.:.Ten.:.
I need to get out of here. I cant take this
[PRIVATE]
I need help. I'm so fucked up. Why? He still gets to me, and I feel like hes plucking at my emotions and taking pleasure in it. The more I'm with him, the more I think about the past-- of things that I felt, and things that I wanted to feel.
...I've hated him all these years for betraying me... but I've loved him all these years for who the hell knows why. I'm so fucked up... why do I feel this way about the man who let those New Yorker men pay to use my body? I hate him. I wish he was dead... at least then... I didnt have to deal with these feelings I've been having. At times, I feel like the event never happened... with the way he's kind to me... the way he touches me...the way he kissed me.. I find myself craving him more because... its what I always wanted when I was his student. I wanted him to love me, to hold me, to kiss me. I wanted to be his. I'm so fucked up. I thought these feelings died with him.
I feel like the lowest of the low.. because with everything.. I feel like I'm betraying Shuichi. All he did was love me, and want to take my pain away. Sure, he was an idiot at times, and he drives me crazy... but... he wanted to build something. He wanted to bring happiness to my life. Why am I ruining this? Why am I letting Kitazawa take this away from me??
[/PRIVATE]
Seguchi-san:
I...goddammit... I'm asking for your help. Something happened... I hate saying this, but... I need you.
[PRIVATE]
I need help. I'm so fucked up. Why? He still gets to me, and I feel like hes plucking at my emotions and taking pleasure in it. The more I'm with him, the more I think about the past-- of things that I felt, and things that I wanted to feel.
...I've hated him all these years for betraying me... but I've loved him all these years for who the hell knows why. I'm so fucked up... why do I feel this way about the man who let those New Yorker men pay to use my body? I hate him. I wish he was dead... at least then... I didnt have to deal with these feelings I've been having. At times, I feel like the event never happened... with the way he's kind to me... the way he touches me...the way he kissed me.. I find myself craving him more because... its what I always wanted when I was his student. I wanted him to love me, to hold me, to kiss me. I wanted to be his. I'm so fucked up. I thought these feelings died with him.
I feel like the lowest of the low.. because with everything.. I feel like I'm betraying Shuichi. All he did was love me, and want to take my pain away. Sure, he was an idiot at times, and he drives me crazy... but... he wanted to build something. He wanted to bring happiness to my life. Why am I ruining this? Why am I letting Kitazawa take this away from me??
[/PRIVATE]
Seguchi-san:
I...goddammit... I'm asking for your help. Something happened... I hate saying this, but... I need you.