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To pin a note: perfectly ordinary, spacious, moments of bliss, making an application for student finance, lime-grey, dewy, tall mist outside, pyjamas, quilt -
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Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one ( Read more... ) -
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three points make a graph:
the sun shines into my eyes at four o'clock for the third day in a row.
But
things are more fluid. Mathematics is ineffably folded. A graph is a graph, a line, a plane, one view. We live larger. I breathe.
I'll get better. Keep. More. Am. -
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How shall I fitly meet Thee,
And give Thee welcome due?
The nations long to greet Thee,
And I would greet Thee too.
O Fount of light, shine brightly
Upon my darken'd heart;
That I may serve Thee rightly,
And know Thee as Thou art.
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Wax and fire. I cycled to the high street, and these scents, first one, then the other. Through the early dusk, lights, the trees in the park and the bright warmth of the Dog, all sailing by.
No time - make time. Make time, my hands on the stuff of it, kneading and parting it. -
quick note on hazard perception
Left off trimming paper to pause for breakfast (fix that blood-sugar low!). Put down scissors. Noticed box-cutter, blade out, on table. Part-verbal but mostly pre-verbal thought signalling something very close to oh, I'd better turn that offHot electric irons you turn off to deactivate/begin to make safe. Box-cutters you retract to do the same ( Read more... ) -
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Koen sent me a letter about quantum physics, with a diagram of a sphere and paths through time and entropy. There are lines drawing themselves through things: I'll write back to him about folds, and how they connect, which wouldn't have been relevant if not for the work I've been doing on them. And I met Dennis, a security guard, while staring ( Read more... ) -
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off on the wrong foot. Doorbell into stasis. No energy, bathing unclean still, walking around in a dream. But I lay for a while, then scrubbed myself down with new scent, emerged just about clean enough ( Read more... ) -
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Hoping for a short, attentive pause, something to get me going. Work to do.
Up too early, sky burning blue. I'll nap later, if need be. Tea and ginseng, trying to look after myself - hot bath, brush teeth, put on clean clothes, take breakfast.
- this isn't working. Too much fear. I'll try to dive in. -
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In fact -
the more I look at this, at a whole, the worse I feel. A good sign.
I must do something real.