For muse_manifesto
11: Are we really in control of our lives?
(Old Topic)
Lucas was fighting hard not to fidget, trying hard to focus on anything but the sterile walls and the disturbing sound of shoes squeaking across polished floors. It was difficult at best.
He should have been used to this by now. This was his monthly check up, it happened on the same day at the same time, but it still instilled a fear in him like he’d never felt before.
His mom hadn’t been able to come with him this time, the café was short staffed and it wasn’t like the doctor would tell him anything new. He’d just check he was taking his pills, run a couple tests and ask to see the journal he’d told Lucas to keep ever since they’d gone to him for advice that first time.
Some days he felt like he’d lost all control over his life.
Lucas slouched down into the plastic chair and threaded his hands through his hair restlessly, licking his lower lip and coaching himself through the motions. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before.
Nothing would change, everything would be fine, but he had thought that before.
“Lucas Scott?”
Lucas looked up from his wandering thoughts and nodded. “That’s me.”
The nurse smiled at him. “The doctor will see you now.”
Lucas gave her a small fleeting smile and got to his feet, picking up his bag and trailing along the hallway until letting himself into the room that seemed like a second home.
“Take a seat, Lucas. I’ll be right with you.”
He did as he was told, just sat down and distracted himself from everything running through his head by looking at the posters plastered all over the walls. Some people had things a lot worse than he did.
Eventually his doctor turned to him. “So, how’re things?”
Lucas looked back at him and shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”
“You guess?”
Lucas nodded his head. “I uh …I’ve been having some chest pains lately and I’ve not been sleeping well.” He rummaged through his bag and produced his journal. “I wrote it all down like you told me to do.”
The doctor took Lucas’ journal and flicked through it, the crease in his brow furrowing as his eyes scrolled over the information Lucas had written down. “You’ve been taking your medication?”
When would people stop asking him that?
Lucas just nodded. “I have.” Wasn’t like there wasn’t a day that didn’t go by when he didn’t, when his mother didn’t remind him or somebody forgot to prod him. He couldn’t remember days without his HCM medication, he really couldn’t.
The doctor nodded, making a note on Lucas’ records. “And how frequently are you having the chest pains?”
“Um, every couple of days?” Lucas offered.
The doctor nodded again, Lucas hated when he did that. “And when you can’t sleep, is it because you can’t physically reach a point where you feel tired enough to sleep? Or can you sleep but something wakes you up?”
“Nightmares,” Lucas confessed. God, he hated this. He really did. If he thought it would do him any good he just wouldn’t tell the doctor, but it wouldn’t so here he was …baring his soul. “I have nightmares.”
“I see,” the doctor mumbled. “Is your mother aware of this?”
Lucas had told her he wasn’t sleeping but hadn’t expressed the reason behind the lack of it, hadn’t felt he should worry her given her …pregnancy and all. “She knows I’m not sleeping.”
The doctor nodded again, scribbling another few notes and after what felt like an eternity he looked up and made direct eye contact with Lucas. “Okay, Luke, this is what I want to do. Get you in for some tests, see if we can’t determine what’s causing the chest pains and the nightmares. May have to change your medication or we might have to look at other options.”
“Other options?”
“Um, yes, but I can’t discuss those with you until you have an adult present.”
Lucas swallowed a little and nodded his head. “Yeah, sure. Of course.” He rubbed at his hair almost nervously. “So, what would you suggest I do in the mean time?”
“Keep taking your medication and be sure to get a lot of rest.”
Great, more rest. Just what he needed. “Sure, I can do that.” Like he had a choice.
His doctor nodded. “I’ll be in touch in the next couple days to arrange your tests.”
Lucas picked up his bag and took the journal from the doctor along with a repeat prescription just to tide him over until they could get him in for those tests. “Thanks, doc.”
After saying goodbye, Lucas saw himself out and tried to remember that this wasn’t the end of the world. Other options didn’t necessarily mean anything bad, right?
Lucas really felt like he had no control over any of this, all he could do was take his medication and hope for the best. It wasn’t very reassuring, not in the slightest.
God, this sucked.
