Just a Beautiful Disaster (4/?)
Pairing: Trentbastian
Rating:M for Mature, I guess.
Genre(s): Angst, Hurt/Comfort, complicated friendship and romance?
Author's Note: Here's the next chapter! No flashback in this one. Enjoy!
When Trent got home early on Friday he was outside for almost 20 minutes just sitting in his car. He'd gotten there and yet he couldn't bring himself to go inside. Not until he decided what he was going to do. He was debating whether he should keep up the farce about being sick now that he was already here, away from school and from Sebastian, or if he should just come clean to his mom and tell her about what happened. He was undecided mostly because he knew how much his mom worried about him and was pondering in which of both cases would she be worse in being all over him. He didn't really feel like talking about what was going on with his mom, since he felt he couldn't be completely honest with her, but the alternative of having to take medicine when he wasn't actually ill made him a little queasy. He didn't have much more time to make up his mind because before he could decide he heard a knock on his car window and turned to see his mother staring at him from the other side with a worried look on her face. She pulled him into a tight hug as soon as he stepped out of the car, only pulling back to gently kiss his cheek and then hold his face between her palms, inspecting his face with concern on her own. In that moment he felt like the worse person in the entire universe. He loved his mom, and he didn't want to lie to her. She quickly walked him inside and commenced with the interrogation Trent was dreading so much.
"Mom, it's really not that bad… I think I just need to sleep for a bit, and it will be fine."
"Oh honey the nurse told me you missed nearly 2 hours of class because of this… we're going to the doctor as soon as your father gets here." She said as she turned around in the kitchen, preparing some kind of tea for him to drink. "It could be something serious and we can't risk to just overlook it."
Trent had told the nurse he had freaking diarrhea, figuring it would sound bad enough for them to let him leave, but now that he was home it wasn't like he could fake it, and especially not when his mom started going on about a trip to the doctor and running tests. He knew he was going to make them go for nothing, because for whichever lab tests they ran they would need samples and he definitely couldn't fake those.
He knew he didn't have a choice; he would have to come clean, so if his parents got mad at him at least he didn't make them waste money on top of lying to them about being sick.
"Mom, if I tell you something do you promise not to get mad?"
His mom gave him a confused look, and put her hand over his. "Honey you know you can tell me anything."
"It's just…" He hesitated, looking down at their linked hands, and then looking up to meet his mother's eyes "I'm not… I'm not really sick mom, not like I told the nurse… I just, didn't want to be at school anymore mom." He sighed deeply… "Nothing really happened, I mean… it's complicated but, I just needed to leave."
His mom just looked puzzled, "Honey did something bad happen? Did anyone hurt you?"
"No mom, it wasn't like that. I just… I don't know how to explain. I was not feeling well, that's true, but it wasn't because I was sick. I was just… overwhelmed I guess."
"Is someone bullying you, honey? Because you know you can tell me and I will go there and give those people a piece of my mind!" He could see her maternal instinct taking over, she was ready to grab the phone and yell at whomever was responsible, his mother was a very intense woman and he loved her for it.
"No, mom I promise you it's nothing like that, please believe me."
She just looked at him with sad eyes and such concern in her face that it was making Trent's heart ache with guilt. "There's something you're not telling me. Please baby tell me what happened… I want to help you please don't keep this from me."
Trent sighed deeply and looked at the ceiling, debating internally. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't make anything up right there on the spot; he was too tired. And his mom seemed to be even more worried now than she was a few minutes ago when she thought he was sick and needed to take him to the doctor.
"I just don't know how to explain." He said, looking uncertain and nervous in spite of his best efforts to keep it together.
"It can stay between the two of us you know? If you don't want to tell your father… we don't have to." She said, quietly and hesitantly. Trent looked up right then and he could see in her eyes that she was opening a door for him right there. For a moment he panicked, because he didn't quite know if he was ready to let her mom know about everything. He knew his mother loved him, but he was just so tired and confused, so in that moment, he gave up. He decided he was coming clean.
"It was… it's about Sebastian..." He sighed, his mom knew Sebastian well enough. He spent a lot of time with him and he had come over to their house a couple of times as well. He had been nothing but charming to her and he didn't really want to paint him in a bad light, even after everything. So Trent went over the generalities of what had happened on Wednesday and how Sebastian had quit the Warblers and how now he wasn't talking to him. He told her about all his regrets and the things he wished he could do to fix things. He managed to leave the details of the slushy incident out, but it was clear that the thing he was most upset about was not the situation with the Warblers but the fact that his friendship with Sebastian had practically ended.
