Everything Happens For a Reason, Chapter 22a
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Chapter 22: Another separation, New Dreams
Why he was never lucky when it comes to love and having a steady relationship had long become Park Yoochun’s question of the day. Even now in the age of 33 he lacks nothing in the looks department and a CEO of a small yet recognizable agency in the industry. But why of why he just couldn’t find the long term kind of love relationship that he always longed for?
It’s already hard to find the right partner and when he finally did, he was never seem to be able to keep them close long enough. And it’s the same pattern all over with again though this time it actually lasted longer than he originally thought it would. He knew from the start that he’s making use of Jaejoong’s insecurities and loneliness to start a romantic relationship with the guy. He’d been interested in him from far too long but Jung Yunho was way ahead in initiating the connection. Fortunately for him, it was also the same person who broke Kim Jaejoong’s heart to pieces. He didn’t mean anything else but just being a care boss to his employee. But the feeling was there. He couldn’t help not to try. And he got him.
He tried his best to understand him, but it was never enough for the other guy. It was clear from their b edtime conversations and unintentional discussions, Kim Jaejoong wanted a family. He wasn’t ready for one. He wanted Jaejoong to open up to him, but he wouldn’t let his worries be known unless Yoochun insisted him on telling. He told himself that Jaejoong’s fondness with Jung Moonbin was only temporary but it eventually getting stronger. He’s no longer first in the other man’s priority… well, he probably never was. But if there was any guy that he’s willing to spend his entire life with , it would be Kim Jaejoong. But it’s obvious that the feeling wasn’t mutual.
The closeness between Jaejoong and the Jung was apparent but it became undeniably obvious afer their separation. It’s true that Jaejoong didn’t keep in touch much with the rest of the family but Yunho’s sister, what he didn’t know was that the head of the family called him regularly regarding his welfare. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that Jaejoong belonged to the family and that one day he would return, with or without Yunho. Maybe it’s all just about the right time. He hadn’t met the man for almost a week, Moonbin was sleeping over and the Jung Senior also had a little accident and being hospitalized for a few days, making Yunho missed his schedule yet again.
But he’s happy that he finally set things straight with him. As much as he wanted to keep the relationship, Jaejoong couldn’t even tell him what kind of future he wanted with him. Yet he already knew that Jung Moonbin would be in it, in every aspects and forms the little boy would be there. Maybe it’s time for him to stop looking for his partner and let the other party ‘find’ him instead. Tsk, he didn’t find much difference in being in a relationsip with Jaejoong and being single. They didn’t spend that much time together in the first place. So tonight’s just like any other night, drinking alone in the bar until closing time.
He was so sure that’s how he’s going to spend the night… until he felt a tap on his shoulder. When he looked up he was met with a grin from a certain pediatrician.
“Yoochun-ssi, it’s you again! Is it fate or what?”
Yoochun smiled at the question, “Well, it might be fate… sit down and let’s talk what’s fate all about.”
* * * * *
It’s been a month of back being single and living life on his own. Well… until his new house was done being built that is. But he started packing some of his stuff since last week. Things that he didn’t use much now should go to the boxes and sent to the mansion. He could die if he has to do it right after the house is done. Would be too much of a hassle. Binnie’s room was also getting emptied. No use of the boy sleeping over if Jaejoong come by at least 3 times a week to see the progress of his new place. His own place. His dream house.
When he walked out of the mansion he only had 2 suitcases and an overnight bag. But now, he almost felt like moving the whole house. Other than the kitchen and the entertainment set at the living room he only had his bedroom left to clean up. He looked up at his built-in dresser, he needed to get the suicases from the top rack. So he took the ladder and climbed up to get them. After a little dusting he opened the smaller one and found a large thick envelops in the size of a CT Scan paper, he didn’t remember keeping it in there. So he took them out and sat at the edge of his bed.
There were pictures of him and Yunho in all sizes. Those that he took out from the frames in the old pavillion but actually never got rid of. Suddenly he was hit with a breeze of nostalgia. They were smiling, kissing, hugging… and there were no trace of sadness on their faces. Just happiness and confidence… and love, definitely love. Looking at himself from 5 years ago made him feel something that’s hard to describe. Though he could hardly say it’s love now, there’s a longing inside that made him yearn for the old times. He stood up and walked in front of the mirror on his dresser.
‘How do I look now?’ He asked himself… ‘What did Yoochun see when he look into my eyes that night?’ He could not forget even now. The expression on Yoochun’s face when he broke the news about he’s moving out from the dorm and returning to the mansion. Not literally since he’d be moving to a new house next to it.
