More god dreams...
today I had another "god dream" I was with a group of people, who were going for a final test, a la Harry Potter. We were to choose a mask we had, and throw it into a pile (dirt? garden bed?) and that was to be the type of (house? temple?) we were to visit for our final initiation. I dithered, and nothing seemed right, and someone (Chris?) chose one for me, the modern optimist who clothes things in cynicism. I got to the streets of gos and demons, and wandered; nothing seemed right. There were gods of joy, of caring, demons of hedonism and despair, and eventually I found someone who had split themselves into four parts -- two male, two female -- and sent both male and female halves to houses of gods and of demons. I thought that was a great idea -- I have both god and demonic aspects in myself. I managed to do this, but still had problems with figuring out where to go. One demon was that of hedonistic sex; seemed right, yet, what others should I choose? There were gods of shamanic shape shifting (knew I couldn't do that), at least 5 different flavors of Bast (which to choose?) despair demons, and as I dithered, the parties/rituals continued on until it seemed that they were coming to a close and I was never, never going to enter any of these houses to find out what the gods had to say. I figured I was mostly "good" -- or at least I thought so -- but there were definitely darker aspects to me. I was very upset that when it came to analyzing myself, I dithered around until it was too late, worrying that nothing seemed quite right or a perfect fit.
Perhaps I am afraid life will pass me by in the same way, that I will never make a serious choice regarding religion, because I cannot decide who really am.