"You really like him… don't you?" she said, rubbing his hand with her thumb and giving it a light squeeze. Trent blushed, and just smiled shyly, gaze focused on their hands and not quite knowing how to respond.
"Have you ever told him how you feel?" she asked, tentatively; and Trent felt his face getting hotter by the minute. He couldn't quite figure out what she actually meant by that, so he just stared at her, willing her to make her point because this sounded too much like a conversation he wasn't sure he was ready to have. He was still feeling insecure about the whole situation and decided to try and see if he could test the waters for what his mom actually meant. "It's not like that, mom. We're just friends... or at least we used to be." He said, looking down again and not quite able to hold his mother's gaze.
"I've seen the way you look at him, Trent…" His mom continued, "Your face lights up whenever he comes over, or even when you're just talking about him." She gave him a small smile, her hands never leaving his, and her voice full of love and understanding and Trent was feeling dizzy with all the emotions going through him at the moment. He let out a small choked laugh, feeling a little overwhelmed with their whole conversation and what it meant.
"Um... I don't think Sebastian feels the same way about me though."
"But you don't know for sure." She said, trying to find his gaze again.
Now it was definitely clear that his mom was talking about them in a romantic manner. It was obvious that she knew, and they were having a conversation about it just like any other random thing when he hadn't even officially come out to her yet. How was this happening? He was shocked, and didn't quite know what to say.
"I mean, if he means so much to you. And you're friends… I'm pretty sure he must be hurting too. Don't you think?"
In that moment Sebastian's words came to his mind again: You fucking stabbed me in the back. He didn't think Sebastian felt the same way he did about him, but even if there was a small chance that he did, now it was gone, because Sebastian didn't want anything to do with him anymore.
"Well… he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore." He said, half shrugging with a resigned huff.
"Look honey, I'm going to tell you something that is going to help you a lot in situations like these…" And suddenly Trent was worried as to what his mother could possibly know about this situation and how to handle it.
"Everyone reacts differently to things, and when the heart is involved, it's even worse. Some people show their feelings, others hide them away, some lash out when they're hurt, but others bottle everything inside, we are all different…"
And yes, Sebastian definitely seemed like he was lashing out, and if he felt anything else then he was doing a damn good job hiding it.
"But I will tell you something, and you better listen…" She put one of her hands in his cheek, giving him a gentle caress and then holding his shoulder steady as she looked deep into his eyes "You are amazing, Trent. You are loving and kind, and beautiful and any boy should feel lucky to be able to have you." Trent just took a deep breath and held it in as he squeezed his lips into a tight smile, trying hard not to cry, though he could feel the tears coming at the tenderness of his mother's words.
"Honey you can't let anyone treat you badly. Not anyone. If Sebastian is not the boy for you… then it's okay, because you will find someone else… Don't torture yourself over a mistake. If you tried to apologize and he doesn't want to talk to you then it will be his loss."
He leaned to her and put his head in the crook of her neck, pulling her into a hug. He felt so loved and relieved and he couldn't believe everything that was happening just now. His mother was giving him advice, relationship advice, for a boy. How did this happen? How did she know? There were so many things going through his mind but he felt happy and couldn't stop the tears from falling, only this time they were happy tears.
His mom kissed his head and wiped the tears from his eyes and also from her own. She kept smiling the whole time and Trent already felt lighter, like he was no longer carrying the heavy burden of making his true self a secret.
"Thanks mom" he managed to say, his voice still heavy with all the emotions.
"You know you can count on me honey, always."
Trent still felt a little bit of curiosity, because until today he thought his parents didn't even suspect he was gay, but if his mom had figured it out, he wanted to know if his father did too. He didn't want to let this moment pass without asking, it was too important to him to know if he could share this with his dad the same way he did with his mom. So he took a deep breath and asked: "M-mom… how did you... I mean, does dad know? I mean, about me? About this?" He stumbled over his own words, but by the look his mother gave him he knew she had understood what he was asking about. He just really needed to know.
"I don't think he knows, no. But we can tell him together whenever you're ready." She smiled and held his hand with both of hers. "I don't think he is going to have a problem with it, if that's what you're worried about honey."