“It’ll still take a few months so I’m not moving out until it’s done completely. But I’ll be visiting the main house a lot to discuss my ideas with the architects and contractors.”
“I see. Don’t rush it, or the final result might not meet your expectation.”
“Thanks. And… you might want to come with me when you have time. You know, Appa said that he’d have to get used to have you around too so I thought you might have some ideas you’d like to put into my new place…” he glanced at him in hesitation. But Yoochun didn’t say anything.
“Chun.. are you listening?”
The other man looked at him straight and the next words coming out of his mouth were unexpected, “Jae, are you sure that you want to keep this relationship? I mean, OUR relationship?”
He shook his head in confusion, “What? What are you trying to say? Chun, just because I move out it doesn’t mean that I-“
“And I wasn’t talking about your moving out either,” he cut him off. “I’m talking about us, Jae. YOU and I.”
“I- I don’t get you…”
“Jae, you never needed me. Not really. You don’t belong to me.”
What Yoochun said was like an arrow shot through his heart. It didn’t harm him, just destroying the cover of his real heart… the real him that he’d been trying to deny since his breakup with Yunho.
“You have made up your mind, you didn’t need my opinion. You didn’t tell me what’s on your mind unless I made you. You didn’t let me support you emotionally except for that one time when you broke down in my office after hearing the announcement of Yunho’s wedding with Soon Mi. I didn’t know what made you accept my feelings… but I never see myself in you. Your eyes never see me, Jae.”
“…”
“Ask yourself. Am I included in the perfect picture of the future that you’re dreaming of? Can you see me next to Moonbin and the Jungs?” He asked him gently… but it hurt more than harsh spoken words. Cause it meant that the other man was still trying to be good for him right until the end.
“Look at yourself in the mirror… tell me what you see… but now let me ask you one thing. If I walk out of this place right here and now, will you come running after me?” Yoochun stared at the table in front of him. Not even trying to make eye contacts.
Jaejoong thought hard to find the right words to answer him… but in the end nothing came out. Hi mind was blank, as white as a new paper. Because Yoochun was right… he couldn’t see him in his future with his baby… his Appa and Umma… and not with Yunho around.
Yoochun took a deep breath before he reached out and held Jaejoong’s hand in his. “Jae… be happy. I’m not blaming you or anything… what I wanted from you was never there but I kept denying the fact. You should be honest to yourself.”
His tears fell like on the white table cloth, “I.. really I- damn! How could you!” he tightly held Yoochun’s hand, trying to feel any disappointment for breakinghis heart but there was only gentleness… a little sadness… but more relief.
“Don’t cry anymore… I thought I’d be the only one that would never make you cry… So stop it. Let me be cool about it and I promise you that you’ll always have me as someone you can count on. And maybe… just maybe… if fate allows, we’ll find our way back to each other when we’re both ready to have a future together.” Yoochun knew he’s just saying it and not actually hoping for it. There was never going to be anything more between them than friendship. He could never beat Jung Moonbin in the love department when it comes to Jaejoong. It’s a fact.
And that would be the only time that Jaejoong cried over the end of their relationsip. Now, as he stared into the mirror he really wanted to understand what Yoochun was telling him. Was he right? He didn’t see him in there. He walked back to the bed and laid himself on it… fingers grazing his own smile on the pictures that he’s holding… ‘Had this smile returned to me? Was it because of Moonbin? And the rest of the family?’
He looked at Yunho’s face… tracing the lines on his face… trying to see if the old feeling was still there, but he couldn’t find it. There’s affection, but he couldn’t feel the heart pounding feeling that he used to feel whenever he saw that face. He gave up and closed his eyes… ‘When will I ever find the answer… what kind of future will it bring? What kind of life will he have once he move out and start to live in his new abode?’
And just like that Kim Jaejoong fell asleep… with empty suitcases by the bedside and holding a bunch of pictures from the past… or maybe, his future.
* * * * *
Almost 3 months past since the Appa Jung got out from the hospital… 2 weeks after he was discharged and at the end of March they celebrated Min Young’s birthday in modesty much to Moonbin’s disagreement.
“Why can’t Min Young have a big party like me?” he sulked.
And Yunho talked and talked and talked to him in vain . He still couldn’t accept why his baby sister’s birthday didn’t have origami papers and big colorful birthday cake like his. No one could find the right words to tell him that it was already an achievement for her to reach 1 year of age and a small celebration was actually more than enough to describe how they felt about the little girl.
