Gluing Back the Broken Pieces
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Santana
Warnings: Language
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,154
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: Written for the drabble meme at santana_lopez. For nicalyse. Prompt: "I know who you are. I love you. I love everything about you that hurts.
The hottest fucking summer to ever hit Ohio is just beginning and Santana’s hair is starting to stick to her neck. She’s been outside for less than five minutes and she’s already wondering why she agreed to play soccer with her cousins in her front yard.
Well, she knows why. Ever since Sam finally ended their sham of a relationship, she’s been kind of lonely, and especially bored considering she doesn’t have Brittany or cheer camp to fill her long summer days.
“I call Javier, Aldo, and Jessica!” She shouts out before anyone can pick teams. The others give her disparaging looks at which she purses her lips and crosses her arms. No one has the balls to challenge her so she saunters to the middle of her lawn and declares herself the front center.
Santana’s driving the ball through the middle towards the goal when she sees a figure jogging past her lawn that looks familiar. She quickly turns her head and locks eyes with Finn Hudson, before turning her attention back to the game. She checks her aim and pulls her foot back and slams the inside of her foot against the ball. The black and white ball flies over her cousin, Daniel, who’s just a little too short to grasp it.
She turns back to where Finn was and he is still there, grinning at her. She feels obligated to talk to him now and pauses the game, walking towards the sidewalk. Damn eye contact.
“Hey, Santana,” he says easily before glancing around the lawn with an unsure expression, “are they your siblings?” She snorts and bursts out laughing.
“God, no. We’re catholic but we’re not that catholic,” she says, still laughing, “they’re my cousins. They’re visiting from Texas for the week.”
He looks really embarrassed as a sheepish grin spreads across his face. “Oh, sorry.” He rubs the back of his head. “Hey, do you maybe want to see the new Bond movie with me tonight. Puck bailed on me and I already bought the tickets before they sold out.”
She ticks up an eyebrow and purses her lips. “I’m not a fucking backup plan, jackass.”
“I know. If I wanted a backup, I would call Sam,” he responds with a sly smile, “I actually want to hang out with you.”
Santana considers it for a moment. Finn’s not entirely awful to spend time with and they would be in a movie, which means very little talking would be involved anyway. It beats the hell out of sticking around the circus her house has become.
“I’m not paying you back for the ticket,” she says before turning around and flouncing back to her position to resume the soccer game. She still sees him out of the corner of her eye so she turns to him with a raised eyebrow.
“Movie’s at 7:30,” he shouts before putting his ear buds in again and jogging away.
…
After the movie finishes, he convinces her to get ice cream from the shop that’s in the same strip as the movie theater. They tell each other their favorite parts from the movie as they wait in line and Santana realizes the night hasn’t been so bad. She finds his naivety about everything hilarious.
As they’re sitting at a table outside the door, he gets a goofy grin on his face as he watches her lick her cone. It’s not even a pervy look and it’s oddly relieving that he doesn’t seem to just want to sleep with her.
“What?” She asks, laughing lightly with her eyes wide. He shrugs and shakes his head.
“Thanks for coming with me. I honestly expected you to say no since we’ve never really been good friends. I’m having a really good time.”
“Yeah, well, I had nothing better to do,” she says, cocking her head to the side. He laughs and brings his cone to his face. After he licks it, there’s a bit of ice cream on the tip of his nose and Santana completely loses it. He’s a complete goofball and she should be embarrassed to be seen with him in public, but she’s not. “You have ice cream on your nose, you dork.”
He has the sense to look a little embarrassed as he grabs a napkin to wipe it away. After their laughter dies down they sit in a strangely comfortable silence for a moment before Finn speaks again.
“Why didn’t you want to hang out with your cousins?” He asks with a thoughtful expression, “I like, never get to see my cousins because they live in California, but when I do I like hanging out with them.”
“I’m not really like anyone else in my family. We just don’t get along,” she says simply. She doesn’t even know why she’s telling him any of this stuff.
“Like, you don’t fit in?” He pushes the last bit of his cone into his mouth, and watches her face, waiting for her response while he chews.
“Yeah, maybe, whatever. It doesn’t matter,” she says before finishing the last of her cone. “They’re just all up in my grill and I feel like I can’t even breathe in my own fucking house.”
