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Let me just say that high school does not prepare you for college. It's not supposed to. Life happens to all of us and the more prepared we are the less likely we are to fully understand the incredible changes that occur. Wow, I sound like I'm trying to educate the world on puberty. Ahahaha. Okay, regain composure...
On the living situation:
I currently reside in Van Winkle the all girls quiet study dorm. I know...I am probably the loudest girl that everybody knows and the girl LEAST likely to live with girls by choice. And, thats fairly accurate considering I didn't chose this one. But, it's probably the best thing that could have happened to me. My hallway is filled with the most amazing girls who I couldn't have adjusted to college without. They are the girls I will never forget and the ones that have taught me that there are women in the world who don't backstab, betray one another's trust and compete constantly with eachother. They're showing me what it means to be happy for other people even when they get what you wish you had. What it means to hold someone who might be frustrating you to no end, but who really needs you to be there for her even when you'd rather be anywhere else. And how this can bring two people together-- how this can be the glue that repairs the breaks. How sometimes when nothing is funny, your friends can make you laugh when you don't even want to do so much as smile. How nothing compares to the knowledge that you're growing up with these people and nobody will ever mean as much to you as they do. These girls are experiencing what it means to be a freshman at Lasell College and they're experiencing it with me-- obviously nobody else can understand or offer better advice or a shoulder to lean on than someone who knows exactly how it feels.
They are unique and they each bring amazing qualities to our friendships. Never before would I have been friends with a lot of them because of either them being shy, me hanging out wiht all guys, or other ridiculous circumstances of high school socialization, but it seems they're more compatible with me because of the simple fact we're going through something together. I would even jump to the conclusion that sometimes the friendships/bonds we form with those who have nothing in common with us besides a common situation or circumstance are the ones that endure the most and prove to be the most rewarding.
Never the less, they are beautiful people who I treasure. I might get frustrated when someone's music is loud and shitty ;), or when I have to deal with gross hair in the shower drain or when there's catty bitchiness and attitudes (can anybody say everybody has PMS at the same time-- shoot me now), but these girls are my sisters. We are somewhat of a sorority, this hallway, and I hope that we are able to always remain friends-- at least while at college. I love them to death.
Even so, it is so hard to live wiht people. I am so used to locking myself in my room and painting without interruption for weekends or even sometimes weeks at a time. I am used to being able to hide and being able to vent my emotions on my own and in private. That doesn't happen here. The "common room", the one replacing the former one that was converted into a quad dorm because they needed more housing, is the lobby of the dorm basically and there is no privacy. It is an everyday occurance to walk by there and see a girl sobbing on a cell phone. You feel embarassed almost FOR them because you know how mortifying it is to cry in front of everybody. Having a roomie is a challenge for me as I have never had to even really share a bathroom before this. I'm getting better at it, but it has served to challenge the friendship Jenna and I had at some points. We've been able to resolve a LOT of this though, which I'm so glad for, but it's hard for both of us. I'm a very emotional person and I get so tense when I know I'm going to cry in ftong of her and she can sense the tension and feels horrible and tries to just stay on her side of the room and ill feel guilty about it. hhahahah but i guess this is college and this is growing up and adapting and as much as i like to say i hate it...im so proud of myself and of her and everyone else for learning how to live WITH people. It doesnt seem like many of us were ever asked to do this by our parents-- we were allowed to run wild I guess and do as we wanted.
My family talks a lot about how Im much more considerate and a much better person now. How just by talking to me they feel like I'm grown up and that I've gone through a metamorphis. What they don't know is that I totally agree with them. Sadly...because I wasted so many years being a horrible daughter and sister at times and I would give anything to get along with them the way I do now-- but back when I could see them everyday. I miss them terribly.
I must get going to class, but Ill finish this post later on.