It was also a fact that everyone was busy with the building of two new houses at the same time. Yunho was back to shooting and Appa Jung spent more time in the office with Changmin after 1 week. He’s planning an early retirement once the houses we done. He was being selfish again, he wanted to spend more time with his Grandchilren at home. At his age, who could blame him? Yunho looked at Jaejoong, begging him with his eyes to say something to his beloved Son. He rolled his eye at the man but relented anyway.
“Binnie, come here baby…” the boy stomped his feet as he walked to him who was standing by the staircase. Jaejoong squated in front of the boy, “Baby, Min Young is still weak. You see for yourself that she’s been sneezing a lot when she’s downstairs, right?” The boy nodded.
“Do you want her to get sick again for being too tired after her own party?” He shook his head hard.
“Right… so we held the dinner tonight to celebrate for her. It’s not fair if we have nice cake and everything but she couldn’t enjoy it, don’t you think?” Moonbin nodded again.
“So I promise you, we’ll have a better celebration for her when she’s healthier and stop sneezing okay? Don’t you want to celebrate more of her birthday, and have it better next time than today? You can make the whole plan as to what to hang and what kind of cake she should get by then.”
The little boy finally said, “Owww kayy… but! Jejussi promise me that we’ll make her a biiiiiggg cake with butterflies and flowers on it, okay? Cause Min Young never went to the park, she never sees them!”
The problem was settled with a hug and some kisses and the boy was running back to her baby sister’s crib, telling her all about the reason why she didn’t have a cake on her birthday.
When he stood up Yunho was already by his side and gave him another hug, “Thanks! I knew he’d listen to you.”
Somehow he got used to Yunho’s hug… though he still felt a bit uncomfortable. But he could get used to it.
“Nah, it’s no biggie. You’d just have to try to think their way and stop thinking like adults when you’re trying to get some sense into him.”
Yunho laughed, “Now you’re talking like his father and I’m just the Ahjussi here.”
Somehow that statement was like a reminder that Moonbin doesn’t belong to him. And it hurt him a little but Yunho was able to see it through cause then he patted him at the small of his back and told him, “Don’t think too much! You’ve been taking care of him more then I ever did, and you understand him better too… you’re his father as much as I am.”
He left him wondering if he really was. But imagining that he would be able to live with the little monster brought a new sense of delightment in him. He couldn’t wait for it to happen.
And today in the mid of June, Jaejoong was inspecting the progress of his new house’s building. The physic of the house was pretty much done, they’re not rushing and he’s pretty satisfied with the result. He just picked the wallpaper for his bedroom and the iving room and later he’s going to let Moonbin’s pick one for his own bedroom. It’s been decided that since he boy would probably be moving in and out between the mansion and his house it’s wise to create a space for his own room next to Jaejoong’s. They made it spacious, enough for two beds.
Why two? ‘What if Min Young wants to play with me there? I can’t see her if she’s in another room?’ That’s what Binnie had said. So… it finally became ‘Moonbin’s Bedroom + Min Young’.
Jaejoong went straight to the new house when he arrived this morning cause the architects had been waiting for him to decide on some finishing. He knew that Moonbin had been sulking cause he wasn’t allowed to come there until it’s finished. Jaejoong didn’t want him to inhale the dust from the construction and or trip on whatever’s lying around. The place is strictly forbidden for the little boy. So he’d been watching him from the kitchen window… reminding him of Changmin when he was still a buttler in the mansion.
Since he’s not tall enough, Kibum had kindly put up a chair for him to stand so he could watch his Jejussi going around. This time, the window that’s facing the mansion’s kitchen was his bedroom’s. He made it that way so if he needed to check on the mansion he could do it anytime from his bed. He saw the boy holding and crossing his arms in front of him, pouting and pretending not to see him everytime he waved at him. So when he did it once again, he quickly get away from the window and ran off to the mansion. He knew Binnie wouldn’t be able to see him cause the new house is longer and bigger than the previous pavillion since he refused to have a two storey; he hates stairs. And the large windows were facing the other direction to give him more privacy, so he could feel that he’s really living separately from the main house.
He entered the front door and met Umma Jung who was about to call Moonbin but Jajeoong quicky put his finger in front of his lips. She grinned in conspiracy at him. He tiptoed to the kitchen and could see his boy was standing on his toes, holding Kibum’s shoulder trying to find him in his empty bedroom through the large window… Kibum who had seen him in there him nudged the boy, “See him yet?”
“No! Kibum-ahjussi, do you see him? Does he go to the living room? He couldn’t have gone home without seeing me, right?”
“Well, you didn’t wave back at him when he did. He must be sad.” He smiled playfully at the boy and Jaejoong who was standing not far behind and listening to their conversation.