“But, they’ll be gone by the end of the week, right?” She’s trying to remember when she told him that and why he remembers but gives up as his expression grows more expectant.
“Yeah, thank God,” she says rolling her eyes before standing, “Let’s go.”
…
A week later, he invites her to some lame Mario Kart tournament that he’s having at his house with a bunch of the guys. She doesn’t plan to go but as she’s flipping through a fashion magazine for a third time, she realizes sitting at home alone is lamer than a video game tournament.
When she shows up, Finn gets this really excited look on his face and starts rattling off everyone’s scores as he leads her down to the basement. When they reach the bottom, she sees Puck, Sam, and Chang in front of the big screen with the game on pause. Finn returns to what she assumes was his spot and they restart the game.
Kurt and Blaine are sitting on a couch in the far corner of the room, probably whispering sweet nothings to each other and they barely acknowledge her presence. She seats herself on a stool behind the couch where the boys are playing and idly watches Chang kick everyone’s asses before she hears the bathroom door open and turns to see Rachel walking out. She totally wasn’t expecting to see her here. Rachel takes the stool next to Santana’s and smiles warmly at her.
“Hello, Santana, I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Or any other girl for that matter, but I am quite thrilled you joined the fun, seeing as Kurt and Blaine have forgotten that I exist,” she says far too quickly for any human being.
“I could say the same,” Santana says raising an eyebrow, “But seriously, what are you doing here? I thought Finn was done with you?”
“Finn and I are done with each other true, but Noah invited me,” she says smoothing out her tiny skirt over her thighs.
“Puck?” she asks incredulously, “you’re with Puck now?”
“I assure you, Noah and I are just friends.”
“Puck doesn’t have girls who are just friends. You’re totally hooking up with him,” Santana says, beginning to laugh. Rachel’s face flushes and it only spurs Santana’s laughter on.
“I am doing no such thing. Not that I would tell you even if I were,” she says ducking her head slightly. Bitch is definitely getting it on with Puckerman.
To both of their surprise, they actually manage to have somewhat pleasant conversation for the next three hours. Rachel lets Santana’s barbs slide and they never seem to run out of things to say. Kurt and Blaine disappeared an hour ago to do God knows what and the guys finally seem bored of their game.
Puck stands up, declares himself the winner, and tells Rachel he’s ready to go when she is. She looks at Santana apologetically before saying goodbye and practically skipping up the stairs with Puck in tow. Finn takes up Rachel’s abandoned seat and slugs Santana lightly on the arm. She looks at the spot first and then raises her glare to him.
“I’m proud of you for keeping your claws in while talking to Rachel. I know it must not have been easy for you,” he grins. Her face softens as she shrugs one shoulder.
“Eh, she’s not that bad.” Jesus, she must really be desperate for friends if she’s admitting that Rachel Berry is not that bad. She shouldn’t care how he feels about Rachel but for some reason she does. “Is it like, weird for you to see Rachel with Puck?”
“It used to be, but now I’m just kind of over it, you know? Like, he asked for my permission and I didn’t even think twice about giving it to him,” he says shrugging.
She ends up staying long after Sam and Mike leave and just talking to Finn. It’s oddly comfortable and she feels like she’s in the twilight zone. She’s kind of annoyed that he asks so many fucking questions all of the time but answers them all until he mentions Brittany’s name. She just can’t talk about her yet. It still hurts too much.
As Santana’s leaving she runs into his mom on the way out and Finn’s mom is almost as much of a talker as Rachel, so her departure is delayed by another hour but she doesn’t mind. Carole is awesome. Yeah, they’re on a first name basis.
When she gets home, she hears her phone buzz while she’s getting ready for bed. After she changes into her pajamas and washes her face, she crawls into bed and checks the message from Finn.
My mom totally loves you.
It shouldn’t make her smile and clutch her pillow a little tighter as she drifts to sleep. It’s just that moms usually hate her (with good reason), so having one like her is kind of a win.
…
She throws a huge Fourth of July pool party while her parents are celebrating the weekend in the Hamptons with her dad’s snotty friends. They stopped taking her with them after she flashed everyone two summers ago after her dad thought he caught her in a compromising position with their tennis instructor. She really had tripped over her own feet onto him, but if her dad thought she was a slut, she wanted to show him she could be.
