Moar drabbles
Title: What's in California
Rating: PG... 13?
Characters: Rose and AJ.
'Verse:Future!SW
So yeah. More drabbles. Big ones. Regarding a slightly AU future in which AJ gets the opportunity to leave England a few years after he and Rose have graduated.
He's leaving.
He's leaving and he wants her to come with him.
There's something for him in California, something to which he can't say no. He's excited and scared and staring at her with all the hope of a young puppy, wanting her to say yes.
They've only just started this fragile relationship, although it's more of a few added benefits to the one they've had for years.
Rose can't imagine being without him, so she says yes, because what other choice is there? Xan's face lights up in a delighted smile and he whoops, picking her up and spinning her around. She clings to his shoulders and laughs, but unease prickles underneath her skin.
California.
He sets her down and begins to tell her the details, talking almost too fast to follow. He's excited and happy and somehow-- somehow her own smile starts to fade, although he doesn't realize it at first. He's about to turn away when she speaks up, her heart having grown slow and heavy.
"Wait," she says.
*******
On the day he's supposed to leave, she catches him, calling out his name. He turns, hope lighting in his eyes at her approach. But then he sees the expression on her face, and it dies.
"Here's the thing," She tells him, all honest hope and sincerity and not a little bit of frustration, because she needs him to hear this, to understand. She reaches his side, out of breath from running. "You know how in romance novels the hero asks the heroine to marry him and she always has to make this choice, this big stupid choice to either go with him or to keep going on with her own life, alone? And then if it's a happy ending she chooses him and they get married and then it ends, just like that, their story is over."
She pauses, waiting to make sure Xander was following her, but he's wearing the same blank expression he had been when she'd first caught up to him. It's not quite a frown, but it's definitely not a happy expression. Rose decides to be optimistic and assume he's listening because if she stops now she'll never be able to finish.
"So the heroine gives up everything for love, and then they marry, and then it's done, the story is done, no more. That? I hate that. I hate that. Not the love part, that's just fine, but the ending part. Why does it have to end there? Why is marriage a metaphorical death sentence for their stories and their lives? Why is that it, and it's assumed that nothing happens afterward that's interesting enough to write about? Is it because they had to give up everything to be with each other? Like they've died themselves, a little bit, because their old lives are gone? Because sometimes, you know, why couldn't the hero just wait, or why couldn't they have figured something else out, and why couldn't the Heroine have kept her own life and then still gotten married? Why is that not allowed?"
Xander was beginning to look uncomfortable. He had his hands in his pockets, now, his shoulders hunching down in that way he got when he was closing himself off. "Rose--"
"No. No, Xan, listen. Just -- just listen." He doesn't want to, she can tell, but it's her and it's him and he'll stay if she asks him to, even though he'd rather be retreating right about now. "I--" She closed her eyes, shakes her head. "I love you." The words are easier to say than she'd thought, but it's easy because this is just a fact, now, not the point of her argument. Not really. "You love me too. You love me as who I am, right now, and I've worked for three-- no-- for too many years to get to where I am now. My business isn't much, not yet, but it's mine and it's growing, and it's everything I've ever worked for. I wouldn't be who I was if I left now, if I left and gave up everything." She hesitates again, swallowing. She meets his eyes and can see the pain he's trying to hide. She's not trying to hide hers, anymore. "...But I would. I'd give it all for you in a heartbeat.
"And that scares the Hell out of me, Xander."
She bows her head, gathering her courage. Gathering everything. It's this next part she can't stand, that's so hard to say. She can feel the tension between them down to her bones and Xan doesn't want her to finish, doesn't want her to spell it out. He gets it. But she still needs to tell him, anyway.
"I think, if you love me, you'll understand why I can't go to California with you. I'm afraid I'll lose who I am. If I go with you now... my story ends."
Forever.
His eyes squint slightly, looking watery, and she has to look away. He's upset and maybe angry and she doesn't blame him, because she's all these things too. Her heart hurts.
"You have to let me be, Xan. You have to understand. You're the only one who ever--"
He grabs her, pulls her too him. Their lips meet as his hands tangle in her hair and she tries to pull him even closer, tasting him with lips and tongue and teeth. He's warm and solid and he's everything, and for a moment her heart wavers, shimmering beneath the pain.
And then, before she can even breathe, he's gone.
*******
It's been two weeks, a blink of time in the span of a person's life, and yet Rose feels like she's lived five lifetimes in fourteen days. Every moment ticks by with the slow endlessness of an eternity, and nothing can make her smile. And for all these small eternities she gets to contemplate whether she's made the biggest mistake of her life, because what was the point of staying if there's no joy in anything anymore? Why did she have to listen to her pride, her fears?
Then, with a pop, he appears in her bedroom one night. She turns at the sudden magic of an Apparition, and he's there and suddenly it's like no time has passed at all, like he's just come back after kissing her and then vanishing. Forgot my luggage, Rose. Didn't mean to leave you hanging, Rose. Her heart is in her throat and she can't even form the words to ask what he's doing here, and why is he smiling?
He asks, with all the confidence of a young smarmy playboy, why they never considered a trans-continental relationship.
After all, for wizards, a different continent is only a pop of magic away.
Wen she doesn't respond, that smile falters for just a moment, revealing the boy she knows too well. Vulnerable, not as certain as he seems, but loving. Wanting. "We can have both, Rose," He tells her. His tone is so sincere. "We can have our lives and each other."
He still wants her.
She kisses him and he takes her to bed, which they don't leave for hours.