“But- but- he won’t let me go there! And he promised to let me pick my wall!” He didn’t know the word ‘wallpaper’ he just knew that his wall will be covered with something that he like.
Jaejoong butted in then, “That’s because the place is dusty and I don’t want you to trip yourself and fall on unfinished construction.”
Moonbin jumped on the chair and almost fall but Jaejoong picked him up and turned him upside down, holding him tight on his ankles, “And this is your punishment for not waving back at me.”
Moonbin was screaming, yelling and laughing, asking to be let down… when Jaejoong saw that his face was red for blood rushing to his head, he turned him back around, hugged him tight, kissing him non-stop, “and this is for being impatient and not trusting me enough that I’d be here as soon as I’m done!”
They were playing around like that in the kitchen for awhile before they got tired.
“Jaejoong-ssi, would you like to have some breakfast?” Kibum asked him politely.
“Ah, yes please. Did the little monster here already had his breakfast too?” he glances at Moonbin who retorted, “I did!”
Kibum smiled at him, “Yes he did, with baby Min Young upstairs.”
“I see. Mind to make me some omelette? I need something heavy this morning, cause I’d have to meet Changmin at his new house later. The interior designer will meet us there around 11.”
“No problem Jaejoong-ssi. It will be ready in another 15 minutes. You ‘ll have it here or where should I take it too?” The buttler asked him.
“Here, I’m going upstairs to see Min Young now and will be back down.” He told him, “Come Binnie, let’s go up and say hi to Min Young.”
The boy already made his way to the stairs. Jaejoong was glad that there would be no stairs at his new house, he was always worried that Moonbin would fall or something if he kept running around on it.
When he entered the baby’s bedroom Hee Joon-ahjumma was folding the baby’s clothes and blankets. Moonbin was inside the crib already, pushing the tiny animal plushies around Min Young as if trying to make them to guard her. Hee Joon said hello to him.
“Hi, had she been well?”
“She didn’t drink a lot of milk for the past 3 days, but so far she had no digestion nor breathing trouble so it should be fine.”
He nodded and stood by the crib… “Hey baby… you didn’t drink enough milk, I heard…” he poked his forefinger to the pinkish cheeks. The baby giggled and caught it. Jaejoong reached out and picked the baby up in his arms.
Moonbin was now standing in the crib so he was within eye level with Jaejoong. He didn’t smile as usual and seemed to be in deep thougths.
Jaejoong rocked the baby left and right, the baby’s hands and feet are kicking around happily. Since Min Young is still drinking milk and nothing else, she’s much smaller than any average 1 year old. She’s light and still looked pale compared to Baby Binnie (at least that’s what he saw in pictures… he wasn’t around when Binnie was still 1 years old).
“Baby look at Oppa, he’s been naughty and didn’t wave at me downstairs… You shouldn’t be naughty like your Oppa…” Jeajoong teased cause he knew Moonbin was listening. But the boy didn’t take the bait. Instead he asked him another question.
“Jejussi, Gamma said that Min Young is very small because she only drink milk. When can she eat something else? I don’t want her to stay small…” he told him sadly with one hand on the crib’s rail and another playing with Min Young’s toes. He didn’t know that his question meant more than just about the baby’s size. He’s talking about her future and Jaejoong didn’t know if he has the right answer for him.
“Binnie, I can’t promise you that your sister will grow as big as yourself… but we’re all trying to make her healthy so she grow big enough to play with you, you know?”
“I know…” he still sounded upset. “But Appa looks sad everytime I ask him. He just said that we should pray for her to grow big like me… and I’m praying everyday but she’s still small.” He tried to make sense of his childish logic.
“That’s good! I’m sure that your prayer will be heard by God… You’re the big brother, so you have to help Hee Joon-ahjumma and Appa to make sure that she’s healthy and happy, ok baby boy? Let her sleep when she’s sleeping and when she’s awake you can tell her stories about the beautiful butterfly that you saw in the park. She will be very happy…” He held out his right hand and cupped the boy’s face. “You’re a good boy, God will hear your prayer.”
The moment was interrupted with the buzz of the intercom. Hee Joon answered it and Kibum’s voice was heard that Jaejoong’s breakfast was ready downstairs. So he put the baby girl back on her crib and got Binnie out of it. He thanked He Joon-ahjumma for taking care of Min Yong and headed downstairs, leaving gentle kisses on the baby’s cheeks and palms.
“Now… do you want to go with me to Changmin Hyung’s place later on?”
Moonbin jumped up and down in happiness, it’s just another good day in the Jung Mansion.