Muse: Lucas Eugene Scott
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Word Count: 836
(Old Topic)
Lucas was fighting hard not to fidget, trying hard to focus on anything but the sterile walls and the disturbing sound of shoes squeaking across polished floors. It was difficult at best.
He should have been used to this by now. This was his monthly check up, it happened on the same day at the same time, but it still instilled a fear in him like he’d never felt before.
His mom hadn’t been able to come with him this time, the café was short staffed and it wasn’t like the doctor would tell him anything new. He’d just check he was taking his pills, run a couple tests and ask to see the journal he’d told Lucas to keep ever since they’d gone to him for advice that first time.
Some days he felt like he’d lost all control over his life.
Lucas slouched down into the plastic chair and threaded his hands through his hair restlessly, licking his lower lip and coaching himself through the motions. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before.
Nothing would change, everything would be fine, but he had thought that before.
“Lucas Scott?”
Lucas looked up from his wandering thoughts and nodded. “That’s me.”
The nurse smiled at him. “The doctor will see you now.”
Lucas gave her a small fleeting smile and got to his feet, picking up his bag and trailing along the hallway until letting himself into the room that seemed like a second home.
“Take a seat, Lucas. I’ll be right with you.”
He did as he was told, just sat down and distracted himself from everything running through his head by looking at the posters plastered all over the walls. Some people had things a lot worse than he did.
Eventually his doctor turned to him. “So, how’re things?”
Lucas looked back at him and shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”
“You guess?”
Lucas nodded his head. “I uh …I’ve been having some chest pains lately and I’ve not been sleeping well.” He rummaged through his bag and produced his journal. “I wrote it all down like you told me to do.”
The doctor took Lucas’ journal and flicked through it, the crease in his brow furrowing as his eyes scrolled over the information Lucas had written down. “You’ve been taking your medication?”
When would people stop asking him that?
Lucas just nodded. “I have.” Wasn’t like there wasn’t a day that didn’t go by when he didn’t, when his mother didn’t remind him or somebody forgot to prod him. He couldn’t remember days without his HCM medication, he really couldn’t.
The doctor nodded, making a note on Lucas’ records. “And how frequently are you having the chest pains?”
“Um, every couple of days?” Lucas offered.
The doctor nodded again, Lucas hated when he did that. “And when you can’t sleep, is it because you can’t physically reach a point where you feel tired enough to sleep? Or can you sleep but something wakes you up?”
“Nightmares,” Lucas confessed. God, he hated this. He really did. If he thought it would do him any good he just wouldn’t tell the doctor, but it wouldn’t so here he was …baring his soul. “I have nightmares.”
“I see,” the doctor mumbled. “Is your mother aware of this?”
Lucas had told her he wasn’t sleeping but hadn’t expressed the reason behind the lack of it, hadn’t felt he should worry her given her …pregnancy and all. “She knows I’m not sleeping.”
The doctor nodded again, scribbling another few notes and after what felt like an eternity he looked up and made direct eye contact with Lucas. “Okay, Luke, this is what I want to do. Get you in for some tests, see if we can’t determine what’s causing the chest pains and the nightmares. May have to change your medication or we might have to look at other options.”
“Other options?”
“Um, yes, but I can’t discuss those with you until you have an adult present.”
Lucas swallowed a little and nodded his head. “Yeah, sure. Of course.” He rubbed at his hair almost nervously. “So, what would you suggest I do in the mean time?”
“Keep taking your medication and be sure to get a lot of rest.”
Great, more rest. Just what he needed. “Sure, I can do that.” Like he had a choice.
His doctor nodded. “I’ll be in touch in the next couple days to arrange your tests.”
Lucas picked up his bag and took the journal from the doctor along with a repeat prescription just to tide him over until they could get him in for those tests. “Thanks, doc.”
After saying goodbye, Lucas saw himself out and tried to remember that this wasn’t the end of the world. Other options didn’t necessarily mean anything bad, right?
Lucas really felt like he had no control over any of this, all he could do was take his medication and hope for the best. It wasn’t very reassuring, not in the slightest.
God, this sucked.
Muse: Lucas Eugene Scott
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Word Count: 836