The Wrath of Neutro

[meat_mooks]

LAST WEEK, ON THE ADVENTURES OF PERCIVAL PHOENIX: The situation had gone from bad to worse. The rescue team now knew what had become of their colleagues, true --
BUT AT WHAT PRICE?

Sakura has been kidnapped! Anwei and Zouichi are convinced they're villainous henchmen!

Lash thinks she's A MAD SCIENTIST*in the audience, a man bursts into flames

Comments

THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[meat_mooks]

[Lash curses Anwei and Zouichi mightily for their failure to defeat the heroes while Sakura continues her attempts to escape and snarking. Cowed, Lash’s lieutenants return to the battlefield. Clearly the solution to their previous defeat is mummies! And a giant mechanical spider! This time, however, the rescue team is ready, splitting the enemies up in a labyrinth to deal with them separately.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[j_y_d]

Percival, you suck.

"Yo, Howard, need my #@$& gun back." Chase calls, slinging the hammer back over his back to have a hand free to catch his weapon, using the other to drag Percival back from the pack.

"My magic ain't working, but I bet this plot will let heavy firepower work just fine."

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[i_sell_drugs]

"What, you're going to leave me with no weapons except my razor wit?" Of course, given the genre, that might be all Howard needs. He hands Chase Kickass back, then takes a step back, seeing the mummies approaching. "You all we me so many sodas. Think we can set them on fire?"

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[j_y_d]

"Precisely why I needed this back." Chase coments, swapping out the shells for dragonsbreath. Most of his magic is @$%%ed here, but so far, firepower is as dependable as ever.

He lets go of Percival, and tosses Howard Bubblegun instead - .50mm Desert Eagle... plenty of firepower there... and opens fire with an explosion of blue flame from the sawed off.

"Suck fireball, you ancient sons of &%$#@&$."

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[meat_mooks]

Ah, freed from Chase's rather beefy grasp, Percival was now free to retrieve his Atomizer. Charming fellow, but he just didn't understand the heroic way of going about things. He ran after the jackal that had stolen his gun, wrestling it into submission and holding it triumphantly above his head.

"Ha HA! Better luck next time, pup!" he said, grinning to all who might be watching.

And oh, dear. Chase was already busy setting the mummies on fire. "Hmm."

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[8wings]

Mummies are flammable! They burn brightly and crisply, letting off the cheery smell of Christmas wreaths and scorched bone and herbs from black and unnamable shores.

Unfortunately, being on fire does not seem to stop the mummies. In fact, as they advance, they are spraying pitch in front of them in arcs, flaming, smoking (and undoubtedly priceless, considering the age of the delicate linen wrappings, the possible extinction of the herbs involved, and the overall historical import of the mummies) droplets of fiery resin.

And they are still coming, flaming arms spread as though to embrace...

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[i_sell_drugs]

"Oh. Great. I bet this is what the welcome gates to Hell look like," Howard says, backing up behind Chase again and shooting one of the mummies in the chest, to no effect. He stuffs the Desert Eagle back in Chase's holster, looking instead for something they can use as a barricade.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[hark_a_monster]

That strange scraping sound Percival had been remarking ever-so-loudly upon before? Had been steadily growing louder, closer, more insistent -- until with an immense uprooting of ancient stone and mortar, a hulking shape emerged from below the floor of the ruins, sending a great plume of dust and sand into the air.

The mechanical spider was sleek, silver, and as big as a house. A mobile, semi-intelligent, angry SPIDER HOUSE. Eight ruby-like lenses appeared to serve as its eyes; in its steel mandibles, it held a single marble pillar.

It surveyed the heroes for a moment, pincering its mandibles closed. The pillar cracked into two, impacting the ground with a sound like dull thunder. Its eight eyes glinted briefly.

Without no further warning, bright crimson lasers fired out of each of its scarlet 'eyes', casting the beam in a swift, curved arc that carved across the battlefield, targeting allies and enemies alike.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[j_y_d]

Howard hides behind Chase with good reason - as soon as the spider appears, Chase is moving, no hesitation. His first instinct is the hammer slam, catching himself, reminding himself that that particular enchantment isn't working. Instead, he manages, through sheer reflex, to do one of those things that should only be possible in the movies - as the laser sweeps past him, he brings the oversized hammer up, and deflects the shot, the magic weapon unscathed. Its no lightsaber, he can't send it back towards the spider, but that clears a path for him to charge right at the mechanical giant.

"Huh, none of the giant spiders back home had lasers. Nice trick."