* * * * *
(Chapter 22b)
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Chapter 22: Another separation, New Dreams
Why he was never lucky when it comes to love and having a steady relationship had long become Park Yoochun’s question of the day. Even now in the age of 33 he lacks nothing in the looks department and a CEO of a small yet recognizable agency in the industry. But why of why he just couldn’t find the long term kind of love relationship that he always longed for?
It’s already hard to find the right partner and when he finally did, he was never seem to be able to keep them close long enough. And it’s the same pattern all over with again though this time it actually lasted longer than he originally thought it would. He knew from the start that he’s making use of Jaejoong’s insecurities and loneliness to start a romantic relationship with the guy. He’d been interested in him from far too long but Jung Yunho was way ahead in initiating the connection. Fortunately for him, it was also the same person who broke Kim Jaejoong’s heart to pieces. He didn’t mean anything else but just being a care boss to his employee. But the feeling was there. He couldn’t help not to try. And he got him.
He tried his best to understand him, but it was never enough for the other guy. It was clear from their b edtime conversations and unintentional discussions, Kim Jaejoong wanted a family. He wasn’t ready for one. He wanted Jaejoong to open up to him, but he wouldn’t let his worries be known unless Yoochun insisted him on telling. He told himself that Jaejoong’s fondness with Jung Moonbin was only temporary but it eventually getting stronger. He’s no longer first in the other man’s priority… well, he probably never was. But if there was any guy that he’s willing to spend his entire life with , it would be Kim Jaejoong. But it’s obvious that the feeling wasn’t mutual.
The closeness between Jaejoong and the Jung was apparent but it became undeniably obvious afer their separation. It’s true that Jaejoong didn’t keep in touch much with the rest of the family but Yunho’s sister, what he didn’t know was that the head of the family called him regularly regarding his welfare. He couldn’t shake off the feeling that Jaejoong belonged to the family and that one day he would return, with or without Yunho. Maybe it’s all just about the right time. He hadn’t met the man for almost a week, Moonbin was sleeping over and the Jung Senior also had a little accident and being hospitalized for a few days, making Yunho missed his schedule yet again.
But he’s happy that he finally set things straight with him. As much as he wanted to keep the relationship, Jaejoong couldn’t even tell him what kind of future he wanted with him. Yet he already knew that Jung Moonbin would be in it, in every aspects and forms the little boy would be there. Maybe it’s time for him to stop looking for his partner and let the other party ‘find’ him instead. Tsk, he didn’t find much difference in being in a relationsip with Jaejoong and being single. They didn’t spend that much time together in the first place. So tonight’s just like any other night, drinking alone in the bar until closing time.
He was so sure that’s how he’s going to spend the night… until he felt a tap on his shoulder. When he looked up he was met with a grin from a certain pediatrician.
“Yoochun-ssi, it’s you again! Is it fate or what?”
Yoochun smiled at the question, “Well, it might be fate… sit down and let’s talk what’s fate all about.”
* * * * *
It’s been a month of back being single and living life on his own. Well… until his new house was done being built that is. But he started packing some of his stuff since last week. Things that he didn’t use much now should go to the boxes and sent to the mansion. He could die if he has to do it right after the house is done. Would be too much of a hassle. Binnie’s room was also getting emptied. No use of the boy sleeping over if Jaejoong come by at least 3 times a week to see the progress of his new place. His own place. His dream house.
When he walked out of the mansion he only had 2 suitcases and an overnight bag. But now, he almost felt like moving the whole house. Other than the kitchen and the entertainment set at the living room he only had his bedroom left to clean up. He looked up at his built-in dresser, he needed to get the suicases from the top rack. So he took the ladder and climbed up to get them. After a little dusting he opened the smaller one and found a large thick envelops in the size of a CT Scan paper, he didn’t remember keeping it in there. So he took them out and sat at the edge of his bed.
There were pictures of him and Yunho in all sizes. Those that he took out from the frames in the old pavillion but actually never got rid of. Suddenly he was hit with a breeze of nostalgia. They were smiling, kissing, hugging… and there were no trace of sadness on their faces. Just happiness and confidence… and love, definitely love. Looking at himself from 5 years ago made him feel something that’s hard to describe. Though he could hardly say it’s love now, there’s a longing inside that made him yearn for the old times. He stood up and walked in front of the mirror on his dresser.
‘How do I look now?’ He asked himself… ‘What did Yoochun see when he look into my eyes that night?’ He could not forget even now. The expression on Yoochun’s face when he broke the news about he’s moving out from the dorm and returning to the mansion. Not literally since he’d be moving to a new house next to it.
