Public Shame

May 16, 2010 10:52

About two weeks ago I was at lunch by myself, eating a bread bowl outside of Panera bread in the patio section. The Panera bread where I work is in a huge shopping center. It's across the expansive parking lot from a Sprouts, and the Sprouts is next to a Walmart, with a restaurant in between the two of them ( Read more... )

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Comments 8

26personalities May 16 2010, 23:04:57 UTC
i probably would have done the same thing you did, if only because of the fear of getting punched in the face. at least you watched, so as to be able to give her a witness. i've been in situations on the subway platform where a man is screaming at a woman, and you wait to hear if there are punches thrown so you can do something, but you can't watch because things can escalate so quickly. or maybe i'm just a coward.

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towelgrl May 18 2010, 02:15:49 UTC
You aren't a coward. Especially after that video I saw of the stabbing on the subway, I don't know if I could stand up to someone if I was alone.

Especially since people are dumb fucks and when someone gets stabbed someone is always dumb enough to pull the E-Brake, locking you in with an evil stabby guy.

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aum_estrella May 17 2010, 16:52:38 UTC
it's a rough situation, because you can't call 911 or the police because emotional abuse is detrimental to a relationship but not against the law. The most you can do is to walk over and tell that guy he should be ashamed of himself for his lack of propriety and if he's worse behind closed doors, she'd be blamed for your intervention.

Hopefully this makes you feel better: what you and everyone else did was absolutely normal. A woman (Kitty Genovese) was killed on the street in public because everyone thought someone else needed to do something (the bystander effect). The gray area of this situation makes it more difficult to act, given that only public shame would be effective and our societal sense of individualism prevents us from standing up and telling someone that their way is right or wrong.

Situations like this make people feel alone, there's no way of knowing if you were the only one who was so upset about it.

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towelgrl May 18 2010, 02:08:59 UTC
I could tell that some of the other people there were flabbergasted, but most of them were averting their eyes and one couple was giggling about it, which could be a nervous reaction but somehow that doesn't excuse it.

But next time, yes. I'm calling security, or at least trying. And if it makes it worse, I'd feel bad, but I can't just let that happen again. I know it makes Andrew nervous because he's waiting for the day he has to pick me up from the hospital from getting punched out, but I think in this case there were enough witnesses. It was pretty obvious that he probably would have hit her if they were in private.

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aum_estrella May 17 2010, 16:53:35 UTC
on the other had, i meese you and i'm bummed you couldn't make it to the party. but it's cool. we can still be friends. =)

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towelgrl May 18 2010, 02:14:44 UTC
I know! :( And a candle lit party to boot. The stupid synchro swim was supposed to be an hour tops + a late lunch in the area so we could head out. But then it started late. And then it lasted waaay longer than an hour. And then they had to clean up. And then they had to drive another grandma home so we had to eat out in woodland hills instead. And then the service took forever (and Andrew's grandma is hella embarrassing. I said not to put so much ice in my margarita! Hey! Next time easy on the ice. I mean it!" Etc, etc.

I mean, the competition wasn't the worst. It was pretty sometimes, and it wouldn't have been so bad, but they knew we had plans. They knew it! And then there was a major accident on the way home. By the time we got to Glendale it was close to 10pm and we'd been up and doing shit all damn day. I know it's not Andrew's grandparents fault because they were trying to make everyone happy, but yeah. :(

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towelgrl May 18 2010, 02:17:54 UTC
It was also his Grandma's birthday... so it was one of those things. And then Andrew ordered a mojito that was more like a limeade. Less than fun times.

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duckyprincess May 18 2010, 16:20:07 UTC
Poor girl. ):

I probably would have done the same as you. Ranting to the hubby via text and all. (and he too would have been too busy to text back.) At least you have the conviction now that if it happens again you'll call security. (or continue watching hail a waiter/ess and have them call security so there will be a witness!)

A bread bowl sounds so yummy...

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