When Finn gets there she’s taking shots of tequila with some former cheerios and he asks her where her parents are. She raises her eyebrow and tells him it doesn’t matter before downing her third shot and sucking on the lime suggestively. He narrows his eyes in discomfort and turns and walks away. Whatever, it’s her party and she’s wearing a hot red bikini, she can do whatever she wants.
Typically, Santana can hold her liquor, like, a lot of it, but when Brittany waltzes in with Wheels behind her, she loses count of how many drinks she knocks back. One moment, she’s grinding against someone and the next she’s in her bed, and she doesn’t know how she got there. She sits up and sees Finn almost out of her door.
“The fuck?” she asks, pushing her comforter down. It makes sense to her. He turns around and grins lopsidedly at her before crossing back over to the bed.
“You blacked out so I told everyone to get out and brought you in here.” She looks down and notices she’s in an oversized T-shirt and pajama shorts. That’s not what she was wearing before and her bikini is not underneah.
“Did you change my clothes?” She asks and yeah, she’s really drunk because she’s slurring.
“Yeah,” he says blushing and averting her eyes, “I figured you wouldn’t mind since I’ve seen you naked before.”
“Wanna see me naked again?” She asks, already lifting her shirt. He places his hands out in front of him and tells her to stop. She furrows her brows and pouts. She’s just really turned on right now and needs someone to get her off. “Why not?”
“Because you’re drunk,” he says, coming forward and pulling the comforter over her again, “goodnight, San.”
She passes out before he even reaches the door. When she wakes up, the entire house is cleaned and she can only remember the brief conversation they had in her bedroom.
…
A couple of days later he shows up unannounced and declares they’re going for a ride. He and Burt just finished fixing up a 1986 BMW convertible, Finn bought with his savings from Sheets-N-Things and he says he’s taking her for a ride, whether she agrees or not. Lucky for him, Santana has never turned down a convertible.
He drives to the outskirts of Lima to the pasturelands that fill the gaps between Midwestern cities. They’re silently watching the sun set and even she can admit how breathtaking the colors of the sky are. When azure shades have overwhelmed the sky and bright white lights are piercing through the shade of night, she finally says what she’s been thinking since he arrived at her house.
“Uh, thanks for the other night,” she says, “and sorry for, you know.” It’s not the most eloquent apology but he accepts it with a smile and takes her hand in his, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb.
After awhile, driving out to the country fields sort of become their thing. She doesn’t hate that this is the first time she’s ever had a guy friend that hasn’t tried to sleep with her.
…
Somewhere around the end of August, as summer’s wrapping up, she invites him over to just watch a movie. Nothing special. When he gets there he notices the only light on is the one in her living room.
“Are your parents ever home?” he asks, when she’s handing him a glass of water. She sighs dramatically, something she took out of the Rachel Berry playbook.
“Finn, why does it matter? Why are you always asking about them?” She bites out, irritated.
“It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever met them and we’ve known each other since kindergarten,” he says plainly, “and it seems like you’re always alone.”
“You get used to it after awhile,” she says softly, grabbing the remote to start the movie but he won’t let it go.
“I guess it’s just kind of weird to me. Up until last November it was always me and my mom, so I can’t imagine not spending time with her,” he says innocently but it still pisses her off. She knows he means well but it’s something she’s come to grips with already and she doesn’t like talking about it.
“Yeah, well, not everyone gets to have fucking awesome parents,” she says bitterly before pressing play and ending their conversation.
He doesn’t bring it up anymore but he does start inviting her to family dinners. And yeah, if she were able to have Carole for a mom and even Burt for a dad, she wouldn’t be able to understand why parents like hers were so indifferent, either.
…
She spends the entire last day of summer with Finn doing nothing. They drive out to the fields one last time before the craziness of school starts and they end up back at his place, lounging around his room, when he starts singing. Some old rock song she happens to know, so she joins in. He looks at her with a soft smile on his face when they finish the chorus.
“You have a really beautiful voice,” he says. She laughs and mumbles out a thanks. He moves to sit in front of her on his, thankfully, much larger bed. “I have something to say.”