“It’ll still take a few months so I’m not moving out until it’s done completely. But I’ll be visiting the main house a lot to discuss my ideas with the architects and contractors.”
“I see. Don’t rush it, or the final result might not meet your expectation.”
“Thanks. And… you might want to come with me when you have time. You know, Appa said that he’d have to get used to have you around too so I thought you might have some ideas you’d like to put into my new place…” he glanced at him in hesitation. But Yoochun didn’t say anything.
“Chun.. are you listening?”
The other man looked at him straight and the next words coming out of his mouth were unexpected, “Jae, are you sure that you want to keep this relationship? I mean, OUR relationship?”
He shook his head in confusion, “What? What are you trying to say? Chun, just because I move out it doesn’t mean that I-“
“And I wasn’t talking about your moving out either,” he cut him off. “I’m talking about us, Jae. YOU and I.”
“I- I don’t get you…”
“Jae, you never needed me. Not really. You don’t belong to me.”
What Yoochun said was like an arrow shot through his heart. It didn’t harm him, just destroying the cover of his real heart… the real him that he’d been trying to deny since his breakup with Yunho.
“You have made up your mind, you didn’t need my opinion. You didn’t tell me what’s on your mind unless I made you. You didn’t let me support you emotionally except for that one time when you broke down in my office after hearing the announcement of Yunho’s wedding with Soon Mi. I didn’t know what made you accept my feelings… but I never see myself in you. Your eyes never see me, Jae.”
“…”
“Ask yourself. Am I included in the perfect picture of the future that you’re dreaming of? Can you see me next to Moonbin and the Jungs?” He asked him gently… but it hurt more than harsh spoken words. Cause it meant that the other man was still trying to be good for him right until the end.
“Look at yourself in the mirror… tell me what you see… but now let me ask you one thing. If I walk out of this place right here and now, will you come running after me?” Yoochun stared at the table in front of him. Not even trying to make eye contacts.
Jaejoong thought hard to find the right words to answer him… but in the end nothing came out. Hi mind was blank, as white as a new paper. Because Yoochun was right… he couldn’t see him in his future with his baby… his Appa and Umma… and not with Yunho around.
Yoochun took a deep breath before he reached out and held Jaejoong’s hand in his. “Jae… be happy. I’m not blaming you or anything… what I wanted from you was never there but I kept denying the fact. You should be honest to yourself.”
His tears fell like on the white table cloth, “I.. really I- damn! How could you!” he tightly held Yoochun’s hand, trying to feel any disappointment for breakinghis heart but there was only gentleness… a little sadness… but more relief.
“Don’t cry anymore… I thought I’d be the only one that would never make you cry… So stop it. Let me be cool about it and I promise you that you’ll always have me as someone you can count on. And maybe… just maybe… if fate allows, we’ll find our way back to each other when we’re both ready to have a future together.” Yoochun knew he’s just saying it and not actually hoping for it. There was never going to be anything more between them than friendship. He could never beat Jung Moonbin in the love department when it comes to Jaejoong. It’s a fact.
And that would be the only time that Jaejoong cried over the end of their relationsip. Now, as he stared into the mirror he really wanted to understand what Yoochun was telling him. Was he right? He didn’t see him in there. He walked back to the bed and laid himself on it… fingers grazing his own smile on the pictures that he’s holding… ‘Had this smile returned to me? Was it because of Moonbin? And the rest of the family?’
He looked at Yunho’s face… tracing the lines on his face… trying to see if the old feeling was still there, but he couldn’t find it. There’s affection, but he couldn’t feel the heart pounding feeling that he used to feel whenever he saw that face. He gave up and closed his eyes… ‘When will I ever find the answer… what kind of future will it bring? What kind of life will he have once he move out and start to live in his new abode?’
And just like that Kim Jaejoong fell asleep… with empty suitcases by the bedside and holding a bunch of pictures from the past… or maybe, his future.
* * * * *
Almost 3 months past since the Appa Jung got out from the hospital… 2 weeks after he was discharged and at the end of March they celebrated Min Young’s birthday in modesty much to Moonbin’s disagreement.
“Why can’t Min Young have a big party like me?” he sulked.
And Yunho talked and talked and talked to him in vain . He still couldn’t accept why his baby sister’s birthday didn’t have origami papers and big colorful birthday cake like his. No one could find the right words to tell him that it was already an achievement for her to reach 1 year of age and a small celebration was actually more than enough to describe how they felt about the little girl.
