Team Gen: The Longest Day

[mad_maudlin]

Title: The Longest Day
Author: nicolen
Team: gen
Prompt: Summertime
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Ron, Harry, Hermione, Remus
Warnings: Character Death
Length: 1835 words
Summary: Midsummer's Day - the day of judgement

Comments

[wolfiekins]

Oh, very nicely done! I like how we begin at dawn and end at sunset, and the air of summer is quite redolent throughout...great, subtle use of the prompt! Excellent descriptions leading up to the battle; I'd imagine that one would remember odd snippets of things, just as Ron does. I also enjoyed how you put the trio together at the end. Very enjoyable read!

[nicolen]

Thank you! I'm absolutely delighted that you think it's quite redolent of summer - it was quite a fine line between keeping it subtle and making it quite blatant and I wasn't sure I got that right at all.

[kennahijja]

This worked very well in creating the atmosphere of the Order/light side right before the final battle. Harry's stoicism and his trust in Ron impressed me a lot. And I liked how you used Ron as the voice of calm and reason and reassurance.

The confrontations between Remus and Fenrir, and Neville and Bellatrix (Lestrange though, in presentfic, I think) were very appropriate, as was Ron guarding Harry against Lucius Malfoy (nice parallel between Voldemort's and Harry's 'right hands' there).

Still, the battle felt a bit... narrated?, anticlimatic, although I also liked the calm feeling the story has to it as a whole. The ending, in particular, felt very peaceful and hopeful with the 'trio' unharmed and reunited. Nice job.

[nicolen]

Thank you! I have written Bellatrix Black - I'm also writing a story on the Black sisters, and it's not something that stands out. In saying that, I should have checked more closely before sending the story in, so there's nobody to blame for that but me.

You've made a fair comment about the battle - I don't consider myself to be particularly good at writing action/battle scenes and this is a prime example of this. It does seem to fall a little flat...

I'm pleased you liked the ending - thats probably my favourite part :)

[kaalee]

I liked the softness of the writing, even though it was not a soft subject matter, and I particularly liked Neville and Remus getting some sort of justice in the battle. :)

[nicolen]

Thank you! I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

[coffee_n_cocoa]

The Trio bits of the story worked well, and I loved Ron's loyalty here. I especially liked that both Neville and Remus defeated the people who had wronged them. I hope Neville gets his moment in Book 7.

[nicolen]

Thank you! I'm thrilled you enjoyed the Trio bits - I really struggled to write those, and it's always good to hear someone else thinks they worked.