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Leaving St. Louis is the hardest thing I have done in a long, long time. It could be argued that this is why it was a good thing to do. It's important to challenge yourself, challenge your comfort zones, break down emotional muscle so that it can be rebuilt stronger, even more resilient
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I think at some point you will be able to look back and realize you are much more resilient than you give yourself credit for. I have complete confidence in your ability to overcome whatever obstacles are in your path.
I've found that moving gives one a ton of perspective on what is really important. You take with you those things that are actually important - certain friendships, memories, mementos - and learn that everything and everybody else was just passing through your life as a marker of a specific time and place. The good times were good, and the good times to come will be good, and it's always better to focus on the here and now.
I wonder if the Raid has anything to do with your panic attacks? Perhaps you should look into getting one of those carbon dioxide mosquito traps. Or a net over your bed like in the tropics.
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