Rating: PG... 13?
Characters: Rose and AJ.
'Verse:Future!SW
So yeah. More drabbles. Big ones. Regarding a slightly AU future in which AJ gets the opportunity to leave England a few years after he and Rose have graduated.
He's leaving.
He's leaving and he wants her to come with him.
There's something for him in California, something to which he can't say no. He's excited and scared and staring at her with all the hope of a young puppy, wanting her to say yes.
They've only just started this fragile relationship, although it's more of a few added benefits to the one they've had for years.
Rose can't imagine being without him, so she says yes, because what other choice is there? Xan's face lights up in a delighted smile and he whoops, picking her up and spinning her around. She clings to his shoulders and laughs, but unease prickles underneath her skin.
California.
He sets her down and begins to tell her the details, talking almost too fast to follow. He's excited and happy and somehow-- somehow her own smile starts to fade, although he doesn't realize it at first. He's about to turn away when she speaks up, her heart having grown slow and heavy.
"Wait," she says.
*******
On the day he's supposed to leave, she catches him, calling out his name. He turns, hope lighting in his eyes at her approach. But then he sees the expression on her face, and it dies.
"Here's the thing," She tells him, all honest hope and sincerity and not a little bit of frustration, because she needs him to hear this, to understand. She reaches his side, out of breath from running. "You know how in romance novels the hero asks the heroine to marry him and she always has to make this choice, this big stupid choice to either go with him or to keep going on with her own life, alone? And then if it's a happy ending she chooses him and they get married and then it ends, just like that, their story is over."
She pauses, waiting to make sure Xander was following her, but he's wearing the same blank expression he had been when she'd first caught up to him. It's not quite a frown, but it's definitely not a happy expression. Rose decides to be optimistic and assume he's listening because if she stops now she'll never be able to finish.
"So the heroine gives up everything for love, and then they marry, and then it's done, the story is done, no more. That? I hate that. I hate that. Not the love part, that's just fine, but the ending part. Why does it have to end there? Why is marriage a metaphorical death sentence for their stories and their lives? Why is that it, and it's assumed that nothing happens afterward that's interesting enough to write about? Is it because they had to give up everything to be with each other? Like they've died themselves, a little bit, because their old lives are gone? Because sometimes, you know, why couldn't the hero just wait, or why couldn't they have figured something else out, and why couldn't the Heroine have kept her own life and then still gotten married? Why is that not allowed?"
Xander was beginning to look uncomfortable. He had his hands in his pockets, now, his shoulders hunching down in that way he got when he was closing himself off. "Rose--"
"No. No, Xan, listen. Just -- just listen." He doesn't want to, she can tell, but it's her and it's him and he'll stay if she asks him to, even though he'd rather be retreating right about now. "I--" She closed her eyes, shakes her head. "I love you." The words are easier to say than she'd thought, but it's easy because this is just a fact, now, not the point of her argument. Not really. "You love me too. You love me as who I am, right now, and I've worked for three-- no-- for too many years to get to where I am now. My business isn't much, not yet, but it's mine and it's growing, and it's everything I've ever worked for. I wouldn't be who I was if I left now, if I left and gave up everything." She hesitates again, swallowing. She meets his eyes and can see the pain he's trying to hide. She's not trying to hide hers, anymore. "...But I would. I'd give it all for you in a heartbeat.
"And that scares the Hell out of me, Xander."
She bows her head, gathering her courage. Gathering everything. It's this next part she can't stand, that's so hard to say. She can feel the tension between them down to her bones and Xan doesn't want her to finish, doesn't want her to spell it out. He gets it. But she still needs to tell him, anyway.
"I think, if you love me, you'll understand why I can't go to California with you. I'm afraid I'll lose who I am. If I go with you now... my story ends."
Forever.
His eyes squint slightly, looking watery, and she has to look away. He's upset and maybe angry and she doesn't blame him, because she's all these things too. Her heart hurts.
"You have to let me be, Xan. You have to understand. You're the only one who ever--"
He grabs her, pulls her too him. Their lips meet as his hands tangle in her hair and she tries to pull him even closer, tasting him with lips and tongue and teeth. He's warm and solid and he's everything, and for a moment her heart wavers, shimmering beneath the pain.
And then, before she can even breathe, he's gone.
*******
It's been two weeks, a blink of time in the span of a person's life, and yet Rose feels like she's lived five lifetimes in fourteen days. Every moment ticks by with the slow endlessness of an eternity, and nothing can make her smile. And for all these small eternities she gets to contemplate whether she's made the biggest mistake of her life, because what was the point of staying if there's no joy in anything anymore? Why did she have to listen to her pride, her fears?
Then, with a pop, he appears in her bedroom one night. She turns at the sudden magic of an Apparition, and he's there and suddenly it's like no time has passed at all, like he's just come back after kissing her and then vanishing. Forgot my luggage, Rose. Didn't mean to leave you hanging, Rose. Her heart is in her throat and she can't even form the words to ask what he's doing here, and why is he smiling?
He asks, with all the confidence of a young smarmy playboy, why they never considered a trans-continental relationship.
After all, for wizards, a different continent is only a pop of magic away.
Wen she doesn't respond, that smile falters for just a moment, revealing the boy she knows too well. Vulnerable, not as certain as he seems, but loving. Wanting. "We can have both, Rose," He tells her. His tone is so sincere. "We can have our lives and each other."
He still wants her.
She kisses him and he takes her to bed, which they don't leave for hours.