pretentiousness in the acute sense
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. steve
2. stephen
3. scuba
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. viva roma star
2. teethoflions
3. le somnambulist
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my tastes
2. my obnoxious need to yell at totally inappropriate times
3. my eyes
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. body
2. needy
3. sensitive
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. irish
2. french
3. english
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. the future
2. the financial instability that i inflict upon (and share with) my father
3. failure
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. ipod
2. black coffee
3. ripped jeans
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. another dead juliet shirt
2. black zip up
3. sneakers
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. neko case
2. mewithoutyou
3. the jesus lizard
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. new vegan restaurants
2. to read more
3. to focus
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. independence
2. a level plane
3. conversation (not declaration)
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i enjoy solitude
2. i can sometimes be a workaholic
3. i am perfectly fine all of the time
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. hips
2. lips
3. fingertips
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. speak another language
2. skate
3. take criticism
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. collecting assorted crap ath the copy center that people leave behind
2. self improvement/defacement
3. crosswords
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. travel
2. start an editorial photo project on insomniacs
3. see snow
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. photographer
2. something to do with music magazines
3. professional
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. tokyo
2. rome
3. paris
THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. imogen
2. voltaire
3. anais
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. survive something traumatic
2. break someones nose
3. see the sunrise in japan
so at work, we make calenders. they are actually just cheap photocopies of pictures that people bring in and we put generic calenders on them and bind them. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i hate giving them to people, i hate people appreciating them. they are very, very lame. their families and pictures are lame. if i were to make my own calender, it would have crime scene photos, or nothing but weegee photos. if there is such a calender, feel free to purchase it for me, my andy warhol calender is almost obsolete.
well, this lady brought in her photos the day before, but only wanted jennifer (the manager directly above me) to do her calender. well, jennifer didn't do it the first day and she called in sick on the day it was due (totally fucking me out of a peaceful day at work, thank you very much). the lady came in, wondering if her calender was done. i informed her no, but i said that i would do it, and that it would be done very, very soon. she was cool about it, which is always nice. i start on her job, which has post it notes identifying which picture is which month. then she had these oddly placed post it notes. they were on the back of the pictures, but covering up portions on the front. not paying any mind. i took them off. calender done.
fast forward to the next day. i come to work and see the calender sitting on the table still. i ask jennifer why the lady returned it. she says, "because whoever did it screwed it up." "well i did it, how did i screw it up?" she flips to a page of a late teens girl and her friend holding a dog on her lap, the dog is sitting up. "well you see, the calender is for her parents (the grandparents of said girl in picture), and she didn't want them to see this...". all of the sudden, it is so clear to me. the dog's dick is at half mast, a pink smear across this lovely scene.
in hindsight, i wish the grandparents had seen the calender. complaints make my day. so does startling old people.
1. steve
2. stephen
3. scuba
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. viva roma star
2. teethoflions
3. le somnambulist
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my tastes
2. my obnoxious need to yell at totally inappropriate times
3. my eyes
THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. body
2. needy
3. sensitive
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. irish
2. french
3. english
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. the future
2. the financial instability that i inflict upon (and share with) my father
3. failure
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. ipod
2. black coffee
3. ripped jeans
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. another dead juliet shirt
2. black zip up
3. sneakers
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists (at the moment)):
1. neko case
2. mewithoutyou
3. the jesus lizard
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. new vegan restaurants
2. to read more
3. to focus
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. independence
2. a level plane
3. conversation (not declaration)
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. i enjoy solitude
2. i can sometimes be a workaholic
3. i am perfectly fine all of the time
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. hips
2. lips
3. fingertips
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. speak another language
2. skate
3. take criticism
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. collecting assorted crap ath the copy center that people leave behind
2. self improvement/defacement
3. crosswords
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. travel
2. start an editorial photo project on insomniacs
3. see snow
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. photographer
2. something to do with music magazines
3. professional
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. tokyo
2. rome
3. paris
THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. imogen
2. voltaire
3. anais
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. survive something traumatic
2. break someones nose
3. see the sunrise in japan
so at work, we make calenders. they are actually just cheap photocopies of pictures that people bring in and we put generic calenders on them and bind them. i try to avoid it as much as possible. i hate giving them to people, i hate people appreciating them. they are very, very lame. their families and pictures are lame. if i were to make my own calender, it would have crime scene photos, or nothing but weegee photos. if there is such a calender, feel free to purchase it for me, my andy warhol calender is almost obsolete.
well, this lady brought in her photos the day before, but only wanted jennifer (the manager directly above me) to do her calender. well, jennifer didn't do it the first day and she called in sick on the day it was due (totally fucking me out of a peaceful day at work, thank you very much). the lady came in, wondering if her calender was done. i informed her no, but i said that i would do it, and that it would be done very, very soon. she was cool about it, which is always nice. i start on her job, which has post it notes identifying which picture is which month. then she had these oddly placed post it notes. they were on the back of the pictures, but covering up portions on the front. not paying any mind. i took them off. calender done.
fast forward to the next day. i come to work and see the calender sitting on the table still. i ask jennifer why the lady returned it. she says, "because whoever did it screwed it up." "well i did it, how did i screw it up?" she flips to a page of a late teens girl and her friend holding a dog on her lap, the dog is sitting up. "well you see, the calender is for her parents (the grandparents of said girl in picture), and she didn't want them to see this...". all of the sudden, it is so clear to me. the dog's dick is at half mast, a pink smear across this lovely scene.
in hindsight, i wish the grandparents had seen the calender. complaints make my day. so does startling old people.