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[azulescarabajo]

"Giant spiders. With lasers. This just keeps getting better." Jaime ducks in front of the others, activating an energy shield in order to give Chase a hand and ensuring that no one loses something useful like a limb. Or a head. He retaliates, one arm forming itself into an energy cannon which fires off a blast at the gargantuan pest. How much damage it'll do is really up in the air, unfortunately.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[hark_a_monster]

The spider's sensors tell it that it has burned apart more shambling mummies and slow-witted robo-jackals than heroes, but its mechanical brain doesn't much care. Oh? so the beefy Earthling man doesn't like lasers?

It merely ignores the energy blast, which glances off its heavily armored carapace to destroy some ruined building; from the dorsal side of its thorax, a cluster of armaments emerges. It fires.

Mini-missiles erupt from the launchers on its back, scattering through the air in a jumble of arcs and turns that seem almost random. All, however, target the rescue team. A cluster of explosions tears through the stone and styrofoam as the spider's legs carry it swiftly, smoothly forward. Its carapace snaps shut once again.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[8wings]

The robo-jackals are maddened by the smells of burning mummy and ozone-scorching lasers; while some of them are running, wailing the long gigglish wails of a terrified puppy, others are still snapping and clawing at anything that looked like it could be hurt. They fight not like dogs, but like maddened, frenzied wolves.

The mummies that have been sliced in half by the lasers (and not sintered into blobs of ash) are still coming; their legs are walking by themselves, stumbling blindly through the sands. Those aren't much of a threat. The torsos dragging themselves forward with bony arms, teeth clacking, are a bit more problematic.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[j_y_d]

Ok, this is getting to be /really/ ugly. Surrounded and outnumbered. The jackals aren't as bad as they were, but still plenty dangerous. The spider is ignoring Jaime's shots, and Chase's hammer isn't working right.

So.. time to fall back on old reliable... throw heavy $#!(.

Slinging the hammer over his back again, he moves to the nearest styrofoam and wire building, straining to get a good grip to leverage it up, digging his hands into the dirt. Its slow at first - and only possible because of the building materials, but after that moment, with creaks and groans, the entire building lifts off the ground, and is thrown towards the largest grouping of mummies, which should also give some temporary cover from the spider's shots while he comes up with something.

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[meat_mooks]

Percival is uninjured, having taken cover as soon as that laser blast was a glint in that giant metal spider's eye. Pesky little critter; it must be one of Nuon's pet projects.

He takes this opportunity to stand once again, thumping his chest (and therefore also that garish lightning insignia) with one broad fist. "COMRADES! I, PERCIVAL PHOENIX, believe I have a plan that might help us defeat our annoying arachnid adversary!"

His extremely loud delivery attracts the attention of several of the remaining robo-jackals (or at least their torsos), who fasten their jaws on his uniform and doggedly attempt to at least harm some of his person on what borrowed time they have left. "Hey!"

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[i_sell_drugs]

Hey, that building-throwing seemed to work. Unfortunately, Howard wouldn't be the type to be able to replicate that move. Instead, he runs up to the closest crawling, flaming mummies and kicks them over onto their stomachs. He grabs pieces of wire and the scrap from the building to impale them and pin them to the ground. This seems to slow them down a bit, although at one point he has to hack one's arm off at the elbow when it grabs his ankle.

And it looks like The Other Blue Guy has attracted all the jackals. Good job, doofus! Sadly, if the conventions of the genre are holding, they're going to need him before the day is out.

Prying the mummy's hand from around his sock, Howard waves the arm like a prize. "Hey, doggies! Hey, over here!"

When the jackals eagerly glance up, he chucks the arm as far as he can towards the mummies. "Fetch!"

Re: THE TURNING TIDE OF BATTLE (everyone)

[8wings]

The robo-jackals are wearing expressions of glazed desperation on their muzzles; a look that says "We weren't hired to do this! It's outside our work contract!" Their implant lights are dim (on some of the beasts the implants have actually fallen off, showing interiors made of duct tape and baling wire and not much else) and their ears are drooping with exhaustion.

But Fetch! They all knew that word! As one the remaining mobile pack members bolt towards the soaring bundle, watching it descend, each of them jostling the others. All thought of their enemies was gone; there was only Fetch! They would Fetch the thing, and bring it back; their Queen would reward them, with ear-scratches and bowls of hot motor oil and beautiful collars of gems...

The robo-jackals run straight into the clot of staggering mummies, racing through their burning limbs. An obscure chemical interaction between melting jackal-fur and the fumes from burnt mummy entrails combines to form a fireball of spectacular size and remarkably brief duration.

BWOOOSH!!