Of Cephalopods, Ninja, Kiwis, And Really Awesome Presents (complete with pictures)
Beneath this cut is perhaps the most epic tale ever to be told. It defines the bonds of friendship, gives hope to those who are without, fills you with laughter, with joy, with joyful laughter. It is...
Ah, hell. It's just a fancy post of thanks and amusement to all the very cool people on my flist. Enjoy!
Once upon a time, there was a writer:
She was reasonably talented, tolerably pleasant, and mildly indecisive. Oh, and she had a REALLY cute haircut, which you can't fully see in this picture. More than likely this picture was from one of the salsa dancing nights because her bangs look really good. The only other time she pulls her hair back is usually because she hasn't showered in a couple days.
Okay, so this reasonably talented, questionably hygenic writer is the heroine of our story. Aside from writing tales of bratty children, intergalactic space adventures, and zombie prostitutes, she also has a thing for cephalopods. Observe:
The fuzzy guy hitting on her head is named A. Moldy Noodles -- Aloysius Moldy Noodles to you. She found him hanging out with a wickedly clever artist by the name of thatreevesgirl and just HAD to have him. Behold his chubby tentacles! His black button eyes! The noodley bits on the top of his head! See how he doubles as a fun conversation piece AND a fancy chapeau!
But A. Moldy Noodles wasn't the only friend our off kilter writer had. In fact, she had just made a new one courtesy of pipisafoat :
TADA! Meet the legendary Editor Nin! More feared than the legendary Sannin! Swifter with a red pen than the Yellow Flash! More sadistic than a Copy Ninja with fresh meat new genin! Look how jaunty he is as he wields his shuriken against overly descriptive sentences, ellipses abuse, and really wonky sentence structure! Notice the eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he dissects every word being written.
(in his freetime, according to Pip, he likes to bake and watch Stargate. I approve of both. In our time together, his interests have expanded to Castle and reading ninja based manga)
But sloppy grammar and questionable stylistic choices aren't the only thing the Editor Nin is accomplished in. He's also a certified cephalopod rodeo rider:
***Editor Nin wants it noted that no cephalopods were harmed in the shooting of this pic. A. Moldy Noodles wants it noted this is a total and gross misrepresentation of true facts and that he did, indeed, have a safety pin shoved through his head and into Editor Nin's -- who, by the way, was NOT authorized to ride him like a carousel pony -- foot. Editor Nin says he is immune to pain and if he does not register it as pain, then it is not recognized as painful to others. Mr. Noodles says the Editor nin is full of shit and needs to watch his back for PETA assassins.
Questionably consenting cephalopods are not the only thing Editor Nin has a delight in rodeo riding. He also tried to ride a kiwi -- not the fruit. The bird. As in from New Zealand. Rosco Amadeus Fluffernautic is the name of this particular kiwi and he comes directly from New Zealand by way of qualapec 's vacation trip. Rosco has been adjusting wonderfully to his new home. he's even made friends with a wiener dog named Theodore, who happens to LOVE the kiwi song Rosco's voicebox produces. He's been very happy here ... until he found himself getting mounted by an Editor Nin.
No, not THAT kind of mounting. But it looked enough like THAT kind of mounting that all pictures of the event were destroyed. Instead, here is a picture of a very angry (and slightly violated) Rosco getting angry and chasing Editor Nin across the writer's jewelry box:
Run away, Editor Nin! That plushy beak on Rsco is aiming somewhere sensitive!
Now, the writer REALLY wanted for everyone to get along so she made them all sit down to talk out there differences. She explained personal borders to Editor Nin, reminded A. Moldy Noodles that cephalopods (especially crocheted ones) could NOT file legal action against ninja, and deleted the very racy and suggestive photos of Rosco being mounted -- pardon, rode ... wait, that sounds just as bad. Anyway, she made the photos disappear, to which the little kiwi was very grateful. But wait! They still needed to have more proper bonding time, together as friends. And what better way to bond than over a good book?
But which book to read?
Luckily, the ever so amazing thorarosebird proves her genius status once again by mailing the writer a brand new book to read:
And oh! Look at the name on the cover! Would you believe it? That was the WRITER'S BOOK!!! It was a compilation of short stories, all arranged by thorarosebird with artwork provided by selkath and Thora's very good friend who drew the incredible cover! The writer was so touched by this thoughtfulness that she (very foolishly) showed her mother who then went on Facebook and told everyone the writer was REALLY PUBLISHED when she really wasn't -- even though the writer painstakingly and repeatedly explained that this was a PRESENT. The writer is now being hounded by her mother to try and see if more copies can be purchased so they can be distributed to family members, despite the fact that the writer explained copyrighting laws and that there are ONLY EVER GOING TO BE FOUR COPIES OF THIS BOOK IN THE WORLD.
But... mothers will hear what they want to. And crocheted ninjas, cephalopods, and plush kiwis don't give a damn about that sort of thing anyway. All they want to do is read the book:
The End. Maybe
(In short, flist, thank you SO MUCH for being awesome and for doing so much for me! It's been really uplifting, encouraging, and I wish I could even begin to pay you all back for everything you do)