Star Trek Fic: A Logical Emotion (1/3)
Title: A Logical Emotion
Author: Trekkinthestars
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: PG - 13 (for swearing - it’s pretty tame, really).
Warnings: Mpreg, although not hugely graphic.
Summary: Spock and Jim get together when they are teenagers, which results in Spock getting pregnant. Spock must deal with all the consequences of this, alone.
Notes: Written for this prompt on st_xi_kink . Also, totally unbeta’d.
The prompter asked for knocked up teen Spock, with angry parents. What I wrote is pregnant teen Spock, with one angry parent. I was unable to make Amanda anything other than loving, because come on! She loves her Spock. Also, the film is the backdrop of the story (with added kid, of course) and the Mpreg/lead up is slotted in between and set in the past. Also, be aware Spock may sound very slightly more... emotional than usual. That’s because I refuse to believe that becoming pregnant with a mostly human child wouldn’t be a catalyst for Spock to at least attempt to understand that side of himself more - at least for his child’s sake!
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Star Trek, unfortunately.
When Spock first saw Jim again after their first meeting, it is a fair assessment that he pressed at his emotional controls. The sight of the man he had never expected to see again, who had come into his life and altered its path forever, made his heart clench in his side. He buried it as soon as it appeared, but he could not bury the knowledge that Jim Kirk was at Starfleet, making a name for himself and apparently sleeping his way through the cadets.
He did not search out information about him, and did not mention his appearance to either his mother or Isabelle. It would do no good - telling them of his presence in Spock’s life would only add unneeded complications for them all. They would tell him to contact Jim, to speak with him, and Spock had no inclination to do so. Jim had made his choice when he had attempted to sneak away from Spock under the cover of darkness, when he had refused to pick up any of the comm. calls he had sent him near the beginning of his pregnancy.
They did not need him in their life, a cadet with no thought for anyone for himself. And so Spock’s plan to not cross paths with Jim Kirk, helped by his immersion in the Science and Linguistic departments and Nyota’s company, continued with no problems - until the hearing for the Kobayashi Maru.
~**~
Seven Years Ago
The room Spock awoke in was not familiar. He blinked and then shifted in his bed, feeling the soreness of muscles which had been used last night for the first time. He heard a noise to his left, sat up, and was greeted by the sight of Jim attempting to leave the room stealthily, shoes held in his hands and top thrown over his shoulder.
“Jim?” he asked, voice still rough with sleep, and Jim stopped, turned to face him.
“Dammit,” Jim sighed, and ran one hand through his hair, following the path Spock himself had traversed last night when they’d been wrapped around each other.
“You are leaving?” Spock asked, and sat up fully in the bed, the sheets pooling around his waist. Jim looked at his exposed chest for a moment, and then pulled his gaze up to Spock’s face.
“I really should,” he replied. Spock almost frowned, unsure why Jim was leaving after they had declared their intentions. Jim had spent the entire night making his objective clear, working past Spock’s barriers. He did not understand why he would be sneaking away without even a goodbye, or planning their next meeting.
When he said as much to Jim his eyes softened slightly, but he didn’t move any closer. “This was just a... one night thing,” he said with a shrug, as though it had been clear all along. As though Spock should not be surprised.
Spock suddenly understood that he was being rejected, that this was when he had heard humans describe as a ‘one night stand.’ How naive he must seem to Jim, expecting more from a man who obviously had no intention of giving it. He felt an odd pain in his chest then, sharp and unwelcome, and a lump tried to grow in his throat. He refused it - it would not be Vulcan to allow his emotions control, no matter how deeply he felt the hurt. He had given them enough reign last night - lust and desperation, illogical thoughts filling his mind. This would just be more practice at controlling the emotions he constantly struggled against.
“I see,” he replied, and then looked away. “Then live long and prosper, Jim,” he said quietly, and did not look up from the folds of sheets around his stomach until he heard the door slide shut.
He dressed quickly and efficiently once he was alone, looking at the scratches and bites on his body with nothing more than scientific curiosity before he covered them with his clothes. As he pulled on each piece of clothing he pulled on another piece of his Vulcan control, until he stood straight and calm again.
Making sure his emotional thoughts had been compartmentalised away he exited the room, he made his way back to where his Mother and Father were staying during the diplomatic talks which had brought them here. By the time he had reached the hotel he had pushed all thoughts of Jim to the back of his mind, ready to return to his life as a pure Vulcan.
~**~
“I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly,” came Jim’s clear voice, and Spock paused for only a moment before he stood and moved to the stand. He looked over at Jim and saw anger, outrage, and disbelief on the face which was just as handsome as he recalled. That he saw no sign of recognition in those blue eyes made this both easier and harder. Easier in that he would not have to deal with the overly emotional human expression of betrayal. Harder due to the fact that Jim had played, and continued to play, a huge part in Spock’s life, and the confirmation that he had obviously just been one of many in Jim’s bed made Spock clench his hands as he walked. An illogical pain, but one which existed none the less.
