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[trapwindow]

so i guess i've been thinking a lot about identity lately. it seems to me that it is impossible to have the life you want without ever feeling like you hate your existence. you either struggle your whole life long or end up hating yourself sometimes, unless, i think, if you hate everything, in which case the second option still applies it just

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[dfolwez]

"it seems to me that it is impossible to have the life you want without ever feeling like you hate your existence. you either struggle your whole life long or end up hating yourself sometimes...."

I don't follow how struggling or "hating yourself" sometimes equates to hating your existence. I struggle every day, and every day I am thankful that I am still alive and able to improve myself.

"the real thing is that there's really no such thing as fully living, and there's no way to live devoid of fear, or it would mean you don't care about your life."

Again, I feel like I can agree with your premise but I can't understand how you're drawing the conclusion. Sure, everyone has a certain amount of fear in their life, and that can be healthy. It's only when you let your fears paralyze you that they will prevent you from "fully living" (and I'm not sure what you mean by that

[trapwindow]

when i say "yourself" i mean your existence. the you of all time (not just the you of now). strugging is the only way you can avoid hating what you are sometimes, but i am not sure that you struggle every day in the way that i mean it. also, being alive and thankful for having chances to improve yourself is exactly what i'm talking about. and you can always be proud of how far you've come, but you'd feel like you were giving up if you weren't always trying for more, always improving, and that's exactly why you can't ever actually succeed until you die.

and of course letting fear stop you is what people mean when they use that phrase, but it isn't actually what they are saying in the words. that is what i wanted to point out. (ask gorman about the chicken and the egg some time if we haven't already told you that story).

you do agree with it. you and i just think about everything completely differently and there's a lot of negativity connoted in my words that doesn't actually end up having a negative denotation.

[dfolwez]

Ok, I have the fear thing straightened out now.

Also, upon several re-readings and a good hour's worth of pondering, I do agree with it, insofar as I understand what you're saying to be that if this physical world is all that exists, then none of our actions really matter when taken into consideration against the whole of time.

Now I feel like watching I Heart Huckabees.