Just a bit of old writing...
And I’m spinning around in circles
Tracing intricate lines you can’t see
In a world so full of us
I can’t tell what’s left of me
So I throw out my arms
And embrace the empty air
Wondering hollowly to myself
If you were ever really there
And I’m trying hard to reach you
But you built your walls so high
So do I work hard to climb it?
Or do I turn a blind eye?
We’re inseperable
It’s complicated
Words just can’t describe
The way all of this happened
And knowing I can’t hide
From the way that I feel
Or the way that I am
Something changed
Something’s different now
I have to face what I expect
They won’t accept me
I can accept that, I hope
Though knowing there’s a world of hate
Is a thought I can barely stand
So I’ll brace myself against it
Close my eyes and turn the other cheek
For I know it’s better to just love them
Than the anger at being called a freak
I know most won’t understand
What I face from day to day
From the extreme lack of affection
To the empty shell of dismay
From the loss of a loved one
To the hardships of the past
I have to keep moving
Or I know I just won’t last
The emotions are building
Into something overwhelming
It’s blurring, taunting, twirling
And it’s seemingly unending
Then by some twist of fate
I fall backward into waves
Being carried further and further
Swallowed by an ocean
My wellbeing is what it craves
The doubt becomes overwhelming
The whispers of secrets whistle through my mind
I could close off
I could stay quiet
No one would know
It could be my own
No one needs to know
Who really cares?
For it seems knowing one simple fact
Is enough to ignite the flames of hell
They heckle and taunt me
I try to laugh it off
My resolve slowly crumbles
Maybe I can’t do this after all
I drip down, crimson red
Tossed backwards, left, and right
Spilling over, gushing, spewing
Ending all of this tonight
I make the decision
Decide to be exactly who I am
They can’t take that away from me
Though they curse and they damn
They spit at me
They exile me
They hate me
Even though they have no idea who I am
My story draws to a close
The curtains fall, the lights dim low
I take steps backwards
Crumple and fall
Clutch my hair
And stand up slow
My steps sway
My hand sweeps forward
Tracing those same lines
Spinning
Desperate
Falling
It’s over.
I’ve decided
I’m me.
Take me or leave me.