{ If I Die Review }
And now, for one last review before we sprint off into the sunset of more drabblefic and a lull while CC moves between three houses in a two week span. We've got Rachel Vincent's most recent installment in the Soul Screamers series, If I Die.
I hadn't read If I Die before starting this review challenge. I knew that If I Die was the most recent book out, but I didn't expect it to be quite as chock full of action as it turned out to be.
What probably surprised me the most was how difficult it was the put this one down, even on the second read-through. I got If I Die as a birthday present to myself, and I was not disappointed. I had the feeling from rumblings on the internet that my suspicions about Kaylee and Tod were correct, but I had no idea that it was going to be as good as it was-- in order to refrain from run-on sentences and excited rambling, we'll take it point by point.
I was really surprised that I wanted to keep reading so much through the first part of the book, especially since Kaylee has to deal with a lot of really difficult stuff, not only having Nash back as her boyfriend (and her subconsciously noticing how their relationship is failing) and an incubus loose in her school (which is craaazy in its own great way, to be discussed later), but also coping with her own impending death. I mean, let's stop there for a little while and just meditate on how great that is. In a lot of paranormal fic (YA or otherwise), sure, the protagonist gets into potentially lethal trouble all the time-- it's to be expected. But even in series where it's possible for a character to die and still interact with other characters post-death (see: vampires, ghosts, etc., more relevantly, reapers and Tod), hardly any authors just come right out there in the first chapter and say that their main character is going to die by the end of this book. And, as equally relevantly, it's even rarer for an author to make it so this ill-fated character doesn't have a way out-- Kaylee is barred from being a reaper, and since she's already lost her life once, she's really got to die this time. Maybe I'm just a horrible person, but I love it when characters have to cope with their worst fears and If I Die has this in droves. Why am I so excited about this? Because you probably see the most honest glimpses into what characters are made of in these moments, and these characters make me want to know more about them.
Last time I mentioned how My Soul to Steal made me ridiculously uncomfortable and how good a thing that was. I want to say that If I Die was difficult to get through for the same reason as the previous book in the series was (confronting painful topics of drug abuse and relationships failing, for starters) but I pretty much re-read it in one night because I just didn't want to lose the momentum. This is a book that is every bit as painful as My Soul to Steal-- Kaylee and Nash's relationship troubles come to a head and the aftermath is not pretty-- but also has this tantalizing thread of Tod's feelings becoming more apparent that really pushes the reader along. It's a pretty devious system (and I admire Vincent as a writer for being able to pull it off so well) : through all the dark, scary, really agonizing parts, there's this strand of hope and humor that the reader can't help but follow, even though they know that they're going to have to tag along with Kaylee through more pain to get there. I think that is pretty masterful. It's certainly something that I haven't learned how to do all the way yet and so mad props to Vincent for doing it so well.
Something else that I alluded to before was the fact that the main villain of this piece is an incubus, aka a demon of lust, and he is very, very believable. This a big deal. It is actually really difficult to write a convincing lust demon (if you don't believe me, go try it yourself). I also really liked that Vincent didn't just approach sex from the teenage angle with Kaylee and Nash-- she wasn't afraid to showcase the darker, grittier side of sexual obsession and loss of control in a very tangible way. It's also more respectful to teens, I think; when you're in your teenage years, yeah, you're all fluffy and excitable but you are also not unaware that there is a darker side to sex (which is part of the draw). Probably one of the things I liked most about this book (barring the fangirlism that I will no doubt devolve into later) is how gutsy Vincent is. When you put an incubus into a story, you either make a good, believable incubus or you make a weak one and feel incredibly silly later. But while sex seems to be accepted as standard YA fare, incubi aren't generally included because they don't fit the aww-teenagers-in-love lens through which sex is viewed as "okay" for young people. What really earned my respect in this book is that not only is the incubus actually what I would expect an incubus to be (not nerfed for YA readers) but that Mr. Beck adds another perspective on a very touchy subject, one that really doesn't get addressed a lot in the genre.
Not to mention that Mr. Beck's presence added so much to the uncomfortable, boundary-pushing nature of this book-- how could I not like him as a villain? I can understand and respect Kaylee's ongoing conflict with Avari, but truly, Mr. Beck is probably my favorite villain in this series since Aunt Val. Although, this does beg the question: readers have encountered hellions of Vanity, Avarice, Envy, Lust...is my seven deadly sins-obsessed self getting ahead of herself, or will we get to see Wrath, Gluttony, and Sloth sometime too? Please say yes.
I would also like to take this moment to crow and say that I knew Lydia would be important later (also possibly will be again).