She playfully rolls her eyes and says, “Okay.”
“Santana, I love you,” he says watching her face. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open before she can think of an appropriate response.
“You don’t even know me,” she finally says, her tone quickly changing from soft to harsh.
“Yes, I do,” he says simply. And it’s pissing her off that he had to ruin their perfectly good friendship.
“No, you don’t!” She shouts because the boy is out of his mind. She scrambles off of the bed and stands at the side of it in front of him. He gets on his knees and moves to the edge to take her hands in his.
“San, I know who you are. I love you. I love everything about you that hurts,” he says, his eyes soft. It does something to her stomach and she tries to push it away the only way she knows how; with anger.
“That’s bullshit. You can’t love me, we haven’t even hooked up since that one time.”
“I don’t have to sleep with you to know I love you,” he laughs humorlessly.
“Well, I don’t even like you,” she says quirking an eyebrow at him. Even she knows that’s a lie.
“That is bullshit, San.” He’s rubbing the skin over the tops of her hands with his thumbs and it’s starting to distract her before she thinks up the reason that he can’t possibly love her.
“No, you love girls like Rachel and Quinn, not like me,” she says, shaking her head. He scoffs and lets go of her hands to cup his around her face.
“I loved Quinn because I thought I was supposed to and I loved Rachel because she needed me to love her. I love you just because I do.” He’s searching her face and she’s frozen in shock, staring back at him like a deer in headlights.
There was a time, long ago, when she’d given up on Prince Charming and having her fairytale ending.
She shakes her head slowly as tears start welling up in her eyes. She backs away from him, slips on her shoes and bolts out of his house. When she reaches her street, she’s met with an empty house and a cold bed. After three hours of tossing back and forth, she gets up and before she knows what she’s doing, she’s fucking tossing pebbles at his window.
He comes down and lets her in, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. She starts for his bedroom wordlessly and he follows, not breaking the silence either.
“Don’t say anything,” she says climbing into his bed and closing her eyes. He knows it’s against house rules but he can’t find it in him to care as he gets in behind her and pulls her against his chest. She sighs and falls asleep within seconds and he’s not far behind her.
Warnings: Language
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,154
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: Written for the drabble meme at santana_lopez. For nicalyse. Prompt: "I know who you are. I love you. I love everything about you that hurts.
The hottest fucking summer to ever hit Ohio is just beginning and Santana’s hair is starting to stick to her neck. She’s been outside for less than five minutes and she’s already wondering why she agreed to play soccer with her cousins in her front yard.
Well, she knows why. Ever since Sam finally ended their sham of a relationship, she’s been kind of lonely, and especially bored considering she doesn’t have Brittany or cheer camp to fill her long summer days.
“I call Javier, Aldo, and Jessica!” She shouts out before anyone can pick teams. The others give her disparaging looks at which she purses her lips and crosses her arms. No one has the balls to challenge her so she saunters to the middle of her lawn and declares herself the front center.
Santana’s driving the ball through the middle towards the goal when she sees a figure jogging past her lawn that looks familiar. She quickly turns her head and locks eyes with Finn Hudson, before turning her attention back to the game. She checks her aim and pulls her foot back and slams the inside of her foot against the ball. The black and white ball flies over her cousin, Daniel, who’s just a little too short to grasp it.
She turns back to where Finn was and he is still there, grinning at her. She feels obligated to talk to him now and pauses the game, walking towards the sidewalk. Damn eye contact.
“Hey, Santana,” he says easily before glancing around the lawn with an unsure expression, “are they your siblings?” She snorts and bursts out laughing.
“God, no. We’re catholic but we’re not that catholic,” she says, still laughing, “they’re my cousins. They’re visiting from Texas for the week.”
He looks really embarrassed as a sheepish grin spreads across his face. “Oh, sorry.” He rubs the back of his head. “Hey, do you maybe want to see the new Bond movie with me tonight. Puck bailed on me and I already bought the tickets before they sold out.”
She ticks up an eyebrow and purses her lips. “I’m not a fucking backup plan, jackass.”
“I know. If I wanted a backup, I would call Sam,” he responds with a sly smile, “I actually want to hang out with you.”