And he did worry a bit, but at least now he knew his mother was on his side. And that was better than anything he ever expected. So he would think about a way to tell his dad, but not today. It had been enough of an emotional turmoil as it was, and he just really wanted to rest. He excused himself and went up to his room, after finishing the tea his mom had made for him. As soon as his head touched his pillow he fell into a peaceful slumber, feeling happy and content after what had started as a very stressful day.
He woke up later that evening after an hours long nap, which he desperately needed, feeling rested and much better. After having something to eat and making a few calls to Nick and Jeff to reassure them he was okay, that it was really just a stomach bug what had made him leave early, he decided he was going to have a relaxing weekend. He still couldn't help thinking about Sebastian, but now it was slightly different. Thanks to the talk with his mom earlier, he had a new perspective on things. He was going to take those two days to recover from his emotional wounds and return on Monday with his chin up and ready to move on. He was going to take his mother's advice and be strong. Besides, his birthday was on Tuesday, and he would not have anything ruin his day for him.
Monday came soon enough and Trent couldn't help but feel a little bit nervous, again. He hated that he still felt his stomach knot up at the thought of having to see Sebastian at school. But he was feeling slightly different, this time he was determined. And so he decided to drive to school blasting his iPod with his favorite music and set his mind to have a positive attitude. He even left his house a few minutes earlier than usual just to make sure he would get to school in time to score one of the front seats in class. He figured he would sit in the front row so the temptation of looking at Sebastian during class wouldn't be there. They had a few classes together today, and he was determined to not look at him, or talk to him if he could help it. Operation avoid Sebastian Smythe at all costs was officially on!
Once he entered the Dalton parking lot he realized there was only one space left in his usual parking area by the trees, and so he quickly proceeded to park his car there. The music was still on even after he killed the engine and he was still humming through "Marchin On" as he gathered his things to leave his car. He was in a great mood, but just as he grabbed his bag from the passenger seat and looked out his window all his determination was blown to hell. There he saw Sebastian, who was resting over the hood of the car he parked next to, doing nothing. He felt his stomach drop and quickly looked away, hurrying to grab his things and just get out, get out. Once he had everything in hand he took a deep breath and opened his door, he was trying hard not to look at Sebastian, in case he noticed it had been Trent who parked beside the car he was resting over, but it didn't seem to be the case, as he had his back turned to him. So Trent quickly shut his door and started walking towards the main building, completely ignoring Sebastian, who definitely had had to see him as he walked across the lot and into the school. From the corner of his eye Trent noticed Sebastian was actually with someone, though they didn't really seem to be talking or anything, they were just resting over the hood of the car apparently waiting for the bell to ring. It must have been one of his friends from the Lacrosse team, as Trent didn't really know him. Not that it mattered anyway; he was not going to think about Sebastian today, not if he could help it. Once he was inside he quickly got to his first class and was glad to find a perfect seat in the front row. This position would be perfect for his plan, he would be able to pay attention and completely disregard the rest of the people in the room. Trent could feel like his morning was already picking up.
When the first class finished Trent lingered for a while in his desk, eyes still looking to the front, making time for the students to start leaving the classroom. He figured if Sebastian was there he would already be gone by the time he finally got up from his desk and turned around to exit the room. After waiting for a few minutes he finally got up and turned to leave, and that's when he noticed Sebastian was in fact still in the classroom, standing by the door and staring right at him. He was caught completely off guard and hated the fact that he quickly broke eye contact, focusing on rearranging his bag strap over his shoulder instead. Sebastian didn't do any better apparently, because he had quickly done the same and turned to exit the room. Trent could feel his heart racing. Why was Sebastian standing there staring at him? There was something in his eyes he could not quite read in that small second where they made eye contact, but then again it would not be the first time that happened to him in regards to Sebastian. He was just a mystery to him in so many ways. Trent removed himself from his thoughts and rushed to the exit headed to his next class. His mission to stop thinking about Sebastian was failing miserably so far. He hated himself for it, but was glad he didn't have the next class with him, so he probably wouldn't see him until after 4th period.
