Train of thought

[tovaks]

When I was coming home on the T from my placement, I noticed a couple of young kids munching on jelly lollipops with Santas in the middle. They carefully ate around the figures of Santa even when it was unwieldy and messy to do so. Finally, when there was no jelly left, the two kids spontaneously and without consulting each other started eating

Comments

[_elanorgamgee_]

I think that this phenomenon probably has the same cause as procrastination. Even though intelligent and sophisicated people know intellectually that it is ultimately best to directly face the causes of their issues (assuming that they recognize those causes), it is still hard to make themselves go through the immediate pain that starting the healing process would cause.
Even mature and intelligent people are sometimes ashamed of their issues (and the cause of those issues), afraid that facing those issues will make them vulnerable to further pain, and afraid of the changes that healing will make in their lives.

I hope that made some amount of sense...

[spazerrific]

I think that there are a couple of reasons people dance around the issues. There could be the embarrassment of being judged, the worry about breaking an unspoken rule of nondisclosure (especially if speaking on familial issues), or, and this is been a big one for me, trust. If you need therapy, chances are you have some semblance of trust issues, and you're not going to dive in and tell a total stranger your deepest, darkest secrets. It takes time to build the trust, and that's why the deep issues, though the client knows they eventually have to deal with them, go by the wayside for the first while.

[tovaks]

Spazzie!!! How are you, sweetie?

Good points, all. The point of the entry wasn't to say that people don't have their reasons for dancing around the issues, but to highlight the pattern that people go through when they have an issue in life or in therapy. Therapists need to be hypervigilant in their work with clients (even self-referred ones), who may gloss over issues but really want to talk about them, or give muted hints that they are suicidal but answer an emphatic "no" to the "are you feeling suicidal" question.

[dkaine]

But really I don't think it's even a matter of therapy. People only need therapy when they are unable to confront their own issues themselves. The therapist's job (if they are indeed talented enough) is to be the strengthening agent or catalyst that brings their patient to the edge where the patient must then be convinced that they are indeed strong enough to face their issues

[tovaks]

*Cough* Hi, stranger. Law school? Mazel tov!

Well, for me, this entry is about therapy, because that's where my mind was during that moment on the train (plus the fact that I'm training to be one right now). Thanks for the extra disclaimer at the end.

You're right that this doesn't just apply to therapeutic relationships--but people who don't need therapy (not that need it or some other form of help but aren't getting it) can generally face up to whatever's bothering them on their own, or at the very least, can function for a time without having the problem addressed while they get ready to face it. Eventually, though, those who are "just not ready" and remain so indefinitely will miss out on a lot of life's experiences or even have adverse reactions, and despair by the time they reach old age when it is too late to do anything. For the long-term, I think, it is better to try and conquor fears or issues or whatever rather than consciously sitting on them for years.