Santana considers it for a moment. Finn’s not entirely awful to spend time with and they would be in a movie, which means very little talking would be involved anyway. It beats the hell out of sticking around the circus her house has become.
“I’m not paying you back for the ticket,” she says before turning around and flouncing back to her position to resume the soccer game. She still sees him out of the corner of her eye so she turns to him with a raised eyebrow.
“Movie’s at 7:30,” he shouts before putting his ear buds in again and jogging away.
…
After the movie finishes, he convinces her to get ice cream from the shop that’s in the same strip as the movie theater. They tell each other their favorite parts from the movie as they wait in line and Santana realizes the night hasn’t been so bad. She finds his naivety about everything hilarious.
As they’re sitting at a table outside the door, he gets a goofy grin on his face as he watches her lick her cone. It’s not even a pervy look and it’s oddly relieving that he doesn’t seem to just want to sleep with her.
“What?” She asks, laughing lightly with her eyes wide. He shrugs and shakes his head.
“Thanks for coming with me. I honestly expected you to say no since we’ve never really been good friends. I’m having a really good time.”
“Yeah, well, I had nothing better to do,” she says, cocking her head to the side. He laughs and brings his cone to his face. After he licks it, there’s a bit of ice cream on the tip of his nose and Santana completely loses it. He’s a complete goofball and she should be embarrassed to be seen with him in public, but she’s not. “You have ice cream on your nose, you dork.”
He has the sense to look a little embarrassed as he grabs a napkin to wipe it away. After their laughter dies down they sit in a strangely comfortable silence for a moment before Finn speaks again.
“Why didn’t you want to hang out with your cousins?” He asks with a thoughtful expression, “I like, never get to see my cousins because they live in California, but when I do I like hanging out with them.”
“I’m not really like anyone else in my family. We just don’t get along,” she says simply. She doesn’t even know why she’s telling him any of this stuff.
“Like, you don’t fit in?” He pushes the last bit of his cone into his mouth, and watches her face, waiting for her response while he chews.
“Yeah, maybe, whatever. It doesn’t matter,” she says before finishing the last of her cone. “They’re just all up in my grill and I feel like I can’t even breathe in my own fucking house.”
“But, they’ll be gone by the end of the week, right?” She’s trying to remember when she told him that and why he remembers but gives up as his expression grows more expectant.
“Yeah, thank God,” she says rolling her eyes before standing, “Let’s go.”
…
A week later, he invites her to some lame Mario Kart tournament that he’s having at his house with a bunch of the guys. She doesn’t plan to go but as she’s flipping through a fashion magazine for a third time, she realizes sitting at home alone is lamer than a video game tournament.
When she shows up, Finn gets this really excited look on his face and starts rattling off everyone’s scores as he leads her down to the basement. When they reach the bottom, she sees Puck, Sam, and Chang in front of the big screen with the game on pause. Finn returns to what she assumes was his spot and they restart the game.
Kurt and Blaine are sitting on a couch in the far corner of the room, probably whispering sweet nothings to each other and they barely acknowledge her presence. She seats herself on a stool behind the couch where the boys are playing and idly watches Chang kick everyone’s asses before she hears the bathroom door open and turns to see Rachel walking out. She totally wasn’t expecting to see her here. Rachel takes the stool next to Santana’s and smiles warmly at her.
“Hello, Santana, I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Or any other girl for that matter, but I am quite thrilled you joined the fun, seeing as Kurt and Blaine have forgotten that I exist,” she says far too quickly for any human being.
“I could say the same,” Santana says raising an eyebrow, “But seriously, what are you doing here? I thought Finn was done with you?”
“Finn and I are done with each other true, but Noah invited me,” she says smoothing out her tiny skirt over her thighs.
“Puck?” she asks incredulously, “you’re with Puck now?”
“I assure you, Noah and I are just friends.”
“Puck doesn’t have girls who are just friends. You’re totally hooking up with him,” Santana says, beginning to laugh. Rachel’s face flushes and it only spurs Santana’s laughter on.
“I am doing no such thing. Not that I would tell you even if I were,” she says ducking her head slightly. Bitch is definitely getting it on with Puckerman.
