Need some help!
Hello, I'm going to U.S.consulate to apply nonimmigrant visa next week. I wrote a essey in English to make it easy. Could anyone correct my errors and make it better please ;-) ?
Here is my essay!
Dear Sir/madam:
My name is XXXXXX. I am applying for F-1 student visa in order to attend Intensive English Language course in XXX in San Francisco.
I would like to study real estate investment in City College of San Francisco which provides Real Estate Program, and gain knowledge of American society through the daily life.
Since my English skill is not enough，I need to study English for a few months and score up TOEFL.
I have been feeling strongly the necessity of brushing my English skill up since I started working as a real estate investor. I purchased four properties in last three years (two in Memphis,TN, one in Sacramento,CA and one in London,UK). However, I sometimes could not ask the management company personally why the incident happened or what they did to fix something. One of the two reasons was that I didn't have enough information about American society (there are a lot of differences in life between United states and Japan). I purchased some properties because my agent recommended me to do so even though I did't know a thing about the areas (needless to say, it was very risky). The other reason is that I could not speak English well enough to negotiate about matthers.
I believe the best place to study is in San Francisco because I am going to purchase some more properties in north California and one of my houses is Located a short distance from the city.
My company in which I've been working as one of the directors allowed me to study abroad under conditon that I would regularly contact my colleagues via internet. I will work for a new elder care facility in which our company is building and will open next year in xxx, Sapporo, Japan as director after I returned.
In the near future，I have to take care my parents whose age is in their seventies now, so I really think this could be my last chance to study abroad.
There should not be any financial problem at all. Please refer to the enclosed financial statement from Union bank. My rents are transfered to my account every month. Also, I have some accounts in Japan and London.
I would appreciate your granting F-Visa which enables me to study in your country.
Sincerely,
XXX XXXX (my name)
Here is my essay!
Dear Sir/madam:
My name is XXXXXX. I am applying for F-1 student visa in order to attend Intensive English Language course in XXX in San Francisco.
I would like to study real estate investment in City College of San Francisco which provides Real Estate Program, and gain knowledge of American society through the daily life.
Since my English skill is not enough，I need to study English for a few months and score up TOEFL.
I have been feeling strongly the necessity of brushing my English skill up since I started working as a real estate investor. I purchased four properties in last three years (two in Memphis,TN, one in Sacramento,CA and one in London,UK). However, I sometimes could not ask the management company personally why the incident happened or what they did to fix something. One of the two reasons was that I didn't have enough information about American society (there are a lot of differences in life between United states and Japan). I purchased some properties because my agent recommended me to do so even though I did't know a thing about the areas (needless to say, it was very risky). The other reason is that I could not speak English well enough to negotiate about matthers.
I believe the best place to study is in San Francisco because I am going to purchase some more properties in north California and one of my houses is Located a short distance from the city.
My company in which I've been working as one of the directors allowed me to study abroad under conditon that I would regularly contact my colleagues via internet. I will work for a new elder care facility in which our company is building and will open next year in xxx, Sapporo, Japan as director after I returned.
In the near future，I have to take care my parents whose age is in their seventies now, so I really think this could be my last chance to study abroad.
There should not be any financial problem at all. Please refer to the enclosed financial statement from Union bank. My rents are transfered to my account every month. Also, I have some accounts in Japan and London.
I would appreciate your granting F-Visa which enables me to study in your country.
Sincerely,
XXX XXXX (my name)