Percival Phoenix and the Promise of Tomorrow

[meat_mooks]

Last time on Percival Phoenix:
Though the armies of Nuon and the Blood Queen seemed overwhelming in number, PERCIVAL PHOENIX (and also the rescue team) managed to divert the attack, instead striking directly at the lieutenants of Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™! Through their combined efforts, they freed both from the doctor's evil mind control. And

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THE RAY... OF DEATH (Everyone)

[meat_mooks]

[I sense a theme here.

Our brave heroes reach Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ and her diabolical Death Ray through stealth and subterfuge -- at least until the not-so-good doctor appears, revealing that she has been waiting for them all along! Confronted with the possibility of choosing between Sakura's life and laying down arms, the heroes are at a loss -- until Sakura herself makes a daring escape. Rubbery giant suit monsters! SCIENCE!]

Re: THE RAY... OF DEATH (Everyone)

[meat_mooks]

The doors to the chamber burst open, revealing the rescue team in various states of disguise. Percival was at the fore, inexplicably dressed in an immaculate chef's outfit (complete with hat!), and carrying a large covered dish in one outstretched hand.

As he entered the room, he lifted the cover, revealing the contents of the dish: a spiral honey-baked ham, artfully arranged on the plate with a side of greens and assorted fruit.

"DID SOMEONE ORDER... A LARGE HAM?!"
He beamed broadly at the room, opening the ham to reveal his trusty Atomizer Ray! Almost as an afterthought, he fired it at a retreating redshirt, sending the man tumbling offscreen with an oddly familiar scream.

Okay, Death Ray, check. Girlfriend tied to Death Ray, check.

...Wait a second.

Where was Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™? Shouldn't she be... delivering a rebuttal? Threatening the destruction of the Earth? Sending her legions of doom with inexplicably poor aim to fire blindly in his general direction?

Re: THE RAY... OF DEATH (Everyone)

[things_go_boom]

In waiting for Percival, Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ had drank about five or so glasses of red wine (actually grape juice). Eventually figuring out that he wouldn't arrive for a while, she had excused herself to her screaming prisoner who probably didn't care about this at all and went off to the lady's room.

But that's okay, a large amount of men with masks blindly looking around were there to keep guard!

[meat_mooks]

Aha! Guardsmen! Now that he knew how to deal with. Percival strode forward with brave abandon, addressing each of them in turn. "ATTENTION EVIL MINIONS! As I'm sure you're all aware, I, PERCIVAL PHOENIX, am here to destroy the Death Ray and save my BELOVED DAISY. For TRUTH! For JUSTICE! Surrender now, and I guarantee none of you will be hurt beyond mild Atomizer Ray burns!"

He paused. "Oh, and if someone could please punch this card I have for the Neutro Evil Lair Loyalty Program™, I believe I am owed one ICED BEVERAGE of my choice."

With a loud "HA!" and without actually waiting for any of the guards to reply, he hurled the ham platter at the nearest man, blasting another with the Atomizer Ray.

[zouichi]

Uh. Was that Sakura strapped to that Death Ray? And where was Lash?

Zouichi ducked out of the way as Percival wound up and threw the ham at one of the guards. When had he even had time to buy the ham and core it out in the exact shape of the Atomizer Ray? Or had he prepared it ahead of time for the sole purpose of using it as a prop should the situation allow? And where had that one redshirt fallen to?

It was like a nightmarish hellscape of plotholes from which there was no escape. A guard ran towards him, screaming; Zouichi punched him almost absently in the face.

[8wings]

Anwei had almost been hoping that breaking the mind-control on herself and Zouichi had also brought Sakura and Lash back to themselves, but apparently not. Certainly Sakura weeping while tied to a Death Ray seemed extremely out of character for her.

A guard fired at her; her brassiere deflected it (of course) and she caught him by the shirt and favored him with a sound PG-rated head butt (forehead to forehead, rather than forehead to teeth). He slumped at her feet, a smile blooming on his face at his last memory of her cleavage surging like the sea.

[haruno]

Sakura could barely make a sound anymore -- she'd worn herself hoarse, which had prompted a large toad down on the ground to continue croaking when she no longer could -- as she continued severely chafing her wrists against her restraining bonds.

Tears sparkled like the diamonds you could have had if your man was the Old Spice man as she mouthed things that absolutely no one could hear, though if they could, it would be a toss up between, "I can't believe it's not butter," or, "Percival and assorted friends, you've finally come, stop the Doctor!" or, "I'm tired, hungry, nearly-nude, and I wanna go home!"

She did manage to wiggle with her dress clinging in torn shreds to all the right places. Look at her! Look at her!

Wait, don't look at her! She's trying to say something about the Doctor!

Too bad she still couldn't make a sound worth hearing!

