time there are going to be those who want sharpen their knives and take a stab at me and they have. I was expecting that too. Deserving it or not..You're right..Deserve seldom has anything to do with it.

question? anonymous January 8 2007, 23:04:01 UTC

I'm asking you out of curiosity...you said: I was writting only to friends that you want in your life . So my questions is, Is that what you wanted or were wanting from Sammie? ( yes I can spell ).Apparently the abbriviation thing doesn't work in here. 1. I wasn't changing the way i write so you couldn't figure me out. When i'm in here i do the abbriviations because for me and what i do it's faster. 2. No one was trying to make you look like an ass. I was giving you my opinion is all. There are no harsh words here I was just asking my question because, I really do want to know if that is what you meant about certian friends you were writting about, is all.

Re: question? totalnutcase71 January 8 2007, 23:32:13 UTC

You know what? I know exactly what you mean about the punctuation thing...I had to do my last post typing out all the words. I don't want to fight with anyone.

I'm not writing expecting anyone to be friends with me again. You are right...I was the bigger bitch for what I did, I did let Sammie take a lot of shit for it and my initial response to you was a knee-jerk reaction to defend my actions. To be honest, there is no defense. You had the right to say what you had to say...I just don't want any more drama on my journal. Maybe that makes me a wuss. I don't mind you saying what you needed to say.

I couldn't answer the question about wanting Sammie in my life...She's in another state now so being in my life is not feasable. We both hurt each other a lot and there may not be going back to what we were, if anything at all. I'm just taking time to point the finger at myself for once instead of blaming other people for things that have happened, instead of making the other person look like the bad guy. I'm tired of that.

Re: question? anonymous January 9 2007, 00:00:14 UTC

Everyone makes mistakes. We all know this. And sometimes people come off harsh or are taken the wrong way from the start.And i think that is where we got off on the wrong foot, But i was also defending Sammie, and I hope you can understand that as well. At least you were up front and honest And i know one thing. What you said about Sammie is something that needed to be said and that's all that she asked for, but unfortunalty too little too late. We all move on.And sometimes it's for the best. Thank you for answering my question the best way that you could. Hopefully your life will be good. Thank you again.

Re: question? totalnutcase71 January 9 2007, 00:12:18 UTC

Thanks for asking....I welcome all the questions anyone wants to ask. Owning up to mistakes doesn't mean you don't get to suffer the consequences. Losing Sammie's friendship happens to be a big punishment for my selfishness. I know I'm taking the right steps to becoming a better person. I know that requires me to be a target for the those I have hurt and their friends...the ones who had to pick up the pieces for the pain I've caused. I can live with that.