To both of their surprise, they actually manage to have somewhat pleasant conversation for the next three hours. Rachel lets Santana’s barbs slide and they never seem to run out of things to say. Kurt and Blaine disappeared an hour ago to do God knows what and the guys finally seem bored of their game.
Puck stands up, declares himself the winner, and tells Rachel he’s ready to go when she is. She looks at Santana apologetically before saying goodbye and practically skipping up the stairs with Puck in tow. Finn takes up Rachel’s abandoned seat and slugs Santana lightly on the arm. She looks at the spot first and then raises her glare to him.
“I’m proud of you for keeping your claws in while talking to Rachel. I know it must not have been easy for you,” he grins. Her face softens as she shrugs one shoulder.
“Eh, she’s not that bad.” Jesus, she must really be desperate for friends if she’s admitting that Rachel Berry is not that bad. She shouldn’t care how he feels about Rachel but for some reason she does. “Is it like, weird for you to see Rachel with Puck?”
“It used to be, but now I’m just kind of over it, you know? Like, he asked for my permission and I didn’t even think twice about giving it to him,” he says shrugging.
She ends up staying long after Sam and Mike leave and just talking to Finn. It’s oddly comfortable and she feels like she’s in the twilight zone. She’s kind of annoyed that he asks so many fucking questions all of the time but answers them all until he mentions Brittany’s name. She just can’t talk about her yet. It still hurts too much.
As Santana’s leaving she runs into his mom on the way out and Finn’s mom is almost as much of a talker as Rachel, so her departure is delayed by another hour but she doesn’t mind. Carole is awesome. Yeah, they’re on a first name basis.
When she gets home, she hears her phone buzz while she’s getting ready for bed. After she changes into her pajamas and washes her face, she crawls into bed and checks the message from Finn.
My mom totally loves you.
It shouldn’t make her smile and clutch her pillow a little tighter as she drifts to sleep. It’s just that moms usually hate her (with good reason), so having one like her is kind of a win.
…
She throws a huge Fourth of July pool party while her parents are celebrating the weekend in the Hamptons with her dad’s snotty friends. They stopped taking her with them after she flashed everyone two summers ago after her dad thought he caught her in a compromising position with their tennis instructor. She really had tripped over her own feet onto him, but if her dad thought she was a slut, she wanted to show him she could be.
When Finn gets there she’s taking shots of tequila with some former cheerios and he asks her where her parents are. She raises her eyebrow and tells him it doesn’t matter before downing her third shot and sucking on the lime suggestively. He narrows his eyes in discomfort and turns and walks away. Whatever, it’s her party and she’s wearing a hot red bikini, she can do whatever she wants.
Typically, Santana can hold her liquor, like, a lot of it, but when Brittany waltzes in with Wheels behind her, she loses count of how many drinks she knocks back. One moment, she’s grinding against someone and the next she’s in her bed, and she doesn’t know how she got there. She sits up and sees Finn almost out of her door.
“The fuck?” she asks, pushing her comforter down. It makes sense to her. He turns around and grins lopsidedly at her before crossing back over to the bed.
“You blacked out so I told everyone to get out and brought you in here.” She looks down and notices she’s in an oversized T-shirt and pajama shorts. That’s not what she was wearing before and her bikini is not underneah.
“Did you change my clothes?” She asks and yeah, she’s really drunk because she’s slurring.
“Yeah,” he says blushing and averting her eyes, “I figured you wouldn’t mind since I’ve seen you naked before.”
“Wanna see me naked again?” She asks, already lifting her shirt. He places his hands out in front of him and tells her to stop. She furrows her brows and pouts. She’s just really turned on right now and needs someone to get her off. “Why not?”
“Because you’re drunk,” he says, coming forward and pulling the comforter over her again, “goodnight, San.”
She passes out before he even reaches the door. When she wakes up, the entire house is cleaned and she can only remember the brief conversation they had in her bedroom.
…
A couple of days later he shows up unannounced and declares they’re going for a ride. He and Burt just finished fixing up a 1986 BMW convertible, Finn bought with his savings from Sheets-N-Things and he says he’s taking her for a ride, whether she agrees or not. Lucky for him, Santana has never turned down a convertible.