After their morning recess he decided to head up to class, crossing his fingers and hoping that he would find a seat in the front this time as well. He felt relieved when he got there and in fact the entire front row was empty. It would have been awesome, if it weren't for the fact that Sebastian ended up seating merely 2 desks away from him. This he knew of course because he heard his voice while he was talking to someone, but he didn't dare to turn around. He couldn't risk meeting his gaze again. During class it was as he could feel Sebastian's gaze burning holes in the back of his head. It probably was only his imagination though, but having him so close, and yet so far away unnerved him. Fortunately for Trent, this time when he finally got up to leave, Sebastian was already gone.
As he was leaving his last class of the day he ran into Nick in the hallway, it was nice to have someone to talk to as he walked down the hallway and to the common room.
"Hey man how was your weekend? Are you all better now?"
"Yes Nick, I told you it was nothing. I was fine the entire weekend, great actually."
"Cool. Are you staying today for Warbler practice? I heard Jeff and Jon were working on a number they wanted to show us." Nick said, eyeing Trent curiously. Trent just nodded, and Nick must have sensed his hesitation because he quickly added: "Probably the guys will want to finish early though, since some of them have last minute shopping they want to do for tomorrow…"
"Right..." Trent said, smile faltering a bit. If there was anything worse than having your birthday be on Valentine's Day, it was to on top of it be actually single. It didn't use to bother him as much, but as he got older, his friends started getting love interests, and so it wasn't as easy as when he was younger and Valentine's Day was just some random holiday. Now it was kind of difficult to make plans with his friends for his birthday because most of them had significant others who they wanted to spend the day with. Even Trent himself had managed to get a little excited with the whole idea of romance and Valentine's Day for this year; before everything that happened last week, that is. Sebastian wasn't one to celebrate Valentine's Day, he found the whole thing to be a joke and only a pathetic device of consumerism, so he found the fact that Trent's birthday was the same day to be the best thing ever. "Something actually worth celebrating" he had said. But that wasn't going to be the case anymore, now was it? It was unlikely that Sebastian would even acknowledge him tomorrow. They hadn't really made plans for the day anyway, they had only barely talked about the possibility of catching a movie with a couple of other friends who didn't have plans or something, but after everything that happened the subject of his birthday was completely forgotten. He was probably going to spend a quiet one with his parents and sister, who never failed to buy him nice presents and share a delicious cake his mother would bake herself. Come to think of it, he was actually looking forward to it; he figured that's exactly what he needed at the moment, to just spend time with his family and relax.
As they got closer into the common room they could hear what seemed like a heated discussion between the Warblers. They picked up the pace so they could figure out what was going on.
"Look I only know what I just told you guys, he didn't say anything else! Alright?" Thad said, looking quite exasperated. The rest of the guys were standing around him in a semi circle, some had their arms crossed over their chests, others were shaking their heads in confusion and Trent had no idea what was going on.
"What are you guys talking about?" Nick asked promptly, before Trent could ask the question himself.
"Thad here…" Jon started, "says Sebastian is miraculously back in the Warblers… just like that!"
"Are you serious?" Trent said, completely dumbfounded.
"Whoa that's… great! I mean… but h-how did that even happen? I thought he didn't want anything to do with this anymore." Nick said, looking at Thad and Jon for answers. Thad just rolled his eyes and looked up, clearly tired of trying to explain what Nick and Trent had yet to hear.
"I don't know…" Thad said, shrugging.
"What do you mean you don't know? What did he say?" Nick asked. And Trent was just standing there, staring at Thad, willing him to please explain because quite frankly things weren't making any sense whatsoever. Trent was even a little worried. He was sure Sebastian had his mind set to never return to the Warblers, it didn't make sense for him to just return after a quitting a few days before. Something about this whole situation was way off and he knew it.
"Well if he is back then why isn't he here? He knows we have rehearsal today now doesn't he?" Trent said, not quite able to hide the annoyance in his voice and clearly skeptical about the whole situation. He felt really uneasy just thinking about it, after everything that happened and all the soul searching he did over the weekend he just didn't feel the same about anything anymore.
"Well, he just said he had something to take care of first." Thad said.
"I have a theory..." Said David, who was resting against one of the couches behind the guys "… but I can't be sure."
They all turned and looked at him with expectant eyes, so David continued: "My dad told me he ran into Sebastian's parents at some dinner party last week… and they talked about him. Apparently Sebastian's parents didn't know he wasn't a Warbler anymore."
Trent felt like his stomach dropped to his knees.
