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[tragedy_ann]

A reply to my post yesterday got me thinking seriously about my past and it's longterm effects on myself, specifically my self image. I remembered being in high school, a freshman, in the bathroom vomiting because I was sick. A friend of mine accompanied by two girls (One named Carrie Krueger) that were NOT friends of mine came in right after I

Comments

[missaudreyhorne]

I fucking hated that bitch Carrie Krueger. I did not know her, but for some reason she hated my guts.

[tragedy_ann]

She only hated me because I had gotten into a fist fight with Christina something or other (I can't remember her last name). What was bitterly ironic was that Christina and I eventually made up about 6 months after our fight, but Carrie continued to harass me until she dropped out of school. She made my life WSHS a living hell. Carrie knew NOTHING about me, but made it a point to scream at me down the hallway, "HO" "SLUT" " WHORE" "BITCH!" She tried to get me to fight her multiple time...and she didn't even know me. The fact of the matter is that, while I wish her nothing but pain and suffering for the rest of her life, I know that that is exactly what she will get. Carrie was and probably still is a VERY sad and angry person inside.

yeah, without spelling errors.

[blackdove1978]

ok, soooo I'm gonna be honest, that brutually honest most people supposedly admire in me - until it hits them directly. Hopefully you will see it for what it is.

I don't think you should change your mind frame to "I love being me", and every other thing you can say to justify being a big girl. I think you are right to try to lose the weight.

Now. I personally think you are hot as shit, and I like my girls big. Hell, I'm not a size 2 either ya know? But I also know that people can give themselves excuse after excuse, and live their lives in denial, when what they really need to do is get on that diet and get to the gym! I think people fall back too readily on the "praise" of others, all those people that tell you to find beauty within and all that. A lot of the times those people could stand to lose a few pounds themselves (waves hands "over here! over here!").

I applaud your bravery and refusal to lie to yourself.
xo

Re: yeah, without spelling errors.

[tragedy_ann]

I have spent years lying to myself, that I didn't have an unhealthy relationship with food and being lost in painful memories. I can't do it anymore.
I started performing with BHB about a year after abusing coke and amphetamines so much that I dropped 80 pounds in three months. I thought that I was happy that I had lost the weight and by joining BHB I would "show them!" and I would be much more happy. But show who? Show them what? The fact of the matter is, is that I am more happy now than I was then because I have stepped back and allowed self anyalsis to take place. It has to continue for my own well being. The weight loss will continue as well, not so I can fit into "society's pretty girl mold" like I used to, but because now I genuinely WANT TO BE HEALTHY!

Re: yeah, without spelling errors.

[tragedy_ann]

*LOL*

Jesus Christ, I never knew that! Why would she punch you? What a cunt!

I don't care about what they said in the past, it's ancient. But I do remember how much what they said (Mostly Carrie, as I said Christina and I mended our differences) hurt me at the time.