When you would think I would have enough shit on my platter. Now I have two grandparents in the hospital being treated for ammonia. It's bad enough my grandfather was been in ICU since saturday morning. Lines in the nose for nutrition lines in the veins and wires connected to electronic boxes. WHAT THE FUCK SERIOUSLY. I'm already in fucking pieces ( Read more... )

I am being very indecisive today. Last night I was asked if I wanted to baby sit my niece who is 3 and my nephew who is 6. I have never really babysat for them ever. Due to current situations in my life it really held me back from saying yes. So this morning I abruptly awoke at 6:30 in the morning thankx to some shitty nightmares. Turns out my Mom ( Read more... )

I wish I had a book to read....

I just came back from Jen's place up in Pittsfield, MA. I am thankful for someone like her to be around in such time of need. Someone who could understand where I am coming from in some manner. She even went out of her way to pick me up. The talks we had a great impact on how I feel today, how I felt last night. At first being there, any where ( Read more... )

you know I always thoughts I was good enough to produce a smile on someone elses face ( Read more... )

I sleep to dream, I dream to escape in that un conscience state reality is smothered in lies as as fictional crossed the boundaries of non fictional, it's almost believable. to converse with someone with false replies as I escape reality and drift off and away from abyss. to awake and question myself, why does it have to be like this.

If it's space you need, fine. I already told you that. Although due to the past I have concerns. Personally and in personal in times like this I've seen reckless behavior, unnecessary reckless behavior. no matter how far you run or what you may use to push the hurt away, it will still be there. When someone has as much love for another human being ( Read more... )

Out of work, out of commission. Hopefully tomarrow it will actually heal, but I'm not so sure about that. Today actually went fairly well. Untill about 11:30 when I rolled my ankle at work. I continued to work all day because there was no way I would be able to come home considering where the job was. Almost in MA, a rolled ankle and me walking on ( Read more... )

It's a bit hard to get up and go this morning and I am not talking about being sleepy. It will be the first day and I don't think the last. I feel as if there's weight in my back belly and my mind. Hopefully I can still complete my work day today. I'm trying my best yet I can't help to think about certain things. I better saddle up ( Read more... )

as I look at my beaten in battered hands, I see the bones protruding. Cut me down the middle, clone me because that is what I am, two. Beat the shit with dreams of gold. The actions seem useless when a few words steal the drive, Sometimes it seems easier to fold.
look from the other side maybe you can find the positive jumbled all up in this