Alright, and now before this becomes way too long, I want to comment on Tod and Kaylee's relationship. If you've read previous reviews of mine for this series, you'll know that this is something that I have been waiting ages for. I didn't know that it was (actually) going to happen when I read this book, or that it would happen during this book, but wow. If I'm not careful I will just go on forever, so I'll try to keep it brief.
First, how awesome is it to realize you have feelings for someone while the two of you are invisible and adventuring in the mental health ward? Not being facetious at all: this is my idea of realistic high romance-- it does not wait for you to be in a moment of perfect calm or idyllic surroundings; you fall in love when you're scared and out doing something crazy, when you're too busy with other things to really catch what's happening until you're in the middle of it. The fact that Tod has this great emotional moment when he and Kaylee talk about being seen or not seen is excellent: Vincent has done a really solid job securing Tod as a smart-talking, difficult-to-get-close-to guy, and so when he opens up to Kaylee, the reader goes insane. At least I went insane. It's all about believability. Tod's conflict is one that, at the outset, most people probably wouldn't expect him to have because, well, he's a badass. But when you look at it from his point of view, it makes a lot of sense. I love getting to see the hidden sides of characters, which is probably why I liked this book so much.
What I also really loved, and I think I'll end it on this note at risk of going overboard, is that just because Tod and Kaylee become a couple, Tod doesn't become a perfect person. He still fed Dekker to a hellion. Hell, he feeds Thane (and another minor character) to Avari-- which may or may not come back to haunt him later. Sure, Tod's sweet as all get out when he talks about last wishes but he's never totally good, and that's great. In fact, his imperfection (and okay, yes, his snark) is probably what makes me like him most over Nash. And so, to avoid excessive fangirling and keep up this slim facade of professionalism, I will close with a favorite quote from Tod, which I felt pretty much summed up how excellent these books and these characters are.
"There's a good kind of crazy...It's the kind that makes you think about things that make your head hurt, because not thinking about them is the coward's way out. The kind that makes you touch people who bruise your soul, just because they need to be touched. This is the kind of crazy that lets you stare out into the darkness and rage at eternity, while it stares back at you, ready to swallow you whole. ... I've seen you step into that darkness for someone else, then claw your way out, bruised, but still standing. You're that kind of crazy, and I live in that darkness. Together, we take crazy to a whole new level." (If I Die, p. 244)
Ladies and gentlemen, the quality has arrived.
I hadn't read If I Die before starting this review challenge. I knew that If I Die was the most recent book out, but I didn't expect it to be quite as chock full of action as it turned out to be.
What probably surprised me the most was how difficult it was the put this one down, even on the second read-through. I got If I Die as a birthday present to myself, and I was not disappointed. I had the feeling from rumblings on the internet that my suspicions about Kaylee and Tod were correct, but I had no idea that it was going to be as good as it was-- in order to refrain from run-on sentences and excited rambling, we'll take it point by point.
I was really surprised that I wanted to keep reading so much through the first part of the book, especially since Kaylee has to deal with a lot of really difficult stuff, not only having Nash back as her boyfriend (and her subconsciously noticing how their relationship is failing) and an incubus loose in her school (which is craaazy in its own great way, to be discussed later), but also coping with her own impending death. I mean, let's stop there for a little while and just meditate on how great that is. In a lot of paranormal fic (YA or otherwise), sure, the protagonist gets into potentially lethal trouble all the time-- it's to be expected. But even in series where it's possible for a character to die and still interact with other characters post-death (see: vampires, ghosts, etc., more relevantly, reapers and Tod), hardly any authors just come right out there in the first chapter and say that their main character is going to die by the end of this book. And, as equally relevantly, it's even rarer for an author to make it so this ill-fated character doesn't have a way out-- Kaylee is barred from being a reaper, and since she's already lost her life once, she's really got to die this time. Maybe I'm just a horrible person, but I love it when characters have to cope with their worst fears and If I Die has this in droves. Why am I so excited about this? Because you probably see the most honest glimpses into what characters are made of in these moments, and these characters make me want to know more about them.
Last time I mentioned how My Soul to Steal made me ridiculously uncomfortable and how good a thing that was. I want to say that If I Die was difficult to get through for the same reason as the previous book in the series was (confronting painful topics of drug abuse and relationships failing, for starters) but I pretty much re-read it in one night because I just didn't want to lose the momentum. This is a book that is every bit as painful as My Soul to Steal-- Kaylee and Nash's relationship troubles come to a head and the aftermath is not pretty-- but also has this tantalizing thread of Tod's feelings becoming more apparent that really pushes the reader along. It's a pretty devious system (and I admire Vincent as a writer for being able to pull it off so well) : through all the dark, scary, really agonizing parts, there's this strand of hope and humor that the reader can't help but follow, even though they know that they're going to have to tag along with Kaylee through more pain to get there. I think that is pretty masterful. It's certainly something that I haven't learned how to do all the way yet and so mad props to Vincent for doing it so well.
