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[tragic_stiletto]

I can't type. I can't type cause I can't think. I never said I'd do this. I always said I wouldn't. But it's gone too far and for too long and it can't go on. and i didn't want to die. i'm too sad. dripping. alone and i'm locked in the flat and i'm going to delete this soon cause it's pointless. my phone won't even work i'm just locked here. i can'

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[tragic_stiletto]

I'm sitting at home in my flat, Erin left cause I wasn't saying anything because... I'm not sure why. She didn't seem happy. She's probably away for the night. I'm too sad, I'm drinking too much and I'm being ridiculously, predictably stupid as always. Can't pinpoint the exact problem, it's just everything lately. cause i'm losing control. and I want to move back to my parents and save so i can move to london. but i feel like i can't cause erin would hate me. i can't be happy here, it's driving me mad. i'm too unhappy.

[tragic_stiletto]

thanks kasper, i told you these posts would be self indulgent! You just can't help how you feel, can you? I don't know what to do. x

[elegiacstanzas]

I will never hate you Sarah. I care too much about you for that. When I said I thought we'd be friends forever I meant that. Do what you have to do, I can't pretend to be happy, but that's not your problem. Go your own way and we'll meet in the next life. Things will be ok.

[tragic_stiletto]

it doesn't have to be the bloody next life you know, it can be in a few months. i thought i'd die tonight, i probably won't. i'm sorry for everything. it shouldn't be this way.

[elegiacstanzas]

I use the words loosely, i didnt mean after we die... I meant the next life; Dublin this flat, it's one life and London, is another life. What comes after that another life and so forth. I'm glad you're not dead. I just wish you could actually speak to me about these things, before I leave the house. I didn't leave because you weren't talking, I left to get some fresh air because my head felt like it was about to explode with anxiety and personal chaos. I took glasses and that because i honestly didnt know where i would end up. And now im here, in the same room, but we talk via this. And that's fine with me so long as we do talk about it. I care about you and i feel like an ass telling you that all the time. But i do ok. Dont fucking die. Dont think our friendship is easily crushed. Do you believe in it too? I think you should live and storm the clouds in time. Or catch an ostrich.

[tragic_stiletto]

you know i can never speak, though i'm finding it increasingly difficult to type. sorry i misjudged everything, just felt personally responsible. i can't talk to anyone properly, cause i'm too useless, i'm sorry. the birds don't want me, i'll look to the sky. it's probably pointless.