It was also a fact that everyone was busy with the building of two new houses at the same time. Yunho was back to shooting and Appa Jung spent more time in the office with Changmin after 1 week. He’s planning an early retirement once the houses we done. He was being selfish again, he wanted to spend more time with his Grandchilren at home. At his age, who could blame him? Yunho looked at Jaejoong, begging him with his eyes to say something to his beloved Son. He rolled his eye at the man but relented anyway.
“Binnie, come here baby…” the boy stomped his feet as he walked to him who was standing by the staircase. Jaejoong squated in front of the boy, “Baby, Min Young is still weak. You see for yourself that she’s been sneezing a lot when she’s downstairs, right?” The boy nodded.
“Do you want her to get sick again for being too tired after her own party?” He shook his head hard.
“Right… so we held the dinner tonight to celebrate for her. It’s not fair if we have nice cake and everything but she couldn’t enjoy it, don’t you think?” Moonbin nodded again.
“So I promise you, we’ll have a better celebration for her when she’s healthier and stop sneezing okay? Don’t you want to celebrate more of her birthday, and have it better next time than today? You can make the whole plan as to what to hang and what kind of cake she should get by then.”
The little boy finally said, “Owww kayy… but! Jejussi promise me that we’ll make her a biiiiiggg cake with butterflies and flowers on it, okay? Cause Min Young never went to the park, she never sees them!”
The problem was settled with a hug and some kisses and the boy was running back to her baby sister’s crib, telling her all about the reason why she didn’t have a cake on her birthday.
When he stood up Yunho was already by his side and gave him another hug, “Thanks! I knew he’d listen to you.”
Somehow he got used to Yunho’s hug… though he still felt a bit uncomfortable. But he could get used to it.
“Nah, it’s no biggie. You’d just have to try to think their way and stop thinking like adults when you’re trying to get some sense into him.”
Yunho laughed, “Now you’re talking like his father and I’m just the Ahjussi here.”
Somehow that statement was like a reminder that Moonbin doesn’t belong to him. And it hurt him a little but Yunho was able to see it through cause then he patted him at the small of his back and told him, “Don’t think too much! You’ve been taking care of him more then I ever did, and you understand him better too… you’re his father as much as I am.”
He left him wondering if he really was. But imagining that he would be able to live with the little monster brought a new sense of delightment in him. He couldn’t wait for it to happen.
And today in the mid of June, Jaejoong was inspecting the progress of his new house’s building. The physic of the house was pretty much done, they’re not rushing and he’s pretty satisfied with the result. He just picked the wallpaper for his bedroom and the iving room and later he’s going to let Moonbin’s pick one for his own bedroom. It’s been decided that since he boy would probably be moving in and out between the mansion and his house it’s wise to create a space for his own room next to Jaejoong’s. They made it spacious, enough for two beds.
Why two? ‘What if Min Young wants to play with me there? I can’t see her if she’s in another room?’ That’s what Binnie had said. So… it finally became ‘Moonbin’s Bedroom + Min Young’.
Jaejoong went straight to the new house when he arrived this morning cause the architects had been waiting for him to decide on some finishing. He knew that Moonbin had been sulking cause he wasn’t allowed to come there until it’s finished. Jaejoong didn’t want him to inhale the dust from the construction and or trip on whatever’s lying around. The place is strictly forbidden for the little boy. So he’d been watching him from the kitchen window… reminding him of Changmin when he was still a buttler in the mansion.
Since he’s not tall enough, Kibum had kindly put up a chair for him to stand so he could watch his Jejussi going around. This time, the window that’s facing the mansion’s kitchen was his bedroom’s. He made it that way so if he needed to check on the mansion he could do it anytime from his bed. He saw the boy holding and crossing his arms in front of him, pouting and pretending not to see him everytime he waved at him. So when he did it once again, he quickly get away from the window and ran off to the mansion. He knew Binnie wouldn’t be able to see him cause the new house is longer and bigger than the previous pavillion since he refused to have a two storey; he hates stairs. And the large windows were facing the other direction to give him more privacy, so he could feel that he’s really living separately from the main house.
He entered the front door and met Umma Jung who was about to call Moonbin but Jajeoong quicky put his finger in front of his lips. She grinned in conspiracy at him. He tiptoed to the kitchen and could see his boy was standing on his toes, holding Kibum’s shoulder trying to find him in his empty bedroom through the large window… Kibum who had seen him in there him nudged the boy, “See him yet?”
“No! Kibum-ahjussi, do you see him? Does he go to the living room? He couldn’t have gone home without seeing me, right?”
“Well, you didn’t wave back at him when he did. He must be sad.” He smiled playfully at the boy and Jaejoong who was standing not far behind and listening to their conversation.