Something else that I alluded to before was the fact that the main villain of this piece is an incubus, aka a demon of lust, and he is very, very believable. This a big deal. It is actually really difficult to write a convincing lust demon (if you don't believe me, go try it yourself). I also really liked that Vincent didn't just approach sex from the teenage angle with Kaylee and Nash-- she wasn't afraid to showcase the darker, grittier side of sexual obsession and loss of control in a very tangible way. It's also more respectful to teens, I think; when you're in your teenage years, yeah, you're all fluffy and excitable but you are also not unaware that there is a darker side to sex (which is part of the draw). Probably one of the things I liked most about this book (barring the fangirlism that I will no doubt devolve into later) is how gutsy Vincent is. When you put an incubus into a story, you either make a good, believable incubus or you make a weak one and feel incredibly silly later. But while sex seems to be accepted as standard YA fare, incubi aren't generally included because they don't fit the aww-teenagers-in-love lens through which sex is viewed as "okay" for young people. What really earned my respect in this book is that not only is the incubus actually what I would expect an incubus to be (not nerfed for YA readers) but that Mr. Beck adds another perspective on a very touchy subject, one that really doesn't get addressed a lot in the genre.
Not to mention that Mr. Beck's presence added so much to the uncomfortable, boundary-pushing nature of this book-- how could I not like him as a villain? I can understand and respect Kaylee's ongoing conflict with Avari, but truly, Mr. Beck is probably my favorite villain in this series since Aunt Val. Although, this does beg the question: readers have encountered hellions of Vanity, Avarice, Envy, Lust...is my seven deadly sins-obsessed self getting ahead of herself, or will we get to see Wrath, Gluttony, and Sloth sometime too? Please say yes.
I would also like to take this moment to crow and say that I knew Lydia would be important later (also possibly will be again).
Alright, and now before this becomes way too long, I want to comment on Tod and Kaylee's relationship. If you've read previous reviews of mine for this series, you'll know that this is something that I have been waiting ages for. I didn't know that it was (actually) going to happen when I read this book, or that it would happen during this book, but wow. If I'm not careful I will just go on forever, so I'll try to keep it brief.
First, how awesome is it to realize you have feelings for someone while the two of you are invisible and adventuring in the mental health ward? Not being facetious at all: this is my idea of realistic high romance-- it does not wait for you to be in a moment of perfect calm or idyllic surroundings; you fall in love when you're scared and out doing something crazy, when you're too busy with other things to really catch what's happening until you're in the middle of it. The fact that Tod has this great emotional moment when he and Kaylee talk about being seen or not seen is excellent: Vincent has done a really solid job securing Tod as a smart-talking, difficult-to-get-close-to guy, and so when he opens up to Kaylee, the reader goes insane. At least I went insane. It's all about believability. Tod's conflict is one that, at the outset, most people probably wouldn't expect him to have because, well, he's a badass. But when you look at it from his point of view, it makes a lot of sense. I love getting to see the hidden sides of characters, which is probably why I liked this book so much.
What I also really loved, and I think I'll end it on this note at risk of going overboard, is that just because Tod and Kaylee become a couple, Tod doesn't become a perfect person. He still fed Dekker to a hellion. Hell, he feeds Thane (and another minor character) to Avari-- which may or may not come back to haunt him later. Sure, Tod's sweet as all get out when he talks about last wishes but he's never totally good, and that's great. In fact, his imperfection (and okay, yes, his snark) is probably what makes me like him most over Nash. And so, to avoid excessive fangirling and keep up this slim facade of professionalism, I will close with a favorite quote from Tod, which I felt pretty much summed up how excellent these books and these characters are.
"There's a good kind of crazy...It's the kind that makes you think about things that make your head hurt, because not thinking about them is the coward's way out. The kind that makes you touch people who bruise your soul, just because they need to be touched. This is the kind of crazy that lets you stare out into the darkness and rage at eternity, while it stares back at you, ready to swallow you whole. ... I've seen you step into that darkness for someone else, then claw your way out, bruised, but still standing. You're that kind of crazy, and I live in that darkness. Together, we take crazy to a whole new level." (If I Die, p. 244)
Ladies and gentlemen, the quality has arrived.