He drives to the outskirts of Lima to the pasturelands that fill the gaps between Midwestern cities. They’re silently watching the sun set and even she can admit how breathtaking the colors of the sky are. When azure shades have overwhelmed the sky and bright white lights are piercing through the shade of night, she finally says what she’s been thinking since he arrived at her house.
“Uh, thanks for the other night,” she says, “and sorry for, you know.” It’s not the most eloquent apology but he accepts it with a smile and takes her hand in his, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb.
After awhile, driving out to the country fields sort of become their thing. She doesn’t hate that this is the first time she’s ever had a guy friend that hasn’t tried to sleep with her.
…
Somewhere around the end of August, as summer’s wrapping up, she invites him over to just watch a movie. Nothing special. When he gets there he notices the only light on is the one in her living room.
“Are your parents ever home?” he asks, when she’s handing him a glass of water. She sighs dramatically, something she took out of the Rachel Berry playbook.
“Finn, why does it matter? Why are you always asking about them?” She bites out, irritated.
“It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever met them and we’ve known each other since kindergarten,” he says plainly, “and it seems like you’re always alone.”
“You get used to it after awhile,” she says softly, grabbing the remote to start the movie but he won’t let it go.
“I guess it’s just kind of weird to me. Up until last November it was always me and my mom, so I can’t imagine not spending time with her,” he says innocently but it still pisses her off. She knows he means well but it’s something she’s come to grips with already and she doesn’t like talking about it.
“Yeah, well, not everyone gets to have fucking awesome parents,” she says bitterly before pressing play and ending their conversation.
He doesn’t bring it up anymore but he does start inviting her to family dinners. And yeah, if she were able to have Carole for a mom and even Burt for a dad, she wouldn’t be able to understand why parents like hers were so indifferent, either.
…
She spends the entire last day of summer with Finn doing nothing. They drive out to the fields one last time before the craziness of school starts and they end up back at his place, lounging around his room, when he starts singing. Some old rock song she happens to know, so she joins in. He looks at her with a soft smile on his face when they finish the chorus.
“You have a really beautiful voice,” he says. She laughs and mumbles out a thanks. He moves to sit in front of her on his, thankfully, much larger bed. “I have something to say.”
She playfully rolls her eyes and says, “Okay.”
“Santana, I love you,” he says watching her face. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open before she can think of an appropriate response.
“You don’t even know me,” she finally says, her tone quickly changing from soft to harsh.
“Yes, I do,” he says simply. And it’s pissing her off that he had to ruin their perfectly good friendship.
“No, you don’t!” She shouts because the boy is out of his mind. She scrambles off of the bed and stands at the side of it in front of him. He gets on his knees and moves to the edge to take her hands in his.
“San, I know who you are. I love you. I love everything about you that hurts,” he says, his eyes soft. It does something to her stomach and she tries to push it away the only way she knows how; with anger.
“That’s bullshit. You can’t love me, we haven’t even hooked up since that one time.”
“I don’t have to sleep with you to know I love you,” he laughs humorlessly.
“Well, I don’t even like you,” she says quirking an eyebrow at him. Even she knows that’s a lie.
“That is bullshit, San.” He’s rubbing the skin over the tops of her hands with his thumbs and it’s starting to distract her before she thinks up the reason that he can’t possibly love her.
“No, you love girls like Rachel and Quinn, not like me,” she says, shaking her head. He scoffs and lets go of her hands to cup his around her face.
“I loved Quinn because I thought I was supposed to and I loved Rachel because she needed me to love her. I love you just because I do.” He’s searching her face and she’s frozen in shock, staring back at him like a deer in headlights.
There was a time, long ago, when she’d given up on Prince Charming and having her fairytale ending.
She shakes her head slowly as tears start welling up in her eyes. She backs away from him, slips on her shoes and bolts out of his house. When she reaches her street, she’s met with an empty house and a cold bed. After three hours of tossing back and forth, she gets up and before she knows what she’s doing, she’s fucking tossing pebbles at his window.
He comes down and lets her in, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. She starts for his bedroom wordlessly and he follows, not breaking the silence either.
“Don’t say anything,” she says climbing into his bed and closing her eyes. He knows it’s against house rules but he can’t find it in him to care as he gets in behind her and pulls her against his chest. She sighs and falls asleep within seconds and he’s not far behind her.