“But- but- he won’t let me go there! And he promised to let me pick my wall!” He didn’t know the word ‘wallpaper’ he just knew that his wall will be covered with something that he like.
Jaejoong butted in then, “That’s because the place is dusty and I don’t want you to trip yourself and fall on unfinished construction.”
Moonbin jumped on the chair and almost fall but Jaejoong picked him up and turned him upside down, holding him tight on his ankles, “And this is your punishment for not waving back at me.”
Moonbin was screaming, yelling and laughing, asking to be let down… when Jaejoong saw that his face was red for blood rushing to his head, he turned him back around, hugged him tight, kissing him non-stop, “and this is for being impatient and not trusting me enough that I’d be here as soon as I’m done!”
They were playing around like that in the kitchen for awhile before they got tired.
“Jaejoong-ssi, would you like to have some breakfast?” Kibum asked him politely.
“Ah, yes please. Did the little monster here already had his breakfast too?” he glances at Moonbin who retorted, “I did!”
Kibum smiled at him, “Yes he did, with baby Min Young upstairs.”
“I see. Mind to make me some omelette? I need something heavy this morning, cause I’d have to meet Changmin at his new house later. The interior designer will meet us there around 11.”
“No problem Jaejoong-ssi. It will be ready in another 15 minutes. You ‘ll have it here or where should I take it too?” The buttler asked him.
“Here, I’m going upstairs to see Min Young now and will be back down.” He told him, “Come Binnie, let’s go up and say hi to Min Young.”
The boy already made his way to the stairs. Jaejoong was glad that there would be no stairs at his new house, he was always worried that Moonbin would fall or something if he kept running around on it.
When he entered the baby’s bedroom Hee Joon-ahjumma was folding the baby’s clothes and blankets. Moonbin was inside the crib already, pushing the tiny animal plushies around Min Young as if trying to make them to guard her. Hee Joon said hello to him.
“Hi, had she been well?”
“She didn’t drink a lot of milk for the past 3 days, but so far she had no digestion nor breathing trouble so it should be fine.”
He nodded and stood by the crib… “Hey baby… you didn’t drink enough milk, I heard…” he poked his forefinger to the pinkish cheeks. The baby giggled and caught it. Jaejoong reached out and picked the baby up in his arms.
Moonbin was now standing in the crib so he was within eye level with Jaejoong. He didn’t smile as usual and seemed to be in deep thougths.
Jaejoong rocked the baby left and right, the baby’s hands and feet are kicking around happily. Since Min Young is still drinking milk and nothing else, she’s much smaller than any average 1 year old. She’s light and still looked pale compared to Baby Binnie (at least that’s what he saw in pictures… he wasn’t around when Binnie was still 1 years old).
“Baby look at Oppa, he’s been naughty and didn’t wave at me downstairs… You shouldn’t be naughty like your Oppa…” Jeajoong teased cause he knew Moonbin was listening. But the boy didn’t take the bait. Instead he asked him another question.
“Jejussi, Gamma said that Min Young is very small because she only drink milk. When can she eat something else? I don’t want her to stay small…” he told him sadly with one hand on the crib’s rail and another playing with Min Young’s toes. He didn’t know that his question meant more than just about the baby’s size. He’s talking about her future and Jaejoong didn’t know if he has the right answer for him.
“Binnie, I can’t promise you that your sister will grow as big as yourself… but we’re all trying to make her healthy so she grow big enough to play with you, you know?”
“I know…” he still sounded upset. “But Appa looks sad everytime I ask him. He just said that we should pray for her to grow big like me… and I’m praying everyday but she’s still small.” He tried to make sense of his childish logic.
“That’s good! I’m sure that your prayer will be heard by God… You’re the big brother, so you have to help Hee Joon-ahjumma and Appa to make sure that she’s healthy and happy, ok baby boy? Let her sleep when she’s sleeping and when she’s awake you can tell her stories about the beautiful butterfly that you saw in the park. She will be very happy…” He held out his right hand and cupped the boy’s face. “You’re a good boy, God will hear your prayer.”
The moment was interrupted with the buzz of the intercom. Hee Joon answered it and Kibum’s voice was heard that Jaejoong’s breakfast was ready downstairs. So he put the baby girl back on her crib and got Binnie out of it. He thanked He Joon-ahjumma for taking care of Min Yong and headed downstairs, leaving gentle kisses on the baby’s cheeks and palms.
“Now… do you want to go with me to Changmin Hyung’s place later on?”
Moonbin jumped up and down in happiness, it’s just another good day in the Jung Mansion.
* * * * *
(Chapter 22b)
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