(no subject)
Anbody that knows me even remotely well knows that the most important things in my life are my Grandmother and the memory of my Grandfather. When my mother was 8 months pregnant with me, my real father got into a vehicle while intoxicated and killed a woman - he was sentenced to 15 years in prison before I was born. I never got to know my father, and I grew up never wanting to because there was a father holding my hand as a little girl with the same love that held my mothers hand before me.
The only true heroes you should ever have in your life are the people who gave you the first opportunity to take your life and mold it into what you see fit. The people who you can turn to and say "I would not be standing here today without you." The people whose love and support through differences of opinion and gaps in generation, still made sure that you had a chance to change the world and make your dent.
My Grandparents are my heroes. Everything I do in my life revolves around the memory of my Grandpa, and making my Grandmother proud of me. There is not one day that goes by that I do not miss my Papa and wish that he were still here to help me deal with growing up and taking on more and more responsibility as the years go by. This fall it will have been 5 years since we lost him and time hasn't been as easy on me as I hoped it would. It's so hard to think about accomplishing things without him being here to see it. I still had so much to learn and often times I get by just believing in my heart that my memories of his words still form themselves around new tasks and new challenges.
I don't know what kind of person I would've become without my Grandparents. Even if there's no way that my Papa can know that every ounce of fight I have in me comes from his memory, his love and the things that he taught me - it takes none of the meaning away. I'm not a religious person and I don't have very much faith, but I do not discount the possibility of things I cannot know. The day my Grandpa died I wanted nothing more than for all of it to be true - that somewhere he was at peace and could still see and feel all of our love. I still carry that desire with me to this day and I always will.
Today was his day. I went to visit him as I do all the time, but holidays are a little more rough.
I brought him balloons, which is my signature mark because we make sure he has flowers all year 'round. I knelt down for a bit and talked to him in my head as I always do - I told him "I'm not gonna stay and chat much today because, honestly, it's too damn hot and my makeup is running." I think about how he would've laughed at me.
I think about a few months before he died. I was sitting at work one day and out of the blue I decided I was going to go and have all of my piercings removed - he always told me that all of the metal was hiding how naturally pretty I am. I went home that night and stood in front of him and said "Guess what?" He looked up at me and stood up from his recliner, put his hands on my face (only person that ever could) and said "Look how beautiful my little girl is." I'll never forget that moment for the rest of my life, and i'm forever grateful that I could share that moment with him before he passed.
I can only hope that he's proud of his little girl and the weird, but determined young lady she's turned out to be.
I love you, Papa.
The only true heroes you should ever have in your life are the people who gave you the first opportunity to take your life and mold it into what you see fit. The people who you can turn to and say "I would not be standing here today without you." The people whose love and support through differences of opinion and gaps in generation, still made sure that you had a chance to change the world and make your dent.
My Grandparents are my heroes. Everything I do in my life revolves around the memory of my Grandpa, and making my Grandmother proud of me. There is not one day that goes by that I do not miss my Papa and wish that he were still here to help me deal with growing up and taking on more and more responsibility as the years go by. This fall it will have been 5 years since we lost him and time hasn't been as easy on me as I hoped it would. It's so hard to think about accomplishing things without him being here to see it. I still had so much to learn and often times I get by just believing in my heart that my memories of his words still form themselves around new tasks and new challenges.
I don't know what kind of person I would've become without my Grandparents. Even if there's no way that my Papa can know that every ounce of fight I have in me comes from his memory, his love and the things that he taught me - it takes none of the meaning away. I'm not a religious person and I don't have very much faith, but I do not discount the possibility of things I cannot know. The day my Grandpa died I wanted nothing more than for all of it to be true - that somewhere he was at peace and could still see and feel all of our love. I still carry that desire with me to this day and I always will.
Today was his day. I went to visit him as I do all the time, but holidays are a little more rough.
I brought him balloons, which is my signature mark because we make sure he has flowers all year 'round. I knelt down for a bit and talked to him in my head as I always do - I told him "I'm not gonna stay and chat much today because, honestly, it's too damn hot and my makeup is running." I think about how he would've laughed at me.
I think about a few months before he died. I was sitting at work one day and out of the blue I decided I was going to go and have all of my piercings removed - he always told me that all of the metal was hiding how naturally pretty I am. I went home that night and stood in front of him and said "Guess what?" He looked up at me and stood up from his recliner, put his hands on my face (only person that ever could) and said "Look how beautiful my little girl is." I'll never forget that moment for the rest of my life, and i'm forever grateful that I could share that moment with him before he passed.
I can only hope that he's proud of his little girl and the weird, but determined young lady she's turned out to be.
I love you, Papa.