help with my baby calling me dad. getting grandparents to comply.

[tboyevan]

i live with my parents, i just turned 18 in october. i am in seventh month of pregnancy. i have quite a few risk factors for premature labor (bad dental care, underweight prepregnancy, pregnant under 18, late prenatal care, stress, i'm poor, etc.) so i would appreciate advice as soon as possible

Comments

[ftmichael]

Hey Evan,

Have your mom or siblings read anything about Trans people? Is your mom in contact with other parents? Is she willing to talk to other parents? Are you sure your dad won't have heard of Christine Jorgenson, for instance? Even older folks tend to know that Trans people exist, even if they have all the wrong ideas about us.

Definitely join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gqtgparenting/ and post there, too.

[tboyevan]

i know she knows some things about trans people just not much. she doesn't want to hear anything i want to teach her. but i think that will change over time. she did help me out with binders and guy clothes pre pregnancy. the only thing that bothers her i think is the hormones and surgery and of course name change.
once i start to transition i think it will clear up any muddy water.

[beyondbliss]

I can totally understand your stress about this, but keep in mind the baby won't pick up *that* much language before you move out and definitely won't be speaking. Even more importantly, babies associate sounds with the person who makes them...so if you are saying "come to daddy" when you pick the baby up, the baby is going to make the you=daddy connection, no matter what your parents may say

[like_drowning]

I know this is an old comment, but I'm super curious. Why do you feel like it was a mistake to have them call you something other than mommy?

[el_coyotl]

Wow, that does seem very stressful! But honestly, having your baby call you "dad" isn't something you need to stress about right now. I'm the parent of two girls, and I didn't start to transition until they were two and four years old respectively. My youngest didn't care in the least, but my oldest did have some trouble with it at first. I told her that she could call me "mommy" as long as she wanted to, and I never pressured her to do anything different. But after about six months, when she realized I wouldn't change as a person, she decided on her own to call me Dad.

So really, kids are extremely flexible and they only thing they really care about is that you love them, care for them, and support them. Your kid will call you by your chosen name/title when they are old enough to call you anything. ;) If you are moving out when your baby is around six months old, they won't ever know anything different anyway. Good luck!

[slanderouslibel]

When I came out to my parents, my dad had to be the one to respond. My mom was and is still in denial. I think my dad is to a lesser extent. But he flat out told me that until my brother is older (he's also 5 years old; I'm 22) they will refer to me by my birth name and as female. It's just easier.

My girlfriend has three kids. We've been together just under one year (November 25 is our anniversary). I realized I am trans during this relationship. I have not come out to the children (who are 7, 9, and 12) yet, but I plan on doing so in the near future. However, what they choose to call me is up to them.

The only thing that matters is that you are a parent and a person. Your child will know you as a parent. Your parents seem to just not be ready to let go of the memories they have of you yet. But they are not disowning you, or threatening to try and take your child. Focus on the good parts, and let them come around on their own. It will be much easier for you and for them.

Good luck!

--Kai

[marc_87]

I agree with the others. Your baby isn't going to pick up on that much. My kids didn't start saying mama or dada until they were like 7 months and even then it wasn't to the correct parent. I swear I got called dad for like a year before my oldest realized I was actually mom (am starting the transition now and he is 3). And your baby will pick up more on what you call yourself to her than what others call ya. If children picked up on what others called their parents they would call them by their first names. So you don't need to sweat that. As for getting your parents to accept you, I have no clue there, sorry. I still haven't come out to mine yet.