[i_sell_drugs]

Howard's long since resigned himself to one of the many wisecracking sidekick roles, so he's only sort of surprised when, while skirting the edges of the battle, his back collides with the back of an equally short, non-warrior-looking guard. Similarly, he's hardly surprised that no one else in the fight seems to be noticing.

Guard Boy puts his fists up, looking incredibly unsure of this. Howard would back up a step, but he feels like it's probably outside the realm of predictable movie narratives to just run away from a clearly matched-by-the-screenwriters fight with an expy.

He waits about thirty seconds, hoping that Guard Boy's actually revving up to fight Chase, who could theoretically be standing riiiight behind him. And then gives up.

"We're not seriously going to do this, are we?"

Guard Boy blinks. Howard uses this opportunity to kick him between the legs and sprint in the other direction. No one said sidekicks have to play fair.

[azulescarabajo]

This was too weird. But at the same time it was almost like being home again. Except without the deadly seriousness that often accompanied the penetration of evil lairs. So he found himself locked in what might be termed deadly combat with a few of the guards, except it was really just him ducking under the wild haymakers they threw and then giving them a one-two in the gut and chin to knock them flat. It was simple, easy, even. He didn't even have to pay attention. Khaji would just let him know what he needed to do.

So he spent a good portion of his time staring at Percival as he battled his own way through the guards.

"This is too weird," he muttered.

"Huh?" asked a guard, right before he was flattened by a brisk punch to the jaw.

[things_go_boom]

The lady returned just in time to witness the destruction.

"WHO DARES?!" she yelled out, shaking her left leg to remove that pesky piece of paper that had followed her all the way here. How embarrassing...

She pushed off one of her own guards and took his gun, shooting near someone's elbow. "You fools! No one can stop me now! No one!" And she laughed for good measure. Still shaking her leg and...okay there we go.

"The DEATH RAY only needs a few more minutes! And then...the UNIVERSE WILL BE MINE! GWAHAAH HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAA!"

[j_y_d]

Chase isn't right behind Howard, no. In fact, he doesn't even seem to be with the heroes. See, someone mentioned stealth, and the veteran of a thousand black ops missions took that to actually mean, you know, sneak

[meat_mooks]

Percival wasn't about to let Chase steal his thunder. Not only was it inconsiderate of him to try (who was the hero of this story, huh?), but STEALING WAS WRONG AND BAD AND IF YOU DID IT YOU WERE ALSO PROBABLY WRONG AND BAD.

He politely ignored the piece of paper that had fallen off of his nefarious nemesis's foot, gesturing wildly with his ray gun. "A few minutes, a few parsecs!" he cried, forgetting that a parsec was not, actually, a unit of time. "Either way, Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™, the gig's up! You'll be taking that Death Ray home in pieces if I've got anything to say about it!"

"And now, if you please, I'll have an Iced Caramel Macchiato! With extra ice!" Even as he said so, he booted another guard off the set and into a conveniently placed endless pit of doom. Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™'s evil lair was not OSHA standards-compliant, obviously.

"We discontinued that prograaaaaaaaaam," the man shouted as he fell. Percival stolidly ignored him, fixing his piercing Phoenix Gaze™ on the evil doctor.

[things_go_boom]

"WE DISCONTINUED THAT PROGRAM!" Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ replied, as if her words meant a lot more than that dumb redshirt (hint: they did, also because he was dead.)

"Nuon! Blood Queen!" she looked at her two minions, not knowing they were not her minions anymore, and then dramatically pointed towards Jamie and Howard. "End these fools!" She moved her cape dramatically at Chase and Percival. "As for you two..."

The ground shook from the fire and the destruction. She took out a large, black colored sphere.

"Gamera! I choose you!"

[j_y_d]

"Oh, you have got to be #@*&^%$ kidding me."

This would be a great time for the magic weapons to be... well, magic weapons again. Still, no hesitation. "Deal with the death ray and give the villainess her spanking. I got this." he calls, charging right at Gamera, or at his foot, anyway.

[i_sell_drugs]

"Oh for God's sake, just call it Anguirus." Howard's more than glad that Dr. Lady Whatsername is sending Zou and Anwei after him and Jamie. Rubber suit or not, he doesn't want to tangle with Godzilla. "Guys, I'll try to get near the Death Ray. Hopefully I've picked up some plot-convenient sidekick hacker skills since landing here."

Or maybe he'll just start hitting buttons, but at least he doubts that the evil scientist is going to try and shoot her own super-awesome weapon. It'll provide cover by default.

[zouichi]

Chase can handle a rubber-suited monster, right? Zouichi hopes so, because he makes a dash straight for Lash. Something in her attire has to be the key to the mind control, at least if he and Anwei were any indication. What was it, her (stylish) cape? Her (tasteful) goggles? Her (maybe a little over-the-top) skull earrings?