wall-to-wall empty cans
i write this sitting on a patch of greener grass on the other side
sole was wrong, i made it there and it didn't die
i'm happy to say that brighter days await me
life's been painted in nothing but shades of grey lately
and i need a change of pace like han solo needs a way out of his carbonite casing
no more gimmicks or frills like padded push-up bras with lacing
no more feeling sorry for myself or feeling sorry over the fact that i'm selfish
and want to take the pain from those i love, but can't
the martyrdom complex
it's easier to die for sins than it is to live and find redemption
and so i putter around and live my life from day to day
muttering sounds while the metronome sways and sways
forgive me if i come off as insecure or nervous
my childhood friends would laugh their asses off if they ever heard this
they just wouldn't get it ...
today, i knocked my alarm off my bed in my sleep, which resulted in it breaking, which resulted in me missing english class, which resulted in my teacher kicking me out of the class for good, which results in me having only two classes (i need three classes to be allowed to go to school here, technically), which is resulting in the administration seriously considering kicking me out for good. they're going to call up my brother to have a talk. i really needed stephi to help me out today, to just give me a hug and lend me a little strength and let me know that things are alright; but instead, she blows me off to go outside to talk to her cousin and friends and do math homework. she apologised later on in the day, and i'm grateful and i don't hold grudges, but it made me feel like total shit.
i don't want to deal with my brother exasperatedly pleading for me to do something right. i know better my failings better than anyone else, and, right now, i just can't deal with people pointing them out to me and asking what the fuck is going wrong. i'm trying, i really am.
and that's the sum of today: not sad, or depressed, or melancholy, just a numbing alrightness of shit. i'm not making excuses for myself or wallowing in self-pity, and this has been such a tiring and wretched day.
"but can you rely on anyone in this world? no, you can't.
it's not my fault there's wall to wall empty cans."
sole was wrong, i made it there and it didn't die
i'm happy to say that brighter days await me
life's been painted in nothing but shades of grey lately
and i need a change of pace like han solo needs a way out of his carbonite casing
no more gimmicks or frills like padded push-up bras with lacing
no more feeling sorry for myself or feeling sorry over the fact that i'm selfish
and want to take the pain from those i love, but can't
the martyrdom complex
it's easier to die for sins than it is to live and find redemption
and so i putter around and live my life from day to day
muttering sounds while the metronome sways and sways
forgive me if i come off as insecure or nervous
my childhood friends would laugh their asses off if they ever heard this
they just wouldn't get it ...
today, i knocked my alarm off my bed in my sleep, which resulted in it breaking, which resulted in me missing english class, which resulted in my teacher kicking me out of the class for good, which results in me having only two classes (i need three classes to be allowed to go to school here, technically), which is resulting in the administration seriously considering kicking me out for good. they're going to call up my brother to have a talk. i really needed stephi to help me out today, to just give me a hug and lend me a little strength and let me know that things are alright; but instead, she blows me off to go outside to talk to her cousin and friends and do math homework. she apologised later on in the day, and i'm grateful and i don't hold grudges, but it made me feel like total shit.
i don't want to deal with my brother exasperatedly pleading for me to do something right. i know better my failings better than anyone else, and, right now, i just can't deal with people pointing them out to me and asking what the fuck is going wrong. i'm trying, i really am.
and that's the sum of today: not sad, or depressed, or melancholy, just a numbing alrightness of shit. i'm not making excuses for myself or wallowing in self-pity, and this has been such a tiring and wretched day.
"but can you rely on anyone in this world? no, you can't.
it's not my fault there's wall to wall empty cans."