Okay, this is stupid, and I hate to feel stupid. But we watched an episode of Death Note yesterday and now I don't want to watch it any more. L, the eccentric genius investigator trying to catch the killer, enrolls in the university where Light is a student (In fact, they are the two top students.) in order to keep a a closer eye on him. They spend a lot of time together, but eventually L stops going to class to concentrate on the investigation...
In the episode we watched, Light says to L that school has become boring now that there's no one on his level of intelligence there. And L says to Light that he's missing Light, too, because Light is his first and only friend.
I don't like where this is going. I don't like the way the story is making me feel.
I don't like the obvious comparisons between L and me, and between L/Light and me/Shindou.
And Shindou wants us to dress us as these guys for Comiket, too?
Honestly, it's a little scary to contemplate. So I'm just not thinking about it. But there are so many ways that this relationship (is that the right word?) with Shindou could be as horribly twisted and broken as theirs. I really really really don't want to think that.
I need to know him better, I guess, in order to feel more secure. I don't like all this questioning who the real Shindou is. Shindou with and without Sai, with and without drugs, it's like four different Shindou's possibly.
Which is the one that loves me? Which is the one I love back? Do we even mean the same thing when we say that? Since I can't even explain what I mean by it, the odds are slim.
It's really quiet without him here tonight. His mother's taking him at the crack of dawn for a medical appointment, so she insisted he stay there. He still hasn't really told me what she thinks of him being here constantly. I think his relationship with his parents is so different from me with mine that I can't fill in the blanks at all.
Maybe I'll text him in a little bit. I wish he could play NetGo from his house.
In other news, I have to definitely get a new mobile phone and maybe Shindou does too because this Weekly Go had a little article in it about Go programs for mobile phones. Just about all the high end models that have internet access have programs specially for accessing the NetGo servers! There'll never ever be another reason not to play again ever except maybe when one of us is in the shower. I'm sure Ogata-san has one of these and I can't believe he hasn't told me about it. Maybe I should ask which one he got when we go to the study group.
I wish Shindou was here. We could be cuddling right now and I could be telling him about it, instead of having this weird echo of the words that I would say rattling around in my head. Damn, I should just call him. Or text him to call me in case his parents are already asleep and his ring would wake them. I wonder if he has a special ringtone for me?
Argh, love makes me an idiot. Thankfully the entry's private. I wonder what I'll think if I look back on it years from now. Hopefully that even though I was an idiot, that loving Shindou wasn't stupid after all.