As Spock took his place behind the podium, he met Jim’s eyes, sparking with anger as he drew his lips into a tight line. Spock simply raised an eyebrow in his direction, making sure that his most bland and inscrutable look covered both his face, and the emotions which attempted to boil within his stomach.
The following debate created something akin to electricity underneath Spock’s skin, his synapses firing faster when forced to counter Jim’s points. It was so close to what Spock had felt on their one night together, the full force of Jim’s personality, his presence, digging under Spock’s skin and pushing past his defences as though they were made of smoke.
He brought out Spock’s human side, and despite the fact that he had grown more comfortable with his dual nature since the birth of his daughter, he was disquieted by the feeling. Unwilling to release them fully, since the last time he had been willing to lower his guard he had been abandoned. He drew his Vulcan control around him like a shield here on Earth, where human emotions were prominent and loud, as though waiting to overtake him. He needed that control to keep his mind clear, and focused.
The interruption was almost a relief, if he allowed himself to feel such things. That was until the fact that it was exposed as a distress call from Vulcan made his hands clench so tightly that his nails cut into his palm, and his face expressed none of the worry which had suddenly taken hold of his stomach.
~**~
Six Years, Eleven Months Ago
He had been feeling unwell since shortly after his visit to Earth. His stomach was unsettled in the mornings, and his equilibrium slightly disrupted, as though something within him was off balance. He had attempted to meditate on the problem, but had been unable to locate its source. He was not a healer, and could only make out that it did not seem to be life-threatening.
“I’ve booked you an appointment with Savel,” his mother informed him and pressed a cool hand to his forehead. He didn’t react to the touch outwardly, aware of his father’s dark eyes watching him, but did allow the emotions which came through the contact, warmth and worry and love, to soothe his mind. “He’s expecting you within the hour.”
“I am sure it is nothing, mother,” he replied. “But I will attend regardless.”
She smiled at him, her eyes creasing at the corners, and she pulled away from him. “Thank you, Spock,” she said, voice full of warmth, until his father stood and broke their contact.
“I must attend the Science Academy,” he informed them, pressed against his mother’s fingers once and nodded at Spock.
“Good health, Spock,” he said, and Spock inclined his head and stood with him.
“I shall attend Savel now,” he said after steadying himself on the back of a chair for a moment. Another appearance of his lack of balance, which remained inconvenient and faintly concerning. Amanda moved towards him, fussed with his collar and placed one hand on his cheek.
“Be well,” she said quietly and he nodded, then removed her hands from him.
“Of course, mother.”
~*~
The few tests were simple and quick to administer. Spock was only waiting seven point five three minutes before Savel ushered him back into his office to
“You have been impregnated,” Savel said, voice bland. Spock blinked, the only expression of shock he would allow himself.
“Expand,” he said.
“Your DNA includes the male carrier gene, and you became impregnated four weeks and three days ago. Your child will be born in seven months and twelve days, based on all current biological readings.” The healer paused, as though attempting to collect his thoughts. Spock waited. “The child’s DNA is primarily human. It is likely they will possess only the basic Vulcan characteristics.” His tone was covered with an emotion Spock was extremely familiar with, and which the healer would deny having. Scorn, at the thought of Part-Vulcan DNA being further diluted by human. Spock himself was viewed as an aberration, something less than Vulcan, and so he could imagine what the public and private opinions about him being involved in diluting his blood further would be.
Based on the dates, the composition of the DNA, and the fact that he had slept with no other human, logically the child must be Jim’s. The facts were undeniable. This in turn meant that Spock would now have to attempt to contact the man and inform him of Spock’s current circumstances, and discover the extent of the involvement he would like to have with his child.
“Are you aware of the gender?” Spock asked, and Savel shook his head slightly.
“There is no way of determining that until the pregnancy has progressed beyond twelve weeks,” he informed Spock, and then looked at him with dark, empty eyes. “Will you be continuing with the pregnancy?”
“Is it unviable?” Spock asked.
“No. But perhaps... unwise,” the healer said. Savel had been Spock’s healer since birth, and was perhaps one of the few Vulcan’s who had managed to contain his distaste for Spock’s conception, his very existence. He had treated him coolly but not disparagingly, but apparently the thought of Spock giving birth to a mostly human child had managed to push him from his neutrality. At the very back of his mind, Spock mourned the loss of one of the only people on Vulcan who had been something approaching an ally and looked at Savel as calmly as he could.
“I will continue,” he said firmly, holding down the impulse to brush his fingers against his still flat stomach.
“Very well,” Savel replied. “I shall inform your parents and arrange for your next appointment. We shall speak further about your condition in seven days.”
“Live long and prosper,” Spock replied, a farewell until they met again, and Savel lifted his hand in a matching salute.
“Peace and long life,” he intoned, and for the first time Spock could read the negative thoughts everyone held about him in his healer’s voice.