"He didn't tell me much but he did mention his dad was not very happy about it. So, maybe they talked to him about it? Made him reconsider?"
"Yes! Maybe his parents talked to him and convinced him!" Jeff said with a bright smile, like that explained everything and all things would go back to normal. But Trent knew better. He knew a little bit about the mechanics of Sebastian's relationship with his parents, especially his dad. And he knew they got along just fine as long as Sebastian was getting good grades and excelling in his extra-curriculars. Everything would be fine as long as he made them proud, but the second he let something slip his dad would go on him like he was lazy and ungrateful and an embarrassment to them. He had seen it happen a few times and figured if Sebastian's parents had anything to do with his return to the Warblers then things couldn't be good. That was not the way Sebastian acted, he did not let people push him around, or guilt him into doing things. If he had his mind set to something there was no changing it, unless of course there was something in it for him, and at this moment that thought was terrifying because if Trent had learned anything from his interactions with Sebastian last week was that he absolutely despised them. Despised him. And he didn't know if he wanted Sebastian back in the Warblers anymore, especially if it was as suspicious as this.
After listening to everybody speculate for a few more minutes about what exactly was that prompted Sebastian to come back to the Warblers, Jon and Jeff decided to show the rest of the guys their idea for a Regionals number. It was a fun song and they would have to figure out the details of the choreography in just a week and a half but Trent couldn't make himself care enough to really participate in the discussion of the whole thing. Besides, if Sebastian was back in the mix they would probably have to run their song choice by him and he was so unpredictable that really they were probably working in vain.
Barely an hour later everyone said their goodbyes and started to leave. As it was expected, they all had plans and errands to run for their big dates tomorrow, so Trent figured he should just go home and let things be. Sebastian wasn't going to come back so they probably wouldn't see him until the next day. It was useless to worry, he knew that, but it didn't mean he wouldn't beat himself up thinking about things over and over again. He couldn't help it, no matter how hard he tried. How was he going to keep his resolve of moving on from Sebastian if he was back on the team? Things would be extremely awkward and uncomfortable between them after everything that happened last week.
He tried to clear his head of all the uncertainty of his thoughts as he drove back home, but things didn't really get any better for him once he got there and decided to check his Facebook updates. There was nothing new from Sebastian, not since the photos he was tagged in from the party he apparently had attended on Thursday night, so he just kind of scrolled around until something got his attention.
"I've always liked to think there's goodness in everyone but certain PEOPLE make me realize that is not the case. Some people are just evil."
It was a status update from Kurt Hummel, and then there were 5 comments under it, from a few of his friends, but he could only recognize Rachel Berry, who had commented: "Don't worry Kurt, we are not going to let him win. No matter how clever he thinks he is! You'll see!"
Him. Was she talking about Sebastian? Kurt had not made any public comments about the slushy incident or anything. He had posted a few melancholic status updates about missing his boyfriend at school, and flooded Blaine's wall with romantic messages and wishes for good luck with his surgery. But apart from that, he hadn't posted anything even remotely passive aggressive. Trent figured it was probably because he had some of the Warblers as Facebook friends from the time he went to Dalton. But Rachel Berry and the rest of the New Directions weren't friends with Sebastian on Facebook, only Blaine was, as far as Trent could tell. So he figured Kurt must be really upset if he would post something like that, and by the comment posted by Rachel he knew it definitely had to be about Sebastian. Had he done something else to piss them off? Suddenly Trent remembered Thad talking about how Sebastian was "taking care of something" and he instantly connected the dots. This couldn't be good news.
He was fighting the urge to pick up the phone, call Sebastian and demand to know what the hell he had done. But he knew he couldn't do that, not anymore. He would just have to wait until the next day and see if Sebastian would tell them himself. There was nothing he could do, and any hope he had left thatSebastian drama wouldn't ruin his birthday just vanished.
Authors note: I know you can tell I'm playing a bit with the times and happenings of some of the stuff from canon but it's just what I need to do for this story to happen. Also, Trent has to share my curse of having his birthday be on a holiday, sorry baby!
I apologize for the lack of Sebastian in this chapter, but in the next one there is some heavy stuff happening. That is as far as I'm going to tell… dun dun dun!
Thanks for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it a lot! Special shout out to scared-like-me on Tumblr, for flailing with me and being a hardcore Trentbastian shipper! Mwah!