Thoughts regarding 2010
2010 feels like a really exciting year for me.
For absolutely the first time in my life I've honestly, consciously and (almost continually) chosen healthy, nutritious food. Jafar and I decided to get healthier this year and we're doing really well. I'm not going to lie- a big part of that is Jafars willingness to cook every night! Since Jan 1 I've lost 3 kilos (6 pounds or so) and I am walking more. I'm also still having treats- every 2nd Sunday we eat whatever we like and maybe once or twice a week I'll eat a small bar of chocolate or some cookies- it's usually after a day eating fruit, salad, tuna and water though so I don't feel so bad.
My goal this year is to lose 20 kilos (44 pounds) and I think I'm well on track! And I've been so big since my late teens that I forgot I have quite an hourglass figure, I'm starting to see that- and my collarbones!!! Haven't seen those in years, man. Being uncomfortably fat sucks- I'm glad I've woken up to myself. I'll be happy being bigger all my life as long as I'm the best ME I can be- fitter with more energy, firm sexy muscles, killer curves- I can see it happening this year! Although having said that I'm already about 20 kilos lighter since 2006 so I already feel better than I did. I tried on a sexy top I haven't been able to fit into last night, and Jafar said he knew I'd lost weight but didn't see how much til I wore that outfit. :)
We've also cut down HEAPS on alcohol, for health reasons, financial reasons, and because it doesn't always bring out the best side in either of us. We continue to smoke weed though- it's ultra relaxing, and did you know one of Abraham Lincoln's favourite things to do was to sit on his porch and smoke a pipe of "sweet hemp"? Heh. Stoooooner president. The weed used to make us crave junk food, but mostly now we crave really clean, healthy, pure foods like fruits, vegetables, sometimes eggs and meat (and not so purely I crave slushies from 7-11!!). I love having a few friends round for a meal and a smoke, sometimes we're silly, sometimes creative, sometimes contemplative, sometimes all three at once!
My sex life is fantastic too. I've finally let go of the guilt and shame I always felt about having casual sex. Bottom line is- I'm a hugely sensual, sexual, physical person. I don't need a soulmate in order to enjoy those pleasurable feelings. I know that in the future I will want a committed relationship, but not until I find the right person and in the meantime I'm going to enjoy my sensuality and indulge my fantasies! And I really need to say: if you ever have a chance to fuck while stoned, zomg do it. Orgasms, also, are at least twice as strong- sometimes so much pleasure it's almost agony. Yeaaaah. And they last LONGER. In my experience anyway.
My social life has calmed down- I spend heaps of time with Jafar- he's my homosexual life partner- and there are other friends who pop by from time to time. Since I don't go clubbing much anymore (last time was Dec 12!) I don't see the huge bunches of people I used to, but I'm happy anyway. I sort of want to not go to The Beat (my usual club) until i've lost a bit more weight- my ex works there and I'd love to show him how sexy I'm getting, heh.
I feel more musically inspired, too. Aslam got me in touch with a friend of his, who happens to be a fantastic singer from Brisbane named Emma Dean, who has sung with Kate Miller-Heidke, The Dresden Dolls, and plays piano and violin. I emailed her to see if she wants to have a coffee and a chat sometime- I'm looking to hear her stories, and ask for any tidbits of advice she may have about music- especially breaking into the local scene. She is away at a Zen Zen Zo training camp so won't get my email til she gets back. Zen Zen Zo are an extraordinary physical theatre company in Brisbane, one of my secret goals is to do their training one year when I'm fitter. Anyway, that's the same group Aslam interned with a few years ago when I was deeply in love with him- we were living together at the time and things had come to a head, then he went away for a week to the Zen camp and came back and we slowly managed to salvage our friendship. But it's weird that people in my life keep referring to Zen Zen Zo, and every time I hear them mentioned I think of both how beautiful and inspiring their shows are, and of how hearing anything about them around 2007 was hurtful because it reminded me so much of Aslam- years later he told me that it was at the Zen camp he told everyone what he'd been going through and decided he needed to end his friendship with me.
Phew, glad that didn't work. I remember about 6 months after that camp I met some of Aslam's Zen friends and one of them said in a disturbingly knowing voice "ohh, the famous Angie" which made me feel really awkward like I'd been discussed, and I maintain my dislike of that girl even though I barely know her and Aslam says she's quite lovely. Heh.
Wow I'm really crapping on. I'm off to the park this afternoon to sing, write, play guitar, nap, eat fruit, drink water and generally enjoy this gorgeous summer Sunday.
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