~*~
Spock was aware that his parents knew his news as soon as he entered his house. They were both sat in the kitchen, his father as placid as always, but his mother sat with her hands wrapped around each other, biting her lip. When she noticed his arrival she stood up, quickly, and rushed to his side.
“Oh, Spock, sit down!” she said and moved him towards a seat with a firm hand at the small of his back. He sat, as tall and precise as ever, and said nothing. His mother stayed standing, between him and his father, in her usual position as referee to the fights both would deny having.
“You are continuing with this pregnancy?” Sarek asked, and Spock nodded.
“Since it is viable, it would be both illogical and unethical to end it prematurely.”
“You would put your body at risk in this manner?”
Spock tilted his head. “As I stated, father, this pregnancy is a viable one. I see no reason it would affect me in an overly negative manner.”
“The male carrier gene may create life, Spock,” his father stated in his lecturer voice, “but it does not follow that your body will handle the stress. It is an illogical risk.”
“I do not believe that is the case, father. It is logical to continue a life which has already begun.”
“Despite not being part of a viable family unit?” he asked, and his mother jumped in before he could answer.
“He’ll have us,” his mother cut in, voice sharp in what he assumed was anger.
“That is not equivalent,” Sarek said firmly. “Spock is young and unbonded. He is not mature enough to continue the family line.”
Spock made no mention of the fact that on Earth, sixteen was an age of consent. That he was not a child by the standards of both sides of his heritage. It was pointless. His father would merely view is as words of defiance, to be brushed off. Additionally, the mention of his human DNA, from which he had inherited the gene that had created this situation, was unwise at this moment. He had learnt not to increase his father’s ire with futile additions.
“He’s old enough to make his own choices,” Amanda replied. “And if he wants this child, then I’m happy for him.”
“This was not a conscious decision. Additionally, he was unprepared for it. He will not be able to provide a steady home,” Sarek argued, voice still as calm as always. “Furthermore, it will be seen as another fact which will draw him away from his peers, and stop him from continuing his studies for entrance to the Vulcan Science Academy.”
“I see no reason it would stop my studies, father,” Spock replied evenly, unwilling to let his father convince him that his decisions were not sound. He could, and would, take responsibility for his actions. “I will study as normal until the child is born, and then continue afterwards with the assistance of the relevant childcare.”
“Which will include me, Spock,” Amanda said, and moved to slightly beside his chair. He knew she was trying to make is seem that she and him were a united front, and he warmed at her support. This was perhaps the first time she had not made obvious the fact that she chose not to take sides.
“Spock,” Sarek said, and then paused. “You understand that you are viewed, on Vulcan, as something other than the norm. Although your mind and achievements cannot be questioned, your biology can.” Spock nodded. “I can only assume that these thought processes will continue on to your child.”
This was his father’s way of telling him that Vulcan looked upon him as something which didn’t fit, and any child he had, especially one which was mostly human, would be treated as he had been. They would be lonely, lost, confused as he had been, as he still was. But they would be loved, he knew, as he looked into his mother’s shining eyes. As he looked within himself and found the bond already formed between him and the child, at the small pool of affection he could feel in his stomach. And his father and mother had been in this situation, once. They had decided to create him, face the consequences. He did not see why he should not take the same risk.
“I will not stop this pregnancy,” Spock said firmly, for the first time facing his father’s immovable presence directly. Sarek’s mouth tightened and his eye’s darkened.
“I do not agree with your decision, Spock,” he said, voice low. “And if asked, I will not deny it. But I will not stop you making your own mistakes.”
Spock inhaled sharply, and Amanda stepped forward, one hand jabbing at the air in front of Sarek’s face.
“The only mistake here,” she hissed, “is your lack of support for your son, Sarek. Sometimes, I just don’t understand you at all.” She turned to look at him and her face softened. “Come, Spock,” she said, and wrapped one delicate arm around his own, began to lead him from the room. “Let’s start planning.”
~*~
“Do you know who the father is?” Amanda asked him, and he turned to her with one eyebrow raised.
“I believe it is obvious that I am the father,” he pointed out, and was gratified to see her lips turn up into a smile.
She batted his shoulder. “I meant the other one, which you well knew,” she said, and he looked away before replying.
“His name is Jim,” he replied as coldly as he could. “We spent one night together and then went our own ways.” When he looked up at his mother it was to find her looking at him with sympathy in her eyes. As though she could tell it was Jim who had walked away. She was very perceptive, especially regarding her family. No doubt she knew of his shameful attempt to reach out to his human side with Jim, only to be rejected.
“You should tell him,” was all she said, and he appreciated once again her understanding at his need to leave things unsaid. He did not appreciate the stigma which surrounded the fact that his mother was human. He may not always be at peace with his dual nature, but he understood that he was lucky to be her child. He hoped his own child shared his views.
He simply nodded. “I intend to,” he replied. “If I can locate him.”
Part 2